bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 16 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125091
 04.03.2016
About the Oktoberfest without sausages.
If that goes on, then it’s time to joke about Oktoberfest without beer (((

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №125090
 04.03.2016
Our boys immediately sat down and the hops had already begun to push. Suddenly, Dima flees out of the store, with wild eyes, one hand cut off immediately, the second leg into the jaw, the third himself escaped. We are all in shock, and he is smiling. Kickboxing has been his hobby for seven years.
I’m for what, girls, kill me, right?
......
I do not believe. There are no experienced fighters with animal eyes. This is an anecdote:
A soldier with an experience is asked: you are attacked by a hooligan, he wants to hit you on the eggs, what will you do? The fighter replies - I break his hand, let him suffer.
The master asks, the master answers, I will give him eggs, so that the next time it will be unimportant.
The guru asks, the guru answers – to the tension of the egg – let him break his leg.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №125089
 04.03.2016
In five years it is almost never, and five years ago it was almost yesterday.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №125088
 04.03.2016
One winter, I went home skiing in nature. I was slightly upset, and when I got to the station, the electricity was no longer running. It was frozen. Sinking a little on an empty platform, I decided that I did not need pneumonia and decided to take action, namely, to call the police and say that there is a hooligan at the station. Let them even write a protocol, but the night will be under the roof. But when I started my message, I was tired of being answered, "You guys, have a conscience! Five minutes to the department, and you need a personal car. If you want to spend the night, come and don’t be wise anymore.”

That night there were six people in the room besides me. As said in the morning, the absolute record of self-abandonment in one night is 24 people.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №125087
 04.03.2016
Recipe for the 8th of March: Take 1 girl, clean her off her top clothes using wine or cognac. If the girl is real, then it smells delicious and it is no longer necessary to wash it. Put her in bed, massage, you can use 20 grams of cream. Kiss her with kisses, add compliments to taste. Joke by 20

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125086
 04.03.2016
We have an astonishingly intelligent boy in our company, Dim. A medium-sized, thin man, but the main thing is always smiling and saying: Be kind, please, eat, thank you very much, I have an honor. Everyone around me just ballads. And at the beginning of our friendship, my girlfriend told me he liked me. I always liked the opposite guys strong, brutal, behind whom as behind the stone, I told him about it, he smiled, said that everything was fine. It would be nothing, but.
Yesterday we all our company (3 girls and 3 boys) celebrated his departure (leaving forever). He went to the store, and at this point three typical copniks (not frames, but healthy) approached us. Our boys immediately sat down and the hops had already begun to push. Suddenly, Dima flees out of the store, with wild eyes, one hand cut off immediately, the second leg into the jaw, the third himself escaped. We are all in shock, and he is smiling. Kickboxing has been his hobby for seven years.
I’m for what, girls, kill me, right?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №125085
 04.03.2016
Necro KOT: In the morning, the fire alarm in the office worked, everyone got up and started moving toward the exit, one administrator of the mother ran to check the servacles. This is what makes self-denied work...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №125084
 04.03.2016
You’re tired of using your phone chips as a gift.
How many people do you need for a sensible person? And how much can you rejoice like a child if each holiday you will be coupled with another?
And why do you live with stupid chickens who cheerfully welcome the appearance of a chickens? Poor people some.

The joke:
80% of women simulate the joy of congratulating on March 8.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №125083
 04.03.2016
Karina: algebra programming is needed

Theli: No, depending on what you’re programming
In which language

Per in Russian.

Theli: understandable

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №125082
 04.03.2016
The bottom cable, which pops up because of the plastic shell, and the fact that there is excessive copper and this is impossible, including. due to lack of flexibility. The cat was confused with a hundred-gram phone and attached to the ear. A flash for 16 gigs, which is so easily chewed instead of chocolate. How long will you publish this puzzle?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №125081
 04.03.2016
Because the uncontrolled and impunity of the “photographers” personally borrowed me and my family. We are not television stars, not famous people, but just ordinary citizens, but if you count how many times a month I, my wife and my daughters get in the picture of some fools, then post photos on the internet, and even sell them to thieves and pedophiles...

Is it common in your family to walk in the street naked? Do you dress like prostitutes? Do they have a head on a purple Iroquois or a hole with holes? Clothes made of ice. No, well, maybe they behave somehow strange, marry or stick to the passers? I just don't understand what other reasons could be for these "ordinary citizens, not the stars of the TV show" to be photographed several times a month, and even on professional cameras! I don’t even get acquainted, and for your ladies photographers are just chasing, and specifically to capture! It would be worth, indeed, to figure out, where such an increased demand for your women exclusively in the "blinds, pedophiles and thieves", and what these photos are as interesting, that there is even a reason to put them somewhere... Man, you definitely do not agree something! Or are you boasting?

[ + 18 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №125080
 04.03.2016
C hubra on the Russian PC (PEVM) on the basis of cp "elbrus":
Is the word “computer” too bourgeois for our people? The term “electronic computing machine” corresponds to the application of computers as much as the term “super-speed electric calculator”.
It is a calculator or a decision maker.
ZZZ is Thinker.
WWW is conflict. The thinkers are sitting.
Vvv: Thinkers in the Duma to be replaced by Elbrus!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №125079
 04.03.2016
I realized how much I needed a plan.
2 and how?
I pulled it out of my bag and found that there was a battery in it. And then it came to me that she probably sat down yesterday.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №125078
 04.03.2016
here here :
Yes, it's like the "mercury knife", the absolute truth, even my uncle's cousin Shurina's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt's aunt

Can we use this whole chain and carry out an experiment with uranium breaking?

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №125077
 04.03.2016
Sometimes our grandmothers in their care for us come to an incredible absurdity.
The evening. The apartment is dark, the light only burns in the kitchen where I am cooking. I go out of the kitchen and it’s dark in the hallway. Because of the corner, some inhumane scream: “AAAA...”
I am surprised how I didn’t rush in response... by inertia I take a step – behind the corner is the grandmother (she went to the kitchen). I ask: What are you cheering for? She: Yes, it’s dark, I see you go, I was afraid to scare... oh oh

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №125076
 04.03.2016
From FB
The X > Sensation! The real Linux symbol has been found! This is a penguin figure collected from a Lego designer (photo).
Y > The real should be from pieces of a designer printed on a 3D printer.
Z > Hipstot! Linux way is a knife and a stitch!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №125075
 04.03.2016
The horse:

Ryu aka the horse. We have a colleague. She has a husband, her husband has a car, but is decorated for my wife (my colleague). She received a fine, on the website of the hybrid. There is a photo of the car. In the cars a husband and some grandmother (146% not a wife), around the background of the neighboring city. Carroce man climbed nicely.

Do we judge ourselves? What is criminal in the fact that in the "car’s" a grandmother? When I go for lunch, I even have two grandmothers in my car! Moreover, when I go home, I take some grandmother with me and plant her near my wife’s job, while my wife sits in the car (well, she lives there next door). "Caroche" is somehow still alive.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №125074
 03.03.2016
Fuck, you’re crawling like a tractor!
YYYYYYYYYYY Could it be easier in comparison?
xxx: Oh sorry to me! In a dream, you make charming sounds like the first creations of Ferruccio Lamborghini.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №125073
 03.03.2016
Why are there then no women who are professionally engaged in milk production and do not sell human milk in bottles?
The demand would be.

I answer as a "manufacturer", which has not so long ago interrupted the entire internet on this topic.
In general, human milk is on sale, but not at us. There are storage banks of breast milk, from there it is often purchased for experiments, some try to treat cancer, someone takes for their infants, etc. History also knows some local traditions of drinking crushed human milk for beauty-health-longevity. Only in an industrial way to stamp the mixture is easier and cheaper, and even cheaper milk from a cow or goat. Women have little power. Plus, it is not so interesting - to scratch from morning to night. They usually sacrifice or sell surpluses.
Although some don’t sell anything to anyone, but let it go into the pot or on blinkers. There was also news about ice cream from breast milk. But most people under such news write ‘fu’u’u’u’u’u, ‘buye’u’u’u, and ‘how can you eat it at all, it’s the same human discharge’, so the high cost and low productivity are not the only obstacles to selling breast milk in bottles.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №125072
 03.03.2016
XXX: I know a guy who in the dissertation wanted to correct "and then I will give examples" on "and then I will give examples", and he got "and then I will bring the lady"

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