bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120896
 21.11.2015
Lie in the hospital. A neighbor with appendicitis. Young, beautiful (but it doesn’t matter), three young children. Luckily in the operation. Then the word to her:
- I lie, the drug is already being prepared to put, or it has already been put. And suddenly I hear one surgeon say to the other: “Wearing gloves, she has HIV.” I am in shock: I have HIV??? She said, “I’m not bite. The dog was surprised. I say "I don’t have HIV" The surgeon says "Why not? Here is the reference: Semenova - HIV". I: "So I am not Semenova, I am Mikhailova" :facepalm:
I then say to the neighbor (when she told me): This is interesting, and suddenly this Semenova has not yet had appendicitis. I’t hear you cut off your gallbladder.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №120895
 21.11.2015
You have overestimated self-esteem.
You say it’s my fault that I’m better than you.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №120894
 21.11.2015
Tagged: apple
Yyy: Hey Palehche, she is not 18, yet pedophiles are jailed. I have to say "I want her to be a wife"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120893
 21.11.2015
On the Habra discussion of self-branded armor for the cat:
The SunX:
Judging by the fact that the cat so strongly presses the back of the body to the ground - he is not very happy with this armor and moreover does not quite understand what is happening :)
by NetJorika:
I think they caught a cat bag. Judging by how pressed to the ground he walks on the video, the cat thinks that he was caught behind his back and is not ready for such armor.
and Apathetic:
This is not a bag, it is a ficha.
The K12th:
This is a well-known bag. You can stick a cat painted scotch (to not rub the wool - not a heavy and not a big piece) on the side, on the back, on the stomach, and he will walk, trying to "drop" the "obstacle".
and itsplus:
My cat had an updated firmware. None of them worked with Scotch.
by fantom4ik:
Have you purchased with an updated firmware or updated yourself? I just checked my cat on the bag and it’s present... unfortunately (:
and itsplus:
I bought it, so probably the former owner apologized.
The K12th:
Oh these vendors, for humans out how many bageroports and at least one fix, and for cats please :(

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №120892
 21.11.2015
They say you have land in Moscow. Where and how much?
Three flower pots on the window.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №120891
 21.11.2015
One surgeon says to the other: “Wearing gloves, she has HIV.”
.............

Surgeons operate without gloves, with bare hands.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №120890
 21.11.2015
xxx: sometimes write: "for persons over 18 years of age". What if a man is 18?
YYU: Do not be stupid. Exactly 18 is a time interval of 5.4 * 10^-44 seconds.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №120889
 21.11.2015
He: Today I want to go to the pop...
She: If you want, go...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120888
 21.11.2015
A film about Stonehenge.
Showing the skeleton of a rabbit from Amesbury. I pay attention to the well-preserved teeth, flat, strong in appearance... However... If my skeleton is ever excavated, I would probably be ashamed of my cyborg jaw, almost entirely made up of seals and sticks.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №120887
 21.11.2015
Another masterpiece in the box. Discussing the Mantoux reaction at the children’s forum.
Written by mamalove`s, 31 March 2009, 19:02
Why do we need this vaccine? The prince? What does it give and what does it take?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №120886
 21.11.2015
What does it mean to get out of the flat. A multi-apartment cooperative house.
I go from the gym, and at the meeting of the grandmother, the closet is folded, so on the asphalt, breaking. Well, I’m like “the rightest best guy in the village.”
Give it, grandmother, I will help you.
And let us!
Where to?
Right next to the neighbor’s entrance. God speaks out.

Donez, then says, “And drag in the entrance, and there in the elevator.” I will bring well. She doesn’t go into the elevator, she says, “Let’s go up the stairs.” Good shit! I pulled to the first floor. Which I ask. It is “12 milks”. Sorry lady, and you are in your mind to drag on 12 on your hands untouched closet? I thought, I thought, and I sent her.
And then the chairman of our house calls me and says that she stole it from the neighboring entrance when people were carrying furniture and I was seen with her pulling over that closet. Hello friends, I am glad to see you for the first time in my life!

p.s All are good! It was in SPB.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №120885
 21.11.2015
I sit in a cafe with my sister. Everyone pays for themselves. There is a legal issue in which there is no consensus. She orders martini, sushi, dessert, and I order vodka and green tea. So much support in the words of the waitress never felt -"Yes, you are a gourmet! I am going to"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №120884
 21.11.2015
of different generations.

By the way, the small for the hills have everything: tubing, three kinds of glaciers, sandwiches, asks for snow. He asks:
When you were seven years old, what did you do?
Well, on a cellophane package, in the best case, on a package.
Oh Oh Oh Oh! Here I will grow up, become an inventor, build a time machine, fly to you and give you a ice cream!

Slightly

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №120883
 21.11.2015
The sanitary store. The woman looked long and walked around the store:

How much does this plate cost?

I do not even know. We do not do the plywood. It’s just part of the stand.

Can you call someone who is more competent?

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120882
 21.11.2015
We sit in the office in Donetsk, the employee's son marries in Kherson. She was unable to attend for some reason.

She says, "Now there will be a solemn painting, I asked that I would be called and by the loud communication I will listen to her."

The painting begins, it includes a loud communication, but everything is very poorly heard. Very much prayer. What kind of music is it that whispers. We ask to make it louder, quieter and in general the connection is broken.

She calls back, asks, “How is it? The connection was broken.”

She is answered:

“First we were patient, everyone was silent. But when the music was silent and the whole hall sounded "What is now not heard at all," we were asked to turn off the phone."

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №120881
 21.11.2015
Like women sometimes need a strong male shoulder, so men sometimes need a elastic female chest.

Like men need a sturdy female chest, so women need a long-lasting, tough, and not fast-paced penis.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №120880
 21.11.2015
The flow is like I have a stand with cold water in the toilet. I go in the morning, and there from a small hole on the surface of the pipe, the water flows and gathers into the pebble below. I called to work asked, called the sanitary technicians from the roof, I sit and wait.



After four hours, two good young men appear, one with a bark, the hose from the burner is dragging, and the second, a two-meter oak, went to the toilet, looked at it and began to tell wonderful stories. You have a difficult case, not easy. In your case, we will have to drop the water from the stand, and this is not so easy, then we will only start to boil, but the welding will be difficult, two-stage. Two stages of fighting!! I smelled the magic. And we will have to drive for a few hours, but for four thousand rubles, we can do a little faster and better.



For those who do not know, it is impossible to weld a pipe inside which there is water, it must in any case be removed from there.



I was standing and listening to the lump slowly falling on my ears, like snowballs in the winter. When I got tired of it, I went into the room and found my 5th grade welding shell. Until recently, I worked as a welder for about twelve years at various enterprises, I have several Naxos certifications, including an international one.



When I returned, the sanitary had a very happy look, apparently he thought his story worked and I went into the room for a wallet. Here is Her. I quietly showed him the crust, feeling at least as a special agent taking the operation under my control and said that work here for a maximum of half an hour, so stop fucking me in the brain. When he read, his face changed greatly, he was confused and immediately walked to his partner whispering to him, do everything well here our.



Then apparently he was afraid that I would complain to their office and all the twenty minutes, while the second was working hard, told me some bearded anecdotes. Then they went away with the blessings. So instead of a boring day, I had a fun time.

[ + 14 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №120879
 21.11.2015
The 21st century is when in the morning on an entertainment portal, behind a cup of coffee, you can watch bombs dropped on another country in HD quality.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №120878
 21.11.2015
The matter is not in the children and not in the wheelchairs, but in that the person knows and considers it necessary to count with others or not. Only recently educated people are scarce.
Somehow, not in a hurry, I walked with my very old aunt in the park. On the alley, random trajectories, chasing pigeons, two children ran, their mother was sitting on the bench. "Be careful!..." – she said loudly – "Don’t drop people from their feet". Unusual for these days, right?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №120877
 21.11.2015
Thro the evening, I remembered the importance of the EMNIP reduction widespread in the network. I remembered. She seems to be deceiving me.

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