bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №138893
 16.02.2017
He was then still a student, himself from a small village, studied in the city - went home for the weekend, km 100. I bought a ticket for the bus, all the passengers sat down - before the very departure a woman of 45 years of age flies in and tells me - the bus broke, I had to catch another person. Just left, again he recites - "Oh, we break, we break, I am unwise... They always break, and this is broken." I took half the brain out of the bus. We departed from the city km 20, the bus... the drum crash, breaks. What happened, I don’t understand. The driver is forging something, someone from the passengers helps, someone catches the tricks. I have no money, so I sit quietly, I wait, maybe they will be repaired quickly. The aunt picked up the rope and left. Fifteen minutes later the bus stopped and we left. Somewhere else in 25-30 minutes we pass by this sidewalk on the side, the driver with the head in the cap, the aunt votes... Although she had a ticket, the driver did not stop.)

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138892
 16.02.2017
A girl told me:

I hate big bags. It shakes!

I did not understand why.

She: her brother on his birthday at 15 years of age such a gift!

I was five at the time, and when I was tired of him, he put me in a bag and killed me in a shiffler.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №138891
 16.02.2017
#BGBE #Equality

Something was bombarded by some about "baby on the mouth". You can think, before equality right, no man even dared to touch the grandmother with his finger.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №138890
 16.02.2017
Comic book about CRPG, edition about mimic

by Anonymous:
This is a box from the flat world!

and Wolo:
The box of Pratchett is more terrifying than any mimic, not only will it eat, but also spit, spit on you and then eat again.

by Anonymous:
And about Torchlight, do not forget: there your cat (dog) could be made a mimic for a while. It’s fun to watch two such games :)

and Xorvat:
The first time with mimics I encountered in the game Nox, they turned from the box into a fat monster with sharp as a shave nails and killed the magician with 2 strokes. The nightmare creatures.

by Lerano:
I remember a mimic from Neverwinter who ate my armor and ran away... scuco.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №138889
 16.02.2017
The pseudoatheists
>> Industrial atheism is walking around construction without a helmet.

Walking without a helmet is dumbobism. And atheism is not bad, without hope for B-ga", that is, with a helmet. And the insurance. and life insurance.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №138888
 16.02.2017
One day Nicholas I decided to find out which of his governors did not take bribery. I was surprised by the third section. The response of the Benkendorf department was this: only two governors are not taking bribes: Koven Radishchev [son of the same] and Kiev Fundukle. Nikolai's comment on the fields of the report is really beautiful: "What does not take the bribe of Funducle - it is understandable, because he is very rich, well, and if he does not take them Radishchev, suspiciously, it means he is too honest."

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №138887
 16.02.2017
Calls the subscriber, says the internet does not work. Extremely dissatisfied, quarrels and hamit.
The manager clarifies his data, it turns out that it is simply not our subscriber in principle.
Who is your operator?
I do not know
On what tariff plan are you sitting?
I do not know
Why are you calling us?
I always call you and you help me.

Now we are in some confusion - whether to insert the lily to technical support.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №138886
 16.02.2017
Neighbors beat their son on any occasion: for bad assessments, worn-out clothes, for being rude, etc. Now the neighbors are old, the son grows up and beats them. Also in any case. These strange people are upset!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138885
 16.02.2017
He played at the Pianist Competition in Peter. The chairman of the jury was Professor Pavel Grigoryevich Egorov. I played terribly, but something he liked and he dragged me to the final and even invited me to the conservatory to go to a concert with him (2nd Rahmaninova)

That day I remembered a funny moment: I came to him at the conservatory before the very final, but forgot the notes. A little confused, I said:

P.G. I forgot the notes.

No problem, sit down and play.

How is? ? to Will you accompany without a note? ? to ? to

I am a professional, not a shit.

And he played the whole orchestra part at the end.)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №138884
 16.02.2017
My husband asked me what I wanted on March 8th, and I said that it was a Swiss multi-instrument knife. After a while, he asks: what type of manicure set do you need?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138883
 16.02.2017

Son to the cat: - Fu, Masya, as opposed, the ass is licking.
I: – That’s how educated people don’t talk. Say it decently.
The son thought for a moment: - the cat is licking his rear!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №138882
 16.02.2017
Casting for a Beauty Contest
The cast member: My town is called Barsuki. Once there were many lakes. There lived a lot of barracks. They built dams.

Comment 1: It looks like it is not built. So everything is okay with me.

Commentary 2: If you need OkeyGoogles for this, then you are not okay with it.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138881
 16.02.2017
UUU: Delivered a description of the cleaning agent for something there: "XXXX" kills all the microbes. Even a cosmic vacuum combined with a temperature of -273 degrees does not kill all microbes. A "XXXX" means all, no-no

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №138880
 16.02.2017
The revelation of Kim Jong-un's brother did not establish the cause of his death.

According to the ancient Baha'an, he died of openings.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №138879
 16.02.2017
> Suppose you are even beautiful.
1st I will treat you as an equal as a colleague. And I don’t give flowers to my men at work, I don’t serve champagne, I don’t bowl with tenderness – hold, beer, brother. Agree
They don’t need such women. Freedom of choice, market, all business – if you want to be strong, be strong. And those who are willing to change the borst and beauty for attention, do not bother. No, you are a man!

A guy, equality is not "like a man". If you say that a woman must be a man to be considered equal, then you do not recognize women as equal, you believe that there are only men and as men.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №138878
 16.02.2017
>> To speak does not mean to roast or to roast
>> True literary speech

> I, of course, understand everything, but how long has it been "roasting" in the meaning of "laughing loudly and unstoppably" - a truly literary speech? O_O

Since then, it has been a “literary speech” ≠ a “sharp high style.” That is, from about the time when the old Державин moved the horses, and descending into the tomb, he allowed everything; more precisely, I would love to ban, but I could not spy on everyone. Buffos, a parody, a game of contrasts, grotesque, the opposition of styles, deliberate spaciousness - all this is quite self-sufficient, for example. And "soundlessly roasting, suffocating and glowing with two tears in the corners of the eyes" is quite a literary description. It does not necessarily have to be about the salon "elite", the character and rust has the right.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138877
 16.02.2017
I work in a publishing house, among other things, I am engaged in the selection of paintings for scanwords. I spend a lot of time in Google and Yandex pictures. There are no restrictions on the subject. An important point: since there are certain requirements for the images, you have to replicate a lot of images, for example, a bus, until you find a more or less suitable one.
The funniest comes closer to the end of the working day, when confident contextual advertising begins to servicefully put in a row of offers to buy burning trips to the tropics, pneumatic tools and elite puppies. Or offer to join a group of cookers, get a fluier and order a parody artist for the holiday. How diverse and bright I am, it turns out, live...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №138876
 16.02.2017
Alex and I agreed to meet for nothing to do. However, the date and time were not immediately agreed. “I need to talk to my mom,” the boy explained. I didn’t mind being the most important person in my life.



Here we finally walk through the park, Alexey is tense and concentrated.

Do I study? here there. My mother advised. I work out there. In the neighboring department with my mother.



There was a phone call, the guy knocked on the phone: "Mom, I can't talk now, I'll call again a little later. Yes is normal. Yes we met. Nicole is like that. Shirt was worn.”



Finally, I come to the question of dreams.

Well, I would like to travel.

Where would you like to go?

Alexis turned up:

I don’t know, I have to ask my mom.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №138875
 16.02.2017
XX: Do you remember you turned on the music, and I spoke that it was a wild shit?

YYYY: Yes

XXX: The Name of the Pillow

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №138874
 16.02.2017
I took a taxi tonight. The driver on the phone has a type of alarm, there is also a function of an alarm button, in case the driver is in danger or someone does not want to pay. In general, this time, I witnessed a conversation on the ‘racy’ of the following content: an alarm button worked in the private sector of the city. Free taxi drivers broke there. The reason - the woman came out of the taxi and said that her husband is now calculated. The man was drunk, meeting the lady with a three-storey mat, force pushed her home. The taxi driver knocked on the door, opened the man and said he would not pay for his wife’s trip. After which an alarm button worked, taxi drivers pressed, began to insist that a man or woman still paid for the trip. The man promised to pay now, but only to find the wallet. He went into the house, returned with a gun and shrugged, as if he did not hit anyone. Called the police. Then I got out of the taxi and I didn’t know what happened.

I got out of the car and I think - it's how much you need to be a bullshit to risk getting a term or a bullet from the police for 150 rubles. 150 rubles for you!! to

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