The average schoolchild breaks the software, calculates the IP and has a romantic relationship with all the mothers on the planet.

To this...

There are two girls in the room. One is sitting at the computer, the other is doing something else.
First, without breaking away from the monitor:
Did you know that you only get coupled once in a lifetime?
The second is broken:
Fuck, I’m out.

Which of them did? ?

The story was told by a friend who worked in a taxi.
They had a man in service on an old foreign mark with cheap pribadabases of the type, mouldings, curtains and direct flow. But there were shortcomings, then started badly, the door was hardly closed, and the speed meter lived his separate life, showing the weather in Crimea, then 260km when riding 80km / h.
In total, he was transported from Kiev to our glorious city of 2 foreigners. Now we turn on the imagination: the machine roars straight, on the speedometer far beyond 200km, the car shakes (on our roads), the road is not visible - night and lights, of course, not. Real speed is about 90 km. In the rear seat, two foreigners, pressing to each other ask the disturbing taxi driver to drive 3 times slower =)

xxx: "You can't take arguments - fuck up to spelling".
No "to", but "to".

Onishchenko: a normal man wakes up at 3.30 and runs through Moscow

The teacher gave to read the composition of the son-five-grade, on the topic of "Old Song" - it was allowed to write about songs that love moms, dads, etc. Preferably with quotes.
My wrote about the "Belovežská puča", as about my grandmother’s favorite song. Everything is fine, literate, if not the line: "I understand your centuries-old LUCK"...

to this:

If everyone is fighting for gender equality, then tell me why a girl’s fifth breast size is sexy and a guy’s third is ugly.

Therefore, why when a guy has a penis, it’s good, and when a girl – somehow not very... ;)

Case from judicial practice.
Accident involving BMW and VAZ 2109
The insurance company recovers from the driver nine damages above the sum of the OSAGO.

Insurer: Defendant Ivanov I.A. He caused material damage, committed a gross violation of the regulations, did not take into account the road situation, did not choose the appropriate speed mode, did not give an advantage to the applicant's car... (and in this spirit 40 minutes).
Judge: The defendant, please, now you are given the word, can explain your objections.
Driver: Nihira was not so!

The court found mutual guilt.

The Italian mafia has decided to invest in alternative energy. The most popular among criminals are wind turbines.

The comments:
That’s the money on the wind ;)
YYY: So that’s why Don Quixote fought with windmills. He knew who was behind them.

Most of the angles are resistant to degrees: they begin to thumb only after 90 degrees.

It was in the USSR. In Yalta, in a gastronomy on the shore, I buy cognac. The naked Targashese mouth asks:
Will you drink here or go home?? to
How is it here??? In the shop?? to
Of course at home!
Cognac for your health.
I come to my family and drink tea instead of cognac in a bottle!!! It was not far away, I went to the gastronome. That shit seller has struck me! I cheated him, promised to drink at home (somewhere in Moscow or Novosibirsk). I drank at Yalta.

Remove a baseball bite from the car and put a metal golf clutch there.
You will look very smart on the road.

I answer everyone in order.
In their color, women are usually painted if a gray appears. She is still in her 20s, and gray hair is visually aging. The color is perfect for most people.
Lemon juice is a wonderful natural spotting agent, don’t be afraid. You can check by pressing the juice directly from the lemon on the spot.
The question about Gandalf and Dumbledore - the banana, has already been answered. I will remind you briefly: Gandalf (Olorin) will win. He is one of the most powerful Majars (in fact, the youngest gods of the Tolkien world), and by default stronger than even the great magicians.
I almost forgot! On the stamp of the Post of Russia the date is indicated in a six-digit format ( Č mm гг), the last 2 digits - the time.
Life is not as terrible as it might seem.

Will you sit at home and give birth to children? What is your day on March 8?
YYY : No. I am happy to open the door of my car.
YYY: and restaurants
YYY: And when I will be taken away, so that I will not suffer.
ZZZ: No, not in parts
Zzz: If the door is opened to you, give birth to children.

The year 1982. In the resuscitation chamber to the dying academician Glushkov came the assistant minister of defense of the USSR D.F. Ustinova and asked – can the minister help anything?

Covered with pipes and wires from instruments supporting a barely warming life, Glushkov angrily replied: "Let send a tank!"

to this:

Smart wives know that if a husband has caught her with a stranger, then in 90% of cases the excuse helps: "You shouldn't be jealous of him. He is gay!”

A smart man in this case should offer to check :)

Dark Knight
Listen, you are a doctor.
I suddenly swallowed the crown with a stift.
How to live?

Outsider
The man!!!! I will give you a toothbrush that brushes your teeth in hard-to-reach places!! to

Exothetia - the external cutinized layer of the wall of the box of leafy mosquitoes, for example, in the corn linen.
Somebody is interested)

Ministry of Internal Affairs: Places of residence of illegal migrants found in the basement of RAN
Commentary
> Do not touch the academics!!! to

I was in the clinic and there in one of the offices there is a system and on it a cap with crying signs is written. This server is always working, apparently it has been turned off several times.