A lady recently returned from a vacation she spent in Spain. Upon her return, she gave lectures to students for two weeks, despite deteriorating health, after which she was finally taken to the hospital with a suspicion of coronavirus. Suspicion has been confirmed.
And all would be nothing, had she not been the chief infectiologist of the region, a professor of the department of infectious diseases...

In the last few days, everyone has learned to wash their hands regularly.
The theme of the next pandemic is “reversals.”

The first half was zero. I bought an apartment for a married couple. The divisions were rare, tried to do some business, constantly wandered somewhere, but judging by the fact that they always lacked money, their affairs went their way. Then they abandoned this "business", and moved to a sedentary lifestyle, and I had to look for another apartment. Unfortunately, in spite of their total disturbance, the people were kind.



Here they come from another business trip. The wife lies with the flu, the husband fountains with ideas.

I am sad77! Want to eat for free?

I finally want!! to

Those times for me were the continuation of the nineties—that is, I was in a state of permanent shortage of money and chaos. Of course I agreed.

In general, his brother's son is 7 years old. Soon to school. “A big ship is a big sailing, and therefore a big gift.” Go to the Chinese market. There, he chose a gift to the nominal, a large soft toy depicting Alpha.

It will not be offended to say (written) to the fans of Alpha, this character, frankly, is not a beautiful person. But here in the performance of an anonymous Asian handcuff was a complete shit. The toy is not just big, but huge. It was a miracle about one and a half heads above me (and my height was 167 cm). As long as they picked, carried from the market, caught a taxi, dragged this on the back seat (along with me), the donor repeated once and for all, "The Spider must like it." I doubted myself, or something else. I brought a gift to the address. The fifth floor. Without an elevator. The staircase is very narrow, carrying substantial torment. The house is very poor Soviet planning. On each floor, four apartments, of which consist not of rooms and kitchen, but of rooms and kitchen. This is a “miracle” with your legs (or legs?) to forward. A few years later, I remembered the story of helping my neighbor suicide down the same narrow staircase from the fourth floor. feet forward as well.



Okay well. I brought the gift to the right apartment. Here my companion said for the last time that "Pavly should like it" and removed the transparent plastic packaging from "Alpha"... In short, what was in the packaging was just a shit, became a shit. "Alpha" had a specific flux and appears to be the sixth month of pregnancy. And another strange smell.

The donor called. A sluggish walk. We were welcomed by our parents and Pavlik, who did nothing wrong to us. And then we brought a gift...I immediately remembered the classic. In other words, 12 chairs. And more accurately – “They’ll be beating. Maybe even with my feet.” On the face of the boy (for his 7 years he was small) there was such an expression of unfailing horror that it became quite clear - everything, from this moment on, you can show him a particular cherry - the most fierce horror films, the split, the future aunt, the current rate of the ruble - it will not be worse. But after a few seconds it got worse - Pavlik couldn't withstand and burst into tears and screams, and then ran into the kitchen. The parents rushed to calm him, shorter than anything, and the smell of the little one was spoiled. There were guests, adults with children. The adults sat in a large room, the children placed a table in a small one. I don’t know how the children reacted, but the adults tactically pretended that they didn’t hear Pavlik’s cries. I didn’t listen, but the words “I don’t want” and “terrible” sounded quite clearly. And, fucking, I and Pavlik all agree – the toy (if you could call it a toy) was really terrible! and stinking.

Pavlik’s rollers tried to discuss the donor and the gift as quietly as possible, but the words “dolboob” and “mudak” also sounded quite clearly.

What happened to the gift is unknown.

By the way, I was effectively fed, sitting at the table with the adult relatives of Pavlik. Per they thought I was not to blame. Even a salad was put in the bank.

The press secretary of the President of the Russian Federation is the case when the chief has no asses, and the secretary has

The desert corridor of Вуза with world renown. At the end of the corridor, a lonely figure of an old world-renowned professor with a shopping cart running behind him can be seen. He crawls to his former department (formerly because reformers from the Ministry of Education removed from universities and faculties and departments, leaving the educational offices). And he cries because these same ministerial clowns issued orders that the old-professors should come through the entire virus-infected metropolis and read lectures in empty auditories to students resting next to the shelters. What about such? A university with world renown and a billion-dollar budget in fulfillment of these orders of the ministry purchased webcams for as much as 220 rubles, but the professors must bring computers to them from home. What such? Here is a professor in a car computer grandson of 1998. No, the grandson has been in California for a long time, it’s his computer that year’s release. The department has already gathered a powerful bunch of professors and docents trying to connect webcams from the university to compams from grandchildren. The door opens, our old man appears and... sneezes. He straightened, gave a pioneering salutation and suddenly announced with a ringing voice: be ready!! The gathering of fools of teachers (according to Minobra) is also straight and with a pioneering salutation responds: Always ready!! Everyone starts laughing and speaking goodbye to the Rectorate and the Ministry, who invented this strange distance education.

The time will pass, the epidemic will end and the Minister of Education will begin to reward his mad subordinates with his orders. And it would be fair to reward these old teachers who, risking their lives, performed their duty. May God survive this epidemic and these idiots. If they don’t, then who will pass on the knowledge to our children?

The educator Violet Valeryevna at the end of the first working day in the kindergarten agreed that her name was Violette Varenie.

If we announce quarantine at our factory, it will look like this.We will just be locked in the production shop for 2 weeks and will not be released home. Production is more important than any of your quarantines.

Man, 36 years of age:

I am a reinsurer!

Who is sorry?

- The reinsurer, - slowly, by slogans, repeated the client. This means a person who always has a reserve plan.

Of course, I smiled relentlessly. How often do you reinsure yourself?

All the time! I go to the store for a bottle of milk - I buy two, I give up my driver's license for a car - at the same time I try to get a motorcycle, I write all the code written at work in three places.

Did you always do that?

At the age of fifteen, the man replied without thinking. “I remember very well the day it started – the lights were turned off all over the area, and I was playing at the computer at that time. When it turned on again, it turned out that the first preservation was ruined, and the second reversed progress almost to the very beginning. Since then, I started recording in two slots at once, and then started applying this rule to everything.

Years have passed, so why did you decide that it became a problem right now?

“Two weeks ago my aunt died, and I was her only relative in Peter. I had a funeral, and you know what I did? I bought with a discount an additional tomb and a crown to it! Too little, you will need it again. And then took all this matter to the balcony, sat next to it and thought, "I seem to have a problem with my head."

The funniest thing about communists in Russia

Immigrants in America.

The relationship of power to people:
They call.
Ivan Ivanovich is? Visit the Pension Fund with a passport.
I come.
Hi, and we have a certificate from ZAGS about your death. It turns out, the senior opera commissioner, together with the pathologist, arranged some bombage according to my data. I call the officer.
You need to come and talk.
Call the head of OP.
I go to a meeting and call again.
He still calls.
I’ll go to court for ZAGS.
After a month, the correspondent is incorrectly indicated.
I offer again.
After a month - the application should be made not in a special, but in a simple order.
I offer again.
Three months and trial.
Certificate from the workplace, certificate from the JEC, copies of all available documents. My wife tells me she has known me for 30 years, and my son tells me he remembers me all his life. Oh wow! I am recognized alive.
Documents have not yet been received. Social security is blocking my travel. I come.
When the decision of the court is in hand, we will unblock it.
I go to the boss and talk.
Either you recognize me alive or call the police, let me be arrested for fake passports.
Write a statement that you are alive.
P.S The lawyer said that the only thing I can count on as compensation – I will be refunded the fee for the court application (300 rubles).) is

On the stock market, the toilet is the leader.

xxx: here I have an unlimited tariff from the green operator, there and so all kinds of youtubers and social networks are free. Where to raise

YYY: From the green operator. When you go to a green bank, call on a fruit phone through a green operator, you don’t want to fuck your head with a taburet from a Scandinavian furniture store?

And a lot, a lot of viruses, the Rat brought us.

The cleaner =
My daughter is 7 years old and went to 1st class. She liked school so much that she wanted to be a teacher. But since she did not want to wait for the next 15 years, she took all her soft toys and planted them for improvised batches of books. Each handed out a notebook, pencil and with a strict voice began to lead the lesson.
At that time, her mother was washing the floor. I washed everything, only my daughter’s room was left. She opens the door, enters and begins to wash. The daughter gives the phrase:
- Do not get distracted by the strawberries, strawberries, we produce strawberries.

The most crestomatic and most instructive sample of "nulling" is the final "Tales of a Fisherman and a Fish"

A friend of mine got married a while ago.

Where will you live?

We have a house with a sister. My parents live outside the city.

I asked my sister, did she not mind?

Why, this is my home too.

Is my future husband working?

He will find a job.

Is his father working?

D. No, his wife has contained all his life.

Why do you think he would have such an example?

He is no different, he is no different than his father.

Will you give birth?

We will do it immediately after the wedding.

Does the future husband know?

Is it possible to have a child after marriage?

Will you work or sit with your child?

D to work. Mom will sit with the baby.

My mom knows, did you talk to her about it?

No, she sits, it’s not hard for her.

You are not looking for easy ways, right? Do not get into this adventure.



The result.

I got married.

She closed her husband’s debts by taking a loan on herself.

Born a child.

After a year of living together, when the husband slept until lunch and never went anywhere to work, she divorced him.

Her mother with the child did not sit and did not sit, said to bring the child to her outside the city. The baby was on breastfeeding, so the daughter refused.

She deprived the child of the father, does not allow them to communicate.

She does not communicate with her sister because of scandals related to living with her unemployed husband.

The loan is paid out which was taken for the wedding and the loan with which the debt of the husband was closed.

Oh yes, she is looking for a man who will keep her and someone else’s child and pay the loan for her wedding.

I learned to read thanks to my older sister Ire and the big beautiful cubes with the alphabet. When I was five years old, I could read every child’s book. My sister taught me to write in print.



I learned to write letters at 9 years old. And the very first was written not somewhere, but in the editorial office of the Russian newspaper "Week". Having recorded in the courtyard all the known calculators, the names of the games and outlined their rules, I sent this work to Moscow. This was suggested to me by a sister who read in the newspaper a call to send street children’s folklore. She also edited all my calligraphically written text. And soon on my name came a firm editorial envelope, and in it a letter printed: "Dear Olya! Thank you for your attention to our newspaper. We will definitely use your letter in our publications.” And then something spiritual about how wonderfully I wrote and told everything, and wishes to learn well, and that there is no mistake in my letter, and so keep, and write more! ...and signature: correspondent of the department of culture, a journalist.



And the world turned. For the first time I saw my name printed, and for the first time I felt the strange excitement of all these amazing words - the editorial, department, correspondent, journalist, publications... After I read this letter on a hard white paper ten times, I ran to the second floor to my friend Ole, then jumped around my sister who had returned from school, read it with an expression to my parents and boasted in the yard.



At night, unable to fall asleep from the excess of impressions, I endlessly touched the magical letter lying next to the tablet. Before I fell asleep, I gave up my career as a circus coach forever and decided to become a journalist. And in the culture department of some big newspaper with the same beautiful envelopes and polite staff.



Such early professional orientation brought its fruits in fifteen years. I’ve been happy all my life to do what I love. And again – I am very grateful to the man who in the endless editorial park found time to answer a girl from the far Krasnoyarsk.

Yesterday, the headquarters gathered the team and announced that in light of recent developments, some employees may be transferred to remote work from home. It was only one of the first to move to the remote mode, as I was immediately categorically refused, without any explanation. He said that the drivers are not concerned. Injurious and unfair.

Dasha: Why the school doesn’t teach you to buy a little bit of dollars every month to be prepared for such a hernia.

Woddy: Every month at least 10% of the money received should be invested in something.

Dasha: That’s why they don’t teach this in school. But we know that moss grows on the north side.

Woddy: Maybe in six months, you’ll need it.

I go to the dentist. She was professionally frightened, accordingly, half of the face was anesthetized until the test state. I am afraid to bite my cheek, bite my tongue. Mimic is specific, speech is unrelated.

The third person stopped asking him to raise his hands, smile, name.

In the box, in the metro. Nice, of course, but I want a T-shirt with the inscription "It's not a stroke, it's a dentist."