My sister’s daughter is 4 years old. She and her husband went on vacation. With them on one plane flew acquaintances. They have a son of 3 years.

In front of the plane, the boy was angry. The first time he sees an airplane, and it is huge, noisy, roaring... generally scary.

I’m not going on the plane, I’m afraid.

Father told him.

Don’t worry, we’ll get through the plane and get on the bus. We will not fly on the plane. We will go on the bus.

The boy believed his parents and calmed down.

Sitting on the plane. They fly.

The boy is playing with my niece. They paint something.

(P - nephew M - boy)

Are you flying on a plane for the first time?

M did not understand. Are you flying in the plane?

P is I yes, and you?

Noah, I’m on the bus.

The nephew separated the boy. She did not want to play with him anymore.

In applauding the proletarian rallies, do not forget that one day after them they began to shoot the socially irregular and racially disabled.

Bag or Fitch

Fifteen years ago I learned that being offended is destructive. That these negative emotions toward other people are your own mistake in evaluating those people.

I took a relay. The switch. To loved and dear people he stands on the top division. I know I’ll give them everything and I know they won’t give up anything.

If something is wrong, no insults. The relay switches to the division below. People are no longer very own, but you expect less from them.

You put it hard on “strangers.” To whom you owe nothing and expect nothing. They say “be healthy” – you will answer “thank you.” and all. You will not answer, you will not answer. Because they are strangers.

There is also a unique, minimal division of "not people", but I have not used it for a long time. I have it for living creatures and creatures of the same race, and I never see them.

===
A few years ago my family left me homeless. My sister’s husband, a sister, a nephew. Unfortunately, my nephews were especially sad. He took from kindergarten and school, did lessons with them. I was shocked when they were sad at home. I have cats, dogs, go to the zoo and eat better.

Transferred the relay. “Almost a stranger.” I did it myself. From Zero.

= is
At some point it became difficult to cope. Called my father. He offered to sleep a dog so that it would be easier for me to rent the apartment. He turned the relay to “almost strange.”

= is
He pulled the dog to Rostov and the dogs lived there for another 6 years. From communication with relatives - stories about their difficulties and problems through the tenth hand. Trying to throw me on everything else.

Transferred to “foreign”.
Let them throw. I don’t have those cozy apartments. Strangers can be thrown. You do not expect anything else from them.

= is
And when a nephew is born, I will not see. Foreign because of. My grandchildren are cousins.
And when one of the Kuzmin apartments in them burned, I don’t have money for strangers.
When my father needs something. He is clever and does not ask for money, but for work. I have no work for strangers.

= is
There are no changes on their part. They think they were always right. And I have no reason to switch the relay.

And if he was just offended, he would have exhausted all his nerves and forgiven him for a long time. I would have been able to do it three more times. But the relay does not allow that. Strangers means strangers. And no insults.

On the long birthday congratulations from the “family” I replied, “Thank you.” Like a congratulation from a regular courier company or a congratulation from a nearby cafe.

= is
I do not recommend this relay to anyone. Because the drunk seems that something is wrong and that you need to restore contacts with relatives. This is a nervous and severe state - when I drank and became sad.

But add a little and understand - right and otherwise can not be. And you are sober - you don't even understand what you reflected on the drunk. And in a year’s time, I’ll say “thank you” again. And if they die there, I will not answer. Every day in the world, strangers die. I will answer the courier company.

The director reports to the chief:
Jakov Samuilovich, what is the Stone Age? You have the most up-to-date computer in the company, and you are ticking your bills! I am ashamed of the customers!
– Roman Arkadievich, what I have to tell you about accounting. I have already closed a few financial checks when you walk under the table and I assure you, the accounts are much more reliable than this computer. Imagine - the taxpayer breaks into the office: "Everyone to the wall, hands for head!" When will you delete documents from your computer? And I raise my hands with the bills, all the bones come together on one side and that’s all! Nobody will prove anything!

I sat down at night, drank a beer, watched a series. At three o’clock I remembered that my friend’s birthday had already begun. Knowing that a friend with humor and not offended decided to call him immediately and congratulate him. I called, but he did not take the phone. I think okay.

The next night, I sleep, exactly at three o’clock, a friend calls, takes the phone, asks, “why did you call?”))

Two years ago, in my multi-thousand enterprise, a girl from the supplier for a joke blinded the director’s order to cut wages by 20 percent and dismiss 10 percent of the company’s employees. After sending this to his colleagues in the department and about 30 people there, he began to watch and laugh quietly at the reaction of people. Everything would be nothing but by the time she said it was a joke-sarafan radio spread this news throughout the factory and forced a lot of chiefs of workshops and other units to sweat a lot by gathering emergency meetings on the reduction of the state. If you are reading this, sign up! Let me know what happened to you after this epic dismissal? P.s : but they even wanted to launch a criminal case on this photoshop masterpiece))))

I remember, I had nothing to remember before. Now another thing is to remember and it remains.

Wunsdorf, Legnica and Milovice To the question, what is common between these three names, the quickest answer will follow from the male who served in the Soviet Army :) In these cities there was the command of groups of Soviet troops in the GDR, PRR and Czechoslovakia together with large military units, and it was there that additional ambulance trains from Moscow began to take out officer families and freelancers when the process of withdrawal of Soviet troops began. The appointment of these trains was carried out by special orders issued in the last minute, and the popularity of the guides they did not enjoy: drunken with sorrow and fear of the future officer, scandalous officer wives "Mit Kidern and Babychen", not willing to pay for excess baggage, indispensable brigades of inspectors, like griffs flying to the smell of violations... in general, almost guaranteed recovery, and there and before the transfer from overseas to domestic flights nearby. Here they became guides there to appoint students - what are the demands?

Call from the car station:
Can you take an extra flight tomorrow?
Again a milk?
No, the order did not come, today Prague, the tour group.
We arrive in Prague at the Main Station, the center of the city. Eight in the morning, back at two in the afternoon. We quickly prepare the cars for the return flight - now you can go to the city. According to the idea, one conductor should stay in each wagon, but, fucking, what can happen in the quietest Prague at all? There are two students on the whole train (12 cars), the rest together with the boss - to the city for shopping.

We come back early - opla, and the composition on the platform and not. Well, we think the water filled off, the matter of five minutes. Time goes by, there is no composition, we smell petroleum and go to the station boss.
Where is the train to Moscow?
- And he was taken to Milovice, he is leaving there today.
When will he come from Milovic to Prague?
- And he will not go to Prague, he will go directly to Moscow... (looking at the clock)... or rather, he has already gone. What did you want?
We are his brigade.
There is no scene. The head of the station grabs the phone, speaks a lot and loudly in Czech, turns to us:
He did everything he could. Your train will be delayed for an hour in Cologne, this is an hour on the electric train, which leaves in 2 minutes. If you don’t have time, your train will leave without you. The March!

I never ran so fast. We succeeded, we came to Colin, we see the train, we knock - nobody opens. Finally, a sleeping passenger appears:
Should you?
Open, we are your guides.
You surrendered to us, and we are well without you.

When the crew came to Milovic and was delivered for landing, the two students left on it realized that a global crash had occurred, and managed to ensure the landing of the whole crew, and then twice rotated, as if on a paddle, serving 12 wagons. Such a strange system of service of the Soviet train did not go unnoticed by the Soviet military commander of the Czech station, and a telegram flew to the border. The inspectors who arrived on the signal found complete order on the train: peacefully sleeping passengers, a train brigade set, no violations. The chief of the train with the rough brick went into a deaf negative, and the very idea that the train brigade could be fully behind the train was rejected with indignation. There were also no willing people in the ministry to take action: after all, this changed schedule was not brought to the attention of the brigade because of their fault. As a result, the incident was safely forgotten, and we had a saying for several years: "Well, why are you rushing like a Cologne electric car?"

My grandfather, until his death at the age of 105, ate caviar at every meal and drank a good French cognac. Five times a week I ate a half-pound steak and drank a bottle of old Italian red wine. Once a week, at his request, we ordered him two prostitutes and four drops of cocaine.
Why did he die?
We killed him. It was impossible to carry out such expenses.

Be more restrained...

When I worked in the state laboratory, I was the only male representative in our FHMA department. One day, around 3 p.m., the grandmothers, as usual, drank tea in the remote cabinet, and I worked in the nearby cabinet (the remote cabinet passed through the cabinet where I worked). Suddenly an unknown man in a costume came in. Judging by the reaction of the grandmothers, he was a very important person, for all the grandmothers stood up when they saw him, and sat back only after he left. After talking to the grandmothers, the old man in the costume began to leave. But before he went out, he turned around at the door and, pointing to me with his finger, said, “Don’t offend my grandson. This is the youngest son of my eldest daughter.” He blinked at me with a smile. After that he went out. Everyone was left with their eyes round of surprise, including me. When I was asked, “Is that true?I said, “Yes, this is pure truth.”

If a half-hour video found a couple of minutes of desired information - it is still lucky. Sometimes, you are looking for, for example, a disassembly of a fresh notebook, so that you don't break the tip, you come across a video called "the replacement of the HDD with the SSD in the $model_note$". Oh, what is needed! A typical chronology:

5 minutes to look at the box

5 minutes – consider how beautiful it is and what ports it has

10 minutes - turn on, wait for full loading with the deployment of the master of the initial settings "think username and password", without installation

2 minutes - and video sponsor - multiwark redmond, crazy! carefully press the buttons on the multivark, because after recording the video it will need to be packed and returned

3 minutes - we show that the new laptop brakes, in some frankly fucking way, like copying a big film from the C disk to the D disk. in the frame large-scale window inscription "3 hours and 25 minutes left", which floats and does not focus.

30 seconds - we find out that this can be fixed by replacing the disk with the SSD. the slide of frames, the hook - before us a notebook, in which the HDD was replaced by the SSD and the OS was slid. In any case, they updated the page and overwhelmed if YouTube did not collapse. No, it is really a scratch.

further convinced that the SSD really works faster, learned that tickets need to be bought on airlines, denial, anger, bargain, depression, acceptance, let’s look for the next video.

In second grade I did not want to go to school. In the morning she got up before everyone, hiding things (the guy left) and herself under the bed. What I thought, I probably go out later, I'll be a little offended and don't have to go. In the morning, they were looking for me, telling me where I was.In the end, when I went out, it turned out that it was Sunday. This is a failure (

What is the most disgusting secret you are hiding right now?



DARTHVICKER: My wife went into a drunkard with her colleagues and ran into shit. I had difficulty bringing her home. She cut off, arranged drunk cries, blew - it was a nightmare and not for the first time. When I put her in bed, I went and joked on the runway next to her car, and then told her that she had done it when she was drunk and that our neighbor had seen her do it. She discovered it when she went to work the next day. Since then, she has not been drunk on people, and it happened 4 years ago. If she still allows herself, then only one drink with her colleagues after work and that’s all.

I have a friend in Germany. All things work. And then she got an offer to work in South Africa as the head of some department. She gladly told me, and I was like this:

Stop, South Africa is Africa!

Well yes.

You go there to be the boss. Black people will not listen to you. They are lazy, unlike you, the Germans, they are not disciplined.

All is understandable. You believe in stereotypes about Africa. It is the 21st century, it has not been so long ago. Yes, and you’re from the post-Soviet space, you’re a bit racist about black people there. In fact, everything is different.



If you want, let’s see. She went there in January and worked. No one listens to her, does not want to work, is openly despised. In March, she openly hated all her black employees (there were white employees who listened to her) and decided to fly back to Germany. Europe is closed to flights. Just recently arrived from South Africa, all nervous, evil. She tells everyone about life in South Africa, and the Germans who know her don’t believe, now think that she is racist and has invented everything. The propaganda cape works in Europe.

He witnessed a dialogue in the smoking room.

A man and a woman of fifty years talked.

In general, I am constantly asked on the street how to go somewhere.

You have such a look.

(D) A bit awful – which one?

A second, two, three...

As if you know everything.



I was very curious what thought went through the guy’s head in those three seconds.

She was small, 5 years old. Dad came back from a trip, guests came, party.

And here I mysteriously say:

But you don’t know what mom does at night when daddy isn’t there, and I know!

Everyone is frozen, everyone is curious about what Mom does at night while Daddy is not there.

After lasting the theatrical pause, having looked at many of them, I continue:

She thinks I’m sleeping and I see nothing, but I see everything. She turns the light on, gets the book and reads!

More presidents of Israel have been born in Belarus than presidents of Belarus.

For those who do not believe - On the territory of Belarus were born the first and third presidents of the State of Israel Haim Weizmann and Salman Chazar, the prime ministers Menahem Begin, Itshak Shamir, Shimon Peres, who held positions of prime minister and president

In general, as in the autumn, my daughter declares that we will need jellows for technology tomorrow. I look at the clock, it’s seven o’clock, it’s already dark. I picked up the light and said I went.

They came to the nearest forest, left the car on the road and went to the forest. My daughter sits under the oak, and I light her a candle. A man’s voice from behind. The conscious stranger, I am.

SNS – What are you doing here?

I am looking for a jellyfish.

In the meaning?

I need to go to school tomorrow.

What, what is in the dark?

I remembered my daughter, so she said.

My daughter said she got as much as she needed.

In general, a man walked with a dog on the outskirts of the forest, there came a car and some guy with a child went to the forest, and it was already dark. They talked about the fact that if school needs something, students remember it at the last moment.

When the street dictates the houses, sooner or later your home will become a fortress.

My aunt’s name in her virginity was Cocher. She was arranged, therefore, somehow to work in one organization, and the interview was conducted by the head of the department, and when he heard her surname, he immediately said: "I will take!" And he rubs his hands and says about himself, "It has been completed." And immediately led her to meet the girls in the office where she would work. He takes her to the office and says, “Well, the set. Meet: Koneva, Telegina and Kucher.