I want to learn to play violin.
Trying is not torture. Except for neighbors...

23:08 What are you doing tomorrow?
Yyy, 23:09: I am going to the cinema. You said you were busy.
Xxx, 23:38: Okay
Xxx, 1:17: What are your plans for Sunday night?
Yyy, 9:18: There are no plans :)
Yyy, 16:47 AM Did you just want to make sure I didn’t have any plans?

I have an English top. When he saw my Skyrim medalion, he said, “Skyrim,” and I replied, “For the Nordics!” That’s how I got one of the worst assessments.

At work with a friend, programmers sit on the ground floor, facing the street. One hero always has a device at hand - a bell like a concierge in a hotel, when the appearance of a cute girl passing through the street, the hero rings the bell and all the rumblings from the neighboring cubes run to the windows. What kind of team building do you have?

You probably know a lot of languages!
English is less. Why is?
Nerd: Judging by your writing, Russian is not your first language)))))

Stop calling fools and fools humanitarian.

(Comments to the article on the explosion of domestic gas)

SaloPodgorelo: After all, the most terrifying thing is that we have thousands of ancient mummies in our country, who live alone, see nothing, hear nothing, hear nothing, can at any moment put a cupcake on the plate, forget to flash the light bulb and go and watch the telephone. and to sleep. Then the floor goes down. Who is to blame?

NeddyS: The grandmother? Or what kind of stuff is that?

Asked Google "what is different from a bodybuilder", Google replied to me "You may have meant: what is different from a bodybuilder".

And I always get: "Refusal of a Schengen visa! Fast and reliable!" And contacts. That's why I can't understand the visa refusal for a long time.

I suspect my cat is cuddling.
He left yesterday, came this morning, climbed on the carpet, drank water and fell to sleep.

This story was told by my coach. In the court of 1968, Moscow, he served in the army. Once upon a time, together with two of their comrades, they meet three girls. They meet with them in every dismissal, take care of them, take them to the cinema... And one day, during the next meeting, one of the girls carelessly joked about what they said, three provincial guys, didn’t read them, indigenous Moscow girls... Word by word, they fought; the soldiers turned and left, hotly telling their friends a bunch of ugliness. One of them served as a writer. And then a couple of weeks later, he accidentally intercepts a letter from one of these girls. It is addressed to the commander of the unit. He opened it and read it. Naturally, it was said that ordinary people behave rude, show disrespect, ask to take action... all in this spirit. The challenge is accepted. They gather together and start to come up with the answer. After printing it on the machine, they extract the stamp and, after fake the signature of the commander of the unit, send a letter. After a while, the girl receives the following message: “Dear Comrade, the girl’s surname. Thank you for your timely appeal... Your complaint has been considered, an official investigation has been conducted, the culprits have been punished... By the decision of the military tribunal, ordinary persons have been sentenced to death. The sentence is executed in such a number.”

Sex on the phone:
I’m now taking off one shirt... now the second... now the third...
Are you from Chernobyl?
I am from Verkhovna. It is very cold here...

From the comment of a girl who does not want to have children, about how her colleagues get detoxified ("pre-retirement age girls"): "Listen, well, when will you leave us in a decree? Do you know what to do? Hold his legs, hold it next time, hold it like a tick! They will not go anywhere afterwards – they will not give up on their own!"

I went to the “Alcohol” department yesterday.

Immediately he was "attacked" by a man in a white shirt:

To help you with the choice?

I’ve been buying whiskey there for five years, I know everything about stocks, and about Kegel, and so on.

In order to respect a man, I ask:

What is the difference between this and that bottle of whisky? It seems that both brands are single-sold, and the duration is the same, and the price is twice different.

I get an answer.

An employee of an alcoholic shop.

A serious office.

In Moscow.

In the 21st century.

His only task is to understand drinking.

In full seriousness.

With a high nose.

With knowledge of the matter.

Different types of grapes.



So how is it?

I have a friend. He was married three times and all these times divorced because of the betrayal of his wife. I sit in the kitchen with him and drink beer. And then he says, “I’ll know when they’re cheating!” How is? - I, when I go on a business trip, unnoticed my toilet, and when I come immediately you can see that there was a man in the house, under the chair on the toilet drops of urine! And the wives immediately stumbled and put it all out to him.

300 km from our city there is a village, in the village lives a witch-grandmother, who is rumored to "coding" from bad habits, they say that even someone helped. A few years ago, the company of my friends decided to quit smoking, they went to this grandmother, with them for the company went my acquaintance, craving smoker, to quit smoking she did not intend, went for the company and for the company also "coded", wanted to check if it would work on her "witchcraft". After that, she began to get sick from cigarettes and even cracked, so it lasted two weeks, but she gathered all her will in her fist smoked, fighting sickness and disgust, in order not to give up in any case.

I drove from Petrozavodsk to Petrozavodsk a month ago, night, rain. Somewhere in the area of Lonets on the side is a car, and the driver is actively mastering with his hand. I drive 200 meters further, and still think I need to stop, suddenly trouble in a person.

I give it back, lock the door and drop the glass. A man approaches and with some unclear accent says:

“Good evening, I have finished gasoline.



Well, I think, another Roma divorce, now will offer a gold ring of bronze or chain in exchange for a couple of liters of gasoline and a couple of thousands of rubles. I say:

Do not get out of my car.



And then in the mirror I notice that four people come out of his car and everyone approaches me and greet me with a Caucasian accent. To say that in the middle of the forest, at night, I became somehow uncomfortable surrounded by 5 southerners, too soft. One of them says:

- Take one of us to the gas station, here the navigator shows, there is a 10 km gas station.



I answered:

How will he get back to the car at night?



And I think - ah, now he will sit down, then knock on his head, and they will later come to share the prey.

Let's, I say, on the rope, if I am clinging to the rope, and I don't get out of the car myself. In the hope that they don’t have it.



The rope was found. We picked up, we went. I throw them, and I think, can I knock stronger and drop?

Not an option - on the rear glass of my car advertisement, and in the advertisement the wife's phone - will then call and threaten.



In general, I went further, turned in the direction of Lonets on the old narrow road in the middle of the forest, then went on the road along the river and the villages. I look in the mirror - behind our driveway in the distance appeared a car, and for some reason my "trailer" began to actively brake, the car overcame us, and it became easier for me to drag them again, then the headlights appeared again from the back, and the situation with the braking of the rear car repeated.



Anyone who has been to villages and villages knows that there are either no lights at all, or one at the club. So, when the second car also overcame us, the trailer began to flash my light and brake.

I get up, drop the glass, comes a completely frightened and pale driver, asks:

Dear man, where are we going? The navigator stopped showing.



I show him my navigator - refuelling here, 4 kilometers left.

We went, got to the gas station, and here they jump out of the car, and joyfully jumping like children on the break start to thank me and sweep money in my hands!

I say:

I will not take! Not accepted on the road!



in response:

- Show respect, please take the gasoline, God has sent you to us!



They said goodbye, I went and thought – who was worse – them or me?

What time do we live in that we are so afraid of each other?

The story of a three-year-old boy who bitten a poisonous snake.
That's why you can't leave the children without supervision, took a snake bitten, and if he bites someone else?

The complex of inferiority is when you send a person an electronic version of the document, in the body of the letter you ask if you need another paper version, and having received the answer "no, better send an electronic", you start to think not about the fact that the person just stumbled and did not notice the attachment, but about why your electronic version is not sufficiently electronic.

Sarah Connor was on Saturday.
Played in Preference.
The torch breaks wherever you go.
Motorcycle clothes