bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №128834
 31.05.2016
xxx: I promised to give Van the pudding personally and did not give it
YYY: Because he is cute
Is it considered a birthday gift?
YYY : Yes!
XXX: The Class
I will write in a congratulation.
Wanna, I didn’t give you a shit! Congratulations to!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128833
 31.05.2016
Once a father told a story from his childhood about how his grandmother always hid from his dad imported candy boxes, which somewhere managed to get. And daddy, in turn, found, of course, and ate, and put plasticine in the envelopes. Thirty years later, my father told my grandmother. How the grandmother laughed, because these candy gave to the bosses, and I imagine their surprise as inside was elegantly packed plasticine.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №128832
 31.05.2016
I have a friend. More familiar with work. Sometimes we drink beer and talk about life. Always take money "before pay" in all kinds of money and fast money. He is constantly named. And then one day they call him again. He listened for a long time and then said:
What do you call me all the time? It is good for you to have interest rates fall!
He is no longer called.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128831
 31.05.2016
I was 9-10 years old and, like any generation, I walked with my girlfriends in the gardens. Everyone had their own gardens, but as they say, the neighbor and the grass are greener and the crochet is more delicious.

We were four. We sat behind the fence and wrapped up an unwashed crusher, and the older one of us decided that it would not be better for us to put our hands in the fence, it would be better for her to get into the garden and get bigger, and then it would pass on to us.

The plan was accomplished magnificently, she went into the garden, picked up a cross, handed it over to us and decided to drop from there, but hanged her pants on the fence and could not go down.

As we just didn’t try to remove it, it was pointless. Eventually, seeing the old men walking far away, they asked them to help us. He said, so and so, the keys were forgotten, and the crucifix wanted.

What was our surprise when they, filled with laughter, opened the garden with keys and, on the other hand, cut it off from the fence.

They didn’t argue, but they told us to pick them up. And us what? We gathered, and ate, and then gave us one more.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128830
 31.05.2016
Health should be taken care of by doctors.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №128829
 31.05.2016
When I was a kid and couldn't pronounce the letter "R", I loved to go out with my grandfather for a fuck. And then one day at the country, my grandfather took me fishing and put me on my neck so that I couldn’t wet my feet in the river. He is fishing, and he is fishing. He leaned to pull out the fish, forgetting that he had a granddaughter on it, and naturally I fell into the cold river. And eventually the whole village heard my hysterical screams when I returned: "I don't need your RRRR! I don’t need your fish! I’m not going to go fishing anymore!!!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128828
 31.05.2016
- Imagine, the son of Vice President Lukoil was chasing Moscow at a terrible speed, he could not be delayed for 6 hours, he even wore on the playgrounds! And what in the end? 15 days of arrest. There is no justice in Russia, there is no justice.
- It is true... - replied Serdyukov Vasilyeva.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128827
 31.05.2016
All this sticker is fun, as if it even became clear that when with children, the sticker can help in an accident...
But say, drivers with a label, and if you drive without a child, do you remove that label? It should be somewhat conscientious to deceive other participants of the movement, right?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №128826
 31.05.2016
by 20450:
The toilet is closed an hour before the landing??? Did you fly on planes?
I have bad news for you...

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №128825
 31.05.2016
Diamond, you are a dumb dumb!
Finish with this selfie.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №128824
 31.05.2016
Teacher of Scientific Atheism
/////////////////////////////////////

We had a wonderful grandmother. When she was called by phone or asked from the guard, she ran out in her platinum wig and shouted to the whole hall: "Who wants me?"

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №128823
 31.05.2016
I am a member of the "City". I sent 7500 a week ago. Then sent a terrible letter of the type return otherwise to the court we will submit, only yesterday settled, exchanged acts of swirls and voila)) today they again sent to the account 7500. How is it called? What is Ping Pong?

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128822
 31.05.2016
Drunk in the ass.

Not being able to drink alcohol because of a sore throat, 58-year-old Texasman Mike Warner infused it rectally. With the help of his wife and a clist, he poured 3 liters of herese into himself.

The level of alcohol in his blood was 6 times higher than the permissible norm and the man died from anal alcoholism.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №128821
 31.05.2016
The child broke the glasses, bought new ones from the boxer in the electric car, did not fade over the style, only to see. I went out with my husband for a walk in the evening, he decided to criticize them.
(M) You do not get this form of repair.
(I) UGU, there will be time - I will order new ones.
(M) You don’t get that shape at all, you look like them... like Krupska, here.
(I) UGU... (I won’t argue why to spoil the mood)
The dispute went out of itself.
We walk past the sport club, the guys in kimono are seen in the window.
Who is the coach today?
(I) – Something coach doesn’t see at all... – I get closer to the window. The coach rises from the floor, who appears to have been well applied, the eyes are opened, the mouth is cut, the hair is torn.
(I) – Oh, Vova, it seemed to have failed to fall, something he looked so frightened, as if he had seen his grandmother ghost.
M is here! I told you that in these glasses you can scare anyone.

He runs faster than me... luckily.

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №128820
 31.05.2016
I have been working for 5 years in a large financial company. The company employs about 200 people. The director is a very tough man. In the company there is a whole list of rules and regulations, and don't let God break, the "brain removal" begins. Once again, we do not go to the boss's office, we try not to get him in the eyes. There would be a possibility, I would change the job, but look for another thing.



And here one day the boss called our employee Svet (the single mother), and after a half-hour conversation she came out all in tears and shaking hands, she was literally shaking. Her colleagues barely reassured her, and she told me what was going on. A year ago, Svetta had a trouble - her son was ill (7 years old), he was found oncology. For a year she treated him in the best clinic of the country (well in Moscow we work). Treatment does not help, you need to go to Germany, well, accordingly, you need money. He needed 8 million. She began looking for buyers for her apartment.

And here she is called by the boss and in the office gives a paid check for treatment in Germany, well, and a vacation with an open date. The boss, whom we all considered unhealthy, gave her 8 million. From my pocket. Well, I all know what happens if this is an extra-class specialist. This is how an ordinary employee helps. We respected him after that.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №128819
 31.05.2016
About Stellaris:
xxx: The game is somewhat very strange scientific research arranged, roulette somewhat. I have to explore colonization and rockets, and I’m getting some shit. The ship's editor is also sad.
YYY: The same thing in life.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128818
 31.05.2016
I took a day train from Moscow to Belgorod. With me in the coupe a woman of 30 years with a son (in appearance - 10 years old, although I can be mistaken, in children not especially sick). He almost immediately fell asleep, so I realized that in Moscow they were in transit and were driving tired. Well, I, then I read the book, then I throw into the nard on the tablet. And a conductor walks on the car and offers everyone who wants to move to SV for a small fee. I thought about myself at the time: “Hah! Look for fools. A new comfortable car, cleanliness, silence, inadequates are not observed. We are not bad here.

And then the boy begins to have severe diarrhea. He slides between the couch and the toilet, holding the bottom with both hands so that it does not break down the road. After a couple of hours he seemed to be humbled and fell asleep, but trouble came to him in a dream. In general, he sprinkled deliciously with the "dirty", woke up, then, naturally, confusion, tears. I also have tears in my eyes – I felt at that moment that my mom was feeding him exclusively with car tires.

In the end, I took advantage of the generous offer of the guide and moved to the SV. I decided that it was not necessary for the guy to add extra complexes and in general to somehow focus on the events of the last couple of hours. So I picked up my stuff and pretended I needed to go out at the nearest station, said goodbye and wished a quick recovery. The rest of the road solitude and fresh air, for which he thanked the ubiquitous corruption component.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №128817
 31.05.2016
One day, my sister and I were driving home from one beautiful southern city of our country, not close, three days. Our parents, of course, thought of us in advance, and we got our seats from below, both. I was 12, a sister of 15 (I don’t know why it could have been without an adult escort).

And now it’s time for the road, we sit on the lower shelves, we wait for our neighbors to come, we’re ready to change, I’d drive up, my sister down (on the top she was always afraid). And then half of us.

A minute before departure comes 2 well very full women, "fat bone", kg of 130 each. “Yes, you both get up and we are down to get up.” Their tone was blurred and the sister did not like it (she decided everything. I have had 12 years of their great inclination. The demand was rejected, despite the further cuddling "the youth has gone", this warmed our rejection even more, this is a matter of principle!

In the end, we stayed on our seats and the aunt on top.

Everything would be fine, but every night we slept badly, afraid that the shelves would fall on us. The car is big, the car is old. We imagined that if the shelves could not withstand, we would be crushed. It happened, neither yours nor ours.

It ended well)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №128816
 31.05.2016
On the backdrop of posts-remembrances, I remembered how my father entered the university. He was 83 years old, he was from the village. After finishing school with a friend, they began to think about where to go. There were no specific goals, the choice was difficult. After leaving the bus stop, they decided that "which way the bus will go, to this city and we will go to enter." The first bus went to Ulyanovsk. Both finished the UGC. Located in Ulyanovsk.

[ + 43 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №128815
 31.05.2016
Today my cat right in the veterinarian’s office attacked the mops. From fear he stood right in the hands of the veterinarian. It was a shame until the owners of the mops told me that they had brought the dog, because she could not go bigger for the third day. Finally went.

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