bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121160
 28.11.2015
I went home with the girl. Next to the store is a little cat sitting and cuddling. We felt sorry for him, went to the same store, bought a bag of food. Just going to feed him, as the woman behind the shelf (a mini-market at the exit) says, say no need, he is already sick of food. It turned out that, according to her observations, he is fed every 5-15 minutes, and this little snake eats without tiredness, and then gets sick.

[ + 35 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121159
 28.11.2015
A friend told me a story today.

A girl from Moscow came to the neighboring house. A friend came to her and met her. They stand, they talk. The conversation is about her parents. She was an orphan, her mother and father died. A friend says, sorry she immediately became, does not even know what to talk about next. He asked something:

Do you have brothers or sisters?

She looks at him somewhat dissatisfied. A friend asks:

What is?

She answers:

There were three brothers and they all died.

My friend is completely frozen. What to do next is unclear. He thinks it needs to be entertained somehow. He says:

Do you have a guy?

She answers:

It was.

My friend rejoiced:

Why did they break up?

She is:

is dead.

–...

Okay then I went.

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121158
 28.11.2015
Going past the Letuval store today, I saw a huge inscription "50% OFF ALL" Well, I think I will drink the toilet water that I like and that I wanted... The price of toilet water ~2850rub. 1450r is a good offer. I come in, and here is the value of my dreams! Overturned old price 5490 and new advantageous price - 2700r!!! to

Great action, I thought and went on.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №121157
 28.11.2015
I went to the supermarket for a weekend dinner. At the entrance there is a broken grandmother with a chariot, crawling in her belts and cuddling, I pass by, hearing louder, some nonsense, the son of a drug addict, in the house, hungry for the third day, and all that. I bought it, went out on the street, the grandmother stood and cried without stopping, sadly pressing. It became interesting, went five meters away, sat on the fence and smoked. I see it going on. After a few minutes of waiting, the lady comes out and gives the grandmother bread, eggs and butter like butter. The grandmother cries and dissipates in thanksgiving, cleans the car in the cart and continues to cry and cry. A couple of minutes later, the pair comes out and gives the grandmother some cans, more bread, milk, cheese and a stick of sausage. Grandma thanked, cried and worshiped. He puts everything in his bag and continues to stand. I go out with a baby, give a small package with a German, give it to your grandmother. In the package round bread, such as a coke box of the type of crops in bags and a few more, small brown yet, apparently a heavy package. The lady offers to take her grandmother home, but in rejection, she seems to be nearby. The chubby with the dieth falls, the grandmother continues to stone and read.

I go to the store, tell the guards that the grandmother at the entrance is robbing the buyers, crying terribly and in general with me only broke the slices for half a piece. And the guard says they can't drive her out, a couple of hours ago they tried, the uncles came unwashed and promised to ruin the store if they were expelled again.

Such things. Help the grandmothers.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121156
 28.11.2015
Sometimes, under the makeup of a clown hides the ordinary normal person, but more often, of course, the opposite.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №121155
 28.11.2015
The news:
In the Altai region, a resident of Barnaul, who stole the car VAZ-2106, was detained to come to the interrogation in the case of the theft of another car. Trolling for 5! A year of 5...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №121154
 28.11.2015
In order to throw big, you have to be very honest with a person in the little things for a very long time.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №121153
 28.11.2015
Israelis are developing an airport security device that addresses the problems of personal rights violations associated with scanning the entire body at airports.
It will be a stand you have to enter and that will not expose you to X-rays, but will blow up any explosive device if you have it on you. It will be unbeaten for everyone, no one should argue about racial discrimination. This will also eliminate the cost of a long and expensive legal process. Justice will be quick. The case closed! The instantaneous device using brushes and chemicals will clean the cabin, like public toilets.
You are at the airport and you hear a suppressed explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement by the loud-speaking system... “Attention waiting passengers – Now we have a free seat for flight number 12345...”

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №121152
 28.11.2015
A dramatic film about DiCaprio.
No matter how hard he tried, he never won an Oscar.
And then to the actor who plays DiCaprio, give an Oscar.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №121151
 28.11.2015
The pressure in the last month has risen suddenly. The doctor speaks from the nerves. What about the nerves? I am completely calm. Sometimes you sit and read. Everything is normal. Suddenly I feel the heartbeat accelerating.
What do you read, news?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121150
 28.11.2015
What is the minimum distance between photons?
YYY : Nothing. Photons are bosons, they can at least overlap with each other.
zzz: The photons do not have such “hate” for each other — they do not have the principle of Paulie’s prohibition, so there are no limitations in this regard. Well, unless you can pump so many photons into a very small area that a black hole is formed). But this is clearly beyond our capabilities.
XXX: How much do I need to pump?
You promise that you will not.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №121149
 28.11.2015
How, how...

Dontsovs, Marinines, Pelevinas, Aquinas and even with them are actors who play writers. Books for them write diggers for copies (from ten thousand rubles per novel)
How did Pelevin get on that list?

Substances are written for him.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №121148
 28.11.2015
The biggest insult in my life for me was when I was signed up for a toilet covers store on Instagram.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №121147
 28.11.2015
<xxx>Yes, I have something like tetris in the dishwasher in the kitchen...
<xxx> A few seconds before the game.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №121146
 28.11.2015
No money left for vacation?
The Canadian: No! Finally, I will not go on vacation because of poverty, but because of the closure of the airline and terrorist threats!

[ + 37 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121145
 28.11.2015
You are mocking! When should people know about your pregnancy? To get sick from cigarette smoke can be from a hammer. I told you about the manicure. Refusal from alcohol in the company can also be for various reasons. In transportation, your stomach is covered with clothes, it is sealed by other people, only your face is visible. What are the signs to guess??? By the magical glow and mysterious " I cannot"??? You either try to keep a secret, or speak words through your mouth. And do not be angry that you did not say, and they did not guess. Per people think you’re scattered and try not to say anything delicate. In the early stages and this sign will not be, and there will be a frequent rush to the toilet too. Unless there is severe toxicity. Why does anyone have to guess anything at all? People go to work, not to watch for colleagues. Public transport is not used to see other people’s stomachs. Why can’t you guess it? ? to

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №121144
 28.11.2015
The apartment was killed by the alchemy, looked around the apartment, immediately realized that a major repair was needed and disinfection was complete. The price is approaching the double. But the price of the two is a great option for a young family. Going into the kitchen...

These blueelves... broke a hole in the concrete floor!! To fuck the fox in the basement!and "

Now it is finally clear that the perforators are constantly producing...

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №121143
 28.11.2015
I have a point: I can’t eat, smoke and kiss until I brush my teeth in the morning. Romance from such hygiene: neither breakfast in bed, neither thankful sex, neither smoking manners after that.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №121142
 28.11.2015
I’m not from the Mamulec coalition (or even rather the Childfrey), but people, what’s wrong with you? Why a woman should explain and justify the request with her not to smoke and not to load her, like a camel. In general, the request not to smoke should be treated more culturally, regardless of whether a young woman expressed it, a middle-aged man or a grandmother in general! You are talking to someone in the spirit of "Hello, and I have an ulcer!"?

And the reluctance to tremble about such personal things in the collective of people with whom the acquaintance is purely business - more than explainable, the people are mostly unstable, and they will immediately start to be harassed with the conversation of the genre "susiki-masusiki" and the invaluable experience of children's senior employees.

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