bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123637
 28.01.2016
How got M and Z, confusing rights with physical capabilities and the availability/absence of education...

[ + 19 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123636
 28.01.2016
My boyfriend forgot all his pants.
XXX: Then she understood
XXX: She gave them washed.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123635
 28.01.2016
We must not forget that the saying: "Free cheese is only in a mouse catch!"" has a continuation: "... and only for the second mouse!"
Yyy: What if the first mouse doesn’t die, but doesn’t eat cheese?
Zzzz: You also have Logitech, right?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123634
 28.01.2016
(Talk about online games such as Farm)
- You have such a serious kind of harvest, you can almost lose a million :D
– and? No, just a habit from work )) If you sit with a happy, happy look, you can not only burn, but also load with a new job ))
I think I understand why the Russians are called ugryum.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123633
 28.01.2016
Discussion of oil quotes on the trader forum:
Message from Shavkat kz at 12:01 will call (alert for violation of forum rules) between 30 and 32
Message from avdalev at 12:02 )))) what call?
Message from avdalev at 12:02 am I will dry up

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №123632
 28.01.2016
In the 1990s, a family with an eight-month-old son arrived. After all the tests were diagnosed with Wilms tumor, stage 2. The chances of healing were good.



But the parents took the child, and appeared a few months later when the child was already in the terminal stage. The doctor’s question is, “Where are you?“They replied that they went to Kashpirovsky to Moscow, but there was a big line and they didn’t get to him. Here our professor did not stand, and said in direct text that the baby is dying. And “mother” immediately demanded to sleep him so as not to torment him. That was when I was an intern, the first time I heard our teacher mother! The child was hospitalized. In the morning, he became an angel.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123631
 28.01.2016
My daughter, 5 years old, asks me:

Mom, where do people come from?

I, of course, have been waiting for a long time for this question from the child, despite the fact that she knows that the children first live in the stomach of the mother, and so far she was enough... Before answering, I decide to clarify the question:

What kind of people, daughter?

People, where did they come from on this planet?

This is what the child is interested in. Exhaled... told various theories... relaxed until the next question...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123630
 28.01.2016
From Habr:
xxx: The easiest option to see a recursion is to direct the Web camera to the computer monitor screen, naturally, having it pre-enabled.
YYY: Here is a generation that has never seen a mirror.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123629
 28.01.2016
Shakherezada said: We must not forget that the best underwear is men’s hands.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №123628
 28.01.2016
I often observe how harmless children’s hobbies encounter incomprehensible opposition from parents.
My friend’s parents smashed and destroyed her drawings, in her absence took and sold the guitar: they said, you’re stupid instead of studying.
The parents of a colleague removed all the literature on programming, destroyed the compilers and program sources installed on the computer with truths and falsehoods. “He will go crazy!”
I have been interested in electronics since childhood. And if at first everything was fine, then one day I returned from school and found that everything was missing somewhere – the parts, the tools, the solder, the tester, and even the hard-to-use oscillograph brought from the other end of the country, which was given to me by a radio-amateur relative. Parents, as it turned out, were very afraid that I was spinning something wrong, and they would be planted.
I am in front of me, with two daughters. One complains to the other that his son reads too much; little more, she found his notebook, where he writes fantastic stories about other planets. Maybe I should take him to the doctor...
And then everyone complains: why are their grown-up children only interested in alcohol?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123627
 28.01.2016
To get swine flu is hard and dangerous, and for Muslims, it is still bad.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123626
 28.01.2016
[15:50:48] lexicon2004: Of course, I have no strong evidence
[15:50:56] lexicon2004: so you will have to use my guesses

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123625
 28.01.2016
A colleague has the habit of leaving, leaving a cell phone on the table. And they call him permanently (I’m already starting to suspect he’s working in a call center, because they can’t call an ordinary person so often!). His call is stupid and long, with 15 people in the office who don’t like listening to it.

In response to another request to either turn off the phone or take with you a blue-eyed comrade asked: "And what, you don’t like, yes". And I read a small lecture on the topic "You are just complicated and you do not like the manifestations of other people’s freedom!". On the offer to walk naked, since he is so free, he was offended.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123624
 28.01.2016
If this is insistently written by a woman, then understand that they will not take you seriously, take your opinion into account, pay you a decent salary, be interested in your OBS, after all, as long as you are demanding to treat yourself as a disabled, a detrimental being: to hold the door in front of you, to give a hand, to speak in a special manner. Do you want your place in the kitchen? Believe me, you still have it. Don’t drag others into this mud with your preaching.

Madam, give a hand (= offer it as support) to a companion or companion, if a person is going to go down the slippery stairs, is a matter of politeness and upbringing, regardless of gender. Holding a door or opening a door to a person who comes with a clearly uncomfortable and/or heavy baggage is a matter of politeness and upbringing, regardless of gender. Opening the door or holding the door in front of a person on a wheelchair or in a wheelchair is a matter of politeness and upbringing. To offer help to a young mother with a wheelchair - the same. Somehow wrong you get rid of complexes, but with the upbringing of the problem.

[ + 12 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123623
 28.01.2016
The Ukrainian missile launched French satellites into orbit
Yyy: And not pulled, but shot down, and not the French, but the Malaysian, and not the satellites, but the plane.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №123622
 28.01.2016
In the 90s I studied at one of the universities of Moscow, lived in the old community and was with us in this community pet-Dashenka. Dashinka was a rat. Dashenka lived in the dark corridors of communion, did not touch anyone and coexisted peacefully with us. Dashinku was fed by everyone: students, a watchman, even a cleaner. From such an abundant diet, Dashenka became a very large and fed good-hearted rodent.
Once in the fifth grade, Serega and I decided to invite girls to the shelter... we go into the shelter, in the hands of bags with food, the girls next to something, we climb to the floor, and the shelter, as I said, old, the lamps in the corridors burn through two. We go in the dark and see how Dašenka comes out from the corner slowly into the gap) the girl noticed Dašenka in the darkness with a whispering cat!" She jumped, leaned and continued to glow the Rat, Dašenka was squeezed from such familiarity pressed into the floor and froze. Zamer and I and Serega already have a spinal brain realizing that the situation can not be saved at all! ))) Dashinka, realizing that the chips will not be and that she was unceremoniously touched, stood on her back legs, wrapped her bald tail and stared at the girl's face with red eyes, whispered loudly. Such a tremendous fire in our community did not remember even the watchman Ally Petrovich, and he had seen a lot! ))) The girl’s hysteria lasted for more than an hour, and slightly diminished only after three glasses of Amaretto. The romantic evening was hopelessly ruined.)

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №123621
 28.01.2016
Today is a ugly day - I went to the hospital - a doctor at school, will come in 3 weeks. I went to the metric for the luster - there was no need, looked at another - decided to buy - checked - broken, checked the second - broken, there was no more in the warehouse (
I went to the store and bought foods: everything wasn't delicious - tea - my mom pulled nuri out of her hand - put it in the basket of el grey and I didn't notice that it was with a bergamot - it smells so that it is impossible to drink. I took a cheese like Lambert – usually good – generally tasteless. Meat smoked-cooked piece - not roasted - is unpleasant.
I went home when I tried it all, glad that I decided not to buy a cognac.
XXXX: I also thought - good that today not only the cognac decided not to buy but also condoms, and then such a "lucky" day - they could be the same as lustres :-/

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123620
 28.01.2016
by 4pda

by Constantine941
I bought a phone, from the box arrived an update for 60 MB updated to 4.4.2 and all silence. What is it related to?

by Vasa3000
by Konstantin941
Welcome to the club "Hello.Buyed a phone, what is it related?"

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123619
 28.01.2016
Dialogue between mother and son:
M: Yes, I was still ugly after two wounds!
C is MA!
M is born)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123618
 28.01.2016
DROS: In general, this is, as they say, “Production Automation! I pressed the button – a bag on my back!”

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