I studied in class 6. He was a decent shit, an outstanding athlete and the joy of his parents, even beer has never tried and what condoms are needed for did not know. As soon as I came home after school, no one was at home, I called my father to work and said that I was going to the cinema with my classmates, I will be in the evening. And now a classmate will come to me to finish a math task, and then we will all go to the cinema together.

The youth came and did the lesson. Time before the movie was left and I made an omelette, in the process of cooking one egg broke a curly hand past the bowl. Without a back-thinking thought, he took a dirty kitchen towel, wiped it out, and threw it into dirty underwear. Then we all go to the cinema, walk around the houses.

Nothing predicted trouble for me. But when I come home, my father meets me and says I need to talk seriously.

They put me in the kitchen with my parents a very strict look, I am all on betrayal, what I did. Thoughts revolve in my head, or no, they learned about the trio in Russian (at the time it was the most serious crush that could be imagined) But here begins an absolutely incomprehensible monologue from my parents - about what, boys, girls, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys, boys and boys. After 20 minutes, which seemed an eternity to me, Mom gets a slicked towel. The most stupid dialogue follows. I still don’t understand what the problem is.

Cyril, what is it? (Showed on the towel)

About the towel.

What is on him?

The egg broke accidentally.

How broke it?

- Well so, with Yulia omelette made and accidentally missed, had to wipe with a towel

With Julia? The omelet? (I think my father looked at me respectfully at that moment, but I’m not sure.)

Well yes. I was hungry. There was nothing in the refrigerator.

What omelette do I eat? The chicken eggs?

Well, what other eggs do we have?

And here it comes to them. My father begins to laugh. Mom smiles uncomfortable. I didn’t talk to my parents about sex.

Big Brother Yandex is watching! It was worth writing about the book "I went to drink", as soon as a banner from Yandex Direct appeared: "Self-driving devices, excellent quality, a guarantee of 50 years".

XXX: And my sister bound me such a gorgeous shirt with a cross!
YYY : LOL!
HH: What is wrong?
yyy: It’s the same as "I wrote the JavaScript driver here".

Q: Did you know that since this year the radio points have officially been turned off?

Wow, I’ve heard something like that.

Q: Do you know how an emergency warning will now be produced in the event of a nuclear war?

In the e-mail?

HGH: Almost of course. by SMS.

WOW: Then if I get an SMS from the Emergency Service with the text ‘grrrr’, I’ll know that the zombie apocalypse has begun.

Why does an adult who has a tabular weapon call a trench a rope?

Well, probably because of why it calls the tabular weapon "pest")))

At the exhibition Cyberfest 2016 in Yekaterinburg, the stand of the Ministry of Defense of the Russian Federation was best presented.

In our city, the safest place is the cemetery, because there are dead copnics lying there, and on the streets, the scuca, the living...

I watch a video of a Russian girl (like an emigrant) feeding Russian food to two American guys. They eat honey from Russia.
What do you do with the bees, what makes this honey special?
They force them to drink vodka.

on the forum discussion of laughing dogs all day in the neighbor's apartment

XXX: Tell a Story
My mother has a dog.
She was taken to guard the garden with her mother, as she often disappeared there alone.
Fuchs lived there in the summer, and in the winter in the city.
In the winter, the whole day in the absence of the mother oral the whole house, because (apparently) from childhood to loneliness was not used to.
In general, came out of a position who may seem cruel, but effective - a device was acquired that is attached to the collar and heracles the dog with electricity if he laughs.
The first time a whistle is spread
second time hive - whisper louder and longer
The third time - Herax
Very quickly our dog learned to loathe in this device (maximum one time limited, he heard the sound and stuck)

YYY: Is it the same, but for a woman?

From 8 to 10 – action.
How to understand?
This means that from 8 to 10 in the morning he has a planned feat. Well, what would you say, Mr. Mayor, about a man who goes to the feat every day, exactly to the service?
I am serving myself, Sugar. Every day at nine in the morning I have to go to my magistrates. I will not say that this is a feat, but there is something heroic in it.

In fact, there is only meaning in a long-term relationship when the person who is next to you becomes a genuine parent. You know all his intonations, you feel the mood, you know all the secrets of character, and in the end you know how to reconcile and what to expect from him. All its weaknesses and shortcomings cause a smile and some warmth in the shower. And you can tolerantly say to him “envious hysteria,” “leave the steam off,” “what did you do this time?” You stop trying to make an impression, and you become yourself, knowing that they love not your image, but you. And it is easy. You are not playing. You live next to him. The most important thing is that nothing happens to him. Permanent relationships are serious, responsible, difficult, but they are worth it because they have a future. Everything else makes no sense.

We have a coffee machine at work: you throw a slice, press a button – and here you have a soluble coffee in a plastic cup. Serving this machine stupidly, colleagues constantly complain that the machine will not pour water, then the coffee will not fill. I fit: the machine, as usual, spills coffee, pouches boiling water, throws a spoon, and everything seems to be fine, but without a glass.

When I went to work at the psychological center, I hoped to deal with the cockroaches in my head.
Now, after a year of work, the feeling that each of them got a good education and can now argue to defend themselves.)

XXX: How was the day?

YYY: I was lying on the couch. Then tired and slept.

Quotes from Films
The same Munich.

A man destroyed a family, expelled a wife with a child from the house!
What a child! I am an officer!
He drove out his wife with an officer.

Truth is what is now considered truth.

They say that humor is useful. A joke, life is prolonged.
Not all of them. To him who laughs, it extends, and to him who sharps, it shortens.

Germany's national team will receive in revenge as a gift of Lada-Kalina.

A familiar driver told me. Further from his words.
I go on the prospect. I turn at the crossroads. And suddenly the DPSnik runs out, with the sticks of his machete, the brakes.
D is the driver; B is the driver.
D: are we breaking?
Q: What are we breaking? Where is?
Q: Did you not see the sign?
Q: What is another sign?
D: There is a sign hanging “Floating to the left is prohibited!”
A: So what then? This sign does not prohibit the twist.
D: You know what it means? and ride.

- A strike of an adult electric acne can stumble a horse.
A horse and a drop of nicotine kill.
And really. An inanimate beast.

First there were steam ships, then steam ships, and now here, have lived to walking ships.

XH: Like a girl I want to spit you
You can be like a boy.
Oh no, not the oxygen. Could you go out with a guy?
YY: Is it a fool for you?
and cpasibo. I always believed in you.