Xxx: I called myself a prostitute once in my youth. I drank a whisky and offered it to her. She agreed to make a company. I immediately paid her the money. So here. She sat and drank a whiskey when it was over, and she offered to buy another. I went to the store and she bought it with my money. They sat with her until the next day and fooled and didn’t even fuck. They talked about life. She said she did not do this at all (prostitution) but just decided to try. I decided that I would not do that. Then I met her in a cafe, she was a waitress. She recognized me and thanked me for guiding her on the right path. We still communicate in Vatsapa. And so happens.



Yyy: Maybe she looked at you, how strenuous you are, thought, maybe the whistleblower will help, but no, decided to catch up, but still didn’t. And I concluded that if the first is so strenuous, the sho will go further and hit this profession.

Walk with small. He’s on the pitch, I’m on the phone. Behind the bushes on the neighboring bench three girls aged 20-30 talk.

... I fell asleep today, rushed, broke my nail, broke my socks, and here the clock knocks at the door. I open it with a bouquet. Naorala on him, said that I do not want to see let it fail and thrown this bouquet into the entrance.

And he what?

He took it and left!

Friends of Choir

Here is the goat!



My ears, I cried from laughter myself.

I bought Need for Speed (2015), started playing, and the car right runs itself! I switched all the controls, reinstalled a couple of times, rolled to the right and that’s all! Playing on the keyboard.



I went to forums and read a lot.

! to I found a guy with the same problem, the answer was:

Look where your gamepad lies.



Mja, the gamepad connected to me from the bottom fell between the UPS and the wall of the table, and was locked...

I never felt like a fool.

But the most interesting thing is that I am not the only one in this world.

In the evening at the country, my grandfather ate dinner with the neighbors, ate culturally and drank no less culturally. Daddy, the soul of the company, traves the battle:

I love drinking before I go to work. So it works more fun, and I am not tired, and how it is easier. The most interesting thing is, no matter how much I drink, no matter what condition I am, I will still do the job for all the hundred! This is what the “old guard” means.

When I heard this, I intervened:

Did you drink anything, work for five minutes and sleep in the store? We’ll take you home and then we’ll have to do everything for you.

Here are you and the entire “old guard”...

In a familiar office, serious positions are recruited from all over the country, so candidates are met at the airport, taken to a hotel, then for an interview, etc. Ordinary car with driver from a transport company. The nuance is that the driver actually works in the staffing department of the office, which helps to filter out too much of them even before a serious interview.

It was 6 years ago. I rested in Sochi. I lived in an apartment with a large bed. Next to the bed there were 2 covered tubes on which the lights stood (this is important).

After resting and walking around the city, he took a little wine and in the evening watching TV "condemned" him. I do not remember asleep.

I dreamed that someone took my hand and dragged me into the sea. I stand up and I don’t go. It lasted about an hour in the sleep.

Suddenly, this entity that dragged me into the sea suddenly let me go. And I wake up from the fact that someone dropped the lamp from the tub. At that moment, I was thrown into the heat and a little “Poperdolilo”. I jumped up sharply and began to look into the darkness without realizing what was going on. At some point (per my brain hasn’t awakened yet) I decided to wipe my eyes and look into the dark.

And as soon as I thought about it, I got a tough “LIP” straight on my face.

I specifically "Poperdolil" at this point and started to get up, and then I realized that my right hand is missing. I do not feel her. Trying again to reach the lamp on the second tub, I realized that I was missing. It started to get a hard tingling in the hand and it became horribly funny.

Then I realized that when I fell asleep I hand over. In a dream, she fell on a covering tub and removed the lamp. And when I was trying to wipe my eyes, the numb hand gave me a "Lash".

I sat a long time and shrugged my hand. It was funny, but it was scary.

Xxx: I had when the rottweiler was, I woke him so quietly whispering on his ear "walking", he began to pull his legs and tail, but slept )) then a couple of times, and when he, encountered, not understandably looked at me, thinking in a dream that he heard it or it was in reality, I turned around and did see that nothing happened. He stood up, walked and tried to look in his eyes, where the question was read, "Master, did I dream this?" (It was very funny

Once a long time ago, in the early 90s, when almost no one had cell phones, and everyone used stationary city phones, I bought a phone with an auto-responder.

At that time, the stucco was new, strange, and many, hearing the voice of the respondent, did not record who it was and for what reason it was ringing, but were frightened and threw the phone.

You used to come home in the evening, for example, you have 7 new records, you turn on PLAY, and there are consistently recorded short slides.

It was horrible)

And then one day I called somewhere, but at the same time I got the wrong number, and got on the same car respondent. Well, I also automatically put on the phone, did not say anything.

I laid the phone, and imagined how the owner would come in the evening, like me, to listen to the recordings, and there were short bands, and how it was angry.

In other words, I was ashamed.

I call again on the last number (the REDIAL button), I listen to the greeting, I went the recording, I greet and I begin to explain what I said so and so, I was wrong with the number, I apologize, and the previous time I called too, and all that.

And at that end, suddenly they remove the phone and a vivid voice says: Well, that’s the same!

Evil is the impasse that does not dream of becoming a tunnel.

A success story for you? I have them.

I’ve written about the aunt here. She loves to get stuck in all sorts of stories, and so cleverly that she flaps the shit and everyone around her and still has to solve her problems.
This is a very recent story.

The case takes place in Germany. There is a maid in my apartment, not far from us.
tk. She may be bored, she loves to call me and my wife at any time of the day. The conversation begins as follows: “Oooooohayjj, уууумираю, call the daughter!”
And then talk with calm for an hour or two. I would have believed her if I had not known that my grandmother loves to lie and simulate.

And here's the phone call in the evening, just after Malakhov, or what she's looking there. “Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh“”
And the "doc" takes the bathroom, which I told her and that the psychological unloading phone is temporarily unavailable.
Immediately sprinkles from the tube, “How do you talk to your wife’s mother?” Give her a phone right away!! And all this with lukewarms.

We have not been together with her lately. I recently left a grandfather Alfons who took her money. And it came to me when she came to me with the request, "Zyatek, give me money."
Well, this is another story.

I asked, are you really dying? Immediately the tone from the boycott-aggressive is changed to the "dying swan."
Once you die, help will come. I called an ambulance.

The story was told to me by a police officer in the area.

The ambulance quickly arrived at the address. The aunt, thinking that it was her "daughter" opened the door, where she was taken into circulation - like they went to the hospital.

Here we have to say that the ambulance in Germany does not deal with treatment (with rare exceptions) - there are sanitarians, whose task is to bring the patient, preferably alive, to doctors to the hospital.

The mother-in-law at the sight of the sanitarians fell into rage, scattered them like cats and threw them out of the apartment.
Well, the sanitarians suffered bleeding, rejoiced that they did not bite and said with a clear conscience - not our profile and called an ambulance from a psychiatrist.
They came, courteously knocked on the door, and when it did not open, they called the police. The police quickly joined - in response silence - the grandmother hid.
Now it is impossible to let the matter go on its own, suddenly the grandmother lies in the apartment unconscious? They called the firefighters to break the door. When they opened the door and asked Grandma to go out, she naturally opened up.

Well, word by word, the sister at the table, agreed that the grandmother kicked the policeman, which Tom did not like very much.
This is how the grandmother was broken on the painful, wearing handcuffs and hands - the legs were taken out of the house and thrown into the police lunar vehicle. And not from the first attempt - she managed to strike there on all sides, but what can a weak, elderly woman do in opposition to the roaring police officers with rubber bows? I don’t know why the police took her, not the psychic.

Late in the evening, the phone rings, the wife comes. The wife's eyes are rounded, the tube wraps matts on the whole apartment.
In general, the hooligan was tainted with the use of violence. Somehow, the lawyer flattered, but had to pay a fine not chilly.
Who was at last to blame, guess?
One thing I now understood with certainty - if the grandmother was barely twisted by 4 dozen men, and even the crowns were received simultaneously, then to death she is still oh how far!

by Aibo

A terrifying fact of racism has been revealed: Black humor is much more funny than African-American.