bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109583
 18.02.2015
A teacher from the Colombian city of Bogotá changed her name and surname to a sequence of letters of the English alphabet, reports the portal Events.ru.
The woman took two years to obtain that right. Now the 36-year-old teacher is called Abcdefg Hijklmn Opqrst Uvwxyz.
_____
Now she has no problems with logins and passwords...)))

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №109582
 18.02.2015
At one of the American forums, a lady asked:
“I am a beautiful, fun, smart girl. I want to marry a guy who earns at least $500,000 a year.
One of the young financiers did not let go of answering her in essence:
I read your post with great interest. This is how I see it all.
Your offer from the point of view of a guy like me is definitely a bad deal, and here’s why. In short, you offer your beauty in exchange for my money. It is beautiful. But after all, your beauty will diminish, and my capital will only grow. Of course, the likelihood of increasing my capital can be questioned, but you will definitely not be more beautiful!
So in the language of economics, you are a depreciating asset, and I am a revenue asset. But you are not just a depreciating asset: your value is falling faster and faster, in 10 years no one will look at you. Buying you (what you are asking for) is a bad business, so I’d better rent you.
If my words seem cruel to you, think that if my money disappears, you will do the same. So, for fairness, when your beauty goes away, I’ll need to get rid of that asset. It is very simple. So the deal that makes sense to me is a date, not a wedding.
I hope I helped you.
Yes, if you are willing to discuss rental options, let me know!” (c)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109581
 18.02.2015
and Nassau:
I'm now making Chinese composition propositions, but I have a small vocabulary, so I get something like this:
Are you a Chinese teacher?
I am a big white dragon. and RAAR!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109580
 18.02.2015
And, in general, I will honestly say: I am an undistorted person, but to read a book where one of the main characters is called Zophilus, it is very difficult >_<

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109579
 18.02.2015
>> And what, this young man wants to say he never masturbates?

No is. This young man doesn’t want to say he’s masturbating. Feel the difference.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109578
 18.02.2015
here here :
This
-
I am in the same bed with a girl. There is no sex, justified by the fact that today "I am not ready". The girl offered to meet, she offered to stay overnight. I only know the girl for a few hours. The feeling that she didn’t have a foolish place to spend the night...
-
Never ever! Never go to bed with a girl you don’t have sex with.
-
What is wrong? He hugged, made his legs a stalk, pressed his back to him, calmly breathed her in the cheek and - sleep! Not because you want to fuck her, but because she wants to sleep! The same for you!
"Prenovate" - this means, precisely: "Prenovate".
And if you’re going to fuck, it’s called "She offered to fuck".

P.S One day, in the community, I had to depict a "rough man": the girls told each other all sorts of horrors at night. Then they came to us in the room and demanded a man who would sleep and not reach out. :))) Commonwealth, 1991, room for 6 girls, early in the morning, the girl goes to the toilet and sneezes at me - shaking on the carpet in front of the door" :)))
All of you BOBRA :)

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109577
 18.02.2015
x - I am going to work like this today past the surgery of Vishnevsky... The sunshine shines, everything is fine, the charge of bitterness from the morning, the weekend succeeded. This same edge of the eye catches me - the tomb, 500 r / day and the phone from below.
Y - Uppur, did you call?
x - laugh-laugh... the course of my thoughts: "The doctors were completely squeezed...it is not black humor anymore, it is cynicism!... And in general, it is funny - almost 200 thousand a year and you live in a cave.. vampires, mla, reviewed..." I go on - "Yes, no. Well, someone has begun... no, no, it can’t be! Or maybe? No is no! You guys, are you completely squeezed? Stop the planet, I’ll come down!"
and :DDDD
x - had to run back... it turned out "hotel" =/

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №109576
 18.02.2015
I am 33, I have an apartment, 2 cars, I look after myself. And I don’t like when they see only that in me, not education, education, and talent. And the dogs who hunt for the house and the bubble I cut off. I do not run for women, I do not feel a lack of attention. Friends come by themselves. I choose younger and better. And I treat the girls worthy of that, well. They respond with reciprocity.
People, first of all - respect your partner for his moral and ethical qualities, not for a puppy and you will be happy!
= is
Someone you are not very educated, judging by the text. This is once. And how you, choosing girls younger and more constructive, "respect your partner for moral and ethical qualities" are two.
The rest to write.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109575
 18.02.2015
As a child, when I watched the first two parts of Aliens, I was most concerned about the cat Jones.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109574
 18.02.2015
XXX: Look at her picture! The dress is red, the nails are red, the bag and shoes are red. All in one style.
YYY : YYYYYYY I will not clean my red eyes. Let it all be in the same style! 😉

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109573
 18.02.2015
Recently I read about a small social experiment...A group of men and a group of women on the Men’s Island quickly decided who was doing what.
At the same time, everything was sad on the female island.
The lie! If you specifically select independent wristed men (with an instrument) and glamour, then yes. Psychologically speaking, it is a lie. Just as women are more socialized and who does what they decide instantly, and if there are no men - nothing to share, very even live friendly. If the men went to war with another tribe or the elephant to harvest, all the women lay down and died? Figo with Mac! Do not wait! Shalash any grandmother will swear, and will find food, and will feed the man. If the elephants didn’t get...and they didn’t often get...

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №109572
 18.02.2015
xxx: in contact went to the list of friends - there once added the ability to create lists. Well, I tried it once - I have a group of "Dolboobiki" - I thought it was just an info for me and added some. There is no one in her anymore...

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109571
 18.02.2015
In the end, without buying anything, I lived more than two months dumb on the remains.
Ready for the apocalypse.

Is this a man’s logic? Scuco, these were not residues, but stocks! Moreover, most likely, well-thought-out inventories, from which you could have a thousand dishes cooked, the case "salary is delayed, and you need to eat". Essentially cheaper would be at least simple food, but cooking. It is not foolish to devour the whole warehouse, like a frog, so that the wife, moaning, fills it again.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №109570
 18.02.2015
Keep this rose and give it to someone you love.

Maybe I’ll leave it to myself.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №109569
 18.02.2015
Is that what you have for "family"? What is " ALL EXPENDITIONS HALF!"?!?!?!?! Or some Yegop model, or you have no "Family" - and so - voluntary-contractual relations: you drink me, I cook your soup!
and...
What’s wrong with half money? Such horrors that people need to be deceived. They’re not good, they’re not like you, right? Why would you write your ideas about marriage in the benchmark?
You are probably not yet 50, and behave like grandmothers on the bench. They are drug addicts, they are Eurogay. by Tifou.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №109568
 18.02.2015
Lorana: Those inclined to mysticism say that people dream of those who constantly think of them. The gelatin monster, the army of aloe rockers, the blue glamorous cloud, the facade of the Admiralty, you are... seriously.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109567
 18.02.2015
xxx: when on websites when I see the text "Remember me"
I always want to add "young and beautiful"))

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №109566
 18.02.2015
Why did you put up with the guy? The girl, after all, humiliated him very sophisticatedly, in fact, in an open text told him that he was not in bed. I just didn’t say it directly. So it can be understood.
— — —
I’m surprised how genders see everything differently.
I would have said this to my ex...
I thought it was fucking in all corners, and there was a modest vibrator, who could not fix anything but me.)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №109565
 18.02.2015
Q: You and I are smart people with higher education now.
A: Yes, how could I forget?! to
A: I have the technical, you have the economic. We can create our own country.
A: What damn is it for us?
Q: From a technical point of view we can, but from an economic point of view we don’t need it!)

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109564
 18.02.2015
There is a tennis table in the hallway. In the afternoon it is tightly occupied by uncles-enikeys (they, apparently, have little work at this time). Uncles, firstly, loudly, emotionally and mattly comment on the game, secondly, somehow despise personal hygiene and deodorant, and minutes after five intense games the smell of sweat in the hallway is such that the eyes tear. When the boss is in place, he drives them (he smells in the office), when he is not there, he has to cope with his own strength.

My colleague, a tough pre-retirement lady goes out into the hallway and intelligently addresses the players: say, forgive me, and what religion do you adhere to? "What is it?", the uncle asks. “Yes, fucking, I can’t understand why you don’t believe in deodorant!”!" – a member of the Board of Directors. Two days of silence in the corridor, neither the mouth nor the sun. The main thing is that the colleague does not go on vacation soon.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna