bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141856
 02.06.2017
The wiser a man is, the more stupid his mistakes seem to him.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141855
 02.06.2017
One of the most ingenious bets in history occurred in England, in the 18th century. In the city of Brighton, a wealthy butcher named Bullock offered a bet to a young aristocrat, Count Barrymore. What’s interesting is that Bullock, being a man who was well-trained, but rather ingenious, proposed to the Count, who was passionate about athletics, to compete in running. The butcher boldly stated that he intended to overtake the young Barrymore on a 100 meters course, but on the condition that he chooses a place for the race and leaves behind a 35-meter forum. The winning amount is equal to the value of the entire business of the butcher. The Count accepted the challenge. A few minutes before the race, the butcher revealed his plan. It turns out that he chose the narrowest street of Black Lion Lane for the race, and when the Count easily caught up with the enemy, he simply couldn’t stand up to overtake. The Count accepted the defeat and paid the entire amount of the contract.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141854
 02.06.2017
As a child, I was frightened that if I lost my passport, I would be credited, married and sold as a slave.
It happened to me, but I didn’t lose my passport.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141853
 02.06.2017
Bring me an ally flower.
It is good that the overseas monster does not ask
Why does he have one more?
It has broken out.)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №141852
 02.06.2017
borg: directly from the station "Leningradskaya" electric buses go to Podolsk
Dasha: Well good 😉
Dasha: Take a beer and an hour and a half on the way ;)
faster than the car.
Beer makes electricity out of competition

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141851
 02.06.2017
Marriage is a confirmation of love or at least attachment, warm feelings.

It is worth clarifying that this installation has only advanced in mass over the last 100-200 years. Previously, love for the spouse before the wedding was only a pleasant bonus, not obligatory at all. In some cultures, young men were not allowed to see each other before they got married, and in others, the wedding was cancelled if they learned that the future spouses liked each other.

So let’s be honest: Between love and marriage is the same connection as between bed and bed. It is nice, of course, to fall asleep in your own bed, but you can sleep on the couch, and on the chair, and on the floor if you are very pressed.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №141850
 02.06.2017
Talk about sex after 30

I am 32 and I have, for example, knees already crushing, but only once or twice, then nothing. I always go to the bathroom before work. My husband probably thinks I’m taking a shower, and I’m sitting there under the noise of water to melt.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141849
 02.06.2017
The news:
Russian Post plans to create its own airline
The commentary:
Immediately endless queues appear when registering for a flight, and the shattered aircraft will fly away or get lost along the way. The flight time is 40 days, regardless of the distance.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141848
 02.06.2017
Our cat complains daily of the surrounding reality that she is not loved, not appreciated and not respected as an adult person.

If short, then they don’t let her eat in the quantities she would like :)

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №141847
 02.06.2017
The friend again has a bathroom exacerbation with complications in the area of the beaches and metastases in spirituality.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141846
 01.06.2017
Short description of TZ:
Duels of Indian heroes on Indian weapons in Indian decorations.
No need to dance.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №141845
 01.06.2017
Message from the project manager in the corporate chat:

For analysts working with [systems name]: A task has been created to record an unknown whore that has been wrecked by a fellow under our sensitive guidance.
If you see something strange - write there, don't be ashamed. Formalization is not necessary, but do not cover the hooks - Jira is not ours.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141844
 01.06.2017
(Case from discussion of cooking meat in the salad for the march)

The AAA:
Young students decided to cook meat in the group, drank well, but ate poorly and fell asleep.
They wake up in the morning from a terrible baby. They ran to the kitchen – there everything smoked, the meat was already burning... Then one grabbed the burning pot and threw it into the open window. It was a warm night and the windows were open.
But it failed, and the pot fell into the vertical partition of the window frame, in that that in the middle of the window. As a result, it all collapsed on the floor. The burning meat and fat flew across a large area.
Which as having extinguished the fire and cleaned up, they decided that it was better to squeeze in time until the owner of the apartment came.
When the owner (X) came, he also did not kill himself very much, because the next day he flew for a month in the mountain.

The culmination was the arrival of X home after the march.
Even in the elevator he noticed that the neighbor looked at him somewhat strangely.
Opening the apartment, X almost fell from the horror. Thro the floor flourishes. It turns out that the same students forgot to cook a piece of raw meat lost under the bed.

The AAA:
A substantial clarification of x!
The apartment has just been bought. He put the iron door, but there was no seal yet. Therefore, the dwarfs pulled out of the door and ran down the staircase, falling into the staircase to the lower floors.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №141843
 01.06.2017
XXX is
Called to the accounting office, their printer stunned when printing.
Dormantly *
It turns out that they had their cupcake...
= D
YYYY
What is? How is?
How did they get confused?
XXX is
He stood close to the MFA.
He was not seen, so the couple went because of him.
As behind
YYYY
Could they not distinguish steam from smoke?
XXX is
Yes Yes

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №141842
 01.06.2017
> There was something today. I do not know how to describe. I don’t even think of the words %).
> I run computer networks. There is a course. Something like "design a local network". Themes were published in February. One girl all this time painted a ballad, in couples engaged in nonsense, and so on. Now I got it (for the first time!) Testing in electronic form. Its theme was "Design of the local network of the microregion". This is the part about the local network she somehow missed out of sight. Kurac is dedicated to the design of the micro-area: children's playgrounds, landscape, that's all. On my question, about what she writes here at all: "I don't know, my sister helped me". I begin to experience what subject she goes to me at all - in response to an existential emptiness in my eyes. I turn the cursor without reading, I say, you will bring, when it will be on the topic of computer networks, and to me in response, I do not know, you will teach me how to do it. I want to take and withdraw.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №141841
 01.06.2017
I went with a friend to a seminar in another city by train. Drive for about a day. The company gently paid us a coupe. We took with us all kinds of food (traditionally chicken, cucumbers, sausages, chickens, etc.) I took vodka. First came a young man, a student. We are three, and it’s evening. Do you want to be small? He immediately had fun - apparently hungry, and there was food and drink. We sit down and calmly drink for acquaintance. Here, a woman of forty-five sits down to us - all in a hat with a leather suitcase, rubbing her nose, sitting with us. We cleared the vodka, of course, and the snack is on the table. She took some nuts and sat down, biting them. Well, little by little contact with her settled - she turned out to be a teacher, immediately announced that she was a vegetarian (even earlier than the name). We got acquainted and asked, say, if she doesn't mind if we continue, or maybe the company will. “I can drink vodka!” She immediately informed me. By the end of the trip, she drank all our vodka and ate all our cocktails. A vegetarian idiot

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №141840
 01.06.2017
Some "communal service" announced that they will be replacing the batteries in the house with new ones. And indeed, in the morning came a van, from there came out men in specialties and with a tool. Shustro went through the apartments, turning off the old radiators and pulling them down, into the truck. After turning off a large number of batteries, the men said, “All, tomorrow we will bring and put new ones”... And no one else has seen them. The old batteries were found at the point of receipt of metal.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №141839
 01.06.2017
Yarasa: the ears were inflamed, antibiotics were prescribed, the intestines reacted violently, there was no way to get out of the house. On this occasion, she made sausages in a sharp sauce, ice cream, yeast plugs and snacked milk with garlic. To die - so with music >_<.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №141838
 01.06.2017
The last time Masha had them and the mother-in-law followed them on their heels and said how to behave, and my take yes and ask "Baba Natasha, and you will always chase us?"))) Grandma Natasha did not understand the incursion and concluded that Masha from a large family and not used to the attention of adults))) because my mom lacks time for everyone.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №141837
 01.06.2017
"Use it for health until it was prescribed!" — such an inscription was on these boxes.

Which were delivered by a beat filled with "GAZelyu" to the house of this deputies.

All-Russian Association of Intimate Goods Shops.

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