bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №132599
 24.08.2016
I came home from a private clinic, took the results of the procedure, okay. Home decided to check the papers again - with horror found in the column the date of birth: 11.11.1111. When I look in the mirror, I reflect.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №132598
 24.08.2016
An impotent is like a captive guerrilla: he would shoot everyone, but the rifle was taken away.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132597
 24.08.2016
I finally bought a long-awaited SSD 8 today)))
I put a fresh screw from scratch (the previous one was loaded for 7-8 minutes due to the installation).
I boast to my wife: "Smari: we turn on the computer, 25 seconds - and the wire is loaded and ready to work!"
The answer was discouraged: "A... And when now to wash, to brush teeth?"

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132596
 24.08.2016
The story is approximately this.
A society in which it is not customary to read books, but the main character, contrary to everything, reads. It is not considered adequate, etc. As a result, it turns out that there is a closed group of people who are reading, developing different things for the majority. The protagonist is accepted into this elite of society that no one knows about.
I read for a long time. I remember that the book liked me very much. I want to read it myself and get the child.
— — —
Isaac Asimov "Professions"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132595
 24.08.2016
"10 to 15 years ago, the world's leading technical powers abandoned the practice of planned and warning repairs and are now guided by the principle of the least interference in working equipment."
I think: "And we have the principle of "work and fuck with it" used for hundreds of years..."

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132594
 24.08.2016
xxx: an interesting piece of quest... and if they wrote: "the answer is hidden in the ass of a dead martyche", what then?
It would be a cool metaphor.
What if not a metaphor?? to
YYY: Then it would be a cool quest...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №132593
 24.08.2016
I love translators)) when one nigger says to another "nado, feedia, must" - it's something, fuck up))

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132592
 24.08.2016
I can’t find my boyfriend’s member, and you’re here with the buds...

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132591
 24.08.2016
1 - Found a vacancy, in an intimate shop))
1 - the most funny thing is to meet acquaintances there) I and my girlfriend went to one store and talked to the seller, from where we got there) she told stories about how they came to her almost paying with masks on the face) so that no one would know don't give god anyone))))
Well, what’s wrong with this is the stupid public opinion.
1 - we are raising children so that sex is a taboo and bad, then we are surprised that they are hiding in cages and afraid to talk about this topic with parents. It is better to know from a friend or from an inuit.
2 - Son, it's a ZBS, but you can't shake a lot, or it's going to be a piss-bobo, but it's a little bit possible.
1 - you can't, you will blind))) hands will be hairy))) that they still say)) and some especially heart-hearted parents then remove the doors with the cock in the child's room, so that they don't get lonely)))
Girl, don’t be ashamed to lose the bean too.
2 - The most wasteful will be when the daughter approaches you and says "Mom teach me to masturbate"
2 - and you're like that in the evening "Daughter Hare Mlikat, go my hand and eat"
1 - :DDDD

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №132590
 24.08.2016
Our full-time 1C programmer, who has worked in the company for three years, gathers on Monday for an interview with another company and issues:
So then! I have three days to teach 1C.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №132589
 24.08.2016
If on the back of the footballers instead of the number to write the price notes (the cost of the transfer + platoon), I think the spectacularity will increase a lot, at the same time we will see clearly how many millions are running on the field at the moment and kicking the ball.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №132588
 24.08.2016
In our office sit three women of different, but quite fertile, age and a young boy practitioner. It is hot, there is no air conditioning, the windows are on the grid from the inside, so you can open the clutch for 10-15 centimeters. At the height of the working day, some smoked puppy jumps into this gap and begins to panic around the office, sowing confusion among the female part of the team and misunderstanding among the male. Her hands, of course, do not catch, back into the window gap to escape, and what to do with it is unclear. Finally, the boy recalls "We'll live until Monday", breaks off his shirt and puts on a feathered shame. Women immediately begin to gather around him, overwhelmed by curiosity. The door opens, a male boss enters, and he sees a half-naked boy, surrounded by three employees with burning eyes and greedy hands stretching forward. The MHAT pause hangs, after which the boss pronounces:
You can’t wait until evening, so stay closed.
He leaves, knocking the door.
How we all look in the eyes of our colleagues now is unclear.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №132587
 24.08.2016
When the wife went to her girlfriend for the fifth time in a week, the husband immediately called a taxi and asked to follow her quietly. Eventually, a taxi stopped in front of the public house. Angry, he said to the taxi driver, “Do you want to earn a hundred dollars? Come in and pull that shit here!” After a while, the taxi driver returns, throws a whispering and resistant grandmother into the car and screams, "Hold her!" “But this is not my wife!” The man objected. “I know. This is mine. Now I am yours.”

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №132586
 24.08.2016
And what, the number of breasts can vary as much as the color? In the sense - without mutations, and within the norm to vary?

Maybe yes. Usually eight, but maybe seven or nine. Someone counted 10. We asked the veterinarian about our cat, he said: seven is a variant of the norm.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132585
 24.08.2016
A pop-up pillow and tables can be thrown in the bathroom, in the kitchen or on the balcony. Even if the curtain is 4 meters away, it is conditional.
// is
The poor vanilla.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132584
 24.08.2016
I see an advertisement on the dating site:

"I am looking for nipples in a cute pussy 18 - 25 years old.
I’ll be able to find my puppet."

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №132583
 24.08.2016
So we live........

Are you not angry?
Max for what?
Mariana: I don’t know
Max : No
Maryam is fine.


[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №132582
 24.08.2016
"In the United States, a police officer shot a deaf driver".

The Anchorage:
The KGB arrested:
Not our man. An enemy of the people!
What did he say?
and nothing. He is deaf. I don’t care about that look!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №132581
 24.08.2016
Are you interested in the new Star Wars? But there, by the way, will be a completely unusual story this time - they will blow up the Death Star!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №132580
 24.08.2016
xxx: As a person with a musical education, I tell you that there is a point in the tenth order.
YYY: I have a point on the ninth. Production of closed joint-stock company "Accord".
Maybe that’s why it was closed.

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