bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109203
 10.02.2015
- A mature question about the upcoming premiere "50 Shades of Grey". And will the gold rule work in this case "book better"?
Of course, the book could even rub his ass.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109202
 10.02.2015
This is:
I imagine the sanitary technician will laugh at clients that they "do not know the toilet, bathroom and washing machine", so he was invited.

He will definitely laugh when you get caught by the vantaxe pushing the pen forward in the toilet, looking silently at the question why it doesn’t work. And cry in powerless anger, when you will accuse him that you did not warn, say you can not open the hot crane in full, and now you have a burn in the whole body and a flood at the neighbors below. Doctors also laugh, seeing the patient clotting a enema in the ear, dumbs eating or burning junk candles, and other wildlife. And your stupidity in the eyes of admin looks like this.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109201
 10.02.2015
Arsen: Yesterday, Wikipedia helped me win the dispute of my whole life!
See also: Ogo Oh well? and :)
Arsene: Thro my years of consciousness, I considered borst a type of soup. In school, at the institute, at work, I was written for years that I was like "hatch" and I do not feel the difference. That soup and borscht are absolutely different first dishes
Me: Well, borscht - beetle (Ukrainian) soup.
Yesterday, the same dispute arose with my wife. She turned out to be more literate than the rest of the interlocutors and began to give seemingly reasonable arguments. I almost disconfited.
Arsen: But then she went and drowned) After reading an article from Wikipedia, she returned to the kitchen with the words: "My world has turned over. Tell me what you know about life 😉"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109200
 10.02.2015
My husband and I sit on the couch and talk. The son of Daniel (4 years old). My husband jokes and bites me in the foot. The further dialogue:
I: Danya, save me, daddy bites like a dog!
Son: (With a peculiar infantile intonation) Now I will help him turn back into a daddy!
I: Do you have a magic stick?
Husband: I have a magic stick... and it once helped me become a dad.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №109199
 10.02.2015
I rarely shave, about every six months. I am decent accordingly. But the hair allows - thick and silky. I shave once every 2-3 weeks. Again, the vegetation allows, and the shakes and grey appeared - in general, macho.

And then somehow it coincided, on Friday morning I shaved cleanly and shaved before work briefly. Instead of silver curls to the shoulders - a gray cork. A thick mouth without a beard. My colleagues did not know at first, and then began to ask what happened.

During the weekend, the skate was ripped, plus the choto was ripped both days, on Monday the appearance corresponds. The colleagues breathed with relief - finally a person again, they say.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №109198
 10.02.2015
Mathematical Linguistics and why did we teach in the university under this name Excel?
.............
Mathematical linguistics is a precise humanities science that deals with the built-up of models of languages and their study. The machine is dentistry. And Excel you taught because there were no normal specialists able to teach it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109197
 10.02.2015
>>And nothing left of the "mighty"British Empire is only a seamless island...

Some kind of reasoning with six hundred. The Pope of Rome generally has one square kilometer of territory, which does not prevent him from successfully influencing the politics of many states.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109196
 10.02.2015
No matter what the government pleased, only if the country did not collapse.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №109195
 10.02.2015
This funny incident happened, like, in the railway clinic of Novocherkassk.
Comrade came with his trouble to the proctologist. After the examination of something doubted and to confirm the diagnosis led our hero to ultrasound diagnosis.
Of course, the man went to the proctologist and paid no attention to the ad at the entrance. And there black on white laser printer printed that you need to have a condom with you. It is put on a rectal (simply rectal) sensor, before it is inserted where it needs to be, in order to maintain its sterility.
The man stands, feels, feels uncomfortable, because the doctor of ultrasound diagnostics is a nice woman of the right age.
She raises her eyes, sees a frightened man and says with a smile:
Take a condom and dress up.
The man was surprised (not seeing the announcement) and asked:
Why Why?
The doctor answers:
A stupid question, man.
He mocked something, jumped out of the office and after ten minutes ran in with a condom, a box of candy and a bottle of champagne.
This kind of fun doctor had not experienced for a long time.
Such a breakdown the man has never experienced at all in his life.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №109194
 10.02.2015
News from the 6th House. The Greek pension is 500 euros (40,000 rubles). The pension of Russians is 82 euros (6500 rubles). But help (do not confuse!) Russia to the Greeks. The Russians are delighted...

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №109193
 10.02.2015
Hence the question: if he has found another woman, why is he going home?

These are the women! :) They themselves will invent and torture everyone with their suspicions. Did you not think that a man is staying at work only to see you no longer, since you have already got him with your idiotic questions? And he doesn’t need another one like that – one is enough above the roof.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №109192
 10.02.2015
here here :
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For me, as a person who speaks English, this simple argument is more than fully understood. The question is how to make it understandable for the Russian-speaking reader, who may be completely unaware that "Grey" is both the name of GG, and at the same time the color. I suggest the character to be called Seroj, a pretty elegant calambur gets. Only the author would be good to ask if he is not against such an adaptation).
and ==
Sergey from Urupinsk was adopted by a wealthy family of Serov from Moscow. After becoming a billionaire, he met Moscow University student Natasha Stylagina when she came to him for an interview instead of his friend Katyuki Kanavina.
— — — —
... "You got acquainted with the short content of the new Russian TV series "Burenko from Maslenkin"...

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №109191
 10.02.2015
How I "Love" Internet stories on the topic of "Technology or Humanities"! Technicians themselves, as a rule, are called having problems with social adaptation and personal hygiene enikeys in some incomprehensible shell offices, and humanitarian - wonderfully stupid girls, who received a diploma of the first "academie of all sciences", which did not have to pass mathematics. In a normal person, regardless of education and mindset, both types of thinking cause the very same level of surprise "Who at all released this out without a dwarf?!". But the number of people willing to participate in this special Olympics for alternately gifted for some reason never decreases.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №109190
 10.02.2015
Visitors must come in time. Just the sooner you come, the more chances you get to discuss "Leviathan". If you are late, you will get Ukraine right away.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №109189
 10.02.2015
I walk through the street, meet two boys, looking one 6-7 years old, and the other 4 years old, it seems, brothers. The younger man says, “When I grow up, guess what kind of car will I have?” If you guess, I’ll give you a candy, the elderly thought for half a minute: RED! The little girl screams – Hurra! I guessed! The heart is warmer...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №109188
 10.02.2015
<Obakeneko> Today we have typical Novosibirsk news: "A horse crashed into a sewer on street. People's"Output of the street thief became a bag with $ 43 thousand"The Izbirkom disproved information about the distribution of free sausage to voters"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №109187
 10.02.2015
This is:

Attention to spoilers!

I haven’t read, so I’ll ask. He is not there like everybody in the sense of "all people as people, and he is like the shit on the dish" or in the sense of "all piddars", and he is d'Artagnan? Usually in kigs and movies there is a second..
and...
The hero received serious psychological injuries in early childhood (fighting, starvation, mommy smoke cigarettes about him and all this at the age of 4), the results of which were pathological disgust for himself, fear of touch, the desire to keep everything under control, etc. and etc. Therefore, the BDSM relationship model has become optimal for him.
With the appearance of the heroine books in his life, he began to try to build normal relationships, which, as you understand, was not easy for him. And this is about the book, not about trolls, Imho.
And the heroine, as it caused from the very beginning the desire to swallow the taburet on her forehead, so until the end of the third book and did not want to.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №109186
 10.02.2015
here here :
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You are not an admin, you are an eniki. Please do not confuse these concepts.
by Dixie.
--------
Well, let’s resume the joke on the subject of who is who... Or you don’t know that in a small enterprise, an enikey and an admin are one person and he’s called a programmer...

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №109185
 10.02.2015
I am ashamed of a housewife. A stranger in the house. I have such a mess, not cleaned up!

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №109184
 10.02.2015
We buy special clothes for our... Well there: coats, jackets and so on... Among all of this there is a Count - Valence - it is for doctors who work in the villages. In short, they are sending us now Com.Offer: Valves on a rubber course!
I am crying. Intuitively, I guess that these are walnuts with halos, but so I want to ask for walnuts on a hose run or even better - walnuts on a jet drive.

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