bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №131042
 22.07.2016
XXX: No, it is about something else. There was somehow a scientific discussion about what time of day to fuck a varan.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №131041
 22.07.2016
The story of Laura.
Internship in a rural hospital. A 4-year-old boy was brought, the bean was moved into the left nose. Press, try with a pincet - it only goes deeper. The boy ores.
A surgeon was sent to wake up, he was there in the CRP alone for everyone with great experience. An unawakened surgeon came and struck the probe in the right nose. The boy sneezes, the bean flies out, the surgeon goes to sleep.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131040
 22.07.2016
IQ tests are written by idiots.
We were given a time test in physmat school to write. We missed the task in the party, if we didn’t solve it in 2 minutes. Then they made each other missing decisions. As a result, it turned out that we had an unrealistic number of points, in which the test is recognized as invalid. There is no way to solve such long tasks. And the ability to fucking a system is not perceived as the ability of intelligence. In Russia, this is the primary capacity of intelligence.

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131039
 22.07.2016
I see Ivanushka the Landless.

When designing land for lease under the barracks, it is necessary to obtain permission from the architectural department, which will never issue it to a dangerous site, because it is responsible for this. And now strain - if the barrel still stands above the gas highway, what is the price of its "legal" documents?

Take the dacha. Ordinary 6 cents. I want a house there. I do the project, as it is. I ordered geodesy, geology, drawing everything. I get and I’m going to agree (no gas, no forest, nothing like that). Everyone signs me, I build. And in 5 years, gas drivers come and say, you have not 50 meters to our highway, but 45 meters. Move the house. And you are in shock: there was no gas on the plane, the land committee did not bother anything, the architects of the city too. And here it turns out that all those who were supposed to tell you "You cannot", so that you do not get into the tabernacle afterwards, do not take into account anything, and you have permission to build. But after 5 years it turns out to be "NAVERNAKA obtained illegally". This is a real case.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131038
 22.07.2016
I talked to the girl about every piece, there was a dialogue of the following content:
I: Okay you, the fruit of lime in diameter of five centimeters, no more.
Q: Are you joking? Lyme is very large.
I: You’re talking like I’ve never seen Lime.
D: You say it as if I’ve never seen five centimeters.

It seemed like a joke, but it was so annoying that the breath stopped :D

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131037
 22.07.2016
Chodor was a Pokémon. He was attached to the master, possessed superpowers and could only speak his name.
Yes, and the master fought with him.)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131036
 22.07.2016
The real case. We got to the office only a boy from the institute. The smoker immediately that he was stunned by a small s/p, because he broke through the chip and the main thing in life is the scooters. I worked for a month, pulled off. Then, he smiles the next customer, the director passes by, enters the conversation and takes the client to his office, then the customer takes the goods for a large amount. The guy rushes to the director and screams: I can’t stand it! What kind of hell??? Where is my back?! He flew out of the office immediately.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131035
 22.07.2016
No, we really have medicine.
I was taken to the hospital with a stroke, as if in one part of my body.
The doctor walks and doesn’t pay attention to me.

Then he turned around and asked, What is there?
The nurse replied that her ass had crushed. Do you imagine?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131034
 22.07.2016
xxx: The expression "Desktop wallpaper" is absurd in itself.
xxx: It’s the same as "A carpet on the wall".
XXX: Well yes, it is all right.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131033
 22.07.2016
Well, any normal person understands that the chanson is Aznavour and Farmer, not the Circle and Shufutsky.
On the other hand, this is precisely the case when the name clearly defines the essence: and the lyric is thief, and the name is tyrannic.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №131032
 22.07.2016
Customs urged foreigners entering the country to report on accounts in social networks

And you are fiery, fiery.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №131031
 22.07.2016
To the consolation of all those who have fallen astray from the Belarusian batsman, I will remind you that not only we, the Slavs, are such fools. Our Greek brothers were mindful of all. They prohibit calling the inhabitants of Macedonia Macedonians and officially demand that Macedonia call itself the “Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia.”

We look forward to the Icelanders changing their country’s name to Eyjafjallajökulland and throwing a tail on anyone who can’t correctly pronounce it.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №131030
 22.07.2016
The advertisement...
Shockproof Phone for Men with a Powerful Battery

Men with a powerful battery?

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131029
 22.07.2016
xxx Please help translate the phrase "Everything will happen" into Latin
and Omnia transibunt.
xxx thank you. Are you sure? I just want to engraving on the ring.
yyy On the engagement ring the inscription "Everything goes by" is very strong
XXX is not a wedding :) But the idea is not bad, it should be taken to note :)

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №131028
 22.07.2016
I am afraid of heights. But when in the plane, especially behind the shuttle, there is no fear.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №131027
 22.07.2016
From the forum on the choice of air conditioning system:

And I know the greedy provincial chief. Glad you have a server.

Now about cooling, how much I understood tips on beating condensed you no longer need them, and so much has been written above.

Here is what I can advise, find where in the vicinity you can fill up liquid nitrogen, it should be worth a penny, you can wear it in any thermos (without pouring on your hands, temperature -190 Celsius). Half a liter of nitrogen, 2 times a day on the floor (it makes sense to leave the room for half an hour so as not to freeze as in the tundra) and everything in the up-to-date will be as long as you wait for the heat.

Remember acquaintances in one of the Soviet scientific institutes (where you could not even dream of condiments), and escaped from the heat. A portion of nitrogen was enough for 5 hours, I remember when it was frozen, and there was a steam on the street under 40.
One minus, if the floor is linoleum or just painted, then the chan floor will come very quickly, if it is just the concrete floor then the pofigu.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131026
 22.07.2016
"In the words of a squash targeted at eggs,
This is the unpleasant truth:
This is not an age of acceleration.
This is I’m stopping." (c) E. Lukin

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131025
 22.07.2016
We have one colleague who is constantly dissatisfied with everyone and complains loudly about it. and constantly! Every day for 8 hours. In connection with recent events, when she begins to sneeze, my colleague says to her: - What, Masha, does the Pokémon not catch, does the coconut not grow?)))))))

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131024
 22.07.2016
I wanted to quickly take a loan from Sberbank for 2-3 months 150 t.p. I came and stood an hour in line. A girl, an employee of Sberbank, who took me, advised me to take a loan for 1 year. percentage will be lower (type pay for 2-3 months, and all). I agreed. By the way, I get a military pension on the Sberbank card, she counted on it. Bringed a certificate of 2NDFL from work (about 90 t.p. In a month), the girl took off the copy, but said that she generally does not need, enough retirement. She made a request, said the result will call. By the end of the working day called back, said that the loan is approved, you can approach for documents. He went on the next day, standing for another forty minutes in a row. He was redirected to the same woman. She accepted me and gladly informed me that I was approved for a loan 18 tr.p. for 5 years.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131023
 22.07.2016
I decided to follow the advice of the sites, well, and decided to go to get acquainted, because the clubs I do not go, then decided to go to the park (the case was in Peter).

I sit, I mean, on the bench, I wait for the girl to pass by, but somehow it was not lucky, it was already evening, and there was no "production"!

It rained here and I was wet, although I wasn’t hot yet. So here, I am sitting trembling to warm up - stretched the cap. And here a girl passes by, I was going to leave, but the girl was beautiful...

I’m sitting... I think... Yeah, come or not? No, I will come anyway! Or hell with him, where am I so wet going? Although, if she refuses, I’m not losing anything... Fuck, she’s gone!

I jump up, I go after her, and here I understand that I jumped up sharply, probably noticed. The street is already dark, the park, no one - only me and the girl in front. I understood that she noticed me, I go quickly thinking what to say (on pickup forums - a opening. The phrase, how to talk to a girl and continue the conversation), but nothing comes to mind, and she is already turning. Here, my gaze falls on her bag, and when I open my mouth, I realize that I am shaking from the rain.

The Park. The evening. Behind the girl is a shivering guy in a cap. She is turning.

I say with a loud voice:

You have a beautiful bag.

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