bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 78 - ] [38 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №59001
 22.01.2012
I like the internet, here you can call anyone shit, and then drink a warm milk and lie down fairy tales.

by BW

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №59000
 22.01.2012
He was so evil that he could not forgive even the good.

[ + 39 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58999
 22.01.2012
Investigative Experiment

A known fact: during the viewing of the 38th series of "Pokémon" in people predisposed to epilepsy, began seizures. Hundreds of Japanese children were hospitalized. Operative investigation showed that this was caused by frequent change of images in one of the episodes. The incident and its causes were in the news program, while "thought" to show the unlucky episode. Hundreds more Japanese were sent to hospitals with epileptic seizures.

This was an introduction, and now the story of a familiar investigator.
After a series of breaches and theft from garages, one owner decided to install an alarm in his garage. The principle of operation is simple: for some time after opening the door you need to press the "secret" button, hidden somewhere between the shelves. If this is not done, in a few seconds the sirene sounds, attracting the attention of others and scaring away the unlucky thieves. As a sirene, our craftsman decided to use the ship's revon, carefully tailored by his grandfather.

Those who have been on large ships know, but for those who do not know, I will explain.
In conditions of poor visibility, in particular in the fog, the assailant, having detected another vessel on the radar, gives the command to turn the revoon so that the captain on the opposite course of sound had an orientation and made the correct manoeuvre in advance in order to avoid a collision. I can hear these sounds from a few kilometers away.

And then, a couple of courtyards decided to drink something. To drink something, you have to steal something. Three o’clock at night, the area is sleeping, the mounting collapses the slope, the gates are opened. I didn’t know about the buttons. While they were looking for what to steal, the time relay turned on a revon. The area no longer sleeps. Arriving almost simultaneously with the owner of the garage, the patrol finds on the spot two bodies unconscious, all the contents of the stomach fell in the pants of both. One of them later died of a heart attack.

With the owner of the garage nothing was done, an explanatory conversation, a fine for violating the rest of citizens. The main argument is "my garage, as I want, so I protect. And that blue-collar may have broken off from the cockroach." Revon was later confiscated.

But there are traces - on the one hand a corpse, on the other - an attempted theft with theft. And somebody from the "top" came to the mind to put an investigative experiment. Two mints, with the permission of the owner of the garage, were to repeat the "movement" of the unlucky thieves, and the operational worker to shoot this on the camera.

The castle is broken down, the gates are opened, the roar is turned on. One of them is unconscious, the other with shaken eyes jumps out of the garage and with a bunch of his own shit in his pants escapes in an unknown direction. Judging by the video, he was still trying to scream, probably something obscene, but nobody had heard it. The cautious opera, knowing in advance what would happen, left the camera on the stand and moved away to a safe distance.

As they later joked in the department, "the experiment succeeded." Fortunately, no one was injured this time, except the police clothes. And the confiscated truck now "protect" the country of my friend, only the control scheme he asked me to assemble, I designed so that the volume grows smoothly.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58998
 22.01.2012
Asked by?
Anyone who has played MMO and simple RPGs knows that there are certain character pumping criteria. For example, if you pump three branches of talents at once in WOW (although such a possibility is not provided there, but, still, imagine), then in the end there will be something unplayable, dying in a fight with any pumped by the usual scheme of the opponent. It’s all about talent glasses – their number is limited and just enough for a full pump of one branch.
Let’s take a look at our educational system. Unfortunate children without any motivation try to teach everything in a row. Why Blizzard understands that you can’t know everything at once, and the Ministry of Education doesn’t?? to

We answered:
Dear Fools of the 21st Century! I appeal to you as a man who played in the MMO for 5 years and scored on them because they are now impossible: to kill, to remove all things and take the head of the enemy with you. I think those who are older should remember such a delightful MMO game as Ultima Online in which you could pump ALL THE SKILLS and thanks to this to win against 3-4 opponents ;) And what they did now from the MMO - a whirlwind on the skill points and pieces, a dull constant kick on the mobs and castrated PVP. And the school gives only basic education in all directions and you already decide where to go.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №58997
 22.01.2012
A woman is a weak helpless creature that will bite your throat if you don’t think so.

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №58996
 22.01.2012
xxx: From the television said that Prokhorov promised in case of election to sell his business, and the money earned to give to charity. Interesting, a lie or truth? It is :)
YYY: With a rating of one and a half percent, he can promise to cut the fuck on the heels without risking anything.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №58995
 22.01.2012
Reviews about the dermatovenerological dispenser: "Nearly always among the patients in the queue sit the Gypsies - and with them it is not boring, so waiting for the turn flies unnoticed.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №58994
 22.01.2012
Topic on the forum "how to remove words (vocals) from songs in mp3 format:

Gena64:where I read.convert the audio file to word and there the words to cut..the rest back-ready themmo-sori
by SuPeRro!It is genius!
Purionasd: They say that all cool studios work like this.

[ + 69 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58993
 22.01.2012
I won’t go home, I’ll get caught.
Who else remembers that?
And we were still playing in the garages, walking with black hands from not yet ripe nuts, playing bicycles in haishnikovs and paying with them with the leaves of the same nuts :)

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №58992
 22.01.2012
I didn’t stop drinking ?
Today I learned that when I went to the sea in June, I slept with one girl after being drunk.)
You understand the essence! I found out! I fucking just found out!!

[ + 36 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58991
 22.01.2012
X: For whom are you in the election?
YYY: For the Prochorov.
XXX Why?
He’s rich, he doesn’t need to steal.

[ + 45 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58990
 22.01.2012
I work in an agency, I accept announcements from citizens. Today I just got a masterpiece in the eye: "Sell TIR". I wait a minute and read the announcement again. There are no adequate associations. For two hours all the office thought it was such a shit. Eventually they gave up and called the client. It turned out that it was a dog terrier.

[ + 51 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58989
 22.01.2012
From Wikipedia literally:
"2x2" (read as "two times two") was the first commercial television channel in the history of the USSR and Russia. Since 19 March 2007, the TV channel’s theme is cartoons for all ages (mainly for children from 7 to 33 years old).

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №58988
 22.01.2012
xxx: it will be okay
Am I a rabbit? O_O
xxx is a slide))
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? to
XXX: The Jump

[ + 64 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58987
 22.01.2012
What shit trolling, have you all forgotten the great and beautiful word STOB?

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №58986
 21.01.2012
I’m walking around my apartment this morning, something is cold. I went to the kitchen to the dishwasher full of dishes washed a cup, then a spoonful, then all the dishes!!!! to
You are a hero!! What has guided you on the right path?
The water was hot, it was hot :)

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №58985
 21.01.2012
Everywhere feyscreen: the club was not allowed because in a T-shirt, in the woods - because without a shirt.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58984
 21.01.2012
And the Lord said, Let there be the boson of Higgs! And the emptiness went by and the emptiness became Higgs bosons. And they were invisible and neutral, but they had a mass. And they were lonely. And they came to God and asked: Teach us super-weak interactions, and strong ones too. And he said to them, I will separate you, and you will not be one. And I will turn you into quarks and myons, and I will give you a spin, and each will find a pair on his back.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №58983
 21.01.2012
XXX is done! I did not doubt the American White Brother!
yyy>?? to
He solved the problem of political correctness toward black and gay people in American films – and in one move! Now in every movie there is one and only one black – and you won’t guess.
yyy>... gay?
xxx> and ally! Genius, do you not find it?

[ + 33 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №58982
 21.01.2012
I call the provider.
I: Hi, I don’t have the internet.
Q: What operating system do you have?
I am Ubuntu.
See also: Ubuntu I understood you. Can you start the command line?
I : Yes.
Type ipconfig /all

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