Xxx: Java and JavaScript are like a cat and a puppy.

My friend Max once saved a Negro. The case was so.

He parked near his home in a wealthy suburb of Chicago and saw that nearby two cops were twisting the hands of a tall, brown-headed man with anthracito-black skin. Max is a convinced Democrat who voted for Obama and in the eternal war between the police and the blacks he was sick for the latter. I approached and asked what was going on here.

“He was surrounded in your area for no apparent reason,” the cop explained. I was looking at who to steal.

“That’s Bob,” a friend improvised instantly. He has been caring for the grass in my yard for three years. You should have looked at which of the neighbors did not cut the lawn to offer them their services too.

Is it so? I asked the black man.

It is so, sir!

Okay and live! The cops let the guy go and left.

The Negro threw Max almost at his feet:

Sir, you saved me! I am your eternal debtor. If they had taken me, I would have burned for ten years, not less, so much is behind me. To be honest, I was really going to get into someone’s house. Now it is all! No one else in this area is useful and all their prohibition. Sir, if you have any problems, come to Garfield Park and ask Jeb. Every dog knows me.

A year and a half later, driving through Garfield Park late in the evening, Max broke the wheel. The car was immediately surrounded by a few black guys with dark roses.

“I don’t want trouble,” Max told them. Just let me change the wheel and leave.

One of the guys smiled badly. In exchange for your wallet and your phone. And the magnet. Your shoes have nothing to do with you.

And then Max noticed among the attackers a familiar antracito-black shaved skull.

Hi Jebby! He shouted joyfully. So we met. The debt payment is red, right? Tell your guys to change my wheel and let it go.

There was no muscle on the face of the Negro.

“I don’t know exactly what this white man is talking about,” he said. Pursue everything the guys ask for!

He first hit Max in the cheek. Max fell on the dirty asphalt, suffering not so much from pain, but from black ingratitude.

He was not the Negro. Max, despite all his love for blacks, has never learned how to distinguish them.

When I was four or five years old, I couldn’t tie the ropes. My mom and dad didn’t care much about this, so I always sat down humbly and waited for somebody to do it for me.

One day my parents’ schedules coincided, and to take me to kindergarten, Dad sent a soldier from the military unit he served in.

The soldier entered our apartment as if he were home, ordered me to dress up and quietly watched me.

And when the turn came to tie the ropes, I, as usual, splashed on the floor and questioningly looked at the soldier. He was mildly surprised and asked only one question: “Don’t you know how to tie the ropes?” “No,” I replied, and then the magic began... This guy taught me two ways to tie the ropes in five minutes.

In the evening, when my mom came to take me out of the garden, I attached the ropes to my boots. She was very surprised and asked where I had time to learn. To which I gladly replied, “Papa the soldier taught me!”

Man, if you suddenly read this post, I remember everything! Per this is the only clear memory of this age😀

A cultural question contains half the answer. For example, “You are a fool, are you?“”

In the autumn of 1999, I was invited to work as a coach for the national team of Kuwait. The offer was tempting, especially since earning chess in Armenia at the time was not easy. And I agreed. I formed the documents, and on December 27, under the very millennium, I was in Kuwait.
At the airport, I was met by an elderly gray-haired man in a white long to floor traditional shirt called Dishdasha. He became President of the Federation. We sat in his buick and went “to me.” I wasn’t interested in English at the time, but with grief halfway I kept the conversation along the way. When they got home, he took my passport and said:
You will be taken to school by car and then taken home. You cannot leave the house. Federation and home. Don’t even try to contact other foreigners.
I felt like I heard it in a nightmare. And just before I arrived, I watched a movie where a foreigner, coming to one of the Arab countries, was captured by employers. Abu Khaled — so the president was called — came out, and I was left standing in the middle of a luxurious apartment. Slowly recovering, I went down to the suitcase and started thinking what to do. But the more I thought, the more I fell into despair. I cursed the day I decided to come here.
In the evening, a car came for me, and we went to the federation. It was the last round of a competition. The local chess players approached me, we met, and the mood improved a little bit. The old man’s words did not come out of his head. Like Rubik Hachikyan in “Mimino,” I was looking for someone with good eyes. The choice fell on a young man in jeans and a mayka (the rest were in national dishdasha). After listening to me, the guy said he knew the president well and that he could not tell me that. We went up to Abu Khaled’s office, and Taher (my “saviour”) told him about my concerns. It turned out that at my home, the president said the following: “The classes will be held in the federation, at home you can’t. The driver will take you back until your driving license is ready. There are foreign chess players in Kuwait, and if they want to take private lessons, refuse.” He took my passport to obtain a residence permit.
After that, I decided to learn English.

My son enrolled in dance.
Is he... gay? I am going out to fight.
“Your hugs with stinking sweaty guys, and my hugs with beautiful dressed girls... and who is gay?

The material was taken and translated from Radit. Some comments from Russian-speaking users. A pleasant reading!



1st A child who swallowed a magnet. I did X-rays. Nothing is dangerous. He told his parents to wait until the magnet came out naturally. The next day, the child is brought back. He swallowed another magnet. Not so lucky this time. Both magnets magnetized through the intestinal wall and caused obstruction. They had to be surgically removed. I asked the parents where the child got those magnets. My father said there was an entire box in his room. Did it come to mind to remove it?



2nd A young couple arrived. The girl recently got pregnant. I look at her medical card and ask questions. “You are smoking? “Yes, about a pack a day.” “You should definitely quit smoking.” The lady rounded her eyes and said, “Why? But my sister told me that if I quit now, the embryo would start to get off and it could die.” “What? ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to »



Three A patient complained that he could not go to the toilet for several days, like constipation. I looked at him and asked about food. It turns out, he decided to lose a few pounds quickly, and for three days he did not eat anything, only drink water.



4 is I am an eye surgeon. You may not believe it, but every fourth patient believes that we remove our eyes during the operation and then insert them back. And one patient asked if it was possible to leave the eye for surgery and then come back to insert it.



5 is A man came to his father, who claimed that somewhere he caught a large dose of radiation. He scratched his eyebrows, and two hairs fell out, and he was watching a movie, and it was shown that his hair fell out when exposed to radiation.



6 is I work in an ambulance. Provoked to stroke. The patient has a curly face and all other signs of stroke. She says the feelings are the same as the last time 10 years ago. I wonder how long it has been. He says 4 days ago. “Why didn’t you call us right away? “I thought it would go through this time.”



7 is The mother brought her 17-year-old daughter to the reception with complaints of alcohol allergy. Yes, you read it right, and it’s not a joke. The mother said that when her daughter drinks 200-300 grams of vodka, she has redness of the skin, and in the morning nausea and vomiting. I had to explain that this is not an allergy, but a normal snail.



8 is A girl came to me in the pharmacy and asked for hormone pills. I looked into the computer and saw that she was buying a monthly package two weeks ago. I told her about it. She and her boyfriend took them together.



9 is Before the operation, I introduced myself to the patient and said that I would be an anesthesiologist with him. I got the answer that an anesthesiologist is not a doctor. Not a doctor? Well, if you are more comfortable.



10 is I work in an ambulance. I was called to a village near the city. The application meant that bleeding from the wound. We come, and there a woman shows a scratch on her skull and says that she was knotted by a neighbor’s cock. When we arrived there was no more blood. She scratched her scratch. I wondered how the cock got to the face, as if they didn’t fly. It turned out that she leaned to “graze the bird.” I was mentally exhausted and wrote in the papers “a wounded wound.” Fuck the bird, fuck it.



11 is A cold patient came to the injury station and demanded that I prescribe antibiotics. I explained that they are not taken with viral symptoms. She did not believe. I had to read a lecture about microbes and viruses. I hope she will pass the medical examinations at the university where she is studying.



12 is I work as an electrician in a clinic. I received a request to replace a burned lamp in the therapist's office. The ceilings are high, so I take the stairs and go. At the entrance to the office, my grandmother pulls me up the stairs and says, “Where are you without a line? “Oh, you might think, I specifically pulled out of the house a puppy to get to the reception without a turn.



Thirteen A whole family came to the hospital. The cat brought a dead mouse into their house, and they were afraid they were now sick with something.



14 is I am a veterinarian, but I also have something to say. I wondered why the owner didn’t want to vaccinate her dog. It turns out that she read somewhere that vaccines lead to dog autism.



15 is I am an ophthalmologist. He told the patient he needed reading glasses. He began to deny that it was all nonsense. I explained that age vision changes are normal, they happen to everyone. He then argued that George Clooney didn’t need reading glasses. He actually wears these glasses. Why do you compare yourself to him?



16 is The doctor prescribed glasses to me, but my parents forbade me to wear them. They believed that in a normal body everything would fix itself. has not fixed. I had to go home constantly, and myopia was only getting stronger.



17th I look at a child with a cough. His parents are anti-vaccinators. Mother Oret: "Does modern medicine have no means to cope with this disease! “I say there are, but you didn’t want to use them. The father asks, “And what means is this? » I say that vaccination. “Oh yeah, you too, goat, from the pharmacological lobby! »

In the distant school years, my parents closed me at home, my mother accidentally took my keys with her, and without them it was impossible to leave the apartment. But I am responsible, I need to go to school... Blessed at the veranda, the pine was growing under the window and I didn’t think long, on that pine I went down from the second floor. I came to school and it was the worst day of my school years. I hit five pairs in a diary, got a tick from senior teachers, sent to the director for bad behavior, he mocked me for a very long time. And in the middle of that shit I thought, I went to school that day, because with a clear conscience you could sleep until lunch, play the console and not do the niche. In the evening, my parents also made puzzles.

Xxx: I read that women are specifically looking for miniature to look much more impressive on their MPH background.



Yyy: It is so. Moreover, large MPH porn actors lead to the fact that ordinary men begin to complex about the size of their dignity, not realizing that for porn specifically picked men with a penis size much higher than the average.



Moreover, there was a study in which girls were first asked what size of penis they preferred, and then asked to show the length of their hands. And all up to one girl showed a length of 5 centimeters lower than what they called themselves.



So you do not need to focus on the size of instruments from art films, they are virtually not found in reality. And even when they meet, their owners always have trouble putting the girl in the most tomatoes - girls just hurt to take such a unit. Yes, porn shows us how girls like it, but in practice any girl will have enough of an average penis length of 25-30 cm.



Zzz: Oh you are a bitch.

Our man has two problems: the state does not care about him and the state is interested in him.

When a person is bad, he wants to speak out, and when he is very bad, he wants to be silent.

...Monia loved to review the record of his visit to the public house on the reverse side, where he liked the moment when after sex the prostitute returned a hundred backs.

The Sunday issue was good, reminded of one story from the bad nineties.

In the winter of 1999, we arrived for fees in Moscow, where we confirmed our degree on certification.
We settled in a hotel in Mariina's farm called Golden Fish, which belonged to the Ministry of Fisheries during the Union period, and where we have been before, as it was located near the hall where the certification was held.
We immediately made friends with the administrators and the staff on the floor, generously thanks to their staff for their attention, so when after the training climbing and rolling without strength we brought and dinner and cooked a delicious coffee.
On the last day before the departure after the certification where we were relentlessly mutilated, we decided to remove the pain syndrome with alcohol in the nearest cabbage, where as we found out, guests from Khabarovsk had fun and a lot of girls.
Coming to the cabbage we sat down at the table and were taken for theirs by the bandit public.
I have to say the look we had another one, two hundred-kilogram cabinets, short-cut, in chains with barsets and cell phones, as well as with sediments on the faces and with the shattered bones of the fists.
Respect was read in the eyes of the surrounding public, especially since a group of representatives of the fishing industry walking at the neighboring table greeted us as old acquaintances.
Despite the threatening appearance, we still had traces of intelligence on our faces, and pretty quickly two beautiful ladies, looking like prostitutes, sat down at our table.
They presented themselves as students from Tver Masha and Natasha and asked them to feed, hinting on the continuation of the evening.
I immediately asked how much it would cost us, but they were very naturally offended to say that they were not prostitutes and that they were willing to spend the evening with us just like that.
To be honest, I didn't want to fuck very much, as the whole body hurt after we were mocked by various sparring partners, and I didn't believe them very much, assuming that a hundred dollars would still have to be given, but the frog didn't let go, the more money was available.
We sat very well, paid for the table, gave good teas to the waitress and it was visible that we had the money.
The ladies agreed to go with us to the room only after we explained that they were not the bandits but the athletes and the comrade even showed them the plane ticket for tomorrow to our city.
After buying two bottles of champagne at a triple price and on the way in a bar of chocolate and fruit, we crashed into our room to continue the evening.
The guard did not object to such a late visit of the girls, but the corridor was a little strained that I noted about myself.
The comrade decided not to stretch the pleasure and quickly went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my mouth, and I put champagne on the table, opened the bottle and went out to the corridor to ask the duty to bring coffee and a plate of fruits.
When I approached her with a request, she quickly cooled my sexual desire.
- Boys, in any case do not drink anything with them, as I recognized them, they were clowns and somewhere half a year ago they struck a guest here.
Fucking overwhelmed finally, and it was very sorry for the money spent in the cabbage on these bits.
As I entered the room, I closed the door with a key and put it in my pocket, and entered the room, at the same time a friend came out like a true macho in a towel around the thighs which caused the applause of the ladies.
The champagne was already shed on the glasses of the ladies, smiling, stretched our glasses.
And now the girls quickly and loudly drank these glasses!
A friend in a slight misunderstanding stuck without understanding what I meant, but the girls immediately understood and broke to the door.
- Girls, do not rush, the key is here, and the ments I have already called, or do you give up to the local guard?
I must say that even though I smiled, the expression of my face did not foretell them anything good.
They wavered and began to ask them not to surrender security and that they would do everything in the best way, but we refused.
Seeing that the excuses on us did not work, the one who was more compassionate took out of the wallet two hundred backs and tearfully asked to let go, showing a photo where she was with the children and pushing for pity, because she understood what the local security would do with them.
Having decided that we didn’t need hemorrhoids with neither mint nor guard, we took two hundred backs and let them go.
Understanding that this money would not be useful to us, we donated it to the service administrator with words of gratitude, for the fact that she saved us from trouble and in gratitude were drunk with a chic coffee.
This is the first time a prostitute paid money to Solomon.

There is a common belief that it is better to have sex than war. But why then is watching movies about war encouraged and about sex restricted?

xxx: My friend died when he drove the ball to the roof and got under tension. He was 11 years old



Did you get the ball?



No, the friends are over.

When the people are not poor, the rich are not so rich.

This story was told by one of the administrators of the sauna.
It is no secret that the sauna is a Finnish bath. Sauna is everything, and something else. In general, people go to the sauna not only to wash, but also to remove prostitutes. A number of saunas have their own, “feed-up” prostitute offices, with which they cooperate and have a percentage for it.
Two men come into the sauna. Their belonging to law enforcement agencies in the administrator has caused no doubts - everyone in the forehead a star is burning.
Take the number for 2 hours and ask the girls. The administrator, realizing that this is a scam, responds that it can only help by providing access to Wi-Fi so that the mints themselves call out the prostitutes. They didn’t seem to believe much...
We paid for two hours and went to the room. Time is passing. The coins go out, go to the administrator. Apparently they didn’t even dress. I wonder, where are the girls? The administrator answers that they have a sauna, and at the expense of the girls let them ride the internet and order themselves.
Suspicions have been confirmed. The coins get cash and demand the money back. Here, they and the Xerox banknotes are rolled off, with numbers, series and everything else.
(A)Governor: and what is it to me to return you the money?
So we didn’t get girls!
A: And what then? You paid for the sauna. You got the sauna. What you did there doesn’t matter to anyone.
We wanted girls!
A: You know this is illegal! We are not doing anything illegal!
Money is accountable!
A: And of course Harry? Where is it written that I must refund someone for the service provided only because they are accountable?

In general, the mints remained without money, without girls and without bars.

In a few years, I’ll sit down for memories.
What does “sitting” mean?

I recently watched the movie "I'm looking for a friend at the end of the world". There people lived two weeks before the apocalypse knowing about it. Usually put myself in the place of the heroes and realized that my mood would be the same as now and for years as a few does not change.

My ex-husband had many friends with whom he spent a lot of time (bad, garage, guests). Moreover, these friends were constantly crushed, they could not repay the debt, throw it in some situation, etc. But I was forbidden to tell him something bad about them because they were friends, friends and brothers and sisters in general! When we got married to him, there was a banquet, photo, music and everything as appropriate, we collected envelopes with gifts (we asked to donate only money). For the sake of interest, I separated the envelopes of my friends and relatives and his friends (I put a few boxes to collect the envelopes). How angry he was when we began to deal with them, his friends gave a thousand rubles (some even for two), and three envelopes were just empty. I did not even expect that.

Filter your surroundings.

This story was told by one of the administrators of the sauna.

It is no secret that the sauna is a Finnish bath. Sauna is everything, and something else. In general, people go to the sauna not only to wash, but also to remove prostitutes. A number of saunas have their own, “feed-up” prostitute offices, with which they cooperate and have a percentage for it.

Two men come into the sauna. Their belonging to law enforcement agencies in the administrator has caused no doubts - everyone in the forehead a star is burning.

Take the number for 2 hours and ask the girls. The administrator, realizing that this is a scam, responds that it can only help by providing access to Wi-Fi so that the mints themselves call out the prostitutes. They didn’t seem to believe much...

We paid for two hours and went to the room. Time is passing. The coins go out, go to the administrator. Apparently they didn’t even dress. I wonder, where are the girls? The administrator answers that they have a sauna, and at the expense of the girls let them ride the internet and order themselves.

Suspicions have been confirmed. The coins get cash and demand the money back. Here, they and the Xerox banknotes are rolled off, with numbers, series and everything else.

(A)Governor: and what is it to me to return you the money?

So we didn’t get girls!

A: And what then? You paid for the sauna. You got the sauna. What you did there doesn’t matter to anyone.

We wanted girls!

A: You know this is illegal! We are not doing anything illegal!

Money is accountable!

A: And of course Harry? Where is it written that I must refund someone for the service provided only because they are accountable?



In general, the mints remained without money, without girls and without bars.