bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98573
 29.05.2014
Yes, when they are pregnant, you will not understand them, usually it is better to sit in the car and go home in 5 minutes.
Go back, and she will say that she wants a banana, and you are okay, you go to the store and buy an apple, a banana, ice cream, antifreeze, strawberries, strawberries, raw chicken, a little wheat, and tomatoes.
_______ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

I buy all kinds of yogurt. She chooses from the refrigerator herself, does not like - throws out, takes another. Both are satisfied.
----------

It’s good that she doesn’t prefer antifreeze. It is easy with crops.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98572
 29.05.2014
xxx: I have in my friends a grandmother, who in the county of his hometown in the UK is written:

The City of Sins is an illusion, a city of bricks, beautiful girls, expensive cars and selling love. A city where you can buy everything...and even happiness. A city of alkas, drug addicts and prostitutes... A city where the eyes are broader than is practically possible.

xxx: and in fact it is the pct Chernobyl of the Cherkassy region

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №98571
 29.05.2014
...There are normal people everywhere.I was stopped somehow for exceeding 68km (the sign did not notice the repair) on the track.Money 100 rubles in my pocket, to the city 100km.So it turned out that in the car are just purchased stove and a microwave.Long bumped to let go, the guy behind me does not rust, etc.And here I was obscured-without a back-thought I say to him:
Take a straw?No money with you...
His eyes look round, I understand that there is little sting, I say.
-Well, take the microwave yet, new everything with checks, only from the store.
He went down and walked into the roof of the roof (the one on the road catches):
Do you need a microwave?
Lenya, squeezing, approached the car, and realizing the meaning of what was happening, through tears said:
- Yuri Alexandrovich, well, we are not pirates, so that we can take the plugs from you.
...They shortened, they said that I did their day, they wrote out five hundred reels and let go.And here, apparently, on the laptop in the patrol car, another man like me, painted in front of the camera.
I hear again in the matyuhalnik oret:
A red carpet for abortion!And the wild rust of both... The lazy man could never stop...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №98570
 29.05.2014
From the publication under preparation for the EGE in Russian language. Discussing the problem in the composition:

XHH: people, can you read the text? very well. Close the eyes. What question does the text come to mind? Did you see your question? very well. Your problem is ready.)
WOW: The fact is that many people ask, “What fucking thing am I doing here?”

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98569
 29.05.2014
[10:49:38] Daria: You need some kind of thoughtful testosterone
[10:49:44] Arsenie: and becoming a grandmother
[10:49:47] Daria: is not
Daria: When was your last time?
[10:50:06] Arsenic: Yesterday
[10:50:09] Daria: hm
[10:50:15] Daria: It’s worse than I thought
[10:50:40] Arsenic: wow
Arsenius: I just fell into a barrel of testosterone as a child
[10:51:07] Arsenic: probably
[10:51:28] Arsenic: Kobbelix

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98568
 29.05.2014
Comments in "C", to the article in the "Health" section:

Namednie asked in the mirror: "Who in the world is the sweetest, the most beautiful and the whiter of all?" So this shit is already the third day listing.)))))

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №98567
 29.05.2014
... and there was also the case of a drunk taken from some square of the glorious city of Voronezh, the night was, well, we prompted him with an injection with a nasopharynx, and here he asks the question:"where am I?" to which we decided to joke answered:"In a mouthpiece", what he with relief exhaled and said"Glory to God, then I thought I got in the ambulance!!You can imagine how we roasted!!! to

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №98566
 29.05.2014
A commentary on a porn video where people eat a huge pizza before sex:

I couldn't stop thinking about that pizza!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №98565
 29.05.2014
netfantom: Colleagues, I understand everyone, facaps can be everybody, but 2 hours have passed after the expected correction deadlines, and there are still no news. At least you keep us aware. My hair is already on my ass.
Netfantom: Hair is nothing, it will grow, but the impression will remain.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98564
 29.05.2014
We talked with the casting director near the buffet.
She: Let’s go back to Moscow, let’s film the hospitals.
I: It is great! I’m going to meet some beautiful young pathologist.
Alina, knowing me well, sneezes and leaves. The buffetchica, not knowing me at all, asks:
Why a pathologist?
First of all, a doctor is a respected profession. Meat in the house.
(From the snow)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98563
 29.05.2014
AAAA, grandfather on the green six exists!!! Today he cut me to the left to the right, while talking on a cell phone. At the next intersection, I passed quietly and relentlessly on the long-burning red. Save who can!! to
ZY: Switch, Router, Server and Kotte

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98562
 29.05.2014
The news:
Google shifted the letters in the logo by two pixels
I’ve been waiting for this news this year!!! to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №98561
 29.05.2014
rights, duties, boars, children... anything, but in all my short life no one has said “I get married because I love.”

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №98560
 29.05.2014
A store of handicrafts. Handcrafted ladies, relaxing like in a warm bath, somnambulously smiling, wander between the stands and buy for angry amounts whole bushes of a variety of goods, even without coming to consciousness.
A young mother was stupidly drawn into this purely female nirvana with her boy boy of five. Mom tried to relax, but the furious child wanted to run and constantly jumped away from her far beyond the other shelves. Finally, she was a little overwhelmed by the constant pursuit of her child, began to read it out loud and demand that the son be around all the time and not run away from her. The son seemed to listen attentively, but, judging by his eyes, in his head a certain thought struggled. When Mommy got tired of mocking him and shut his mouth for a second, he surprisedly asked, "What are you bored without me here?"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №98559
 29.05.2014
A friend complained, a pre-beast, climbed to the diploma again, said "why do you have two gaps on page 52? Why is the line short?" He doesn’t know what to do anymore, the whole group is fighting.
YYY: Strangely, I wrote the fuck twice somewhere in 67 pages of my diploma for interest. Protected by 4.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №98558
 29.05.2014
My husband and I look differently. I now have a superagent with a chip in my brain that neutralizes the toxin with a fire extinguisher. And with him the fairy Din-din helps to find the real love of the evil queen.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №98557
 29.05.2014
Many people get little in life because others take everything from life.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №98556
 29.05.2014
His name is Cosmonaut. The parents are original. In general, one day he travels from the city of Taldy-Kurgan to Alma-Ata. The distribution is decent, and there are almost no settlements. Well, and swallowed a little. Everywhere you go, there is a hoax. Speed of 140 km/h. “Are you a pilot?” Gaia is upset. “No, I’m a cosmonaut,” the guy replied. “You’re still mocking,” said the haishnik and demanded documents. After a moment, he stood by laughter. “Truly, Cosmonaut,” said the haishnik, wiping tears and returning the documents.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №98555
 29.05.2014
Putin's rating: in January - 60.6%, the current - 87.4%.
Price of pork: in January - 116 rubles / kg, today - 195 rubles / kg.
For now, Putin is the winner in the rate of pork growth: 44% vs 68%.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №98554
 29.05.2014
Our regular "electronic" Leha is a quiet, modest guy. For this reason, little was known about his life outside the collective until now. And about one case, "discovered" for drunkenness at the corporation, Lecha doesn't like to remember at all. In short, in order.
Once he comes for lunch, he climbs the stairs, he sees - a man knocked at his door with the castle is fighting. Clear pen is a thief, and the wife is apparently still walking with the child. He pretends to be higher, passes by, turns to the next staircase, climbs three stairs, turns sharply, and in a Shaolin jump in flight beats a man from his leg to his cheek. He beats his forehead at the door, falls backwards, runs his glands, seeds and a pack of papyrus fly out of his pockets, a frightened wife flies out of the apartment.
In general, it turned out - she broke the castle, and the man was a slug from the JEK.
And Lehi has been pursuing Heath since then.

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