bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89180
 02.11.2013
to this:

I have defended my dissertation and work as a lecturer. Please help!!! to

— — — —

Start cooking meth.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №89179
 02.11.2013
The most difficult choice is when there is nothing to choose and when there is something to choose.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89178
 02.11.2013
It happened ten years ago, and I seem to have already written somewhere...

I went somehow with my ex-wife to the bank to pay the loan. Summer, it is hot, the doors of the bank are tight and in the brains a light fog from a light sunshine caused by chronic ignorance of wearing headsets of the type of "panama".

I took the receipt and we went away from the box window to a small table attached to the wall and several chairs around it. Then I sat down on my chair and started filling out this receipt. I carefully design and feel the side-sighted movement of my wife. It seemed to me that she slightly turned out on the chair and I once again plunged into the process of filling the dull twenty signs, in the meantime admired by the slightly opened from the jeans with the low waist back of my spouse.
Here my attention was drawn by the label from her red tango trousers, naturally spinning out of jeans. Not long thinking, I took it (the label) and pulled it up, wishing to break it off. I have to say that I hate to tolerate all kinds of spinning pieces like threads and other shells. Well, the first attempt ended in a crash - the stretched rubber of the cowards managed to cope with the force of the label's friction and sent the last with a sound shell into the native penates, or more precisely into the ass. But my character, who never stopped in the face of difficulties without long thinking, sent my hand to her in the pants. I pulled the stubborn label out and, having decided that either I or he, tightly pressed it with a doubled force and pulled it up. The label proved to be stronger and for the second time and with an unchanging armor disappeared in seductive half-drinks.
Events followed rapidly. By the movement of the buttocks I understand that their hostess begins a steep twist, and, deciding that she wants to explain to me, I raise my eyes.
I’ve never seen more open eyes and an open mouth of turbulent indignation in my life. In front of me was a completely strange girl and from indignation could not say a word. The only thing I made out of my mind in this situation was, “Sorry, I thought it was OUR cowards.” The girl exploded abruptly and evaporated in the open doors of the bank under the friendly hustle of a few visitors.
It turned out, when I was already very interested in filling out my receipt, my wife went to a distant corner of the hall, to some of her acquaintances and her place was taken by the victim. And it must happen that she was wearing the same jeans, topics and, most importantly, red tangas - their mother so.
My wife later told me she didn’t see anything.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89177
 02.11.2013
Inflation is the easiest and most reliable way to steal your money.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89176
 02.11.2013
The CV:
I am looking for a builder in the building. There is only one size - 100mm, under which it is necessary to drill the mine in the floor cleaner than those that are roasted in Donetsk.
There is nothing to do, dispersers are needed, because due to the specifics of the room where they are drawn, I am already dispersing myself. I choose three. The seller looks at them, then at me, and quietly commented:
and sympathetic.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89175
 02.11.2013
My wife met when we worked together. I moved to a management position in another company.

Find me a place. Ready to be subordinate
Wife: Let us remember the intrigue of joint work
I: "the intrigue of joint work" is not possible when employees are already with the same names

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89174
 02.11.2013
Well, you can’t be so stupid, if there is no paper in the printer, not only will it not be able to print. So he still bl.. and on the board, and on the pop-up windows, he writes about it, in Russian bl..

Okay, so is it everywhere. The bug in the bagtracker - the hacker can enter the site, knowing only the login and password. I need to fix it". And you don’t send – they pay money.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №89173
 02.11.2013
X: So November 4th is a weekend?
WOW: Why is it suddenly?
HH: Well, the same as him. All-Russian Day of What-To-There and This-Same.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №89172
 02.11.2013
I go on a day in the bus, next to the grandmother, her phone is broken, she tries to see on the screen who is calling, but because of the bright light nothing is visible. The grandmother from all sides is advised on which button to strike, and she is Shchaz, until I know who is calling not up! Otherwise, the money will be removed!
Here the phone is silent and the grandmother begins to call all her friends, relatives, to find out who called... So I didn’t understand where she saved?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №89171
 02.11.2013
I know what a burn is. When you say:
- Oh, a man will come to me, I need to remove the chocolate, or he will think again...
What will he think?! to
He has a foil!
...And by the face of the interlocutor you understand that the burn has happened.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №89170
 02.11.2013
I go to my friend’s coffee shop, drunk.
A friend came, with his girlfriend, no one knows her, they live in another city.
here it comes to dating, a friend presents us, his girlfriend, I brew in the bushes))
I approach them, and I hear "This is Daniel, he has little weekends so he buzzes".
Such a detailed description of myself, I have never heard before.

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89169
 02.11.2013
Nearly twenty years ago, we learned how to pilot the latest Stells fighters and spacecraft on computers, using controlled or self-propelled missiles.
Today, our children are learning to shoot from tanks of the middle of the last century with fractional-fuga charges. What is next – the throwing of stone tails into mammoths or the war of the Croomanons with the Neanderthals?

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №89168
 02.11.2013
Max: Do you remember that I work in an online store? So, either I am far from the auto topic, or the client asked a brilliant question:
Please tell me who made these tyres and which year and week of production.

Max: I understand everything: country, year... but not a month and a week, bluff!

Max: What response is he waiting for?
Good day!
These tires were made by Parthenov Afanasiy Igorovich at 10:17 12-06-2013. He did not drink that morning and had sex with his wife the night before. So at work he was sober, kind and produced the best tyres in his entire career.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №89167
 02.11.2013
From Kubica:
>> The habit of the people to cardboard RPGs and anime written in a wicked language without signs of intersection.
>> A good book is simply not able to accept - it lacks a window with the number of ammunition, hit points and exhibition in the corner of the page.
> This is a good idea for e-readers. "You have assembled five pages. Level-up and plus one to literacy".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №89166
 01.11.2013

I am a girl! I want to meet you)
Everything is written in my questionnaire.)
I want to see your city in the coming days and find a friend for these days =)

No, I have a wedding on Saturday, I won’t be able to do it in the next few days.

Q: Do you add chips to your friends?

WOW: for the same reason.
This is work mail!

Q: Maybe you are interested in the equipment?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №89165
 01.11.2013
A familiar story said:
Before the story: he drowned his phone, he wanted to take it to repair and therefore always carried it with him in his backpack. And to be connected, I bought myself exactly the same.
He returned home from work, crossing the road, and there the street is so dark, narrow, a great place for a hop-stop.
Well, of course, two bodies are submerged to him, in each of them a shoe, all as it should be!
Well, according to the standard scheme "there is a phone with a camera and a bluetooth to call!?!? to
And a friend says a day worked out tired was, suddenly remembers the drowned phone, says, "Oh, how did you go, yes!" and climbs into the wallet. And the roses of these happy are immediately becoming!
Well, he gets the phone, squeezes and swirls it across the road!
The phone falls on the sidewalk and flies into a bunch of pieces that fly in different directions! And while the phone was flying and getting closer to the ground, in the eyes of these two guys was a picture of great disappointment and despair, straight as if the ring of omnipotence fell into the fire lava)))
Well, while they wandered and wandered, he gently stood between them and calmly arrived at home!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №89164
 01.11.2013
...I remember the case as I had a very old grandfather, once watched a TV advertisement with pads and says:
"What a good thing" We sat down and laughed inappropriately. And he continued:

"And in the shoes in the spring, and shudder out."
and :)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №89163
 01.11.2013
Romka: In friendship, butterflies in the stomach by mistake
And then they flee, of course.
Romka: And ask to remain friends, purely out of solidarity
Tyomich: They are not butterflies. Tia is flying. The last drops of sincerity, kindness and hope.
I was so relieved before you arrived.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №89162
 01.11.2013
News on the first: the primacy calculated that from the beginning of the 13th year from the state budget stumbled 13 billion. The villages thought so, no need to go far.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №89161
 01.11.2013
I listened to the conversation today. I go from the subway to the house in a hurry, but I still manage to catch two girls... One is definitely a girl, and the other is more like a fat ball. They are actively discussing something, well, I warm my ears. The conversation was like this:
D (girl No.1): No, and I’m here to do that?
Shar, she’s the girl number two: “Yes, no, just ask Max.
Q: Ask yourself what you can’t do yourself? I think it was he, he was in the woods and could calmly.
Q: Yes, I have already asked...
D: With unfailing interest. – Well what?
Sh: Yes, I said you kissed me, but someone else fucked you.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna