Once I worked for a short time in a small pension, or a sanatorium, or a holiday home outside the city, which at the time of the Soviet Union belonged to a large and wealthy factory, and in the 90s I went on an independent sailing as if a hotel for long-distance fighters, or a weekend bordel for those who caught luck for the tail.
Once our boarding house subscribed to the two-week "customs" of the Academy of Football from the regional center. Neoplan brought a couple of dozens of boys, aged somewhere from 10 to 15 years. The first thing that surprised me was a few moms who followed their children and wore a smooth soccer shirt on their shoulders and in a lightning blanket.
Further observations confirmed the first impression. The boys behaved arrogantly and carelessly, the waitress in the dining room called carelessly "E!"Al she was suitable for them by age if not for grandmothers, then at least for mother. During all the time they lived in our guesthouse, I did not see them either tired, but even sweaty.
The apogee of their "gathering" became a party in the room - whether someone's birthday, or some kind of sporting event - after which the future pride of domestic football was covered by a mass struggle. Immediately the mommies on the expensive cars and began to threaten us with all the penalties - and the supervision, and the prosecutor's office, and everything that was possible, promised to fine us, to close, to plant and generally wipe in the dust. And we showed them the recordings from the video camera, where the baby is dragging through the lobby bags with beer and energy, some snack, someone carried a cake healthy, and as they then ran after, a good store nearby. A bag of garbage from their room, with bottles, hugs and a box of cake, the senior administrator ordered the maidens to take it to the director’s office and lock it in the lock. Mothers are silent.
Those people can only win from people like themselves. They go to football not to overcome, to overcome and to win, not to win against everything, like the USSR team in Seoul in 1988. They go to football for the star way of life. For millions of contracts, for parties, clubs, resorts and restaurants, for expensive bowl and long-legged models.

“Serjoza, look when I bend, can you see the trousers?
No, I cannot see. But I could wear it.

I just arrived in Spain, a new immigrant, a month after arriving. I go to the summer terrace of the institution, I make an order. The waitress took it all out, I sat down. Nothing predicted trouble, as suddenly appear a man with a little girl, 8-10 years of age. And this guy approaches me, stretches out a girl’s pen, and so on: please look at her while I’m running out of business.



Oh my uncle, stand up! Where? → Uncle didn’t wait for my negative answer while I picked up words in foreign and dropped it. The girl stands next to me and smiles. Note, I am from Russia, there, against the backdrop of pedophilia, people are arrested for sitting next to the couch! Here is this!



Well, I think he arrived. This is a local divorce, now I will come to p...yes. I look around, no one reacting at the neighboring tables. The guy is okay. Fuck it is not normal! This girl is overwhelmed and deafly trying to climb to me on her knees, bragging something in Spanish. I turn my head to 360°, waiting for the seat in the form of menta and witnesses. I know that the child cannot be touched, I hold my hands as far away as possible from the girl, the little bitch has already climbed on her foot and is sitting and pulling her hands to me. I lose weight, I feel my hair gray, I have pictures in my head of how I am accepted, brought to court, imprisoned in a Spanish prison. A little bitch pulls me by the cheek, I take her by the hand, I try to talk to her. The back was sweaty, the T-shirt stiffened. Do not touch me, little shit! Is this girl not his daughter at all? I actually hit it then! I will be charged for stealing the child. Well, there will be the show’s masks and I’ll have Hanna.



Thousands of thoughts in my head. have to run. Or run away, is it the fault? Smoking, not smoking with children. The summary of my stress was interrupted by the man who left a child for me, he came back, I sit and wait for the show and the clutches. The man thanked, took the girl, and when she left, she shrugged my hand. I walked away in response to her despite the shaking eye.

xxx: met a girl, often walked, communicated a lot, told each other about their dreams. Once the girl told about the ring she saw in the magazine, very beautiful, very would it fit her other rings and dress. I told, and I forgot.

Time passes, I get the SP and another debt for the SP in 2 months. A lot of money! I even bought Rington on the phone. I think I will please a friend, found and bought a ring. In the evening I met, I said, close your eyes and put a ring on her finger. I look at her face and can’t see which finger I’m wearing.

She opens her eyes, looks at the ring on her nameless finger and cries, “Is this the same ring?” ? to ? to

I answer, yes, that is the same. (I meant that was the same one from the magazine, which was with leaves of claw and a star)

She throws me on the neck, kisses me and says, I agree!

I am misunderstood, I think something is strange.

Three minutes later came, but it was too late to turn back :)

Married in six months.

XXX: I will tell you how my former boss married me. He always liked delicious (and who doesn’t like it?) and then a colleague at work began to feed him: then cakes, then cakes, then the borst will bring to work. He liked her taste very much. I went home and there was always good food. I met, met and married. When he became a husband, he learned that his wife could not cook. My mom was cooking it all the time.

A week ago, having worked hard, I went home. I know the girl is at home, so I knock on the door, but no one opens. Well, I think maybe he sits in the shower or in the headphones, so he doesn’t hear, I insert the key, but the lock doesn’t open, I start to bump stronger, while being noticeably nervous. In general, minutes after 10 unsuccessful attempts to get into the apartment, I fuck the door with my leg, selectively being a mother. The door is opened by a strange woman in a dress, with a very frightened look. I didn’t go out on my floor.

Home is a place where you can walk without a lighthouse.

Yyy: My home is your home

xxx: that then remembered one idea with the American mountains, you can just get rid of it and sit down: at the beginning of the movement of the wagons, when passengers are already attached and the sudden rise begins, the wagons should start to drop some iron parts, there should be a scratch and vibration, and the worker runs and screams: the wagonets have a cardinal spunt, emergency braking, emergency braking, and the wagons are gaining height, there are metal strikes, the gate begins to spread the sirens and the ambulance and rescuers enter and down the tear in the robe in a megaphone crypt crazy crazy crazy crazy sweat why no one has turned off this bitter crazy, crazy crazy, there we all have a shit there, how to leave it, And with these words, the car enters the edge, and the attraction begins.

I was 8 years old when I also burned something on a bowl and put it on the table, on the counter. A perfectly flat hole was formed on the scatter.

I was caught in panic. Because the lilium does not pass. And then I was obscured – we have a new one in the box, exactly the same! It only needs...

In short, I cut off the plate for the old scarf.

Did you know that Lake Baikal is sacred to the Japanese?
According to legend, God took a piece of earth and threw it into the ocean. Japan was formed. And at the place where the land was taken, Lake Baikal.

So what am I? Isn’t it time to make territorial claims to the Japanese? They live on our land?

Lovely people

Last week I bought a new car of my dreams. Big, beautiful and devastatingly expensive.
After completing all the documents and receiving a free fire extinguisher, I was already out on the street, where the purchase was waiting for me, and what was my surprise when all the employees of the car showroom dropped behind me, without exception, to conduct and wish a happy journey. A man of thirty in white shirts and cravates, mixed with workers in gray specialties from the rem zone. Some smiled a little noticeably, others looked around and whispered, but everyone did not take their eyes from me, many even filmed on phones. In front of everyone, with his hands crossed on his chest, there was a seller who was making a deal with me.
I pictured my foot, worshiped the people and pushed a small farewell speech:

- My friends, at my age, I bought a lot of different cars, but never before have seen such a good attitude of the car showroom team to their customer. I have never been accompanied by everyone, literally all the employees of the store. You are wonderful people, I am pleased to tears.

The group smiled, some even defiled.
I sat behind the wheel, waved my hand to say goodbye, drove the car and walked away, leaving all these cute people in the rear-view mirror. No one answered me for any reason, everyone looked at the seller.

P.S

Unfortunately, without prehistory, this story makes no sense. Well, you’ll think, in one separate car showroom picked up a person thirty friendly people who want to conduct their client on a newly purchased car, but not all is so simple. Half an hour before the mass farewell scene, I, already a full-fledged owner, stared into my new car, admired the buttons and breathed the smell of fresh plastic, and the seller whispered about various hooks and shelves, as he suddenly pointed to the gearbox lever and asked:

If not a secret, why did you choose the mechanical box? This is a rare choice nowadays.

My mood was playful and I replied:

"You see, in the thirty-five years of my driving experience, I moved on different cars and machines and on variators and on different robots, but somehow I never had to ride a mechanic, so I wanted to try. Moreover, many people praise her. Yes, and the word beautiful - m e x a n and k a, flows with speed and reliability. Why are there three pedals? What kind of pedal is this?
This is the C-C-C grip.
The traction? Is it that on a bad road the car would have a better grip on the ground?
Well... generally yes.

Here is the seller, barely containing laughter, and went to gather nice people to say goodbye to me.

Half of Russians supported the mandatory vaccination of the other half of Russians.

Income is not someone else’s child: it doesn’t grow fast.

I am a florist. A young man called the salon and ordered a bouquet with delivery, strangely commenting, saying, "I need such a bouquet to give." She made a nice bouquet and sent it by courier. Tonight I go on a double date: my acquaintance couple and their friend. A friend with a bouquet. In other words, “to give.” Romantic to say.

After the match with Denmark at the European Championship, the Russian football team was recognized as an undesirable organization in Russia.

I once decided to joke about my wife while she was going out for a walk with her daughter, photographing her phone on the shelf. When they came out I sent her a photo of the phone on the shelf and wrote that they were forgotten at home. Five minutes later, they came back on the phone.

Xxx: Once I came to an interview for the post of an administrator. All I needed was to impress with my appearance, good manners and clear, literate speech. I prepared seriously for possible questions from the evening. Before I got up to make the perfect hairstyle and makeup, a sharpened t-shirt all the things... I chose the most beautiful shoes on an 11 centimetre shaft, and now it’s time.  I enter the office. There I am met by a manager, a HR manager and a secretary of a very important kind. I, filled with my own dignity and gigantic competence, walk away from my hip, the sound echo of the spikes every step permeates silence, the beard is not below the line of the horizon... In short, all in the image.

At the end of the interview a little nervous until the palms sweat. Everything was quite standard and as if I caused positive emotions in everyone.  With a radiant smile, I thank you for the attention given, I say goodbye and the same walk from the hip I go out, I pull the door, and it does not open, I pull stronger - it does not open, I pull even stronger the door with the force flies away and I fall on the swab with a huge dirty cloth, and the door pen remains in my hand.

The HR manager ran and opened the door to me, which was a meter to the right.

At this point, the leader calmly said:

What a strong and persistent girl.

I was ashamed of the light in my eyes, I apologized, cuddled and fled.



All upset jumped into the router, used in the bag to look for money, and there the same door pen lies.



For some reason they did not call me.

Xxx: We once rested with the guys in the sauna. I am already quite in the food, in principle like everything and wanted us female affection and crazy sex. Called the lady of easy social responsibility, the essence of the love priests came to work. After a little drink and discussing with the ladies plans for the future, I decided to settle with one of the nymphs in a specially designed room. Everything went as if wonderfully, we each other, I ticked the fibers eë soul with her dignity from the inside, she gently and sensually hugged my pelvis with her hips, I gently kissed her ear and neck making frictional movements, my right hand massaged eë a gentle elastic soft chest, then I slowly passed my hand to the hips and touched the elastic butt with my palm. She stoned, I liked it, I began to accelerate frictional movements, eë the stone began to sound louder and exciting, I felt the heat of eë the body, the smell of eë magnificent as the Niagara Falls hair intensified, it awakened in me the desire to absorb eë completely. Alcohol and passion confused my thoughts. At that moment I did not exist in this world, I was completely immersed in the soul and thoughts of the eë world. Suddenly, I was returned to this reality by a thin, penetrating and unexpected voice of a nymph like a summer thunderstorm: - Yes!!! Make me hurt!!! to

I was overwhelmed by panic, all I could do with my penis I already did, deeper I could no longer. I understood that the moment of ecstasy is going away, I need to do something urgently, shake my chest - no, it can leave an unpleasant mark on a beautiful body, shake my buttocks - no, it's childish, shake but the pope didn't have the opportunity because of the posture, to make a "sleeve" on the nose. It sounded eë a gentle voice like lightning after thunder. Time passed, I was in panic, alcohol and blood pulse beat me in the head... I ticked my finger into her right eye... – Aai!!! Fuck the fool!! I heard the disappointed voice of a nymph in the whole sauna.

Xxx: I was going to make an offer to a girl. I chose the ring. Naturally, I was very worried. I’ve been choosing for a long time and finally I liked one thing. I say, this is what I take. Next dialogue, I - I, PS - the salesman of the salon:

I: This is what I take!

PS: Well, they are paired, the second ring of what size?

I: Oh, I have enough of one.

PS: Usually, two take at once to be the same.

I: This is a strange fashion, why does it have two identical rings? We’ll come and choose what she likes.

PS: Look for yourself, this is rarely the case. Better take it right away (looking carefully at my hands).

I: Well, I don’t know... Two rings are somehow too bold, I’m not sure what the girl will appreciate. I will take one.

I took the ring and went to make an offer. Everything went well. And then, two days later, the bride says to me, “Why don’t you wear your own ring?”

The ring. his own. the couples. It comes to me here...

We arrived two hours before the opening. He bite his nails while waiting. Fortunately, it turned out that the seller understood which league I was from and put off the ring for me, although this is prohibited by the rules, and still waited until I finally got to me.

xxx: I went to the pharmacy before closing, there was a tired provider on the box, asked for a package of condoms. I received in response:

What do you have, big or small?

I was a little confused, as the girl was pretty nice, but not to hit the dirt in the face proudly said:

The middle!

She looked at me and replied emotionally:

A large pack of 12 pieces or a small 3 pieces.

Then I realized that I was slapping.