bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142934
 11.07.2017
Serving as a soldier is guaranteed brain dilution, a jacket is just a waste of time. The only rule is a staff officer, because they pay for the wrong, and you do nothing to do.

YYY: and if the leg is torn off - in the mess, a wooden will be given, a mothershed poppy and a black mark!


[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №142933
 11.07.2017
I have received an order of "organic" cosmetics. I open the package, it is pleasant, but suddenly smells like some sort of hmmeli-suneli. Expectation: Tested with Indian sections. Reality: the probe was laid - a Chinese pad with a therapeutic phytosphere. It smells right through the packaging. No, hmmeli-suneli in "moisture" no, but there is mint pepper. The feeling is fire. This is all you need to know about Chinese cosmetics.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №142932
 11.07.2017
Stalin was a bloody tyrant.
Citizen, let us go by. You are arrested for insulting the feelings of believers in Stalin.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №142931
 11.07.2017
With LOR:
by Jopich1:
After buying the next pack of beer I was convinced that the brewers are lying and deceiving - instead of 0.5 add 0.4. What is a conspiracy?

and Xellos:
When milk began to be packed at 950 - I was silent, I don't drink milk.
When the strawberries started to be packed at 875 - I was silent, I didn't eat strawberries.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №142930
 11.07.2017
I always thought that a joke is when both sides laugh, not one. This is not a joke, but a ridicule or humiliation. This also applies to joke.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №142929
 11.07.2017
My comrade decided a few years ago to build a guest house next to the country house. Also a big one. A decent amount of work.

Well, I found on good recommendations a large brigade of builders (there was a dispute over the terms of readiness, so the brigade is big, but this is a different story), and the boys took up the job.

The customer is a thorn, trusts, but checks. And always comes to control without any warning. It is not far away to see him coming in. And then in the morning, then at lunch, then after lunch, you can’t guess.

And just admired by the brigade: no matter how it comes - the work is boiling, nobody sits, doesn't smoke, everyone paws. They don’t even notice that the owner is in the field.

Whether long or short (and in general short, because the dispute over the time he won), the house was built, the money was calculated and everyone was satisfied.

And here is the proverb of this brigade to the employer, to my comrade, and says:

“I’m a man, I’m honest and I won’t hide it: Your dog, the German Shepherd, went out and sat in front of the house every 10 minutes before you arrived. As the villages - all the towers and smokers were thrown - and for work! I never deceived.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142928
 11.07.2017
How are you at work?
- Well, let's say so, the idea of writing papers purely for every case no longer seems so wild...

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №142927
 11.07.2017
In addition to the cold weather and the weakening of the ruble, the Confederations Cup could be a factor for inflation in Russia, the Ministry of Economic Development said.

Of course, total corruption, corrupt officials, the ruble, a long-running shit and a shit in the economy do not affect, but the Confederations Cup is a haaa.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №142926
 11.07.2017
The Alcohol Passport

My wife 38. I was recently asked to show a passport. Hurricane of positive emotions, humorous sex at night, good mood for a week. Asked a young cashier what was noted.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №142925
 11.07.2017
Do you look so dumb?

YYY: The medication was taken

X: Is this the medicine?

YYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №142924
 11.07.2017
It is better to die than to find yourself in a situation when the money in the house is carried by the wife.

I must have been in a situation where women regularly find themselves and something unhappy

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142923
 11.07.2017
LL: ah) I once put a long note from my hand in a Chinese package (!) with all the wishes of good) and the attribute in Chinese, so I don’t know, there at the end is written: "Down, Fuck", or "Respect, Jackie Chan";

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №142922
 11.07.2017
by titan137
Every time I go to Leroy or Obi, I want to say in the words of the Night Watch: “You, Dremel, and you, AEG’s space battery screwdriver, and you, a bits set in a beautiful box – you have no power over me!”
And every time I realize I can’t.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №142921
 11.07.2017
From VK:
The best. The recall. by Na. The book.
"Would you recommend this book to a friend and why?"
No, she’s my favorite, and I don’t want her to be with anyone else.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №142920
 11.07.2017
In Moscow now they say: - "after sunshine on Thursday".

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №142919
 11.07.2017
Ivan is
by 15:24
Tell me what you see about Sasha on his av.

Paul is
by 15:25
He is a stupid back.
Every week, a new AVA is our friend.
Every day is crazy

Arthem
by 15:26
Lack of taste. The joy of consuming a new product for him (photos). Lack of interest in the opinions of those who are not in the mess. And beauty, of course.
Pacha wrote the same, but shorter.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №142918
 11.07.2017
Your mother, where can you read about the daughter of the companion?? to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №142917
 11.07.2017
I once had a cosmetic advertisement. The shower. The phrase "Some volume bodies leave pieces".

I also watched the advertisement once. There the girl, painted by the one, turns in front of the camera, builds eyes, a beautiful chamber female voice predicts about her (tusses) advantages from the first person. And here the model, turning into the anfas, throws a glimpse into the camera, opening his eyes widely and tilt his head forward, the girl behind the frame pronounces "my look is mysterious." Further I did not hear, because the next-sided mom added: "like a goat"

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №142916
 11.07.2017
News on RBC: "Sberbank has installed the first ATM with the function of identifying the customer by face".
The expression "Rose has not come out" has become more understandable.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №142915
 11.07.2017
Autumn is over in summer.

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