bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №91865
 30.12.2013
The Smoke: Hi
Please tell me what you need to be guided by when choosing an object.

The Czar: The Brain

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №91864
 30.12.2013
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX With a friend living in Moscow, his wife became a lesbian and is now leaving him to his mistress
This is the turn.)
xxx acquaintance darkens, questions of curious about the reasons for the divorce answers "interests divided". In fact, they fell together! and :)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №91863
 30.12.2013
I play with my six-year-old daughter in Alias.
There are children playing, there is sand.
My daughter: Minecraft

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №91862
 30.12.2013
When I come back from the mail.
It is completely sure that
It was captured by Ulyanov.
I have not returned so far.

by B0JI

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №91861
 30.12.2013
Digital thermometer on the street.
It was 0 degrees, it was 00 degrees.
Was it warm or cold?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №91860
 30.12.2013
Arthur the King
First of all, there was no Christ. All arguments are meaningless.

by Vladislav Marcev
Arthur, wait for lightning defeat, heretic.

Arthur the King
Vladislav, you were right, I was just struck by a divine thunderstorm and now I am dying in torments. I write with the remains of my fingers on my left foot.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №91859
 30.12.2013
Yesterday, a friend told me: Broken means the refrigerator, the flow, generally foods on the balcony. He tries to repair this device, the old grandfather’s way, mostly with his feet. And miraculously, the technique from the sock is ready to work again. The refrigerator worked for a while and the comrade decided to check how the freezer freezes, and the walls of it are metal, and his hands are ordinary. At home, as if alone, the hand can not be removed, from the OBŽ recalled that it is necessary to water warm water. Which as he pulled his foot to the boiler, turned on, there was little water, so it boiled faster than he was able to turn off the boiler with the same foot. Shortly as he pushed him up, took his hand free from captivity and poured. His hand can now boldly be filmed in horror films, on the one hand, frozen, on the other. And the refrigerator broke again after a few hours and it was forever. Revenge and leave this light!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №91858
 30.12.2013
Everything is best for children, even their childhood.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №91857
 30.12.2013
An old German is dying.
This is not a fairy tale, not a joke, it was actually in the village.
We lived in a German village, and I even talked about him.
And now he is eighty, and like nothing else, strong, and with a head no more. He began to talk, then to lose memory, and then he was completely blind. The doctor looked, and gave a very little time. One week, two days of strength. Well, relatives came together of course all, close, distant, sons, grandchildren. Even the one who has been in America for a long time, and he has arrived. And the German has less and less minutes of enlightenment, he does not recognize anyone, then he fights again, then the forest falls in the zone, then he costs a tractor on the MTS. And then, in one of the rare minutes of returning to reality, he suddenly speaks.
“Where is this Pashka Gorelov, something I haven’t seen him for a long time?
The relatives were surprised by this. They did not immediately realize who they were talking about. Then they remembered. Well, there was such a boy in the village, even with one of his sons in a parallel class. They lived like these fireplaces through three houses. One of them lives there now. Only never even similar close relationships between their families, barely known. And Pashka, the one in general, immediately after school moved somewhere to study, and so did not come back. It seems they say that in Moscow an engineer was made, but is it true, who knows?

And the German knows how to tame his - to give me a pasch here, and that's all.
Well, the case falls on the last will of the dying, began to find out. The address was found, a telegram was given, invited to negotiations. and aloo! Paul Afanasich, Christ God, we will pay you what you want. Well, he also fainted a little, but still people, all people, and it is curious that this old man was struck in the head for his caprize in the grave. It says - only for a day if, at the end of the quarter, a lot of work.
And he comes. Well, of course, he is on the station as a road guest, met, put in a taxi, carried to his grandfather.
He comes in, say hello, as you are alive, here he came, as you asked.
Grandfather recognized him. Echo says you’ve grown up. It was important in the tie. With a portfolio! Well, he says, help me to get up, what am I before such a dear guest like a barrel, I am not dead yet! A man from Moscow was driving, and I was lying down.
They jumped up and helped get up. The German stands, he is relying on his clutches, says Paške, - well-ko, come. And all means they are also standing, the breath is stuck, and now a terrible mystery will be uncovered. Well, he fits, grandfather intercepts his stick more flawlessly, and the butt of Pashka exactly in the forehead - nna! He grabbed his head, and his grandfather said, “It’s you for a fascist.” And with the other hand on the ear plachma - nna. This is for you untouched.
He jumped back, yelled — he went crazy, old man? Did you call me from Moscow for that? He holds his head, he flies hard. The old man, and how? I am about to die, I lie down and remember what debts are not distributed. With debts in the grave of reluctance. After all, you are left alone. Now you can also die.
Well, and around, of course, everyone swirls, heads swirled, a wet towel guest swirled, swirled, swirled. Uncomfortable really did. There was a man from Moscow, and he was there. He puts a towel on his forehead, and he speaks. “Eco,” he said, “you’re so ugly, German!” Thirty years have passed, and you remember everything! Fric is untouched!
German – who is Fritz Unbeatable? Am I Fric Untouched? Oh you! He jumps, the stick overweight, and after Pavlik. That injury. They run around the village, in front of Pashka, in a tie, with a wallet, behind him a German, in a puddle, with a cloth. I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you, I'll show you! Your father was still in the pants, I raised the colloquium!

Thirty years as never happened.

Well, then somehow all this affair broke out. The old man, crazy survived what you take from him.
And the German then suddenly took, and changed his mind to die. They say to their relatives, all, fall. There is nothing to wait here, there will be nothing interesting here.
and dispersed them all.
I cried, and my head went well. A few years later, the goat was chasing the village.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91856
 30.12.2013
Life is not a zebra of black and white stripes, but a chessboard.
It all depends on your course.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №91855
 30.12.2013
Darkness + Rain + Bridge + Paris = Suicide
Darkness + Rain + Bridge + St. Petersburg = New Year’s Eve

With a celebration =)

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №91854
 30.12.2013
xxx: In the abyss a child with a spade digged the rights to the name of Vanyushkin A.V. In the face...
Good that I didn’t dig further. Per there is the whole Vanyushkin A.V.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №91853
 30.12.2013
Employee (C): I want to buy a tablet, 4 - is it okay?
4 What? An inch, a gigabyte, a gigahertz, a kilogram?
C: Now I will look (opens the description on the Internet). This is Android 4.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №91852
 30.12.2013
The torrent tracker. Description of horror film:
The story of a man who one day finds himself in a pit surrounded by bodies. At the same time, he does not remember anything, does not know who he is, where and how he came here. With the help of unfortunate comrades who also lost their memory, he must find out what happened.

One of the comments

1 January 2014

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №91851
 30.12.2013
Small friendly advice: pay online for December and January simultaneously

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №91850
 30.12.2013

I have a boss nervously dissolved to the limit #ka. When she begins to splash out her wickedness on me again, I imagine that I have a heavy baseball beat in my hands, and I with a good stunt, with a throwback, from the heart, carry through half of her bald neck. I’ve noticed several times that after my “shock” she’s lacking enough to fully wear her brain, she begins to repeat and get confused in insults...
Probably, my appearance becomes not guilty or offended, but mysteriously dreamy. It must be that it defeats her from the desired degree of aggression and does not allow her to receive the former pleasure from the humiliation of the subordinate. And to get home to me lately it has become much less common.
__________________
As you can see, the thought is material. No is. This does not mean that her neck floor will be removed (although not excluded in the future), she just has the feeling that this scream may not end well for her. How this behavior management can be developed ;) "creative" successes

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №91849
 30.12.2013
Dear brothers!
I wish everyone in the New Year to find a good girlfriend. I think you will be very surprised that the behavior of the real girl is very different from the drawings of the roles of the porn diva with which you are so closely related. And maybe then, finally, you will stop posting here all the fictional stuff, born under the action of your chronic sperm toxicosis and constant porn videos.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №91848
 30.12.2013
Sometimes I want to be a cat. Anyone who has done well in this life will become a domestic cat in the next. Which will not be clashed.

Whoever has done badly, Tom will do.

This is fucking =//

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №91847
 30.12.2013
A small company of friends. I need to call a taxi.
A: Well, is someone already calling?
B: I’m going to call.
Do you draw a pentagram?? to

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №91846
 30.12.2013
[15:37:10] Kungf: and I put that terrible game
[15:37:37] Kungf: He is an unfriendly ppc. I ran through the woods for 5 minutes, met a lion and died.
[15:38:30] Nocturne: what a hardcore. Did the lion do you something, or did you just die because of 5 minutes of running in the forest?

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