bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №136415
 30.11.2016
How to start a conversation with a stranger?
yyy: come and press "E"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №136414
 30.11.2016
requires adequate services.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №136413
 30.11.2016
Cape Town port with cocoa on board.

The case was not in the Cape Town port, but in Odessa in 2012. And the ship was not Jeannette, but the Star of the East yacht with the port of Beirut.
After rushing out on the outer railway all Sunday, waiting for the gentlemen customs officers to leave for work, on Monday, the yacht was stationed near the Odessa shore.
Somewhere for lunch on the snow-white deck of the yacht, two customs officers (naturally in shoes with a black-black rubber pad) appeared.
And they immediately stated that if the captain wants to get out without problems, it will cost $500.
The captain replied that all the documents on the ship and the crew are in order, he is not lucky and will not pay $ 500.
“Oh yes,” said the Odessa customs officers, “well then be prepared to pay more. This is what you have? The GPS? Is there a declaration? No, they are smuggled!
This is part of the yacht.
Nippet, mwa ha ha. Confiscated and tortured in court to prove. Will you pay – or how?
Or how. Let you know that a ship under the flag of a country is the territory of that country. As a captain, I am also a judge. And according to the Lebanese laws, I am awarding you a penalty of fifty thumbs each for extortion. Fix them guys.

They evacuated customs officers, drove them out to the shore, raised sails – and headed to Constantinople.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №136412
 30.11.2016
Why are you late to work?
Why are you delaying your salary?
After all, you get it.
I came to work anyway.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №136411
 30.11.2016
xxx> San, and you too, when you walk around the topless apartment, do you feel like a straight Hulk? Are you trying to keep your back straight, or are you even looking to find the hats?
yyy> Smoke...
yyy> I am a girl!! to

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №136410
 30.11.2016
I stumbled upon some movie on television, where the Germans and the French argued in whose language there were more synonyms to the phrase “eat in the sludge”, proud that the Russian translation was enough for both sides.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №136409
 30.11.2016
What if we invest in the development of our employees, but they will then be fired?
What if we don’t invest and they stay?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136408
 30.11.2016
There is a reverse side of this "brotherhood". If one cup is anointed with bright paint, the rest will close it to death in a few minutes.

Was it patriotism or religion?

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136407
 30.11.2016
How do you want to piss... and no one?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136406
 30.11.2016
News: The Goats of Anarchy shelter in New Jersey has come up with a way to calm the nervous six-month-old goat Polly: she becomes peaceful and happy as soon as she is dressed in a duck suit.

Remember this the next time you think about what people are doing in your office... :)

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136405
 30.11.2016
Beginning of the 90s. The water is turned off in the summer for a month, no one has heard of the terrible beast boiler, but there are baths. The public. There are two rooms: male and female, each for 50-100. In each room there are long wooden benches and benches. You take a pond, collect water from two cranes, one red, in it boiling water, the other blue, in it cold water. Go to the bench to wash. And all the benches are occupied by women. and naked. of all ages. They wash and rub each other’s back. and poop. And to get there you have to stand in line, two hours.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №136404
 30.11.2016
The post officers of the Russian Federation were warned not to bring notifications about the shipments. I had to complain to the public reception. They sent a response to my request, which should have been in the attached file. The file was absent. In short, the Russian Post managed to lose an email.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136403
 30.11.2016
A neighbor in the apartment had a cat.Canadian sphincter bald and wrinkles.A neighbor calls him Matthew. The neighbors of football.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №136402
 30.11.2016
If you can't control your eyes so that they don't strain you and watch where you don't want to, cut them out.

and remove the brain that can’t help but think about it.
This is the confession of a friend. Do not go without makeup, in shorts and shorts, naked in the dressing room. Do not bring children and animals. Do not use transportation when I use it. Do not say words that annoy me. Don’t ask me questions that annoy me.
One in three is crazy.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №136401
 30.11.2016
of wise persons
The Mysterious Currents
Lost Love Juice
Going to Kefalonia.

I. Guberman

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №136400
 30.11.2016
A persuasive request to the watchman, to whom everyone who doesn’t look like him seems “slightly blue” to hold onto his sexual fantasies. Even if it is - personally you have nothing with them, you are gray, dumb and boring.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №136399
 30.11.2016
Something in my life, I got the wrong zebra, no one white strip. So let it be a horse!

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136398
 30.11.2016
To the permanent discussion about the “nuts”, the quote of my beloved I.A. Efremov from the “Levy Brittva” (Girin’s conversation with the visitor of the exhibition of the naked sculpture): “Remember, if you, looking at the beauty of the naked woman, see first and foremost the “inappropriate places” and they need to be closed from you, you are not yet a person in this regard.”

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №136397
 29.11.2016
Don’t you know the joke about the average ZP in 1000?
111: in our country* in Belarus )
222 What is it?
111: I can't find the link, but it was like on the online that the old man asked the goldfish to live until the time when the average ZP in Berrusi will be 1000u. In this simple way the old man asked for immortality"
I even know the name of the old man.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №136396
 29.11.2016
In our municipality settled Chechnya Zarema. It must be said that Zarema, as the Chechnya, had a hot explosive character, but the family of neighbors was not inferior to her in emotion. Also, it is necessary to pay tribute - the doors to both rooms were almost not closed - relatives, friends, relatives of friends, etc. In general, as often as it happens, quarrels in such situations are inevitable... One day in the entrance there are insults - screams Zarema and so that the floor below it was heard: -... already the third person comes, I know what kind of cattle this announcement gave, I have them...

For the accuracy of the announcement in the local newspaper I do not guarantee, but it was approximately as follows: "I will give a young Caucasian shepherd, SUKU, in good hands for free, /address/"

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