I would be happy to tell everyone and always only the truth, but I am allergic to trouble.

Murder by Advertisement

One dark day in the newspaper of the suburban city appeared an announcement that shocked everyone. It came out in the "dating" column - as if the editor could not come up with where to place it, and chose the first entry. The announcement sounded like this:

“If you are tired of a neighbor, your own wife or a boss not paying a salary, call +XXXXXXXXXX, and I will with sincere pleasure save you from the problem.
The everlasting parks.

The man, nicknamed the “Eternity of Parks,” has troubled the city for three months since his first victim was found in the central square. In three months, the maniac killed six people. The victims were found suffocated, cut, shot or struck by a dumb object. The weapons were always different, but the places of crime - parks, squares, landings - combined a series of brutal deaths. Thus was born the nickname, which repeatedly sounded on the pages of local newspapers.

Before the maniac appeared, the town was so boring that a series of murders shook it to the ground. Like any small town, it was doomed to inflict on its inhabitants a grim grief, sometimes bordering on confusion. The fact that he led someone to murder was not surprising — but it was scary. And so dull streets plunged into despair. Children were not allowed to walk, adults stopped having fun. They hid in houses, kept crowded places and diligently avoided parks. The shadowy alleys were empty, and even if the maniac continued to run through them in search of victims, he could not find anyone.

The police were looking for the murderer, and he seemed to lie down to the bottom, giving the city a quiet, as suddenly this ad appeared in the newspaper.

The editor only shrugged his hands. The leaflet with the text was found in a envelope without a signature, left on the threshold of the editorial office, there were no imprints on it. On the specified number did not respond, and only the auto-responder carefully recorded each message to pass on to someone unknown. The city wandered - alarmed, frightened, then outraged by the criminal's resentment, then calling what happened someone's evil joke. The misunderstanding grew. Everyone was looking forward to what would happen next.

The newspaper came out on Saturday. And on Monday, Carlotta disappeared, carrying letters around the houses.

She disappeared during the morning delivery, when, whispering, delivered the mail. Her bicycle was found a few steps from the grown Utin Park. The body was not found. While the police were looking for some witnesses, Rose Marble came to the area, the same one who divorced her husband a year ago because of what he changed her with Charlotte. Tears suffocated the woman, and, sitting in front of the guard, she whispered through the whispers that she did not want it, did not believe it, considered it a joke and called on emotions. At the end, having stopped crying, Rose stretched the phone to the police with shaking hands. In the call journal hanged out on the number from the advertisement.

The excitement turned into a roar. The woman was condemned by everybody; she hid her eyes when she walked through the street under the sight of other people. Every resident of the city felt it necessary to emphasize that he himself would not have done so. Two people disappeared on Wednesday night.

Robert, an old teacher who had long been a burden on the family, left alone in the evening. On the table they found a note in which an old friend appointed him for a meeting, and at the specified meeting place - traces of blood, spotted grass and prints of two pairs of shoes. The old woman's friend swore that it was nothing to do, her relatives were silent, and only Robert's niece's eyes were strangely shining. The second disappeared was Lewis, a young man who worked as a builder; colleagues told him he had a big quarrel with a friend the days before. Lewis disappeared on the way from work as he passed through the landing. His broken hand was removed from the tree and added to the witchdocks.

Murders were on the rise. The old six victims seemed to be kindergartens when eight people were missing by the end of the week. The street was lacking. A small number of policemen of the town flocked from one crime site to another, and the citizens went crazy. All the grievances — old and new — flooded out, and more and more often the phone in someone’s trembling hands responded with the mechanical voice of the auto-responsor.

In the new newspaper on Saturday, Forever thanked the citizens and promised to consider numerous appeals in order.

*** by
These days, Stephen, the detective responsible for capturing the Everlasting, has had a unpleasant time. The chiefs hanged all the dogs on him, and the citizens accused him of holding the pants bought for their own money. The newspapers repeatedly stressed that the perpetrator was not found, and asked: What is Stephen doing? All the anger of the quietly frightened city fell on the poor, and while the citizens tried to be more polite with each other, no one spared the keeper of order. But it didn’t seem to touch Stephen.

Taking on the way a glass of cocoa from a cloudy baker, he entered the area. A subordinate was waiting in the office. As soon as he greeted, the young man handed Stephen a paper with someone’s number.

He called.

Stephen was fine. His quiet, gentle face sharpened gambling.

and when? He quickly asked.

The subordinate nervously licked his lips.

an hour ago.

Stephen stumbled, thinking, and then sharply sneezed.

Call the guy, the father of the first victim. I hope you are not mistaken.

The subordinate sneered and left. Stephen looked at the sheet with the number. His lips moved slightly, repeating the numbers, the name attributed below.

In the evening, Stephen came to the right park. Checked the ration, selected a successful observation point. It only remained to wait. The wind moved the crowns of the trees, the light of the lanterns pushed the darkness of the new moon. Finally, in the distance appeared a lonely dog, quietly walking out the spitz. The policeman stumbled, straining his sight. A moment later, a dull figure appeared behind the dog’s back.

“Fighting readiness,” Stephen whispered into the rack, not taking a pair of eyes off.

A suspicious citizen sat down, pulling out a speck from a package dropped on the trail. The prosecutor stood by. From Stephen they were in a couple of steps.

Can you tell me how long, Mr. White? The persecutor spoke.

The dog freezes. And then, jumping up, stumbled on the persecutor the bride with a knife from where it came.

Take him! Stephen shouted, falling from his place.

When the subordinates arrived, the policeman had already turned Mr. White into a pair with the second man. Mr. White broke out, wildly turning his eyes, and the dog next to him walked in a desperate loudness.

*** by
The capture of the maniac at the scene of the crime brought the city into a state of euphoria. All with relief dropped the burden of the usual already tension, congratulated each other, fearlessly resumed the riot in the rows and quarrels with relatives. In Mr. White's house, newspapers with the names of the first six victims were found, and in the cache - all the weapons of crime. The city rejoiced, and decent citizens demanded the most severe punishment for the murderer.

Stephen was eating at a restaurant near the police station when his old friend Thomas sat down with him.

Tell me, Steve, how did you check it out? Thomas asked, dropping his glass of beer on the table. No one yet understands what forever gave.

Stephen nodded and sent a piece of the branch into his mouth. As always, he was calm and kind.

He betrayed himself. The plan was risky, but let me just go to the bottom, we’t have that chance. “Stephen swallowed a beer and, catching a friend’s incomprehensible look, explained, ‘It was I who left an advertisement in the newspaper.

So like you? Thomas was suspicious. The dry palm climbed up in a disregarding swing. Do not say nonsense. The victims...

“I lived all this time in my country,” Stephen concluded. “Today they will return home, and tomorrow the police will tell the truth and pay them a reward for their cooperation.

Thomas misunderstood it. His scratched face scratched out of surprise.

“But blood, a broken hand, evidence...” he blasted.

“It’s all butaphoria,” Stephens shrugged his shoulders; douching, he pushed the plate to the side. We had to bring the murderer to clean water. The man who made himself such a name within the city must have been interested in those who imitate him. My guys and I made ads, prompted several citizens to participate in the hunt, made the appearance of abductions — and everyone believed it. Even forever myself. While everyone was calling the site thinking he was talking to a maniac, he alone knew someone was stealing his fame.

Thomas watched Stephen confusedly. He drank a beer and called the waitress.

We had to provoke the murderer to some stupidity, to make ourselves surrender. So I checked all the calls, calculated the customers, their victims, periodically instigated kidnappings and waited. Yesterday morning, an unknown man called and ordered Mr. White’s harmless dog owner, who was walking his pet in the same park in the evening. After the inspection, it was discovered that Mr. White himself was calling. I realized that he was a maniac who wanted to meet the imitator, and with the help of the guy who suffered from his hands first, prepared a seizure. That is all.

“Well, fortunate,” Thomas nodded, looking respectfully at his friend.

The waitress took the money. Stephen was already up when Thomas suddenly held his hand. The old man’s eyes shone strangely.

“So all this time the citizens asked you to die for each other,” he said quietly. How many calls were there?

Stephen smiled. He remembered each of the “orders” dictated by the trembling but ruthless voices of the peaceful inhabitants.

“Fifty-seven,” he replied.

Thomas trembled in horror. His lips opened helplessly.

How will we live with this knowledge? He quietly asked.

Stephen shrugged his shoulders and carefully released his hand. He dropped his coat. I checked if the collar was turned.

“Like before, Thomas, as before,” he replied with a bitter smile and, after saying goodbye, left the restaurant.

Oh, Petrovna, let me sit down, it’s all dried up. His foot entered the hole, thinking I would break. And the bridge - then across the river completely collapses, barely passed. How do we go to the store? I took the milk, it cost 5 rubles. My granddaughter called yesterday, asked to bring more from the city, so he says that gasoline is again more expensive. And transferred it for three days, the money for the mortgage is not even enough. Loans are going to take.
Ivanka, where did you go?
Vote for Putin.

I received an unexpected message from an old acquaintance:

Hello to you! How is it? The question is one. Do you have a normal credit history? The thing is that I crazyly need to buy a car, and it is not possible to save money, money is spent on nonsense...The loan is not given and I am looking for someone who would have borrowed or borrowed. My job is okay and I am paid well, I will pay iron every day! Can you help me?

I think, fucking someone, well my acquaintance can't write such a fool, I call him.

You seem to have been hacked in the UK, divorced for money.

No, I really ask you for help.

I’m sorry, but I won’t take a loan if I’m learning to pay.

and clearly. (He throws the phone)

Probably offended, he no longer writes.

She divorced her husband and decided to make a repair. For the little things - to level the wall in the room, paste the wallpaper under painting and paint. During the day work and study, so the repair had to be done at night (the spatle wall was lubricated silently and the neighbors were not disturbed).



On the eve on the site couchsurfing (the site for travelers and learners, I can write in more detail in the comments) saw an advertisement from the Spanish, saying "A week I come to your city to work as a teacher of Spanish, who wants to meet, show the city, learn to cook a paella or who needs help with Spanish write" Under the advertisement there were many messages, I also wrote a message write as you come, I will take you a tour.



So, late in the evening, I drive with the repair, I get a message from the Spanish that he is already in the city, and generally how I do business and what I do, or he is now collecting a bowl to go to the bar. I honestly answered that I am now painting the wall in the room and plan to paint it until morning. He said, “Do you want me to help paint?” He thoughtfully turned his finger into the whisker and asked, “Are you sure you have nothing more to do?” Of course he wants to help me! Oh well ok. She came, poured him tea, served blends. I asked where the room was being repaired. I drive into the room, the cabinets are all shifted to the middle of the room, their contents are rolled around, such a mini post-apocalypse, I give a bowl with paint and a roll...



By 3 o'clock all painted, I suggest to take him home, he was a little confused, but agreed. When he approached his house, he said

In Spain, when a girl invites a young man into her room, it does not matter under what pretext, it is to have sex with him. I thought about painting the walls you spoke figuratively

- Welcome to Russia, if the girl invited at 2 o'clock at night to paint the walls, then you will paint the walls)))

XXX High School. The change. Our class is on duty. I meet a group of girls a couple of years older. In their center, my attention is focused on a miniature brunette with a very beautiful smile. She laughs. I forgot how to breathe. And where he went. So I fell sick with a serious illness. Later in the head is born a plan - to find common acquaintances, to learn everything possible, to ask us to introduce. And in the soul, meanwhile, there are dreams, with the most stupid - the school is attacked by terrorists and I save it. And another million situations where I’m a knight and she’s a beautiful lady. It is grass. She dreams of me. This is how the whole world narrowed to her brown eyes and enchanting smile. On the change I couldn’t stay in the classroom—to leave under any pretext in the hope of seeing her. At the same time, I got a cassette with the songs Hand Up. Until then, I didn’t tolerate all the pop music. Only metal, industrial and alternative. And then "you asked him just don't leave and trembled from tears, begged forgiveness / and he kisses you, says he loves." These songs came like the key to the castle. The disease progressed. I encountered something I never experienced. The plan failed and then I decided to say what I felt and what would happen. By that time, I knew her name, what she was listening to, what she was doing, etc. When I had the courage to look at the schedule, I was waiting for her at the entrance to the classroom. My heart was beating like drums in Slipknot. Here is she! I go to meet. We cross our eyes, I just open my mouth to say everything, as she says, “Why are you looking at me, shit? “Blood hit my face. I quietly pass by, getting to my class. Life is over. Everything lost its meaning. There is no appetite. Depression has arrived. No desire to live. Drunk in the house, empty in the soul. I cannot and do not want to share with my friends. It was a difficult period. What helped? Time, books, music and other adequate representatives of the fair sex.

5 years passed. Students call them "at the house" to have fun with the girls. I come here, the hustle is in the midst, and here with one character we will have the following dialogue - "now the girl will come, in general, an unsuspecting option, she will drink a little - as for the world is fighting, you can at least three." It was a little sad to see after his words his first unanswered love.



yyy: Vanguai, even when she arrived, gave it to everyone except TSA.

This happened when a train departed from the capital of our homeland.

He was a man, sober, decent.

7 minutes before leaving, I went out to smoke.

Time goes by, let’s smoke.

Five minutes before he left, I told him it was time to go.

The man is smoking.

Two minutes before departure, I just say that in a minute I will close the door and he will stay on the peron.

The man looks me in the eyes with the expression, "how a shit like you dare to talk to me at all."

Smoking the second.

A minute later the train begins to drive, I sharply close and lock the door.

The man begins to run parallel to the car and scream.

What he had in his head.

The story was told, which happened in the early 00s, in the almost pre-internet era, when it was considered a special whisper to congratulate a person by calling the radio.

And here, the local radio station, there is a congratulatory broadcast, a girl named, judging by the voice very young. The girl, the leader.

Good morning, what is your name?

Hello, my name is Alina, I want to congratulate my best friend!

Q. What do you want to congratulate him with?

Today is the anniversary of our friendship with him.

A. What a symbolic event. How many are you already friends?

D is 6 years.

B – How great! Congratulations from our radio station. What would you wish a friend?

D - I want to wish him all the best, find his love and happiness! Sasha, be careful, your half is probably somewhere nearby and is looking forward to your attention!

Good wishes and words, Alina. Which song will you order?

D - Put him the song of Nirvana - Rape me!

A. Very pleased, thank you for calling.



For those who taught German at school, rape me - rape me. And I’m just wondering, was Sasha this time attentive, and deceived this code, or was he dumb like all the previous six years?

Just think that has reached the extreme degree of disrespect to the current authority, and she once - and will hold a new referendum.

Ekaterina Lahova complained to Putin that the ice cream "Rainbow" is a gay advertisement. And if I could read, I would remember the tale of the Flower Semitsvetik.

It was somewhere 8 or 9 years ago. I graduated and worked in the same company.

Then we had one sympathetic secretary and the smile was a direct fire.

Well, I, to be honest, quietly dragged on her; and she, as I thought, too.

And one day, we went out of our office with a crowd to drink a beer on Friday night.

They sat down, drank a beer and, in short, caveated from the evening.

It was time to say goodbye and I decided to take this girl home.

Just came, she offered to come in, to drink tea, which of course I did.

The thoughts in my head were so bursting that I had already mentally done everything with her.

When we got home, she went for tea, and I decided that in 10 seconds I would go to her kitchen.

I go into the kitchen, she covers something on the table, well, I hugged her from behind, pressed to myself and started kissing my neck.

She turned sharply. and. and. And I’ll be surprised that I’ve eaten.

It turned out that she really wanted to give me tea and there were no hints and she had a guy at all.



I don’t understand the clues :(



P.S. I got out of the company two months later.

According to the forecasts of the Ministry of Finance in the autumn in the country is expected a second wave of fines for violation of self-isolation.

Recently, it became known about the ugly racist outbreak that happened in the United States.

Some unknown characters threw a hanging loop into the garage box of the only black racing athlete in the NASCAR series, Bob Wallace! The petla very much resembled those loopholes on which in the time of slavery guilty slaves-negers were hanged.

The management of the association immediately issued the following statement:
We are angry and offended, and we cannot fail to mention how seriously we take this disgusting act. We have immediately started an investigation and will do everything we can to find those responsible and exclude them from the sport. As we have clearly stated, there is no place for racism in NASCAR, and this act only reinforces our determination to make the sport open and welcoming to all.

The FBI immediately engaged in the investigation of the disgusting crime. 15 best federal agents were sent to investigate all the circumstances of the incident.

Other drivers and NASCAR members expressed their full solidarity with the African-American. As a sign of support, his racing car was hand-picked onto the track before the race, and the victim of the racist crime was suffocated in his arms mixed with hands and hands on his back.

The upset Bobba even took a selfie in front of his car and other participants before the race, and signed it on Twitter "Together".

Meanwhile, the FBI did not waste time either. After examining all the evidence, comparing all the facts and questioning all possible witnesses, the crime was finally uncovered:
The petal has always hanged in this place.
It was necessary to close the garage door.

The CEC has published the preliminary results of the 2024 elections.

The story happened to my brother. One friend asked him a very large amount of debt, his brother agreed to give in debt, but under security of the apartment. and further dialogue.

Do you want to take my apartment?

Do you want to pay off the debt?

The extreme stage of laziness is when a person even has easy ways in life to look for laziness.

Compatible

After the winter holidays, we were told that the physics teacher was seriously ill. And now, the lessons of physics will be conducted by a combinator. He is not a teacher, but a literate, works in the factory as the deputy chief of the IVC. We studied in the tenth grade, and the ladies who planned to enter the institute organized an unauthorized rally:

Can you find another physics teacher? After all, we have a graduate class, and physics should be led by a teacher, not a deputy! Rubanula from the shoulder Olga Filimonova.

"It is difficult to find a teacher at the height of the academic year," he replied, "thanks to Stanislav Vladimirovich that he agreed to help us. I’m sure he will do it because he has a higher education in physics. Why are the boys silent?

- And we will learn it by textbook, independently, - replied Sergey Vychin, who had been in school for the second year and regretted not going to the school after the eighth grade.

This is wonderful! Do not deceive me, and without provocations! I summarized the summary.

On the change before the lesson of physics, we took our seats. There was no teacher yet, and the girls held a secular conversation, in a very echoed tone:

I don’t know if I go to another school.
I saw physics. Girls, he is bald!
My school was crying. Work as a cleaner!
If so, I go to the director. Who is with me?
– Let’s all go, – someone replied for everyone.

Physicist was forty years old, tight, cute, with smart and cheerful eyes. The lion was powerful! Satiric said of such, “Walks with intelligence.” The physicist quietly wrote his FIO on the board, and turned to us, said:

- Write in the notebook, it's me. Since I don't have a pedagogical education, I won't waste time educating loboths. I’m used to working with a high CPA, so those who aren’t interested in studying physics can move to the back. Play the sea battle, but be silent! All the others, move to the front seats, I will work with you. The questions?

What is IWC? I asked.
A good question! I'll arrange your class for an excursion to the IVC, there I'll tell you everything.

The physicist taught the lesson easily and easily. And when we started solving the tasks, he laid out on the first batch a small box with keys on which the numbers and signs were large drawn. Seeing the confusion in our faces, he said:

- Since we do not have a math lesson, we will not waste time dividing the column. This thing is called a calculator, and it will help us with calculations. How to use them, I will teach everyone.
Will you count on it yourself? I asked.
No, I insist that each of you learn to use them. Believe me, you will need it.

At the end of the lesson, the physicist made us a dizzying proposition:

I want to give you an optional homework. Whoever can do it, all five for a quarter. The Automatic! Are there wishes?
by Daaa! He swallowed the whole class.
- You need to explain why when short-circuit, the wires sparkle. From the point of view of physics. Duration of execution is a week.

Only God knows how much literature our class has translated! I even arranged a short shutdown at home in the hope that the illumination would fall on me, but unfortunately. By the end of the week, I was surrounded by excellences and demanded:

Tell me the correct answer!
How do I know? I was surprised.
You are a radio amateur.
And what?
The Jedi! You don’t need 5!

Having learned that no one was able to cope with the task, the Physicist reassured us:

Relax, nobody knows that. You have learned a lot of interesting literature.

The trip to IWC made an impression on me. Large computers, and bushes of plates in the room for their repair and cabinets with radio parts, I considered the longest. And the thought revolved in the head: “Here would be!” and the IWC is an Information and Computing Center.

At the graduation exam in physics, I went with the intention to answer five! I was lucky with the ticket, and when I got to practice assembling the circuit and building the Volt-Amper characterization of the reostat, electricity was missing in the school. I did not get confused, drawn a scheme and a formula for calculation. I was praised, and I, in the spark of dog enthusiasm, said:

Thank you to Stanislav Vladimirovich!
“Boer, Ohm’s Law, you were in the seventh grade. What about Stanislav Vladimirovich? I asked Zevs.
He inspired me!
Do we mean no? He smiled to Zavo.

The non-standard thinking of Physics was manifested during the graduation evening. There was only champagne on the table. But someone cautiously brought a bottle of vodka. The entrance to the school and the classes were closed, and we decided to drink vodka in the toilet. But almost the vodka was put on the window, as the physicist went to the toilet.

Ladies and gentlemen, be calm! The physicist said, I understand. I hide myself, but I do not advise drunkenness. You will meet the dawn. Better on your feet than under the fence. I propose the following regulation. You take me in part, and I pledge to pour vodka fairly.
I agree! We have rattled.
A glass alone?
and yes.
I understood! Drink like in the West.
Is it how? I asked.
In small doses. Who got the first 50 grams?
What is so little? Morin was surprised.
Six to fifty, and I have two hundred. As an elderly and for breaking.

No one argued. The physicist last drank fifty grams, and the rest of the vodka poured into the washer. To relieve the tension, the physicist asked:

Where after school?
In a military school, someone replied.
In the army, three people answered.
- In the Technical School, replied Vichin.
In the locomotive, I said.
- Give me advice, go to the factory, stutters are always needed! And they get four hundred rubles, and I get two hundred.

The physicist left the banquet in English without saying goodbye.

I understand all, the new Constitution is like a new country, and therefore zeroing is legal. Can I also cancel taxes for previous periods and loans taken under the old Constitution?

I live next to the beach. There is a decree that the beach can be filled only 50%. In terms of the number of people.

But our officials are not very smart. Therefore, the beach was simply flanked into two parts. Some people are not allowed.

xxx: I have a friend who voted “for”

Her position: We have a monarchy in the genes, we need a king. No democracy will survive. Look at what in America.

YYY: Well, you don’të at least have a position.

Zzz: Yes, just some knee-arrow position.