And let us after Putin for some time live without the president at all, take a break from relationships, find ourselves.

In my phone, my husband is recorded as: Husband Ivan Vladimirovich. Because, at first was - Vanya MTS (two sims were in the phone) - he saw:" That I have you recorded as a manager of some of the MTS, as if not a close person." I corrected it to “Push”. For a week, I was angry whenever he called. When he saw the shame, he asked me to change my name, and I said, “You won’t please me”... I got a lecture: “If you get into trouble, you get into an accident, or something else, the police will try to contact your relatives... and how will they know that I’m your close relative? Pushakukuya is who, a lover, a former lover, a stupid nickname of a school girlfriend? “....

In general for the police signed: husband and father's name, so that the police did not have to suffer, how to treat.

I go to the store. It is cold. A female athlete runs. It runs well enough (which is important). She compared to me and ran on. Suddenly, I hear something scream. I look around and see the keys. I say loudly, girl, you wiped the keys. Zero reaction from her side. I came and picked up the keys. He cries after me, he does not hear. I tried to catch up, but where I, the old man at 42 years old... can’t, generally. I stand, hold my hands on my knees, breathe, watch how beautifully the girl runs away from her keys. This is a guy, 15 years old. I think I have seen and heard all this. He says, let’s catch me. He gave him the keys, he caught, he gave. I bought him a chocolate.

All are happy!

I went in the days a friend in the guests and told me that on the comp, in the history of the browser, found the requests of the son. There’s all porn and wickedness. She is naturally in shock, not knowing what to do, her son is only 10 years old.

As a child, I was looking for gifts for the New Year and found something more. The cassette without identification signs was lying on an anthrax, among the bed linen. The most loyal comrades were invited in the amount of 5 pieces and the session began. We sat with our eyes open for 5 copies and slowly grew up. Suddenly there was a knock on the door - according to the law of wickedness, it was on this day that my mother came early from work. And here moms have a strong fear of childhood - cassette in sight, we have no time to wrap, burned on all fronts. The visitor immediately cut off, I open the door. A herd of red friends passes by the mother and runs away at sunset. Hearing an awkward mother looked into the sight and became uncomfortable. Friends who got into such a situation, told that the parents are trying to burn out what was seen from the heads of their children. I decided on a desperate bluff. When asked what was going on, I absolutely replied that friends came and asked to see the view. I told them they could watch anything. I found the cassette in the closet because I was looking for clean underwear. He immediately attacked in the forehead. I said I was just going to watch the cassette, but I didn’t have time to see if I could see it now. I was so convinced that the bluff worked. There were no punishments, educational conversations as well. The cassette was covered.

The acquaintance advised not to fool the son, he will look at everything anyway. It is better to explain what the incognito mode is and to warn before arriving in advance, because clicking the mouse is easier than hanging the cassette.

We were invited to visit with my wife, I know this girl, long alone, with no one and no way, this is not my thing. We’re gathering, my wife puts wine, candy, sausage in a bag... I put a spoon, six-pieces, vandus...

Sitting well, wine and chocolate are delicious.

How can a knife cut it? ? to How quickly does water run out? ? to And can the clothes of the cupcake drive almost without effort? ? to ? to I’m hardly worth anything... The girl is happy! My wife is proud! I feel like a superman.)

Xxx: about "a couple of centimeters" surprises the reaction of the girl, I think tell her guy in a similar situation about the size of the chest ( lacks a couple of sizes ) the reaction from the girl would be the same - insult



Yyy: It’s offensive to those who really complex or teenagers. I would be offended at 16-19 years of age, and now I say to the girl that I will get my cradle of destruction, and in response I hear "destruction of hopes" and crawl like a morrow.



Maybe her name is Hope.

Xxx: I once went to the dealer (there was a review company for Takata pillows), so I got a whole list of jobs there. I removed everything except the replacement of oil (it was time), and when I paid the check, I saw the line "removal-installation of carter protection", which is actually rolling in the garage.

A girl who can be divorced is never the same. I work with the club master.

South of Krasnodar. Shame on you.

Yyy: Ha, with the protection, it was necessary, after the payment, to go to the master and say - "you forgot to put the protection back to me." As if they were looking for it.

Many young people have decided to save the planet from future generations.

I was not eight or nine; we lived in Khrushchev, and my brother and I had a common wall with an apartment from the neighboring entrance. There entered a young, childless couple, who loved the parties with loud music, which lasted for midnight. The equipment they had was powerful, the hearing through the wall was good, and, like apophysis, their musical preferences, as they say now, exploded my unstable brain, raised at the music school at Mozart with Haydn. I am still overwhelmed when I recall all these "malinovki" with "marriage rings" - the "heights of creativity" of the 1970s. Three or four times a week, the one-and-a-half-year-old brother reared at midnight, I didn't sleep, my father went to them a couple of times for a preventive conversation - without a special result... One day my parents were at work, I was doing lessons, the neighbors again reared their monsoon, I hated looking at the rosette, from which the sounds of the ugly poppy were well transmitted, and in addition, it also squeezed with tobacco smoke... and here it came to me! He went up the staircase cage, screwed up the traffic jams, dismantled the roof - for sure! The hole for the socket was made in the iron concrete wall through the neighboring apartment, and from their electrical wiring I was separated only by a hollowly made bump of alabaster, sprinkled from time.

A week later, the neighbors in the apartment began to blow up traffic jams, as soon as they wrapped the equipment to the full power. Moderate noise did not produce this effect. The fact that a small squeeze in the neighboring apartment brought the wires from their socket to themselves into the room and every time they made the music louder, he shortened their wiring, training, like the dogs of Pavlov, in their head, thank God, did not come and, tormented for a couple of weeks, with loud music they bound. And I spit on Haydn with Mozart and recorded in a radio circle.

They find demonstrators on recordings from video cameras through the neural network, although they are in masks, they are fined, planted... But here is the man who put out my house, a sperm expensive notepad, money, and whose face is captured on all the cameras of the entrance, somehow damn, in two years can not find.

xxx: I saw my first porn at the age of five, in a family circle, when my uncle pulled a video magnet. Everyone sat down at the festive table, all were poured vodka, I was poured lemonade, and my mother solemnly contributed the video cassette "Ktozdez in the garden". They turned on, and two huge huts in the entire screen began to destroy the mouth of the poor lady. Of course, the cultural beautiful half had a heart attack of all organs, and the father urgently withdrew from smoking, loudly knocking the eye.

Yyy: Is it like a loud blink of eye?

Zzz: Do you know Goatse?

At the time of the publicity “Fiskars X25 Tractor Test” the story was told by one Fiskars manager.



Brings a man one to change the tail under guarantee: split the head of the tail in half.

Listen to me, man! We will change your tail, but only you can tell how you broke it?

Gentlemen, I honestly don’t know. The kids played for 20 minutes.

Divorcing islands will not improve the demographic situation.

Yesterday I went to work in one of the medical centers, I had to take the results of the tests of my bat. I was in a hurry, I thought I’t have time. I was in a hurry and arrived almost half an hour earlier than scheduled. “I think it’s a lie – sit now for half an hour in grief and sadness!”

But who could know? I sat for half an hour, of course, but I did not experience grief and sadness - I didn't have time to just shake and shake.

In general, I tell you: I sat in a chair in front of one of the cabinets. On the door table “Feofanov V.A. The Child Psychologist.” Around me, on a chair, a woman sits with a baby jacket in her hands. The door to the office is slightly opened. I looked: at the table the child psychologist Feofanov, opposite a boy of five years. The boy is sensible - answers questions thoughtfully, without rushing. I think I got almost at the beginning of the conversation:

Who did you want to be in your childhood morning?

I wanted to be an ally.

Will we invite? The rich? A Russian hero? It is great!

and no. not great. I was given another role.

So who were you?

The Zucca!

So... what kind of bitch?

and good. A good bitch.

Pause... That’s great! So what about Alyssa Popovich, after all? Well, the richter and the richter... And the frog is... it’s a frog! The child psychologist Feofanov thinks. The child psychologist Theofanov mentally goes on a search for more convincing than “uhuhh”, the advantages of insects over customary heroes. Looking for twenty seconds and not finding it, he continues:

And what did you have to do?

I had to run around Aloshi Popovich and chew.

Did you run? A whisper?

and no. One run and then no.

Why is? What did you do?

He was calling.

My mom and I are starting to roast. We try to whisper quietly, so as not to hurt the child’s mental structure, well, and, of course, so that the child psychologist Theofanov does not hear us and does not cover the door.

So you beat him?

He beat. I hit him in the helmet. Where is the face. He tried to pull out my hand, but it wasn’t my hand. And while he didn’t twist my hand, I beat him!

Mitina's mother, through tears, whispered: "He was given a beetle suit with additional porlon-like legs! I will die from Seychelles!”

And the horse!

What a horse?

The horse also beat.

What kind of horse, Mitchell?

Alyssa calls the horse.

A horse for what?

He is his friend!

Who is?? to

and arsenic! The horse of Aloshi Popovich - Arsen!

Mitina's mother crashes from her chair at the end of the hallway, clinging to her mouth the sleeve of Mitina's jacket, so as not to get stuck in her voice. I try to hide my head in the bag for the same purpose.

and yes. Wait... Arsenic? The horse of Aloshi Popovich was named Arsen?? to

The horse of Aloshi Popovic is called a horse! - Boy Mitya obviously begins to get annoyed - but in the horse was the friend of Alosha Popovich - Arsene! The dumb horse was Arsene, you know! And I beat him! It was where the horse was!

You can’t say that, Mitch. Wait a moment and calm down. I drink water.

The child psychologist Theofanov leaves the office, presses his back to the wall and enters in silent convulsions. “Sorry, please, Galochka!” he whispered to Mitina’s mother, trying to wipe away the tears without taking off the glasses. “Nothing, nothing,” Mitina’s mother whispers, stretching him the last single-use towel.

The door of the neighborhood office opens:

Hello to you! Have you waited? Did you cry?

I was crying! I honestly answer.

Russia is a country of untouched thieves and eternal happiness.

I told a pupil (12 years old) about the premature death of my pet, Ahatina's puppet.

He picked out two candy bags:

Let’s remind ourselves of the fist? What was her name? Tell me about her.

I was sitting, chewing candy, and I was telling the story of Paco and Vassi’s snails.

- You know, I have never missed the slides before, and their life turned out to be more interesting than mine.

Life is an impractical piece of one-time use.

How the sailor Shurik from the vessel was discharged

The captain decided to write off the sailor Shurik for drunkenness in the nearest port of departure.
Only now? → In two months of flight. The crew was surprised.
I can’t drink so much! I can not! He said, health is no longer that.
We will be bored! The crew objected.
- But bring money from the flight home, and don't drink everything in the port cocktails! The captain pared, not very believing his words.
- We will drink them, - the crew did not agree, - only now we will be sad.
What? what? Rebellion on the ship entrusted to me? Who am I to you? Where are you for me? The captain showed his harsh character, reminding him that he was on the ship "first after God."

The nearest port was Cartagena, where we arrived in three days. Matros Shurik gathered his things and put a farewell banquet in the cabin company, attending the entire crew and the local agent representing the interests of our steam ship in the port.
The drunkenness continued until the morning, some sailors, after defending their guards, sat at the table, others left, entering duty. There were only four regular participants in the banquet: the captain, the ship's doctor, the local agent and the sailor Shurik himself.
And in the early morning of the next day on the pier, a taxi stopped at the trap to pick up Shurik from the steamboat and take him to the airport. But from the trap of the ship, instead of the discharged sailor, the doctor came down, who gathered in the nearest store for alcohol and cigarettes. Having seen a taxi, he rejoiced that he had another new super-capability here in Colombia, "to call a taxi with the force of thought," and Doc, without the slightest doubt, got into the car and left to replenish his stores of alcohol and tobacco.
Only by noon, when the director of the agent company appeared on the steamboat in search of the missing employee, the captain recalled in honor of what yesterday’s drunkeness began and who was the latinos who snorted at the doctor in the medical isolation.
So, on the first day of parking in the port, the sailor Shurik was unable to write off on the shore.

The next day, the captain categorically prohibited the crew from accompanying Shurik and personally controlled how he, accompanied by a shy agent, sat in a taxi. Three hours later the taxi returned – Shurik and the agent were dead drunk and, hugged, slept on the back seat of the car. The interrogation of the driver, conducted by the radiist, showed that the sailor Shurik offered a drink as soon as the car left the port gate. When the taxi arrived at the airport, the driver was asked to wait until Shurik ran to the bar for tequila and then told to take them back to the port, to the boat.
So, on the second day of parking to write off the sailors Shurik was also unable to.

The captain did not give up. He expelled Shurik from the steamboat to a roadside hotel located near the airport, and forbade him, under any pretext, to show up in the port. To the director of the agency, the captain promised that if Shurik did not leave the nearest flight, he would write such a letter "where it should be" that his firm would collapse "only by paying lawyers."
Two days later, we finished loading, closed the covers of the trums and prepared to leave the port, as suddenly a police car approached our trap.
Their own? The captain was asked by the local police officers, pulling out the drunken body of the sailor Shurik on the pier.
“My,” answered the captain with a heavy breath, and, turning to the watchman at the trap, ordered, “load him onto the steam boat.
Hurra, Shurik is back! The crew was pleased.
“I’ll write it in the next port anyway,” the captain promised the crew.
The crew agreed. - To drop the sailors Shurik from the steamboat is fun!

People who know how to make millions on Forex but instead teach it for $300 are my real heroes.

Xxx: There was one such case - too, a young man from the south had a room. A fairly well-known story - it was once frequently shown on television. In general, a young man, a southern man, honored to the extreme, came to the capital, decided to go to work, and he had a relative who was a senior officer in the well-known service of the first persons of the state. He made it for protection. And this guy, it turns out, when he has just arrived, has already managed to mess up on the road with a very important person alone. Then he got stuck with others, and they were from the same service as his uncle. In general, he made friends with them, there were the same untouched guys, and together they began to soak the law enforcers. In general, he removed a room in the center of a small capital businessman with his wife, who had a gallery store. As a result, he did not pay the quarter fee, with his friends, he scattered the whole house, deceived the wife of the owner of the apartment, the merchant himself was charged with the case and jailed, imagine, for betraying the Motherland, and the wife was eventually poisoned. And, I remembered, this guy from the south was named Darth Vader.