bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131751
 06.08.2016
He is not interested. He does not see himself in this.

She is fucking interested. Since childhood, she has seen herself as a barber, a toilet washer and a wiper of children's asses. Who do you want to be when you grow up? Astronaut, scientist, politician or engineer? Pfff, no, I want to wash the pot. Although it is generally educated, yes. End up grown up in sovka aunts and MB will give you a generation of girls purely for service and beauty.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131750
 06.08.2016
Three times:

It is stressed that when we have a child in divorce always takes the mother.

Look at the statistics. When a father fights for the right to have children, they are awarded more often than the mother who fights with him. Just fathers are usually only happy to swing at sunset, and the offspring to leave the mother.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №131749
 06.08.2016
Humor dispersed

Let’s go to Senegal, let’s read Cant?
I seem to have taken everything with me. I forgot the glass.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131748
 06.08.2016
In Peru, a cat was arrested for the owner's debts

In Perm, a local resident's cat was arrested for failing to pay the debt. The amount of debt is 120,000. The debtor himself did not rush to pay it. When he came home, he saw a cat named Archibald and estimated it at one and a half thousand.

The next day, Permake returned the debt and admitted that he was not ready to break up with his favorite.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131747
 06.08.2016
The husband today says, “Let’s go to the harbour. I was so delighted: the sea, sunset, romance... And he: I have to hunt water Pokémon there.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131746
 06.08.2016
Wheat flour is made from a plant called pšenica. Manca of the Manna of Heaven, obviously. A pearl of pearls. It is terrible to imagine what the artwork is made of.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №131745
 06.08.2016
HH: Where are you going?
Don’t worry about it in the morning :D
The morning is not good.
YYY: So what happened or did you just miss it? 07:52 - I am not so early (for the future)
Your office is open, but you are not.
They are cleaners. They work in the morning with administrators and programmers. In the morning, if you come early, you can ask them to do something – they do much faster than we do. and more qualitative

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131744
 06.08.2016
X. What kind of person are you? Boring, burdensome... Everything is planned in advance. It looks like Hippolyte from the "Ironia of Fate". The grief is consistent. Have you ever done anything crazy or irrational in your life?
Y. Nuow, I once mixed "Fanta" with "Pepsi".

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №131743
 06.08.2016
aaa: Should you throw fish in the LSD fritter?
You open your mouth to eat the third, say, shrimp, and it says to you in a human voice: "I was a professor of philosophy at the University of Krevetok before, and now this is what has come." A calmar to you from the plate: “And my grandfather Ktolhu saw it.”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №131742
 06.08.2016
It was:

Ugh, it reminds me of a shaved scrotum. Therefore, usually sphincts are not liked by men (those who do not tend to touch other people's trumps), but they are popular among single aunts.

This is the "expert" Sphinx on the touch is much warmer than the above-mentioned scrotum. The body temperature is higher, and using this logic, women warm their hands on the sphincters, as they are more likely to be cold.

An old joke: women at work talked about husbands, the conversation turned to the temperature of eggs. One says "in my warm", the other too. Third " and I don’t know". The next day he comes with a finch. She asked her husband why other men have warm eggs and he has cold eggs.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131741
 06.08.2016
xxx: To me here our "collega" wrote - to prohibit access to mail for Medenko Viktor (not to be confused with Medenko Maria Viktorovna)
Xxx: I ask him - What is his login in the mail?
XX: Do you know what he said to me?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY =)
xxx: "Maybe he had no mail"
YYY: Answer him - Maybe I banned him from accessing...
Xxx =)))

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №131740
 06.08.2016
The supermarket is almost empty, but it is worth weighing. I approach and it immediately becomes clear what the matter is - "Selpo" has changed the interface of the weights. Now the buyer is asked in the search line to enter the name of the product instead of choosing one from the long list, as it was before. While the girl is unsuccessfully beating over her "bowling", the confusion in the turn grows, and I am heading to other weights, which have only one male - maybe he has vegetables easier. But no, his shortcuts are not on the list of results either. I decided to help him with advice, and I said, “Maybe it’s a potato? Try it.” It worked, something knocked me into the outlet (this was gratitude or outrage I did not understand), he goes to the box office.



By gathering statistics on queries, the supermarket has the ability to enrich the dictionary and force the app to recognize and correct minor common errors, but I would prefer another way – let the app with an electronic voice offend the buyer: “Bonan? seriously? Are you really dumb?“”

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №131739
 06.08.2016
If you want to reduce the number of students on the site, then it is better to ask simple questions from the school program.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №131738
 06.08.2016
It was:

Here is this.

- follow the text: "The deer has two horns, in a herd of 100 deer - How many horns?" - "And what month?" - "Why a month?" - "Maybe they did not fight?" - "How many horns?"!"- "When they fight, the horns lose... Sometimes, one deer, one horn..." - "SУУУУКА!!! 100 x 2 – how much?!" - "What is this?"
and ahahah! Sorry, I understand, I will no longer...

I don’t know how to others, but it’s obvious to me that these northern brothers knew much more about deer than you. And they tried to tell you that everything is not always so simple in life, "the deer has two horns." There is one horn, or zero, or one and a half. That heroic example you have, life is not appropriate. And you, my friend, thought they were stupid. You know that you are not a hero in life.

When asked about the number of bicycles from a certain number of wheels, the girl replied that you will not collect a single bicycle, because some wheels are not enough.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №131737
 06.08.2016
and XXX:
The rescuer of a girl who fell from the 8th floor in Yekaterinburg, told how he caught the child.
Here is the man hero.
YYY :
HOAA
All Pokémon are caught, and he is a child.
It is beautiful))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №131736
 06.08.2016
How is a pessimist different from a realist? The pessimist has a shit because it is a shit, the realist has an objective reason for every shit.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №131735
 06.08.2016
Every chicken is sure that her chicken tosses for love, and the rest - for duty.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №131734
 06.08.2016
A friend told me, following his words:
I had a few strict vegans. They said nothing to anyone, did not persuade, but managed to get it differently. They brought their food to each joint event, and demonstrately did not touch what you cooked. Even vegetables and greens. They also brought their tofu, cabbage, mushrooms and so on. Fuck your shampoos. Not to touch their food something defiled with meat.
And then I asked him once for their vegan tasting. I decided to knit. Eating their steamed, fried, baked vegetables, I said everything was very delicious, but better so. I got a pack of bacon from my pocket, broke the package with my teeth, and wrapped a piece, I don’t remember what a couple of layers of bacon. and eaten. The hatred in their eyes would be enough to burn the average size of the city. After that, they did not communicate with me for two months. Although I did the same as them. He just brought his food to someone else’s bowl.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №131733
 06.08.2016
Marina works at school in the afternoon on vocation, and in the evening on the panel - on Medvedev.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №131732
 06.08.2016
by Geektimes:
During the time I play in Ingress, I only got a picnic one time. A young sergeant came up from the patrol car and asked if I had just captured his portal in the square, and if I did, I would not go to capture another of his portals.
They talked and laughed, he told me that he usually captures points during night service, and then suddenly I painted.

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