bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134723
 13.10.2016
Per, even if you explain to me, why to help children for a man is boring and shameful, but to dress up with Georgian tape and stick to people on the street is prestigious and honorable?
I’m also wondering... All these which "Contra..." – why does none of them help people in real problems? Do eagles catch flies? Or, on the contrary, they just understand that it is safer to cope with a camera with a little reasonable alcache than to spit out any old man from black retailers? Should children change their butterflies?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №134722
 13.10.2016
One day, the parents cooked a condensed meal, the father anointed on the bread - Na, try.

I didn’t eat anything more delicious.

And here, I’m alone at home, in one hand a condensed bank, in the other a pot with water. I think I’ll make a party for myself.

I put the bowl in a pot, lighted a lighthouse in a conforcation, I wait.

It took 15 minutes to stop. A spoon broke the pot in the pot.

Thirty minutes. - Yes, maybe it's time, sausages that, out, ten minutes are cooked.

I pulled out the bowl, knocked it with the opening, and from the bowl I pulled it onto the ceiling, onto the closets, onto the head.

How much to cook it? I asked my mother a few days later, scratching my blue left ass.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134721
 13.10.2016
She was sitting with her husband at his brother’s house. I thought what to see. My brother connects the phone to the TV, I pass by. He says, “Scroll down, what films are there.” I scroll my finger across the screen and admire, like a child, “Wow! The Sensor! Such a huge! How much is it worth? “Swowupper!” I turn around, and my husband is lying, I look at my brother, and he scrolls on the screen of his smartphone, watching me... I am 30 soon, and they are divorcing like a child. So we live)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134720
 13.10.2016
C. Hicks, to the article about the silk straws who ate graphene:

A: I tried it and it works. I ate a graphene sandwich and got a Core i5-6400. The only problem is that it is very painful.
B: Graphene concentration is too high, try to reduce to 0.2%
A: I’m afraid, then it might be AMD FX-8350, and he has legs. It will be worse.
B: Do not be afraid to get the legs out, you need to add to the diet microparticles of gold, iron and nickel.
C: But there are a few metals in man, and suddenly they will grow themselves?
D: Make sure the whole socket does not grow.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134719
 13.10.2016
In the MSU created uranium looms.

Now there is something to melt in mercury.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134718
 13.10.2016
If you’re reading this, you’ve been in a coma for 20 years now. We’re testing new technology: we don’t know when or where in your dream you’ll see this message. Wake up please! We are still waiting and loving you! Your real relatives!

YYY : Mommy?

ZZZ: The collectors

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134717
 13.10.2016
My husband and I recently had the third anniversary of our wedding, and since our daughter is a year old, we decided to celebrate this case in the family cafe, where the child will have something to do, and we will rest. We ordered a little. They brought us the dishes, put them on the table, and not five minutes later, the boy ran up and grabbed the fried potato from the plate. We were a little stunned. He continued to eat, and here he was again. The man cleansed his plate closer to him. A child in tears. I try to kindly explain to the child that it is a strange thing, and it is not necessary to touch a strange thing. And here comes his mother. She looked at us with contempt, grabbed the child’s hand and said, “You’re sorry? He’s a child, he doesn’t understand.” A child of three years. I replied, “Maybe it’s not a pity, but our daughter is a year old and she doesn’t get into other people’s plates. And if she tries, I won’t let her do it.” “You are a bad mother! You will grow up and think differently.” She turned and left as a child.



She didn’t ruin our day because it was more funny than offensive. Especially when she looked at us from her table.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №134716
 13.10.2016
>>> Since when has the name of the grass become a female name? Why not Redis?! to

This is an excellent, preferably an encyclopedia.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №134715
 13.10.2016
Today I went on the electric car, I had to get from the village to Ufa. There are 20 meters to the door, and the door is closed. The thought in my head: “Well, 3, 14th, I’ve come to the city...” In my hearts I raise my hand up and shout “Hey.” And then the doors opened, I entered in a light shock and the electric went.



Thank you to the engineer for the attention and kindness!

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №134714
 13.10.2016
My first job was, I worked in the bank X, 5 years without a single hospital - all on my feet, but in the 7th year I sit working and feel like I can not get up, and my head is like a cast iron. The temperature is 39. 7 I feel bad. I write to the head, say, the temperature, let go for a couple of days (the hospital did not want to take because at least a week to sit at home, but work! As without me), which I get the answer "****, oh, okay you, did not sleep, you want to leave earlier)", tried to explain that I am practically falling, so bad, the management said that I just want to drop home (seriously - in 7 years never left before! After all, I hit and went to the hospital. Upon leaving, my manager said to me, “Have you rested well?” I will not describe the expression of the face and tone.

Since then, I go to the hospital as soon as I don't get very well - and they all went off. No morals, just don’t get sick.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134713
 13.10.2016
I am a pianist and often play on various halts, corporations, etc.

It is a normal day, there are no orders and there is no call. I am "I", the customer "z" (the text is not literal, by memory):

A: Hello to you! Name of paternity?

I : Yes.

A: It’s from the green bank you’re worried about. We need a pianist for such a corporate event. You could speak.

I: Yes of course. How much time to play.

A: Three hours

I : well well. Payment for 1 hour of performance **** rub. Delivery to the event and back.

A: Sorry, but we don’t have the money in the budget. You can speak like that, there will be a big furchette, you can eat anything.

I just fell into a stupor. But he gave out:

Would you work in your office for food?

The short hips.



by Pi. You are. By the kind of profession you often have to face different variations: "Well, play, what's hard for you? “You play for fun, and we still have to pay you money?” And a lot in that spirit. But there are also adequate, pleased that the second is more)



All good and let more understanding and adequate people meet.)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134712
 13.10.2016
This

I'll uncover a terrible secret: the shave can be plugged into the charging network and at the same time shave it!

Emmy is no. Barbers, which are suitable for both wet and dry shaving in order to avoid self-brushing from the impact of the current work only from the battery and when connected to the 220V network to turn off. It is necessary to approximately count the remaining charge and recharge it in time. Nearly 10 years on one shave, of the cost-one grid for 700 rubles and an amount of leprosy.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134711
 13.10.2016
Why are they making hundreds of stupid movies about the zombie apocalypse? I would rather have made a movie about how to survive the apocalypse.

Removed and suitable. Idiocracy

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №134710
 13.10.2016
The main problem with women:
With housewives, it is boring, and with those who are not boring, at home, they are hungry and hungry forever.
But one is a tube; so, mademoiselle, take your umbrella and go to Mikhailovsky Square. There I’m waiting for you, a little shaved and a little in love.

All the mummies!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134709
 13.10.2016
>>>I don’t want to upset you, but Gabriel and Zena... Briefly review the series.

The appendix proposal. This is not about Santa Barbara.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №134708
 13.10.2016
The Russian Post opened an analogue of Aliexpress.
This is where the lost goods from the original AliExpress get!

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134707
 13.10.2016
In the corporate chat:

- Tell me - where can I fill a cartridge for a laser printer nearby?

- We give to the company that comes to us, takes the cartridge and brings it to the trail of the day shipped, so I will not tell you about the location (

- I was also picked up by one company in the afternoon on the weekend and brought in the evening already packed)

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134706
 13.10.2016
LLL: A friend teaches Russian to a group of Iraqi students studying on the oil and gas profile, and suffers that as a woman, and also young and beautiful for them, well, not at all an authority. In a couple of weeks, the band dared so much that it began to colourfully discuss her charms in Arabic right on her couple. Because anyone in Russia knows Arabic.
What they did not know was that a friend once studied Arabic for a short time, so some of the conversations still understood and at some point, remembering the remnants of his Arabic, approached the fun-talking oil and gas trucks and said sharply in Arabic that it was not very good to do so.
and discipline – or confused silence – was achieved.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134705
 13.10.2016
xxx: I fed the sausages on Tatysheva, so one of the nuggets picked off nuts from me and
The tooth scratched the skin near the nail to blood. There was a course of vaccination.
rage to swallow, well though not drinking, there was no problem with this.

How did you know that the cocktail is not drinking?

xxx: I expected this question after reading the written.)
There is a colony of treeslips on the island, they have no place to take.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №134704
 13.10.2016
# names

The cat’s name is Nicholas. The cat is very important, royal, a descendant of the great... extremely breedy, shorter. He is pleased with his name, he responds to him. One day, a spectator at the exhibition shortened his name. But the cat still raised his head, threw a favorable (otherwise not to describe) look and mourned him.
It would be a joke, of course, if he were hysterical, like some miserable people, or if he were to stumble on everyone who covers his NAME. But he’s just too nicky to behave like that.

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