From the website of Amor Pais

I grew up in Donetsk. But he had a check-in in Kiev, his grandmother lived there, and they wrote it to her. I think this situation is known to many. And here, a day ago, they call me from the district military committee in Kiev, invite me to arrive with two cowards, with an empty circle, exactly at eight.

The following dialogue followed:
Sorry, but I can’t come!
And why?
Well, first, I am not in Kiev, and second, I am already serving in the army.
- And where do you serve, the number of the military unit, which military machine was called?
I am a volunteer. I fought in the brigade "East", in the Liberation Army of Novorossiya!
That is good! When will you be in Kiev?

by ZANAVES...

Tired of work, the husband at night seeks to fulfill the marital duty. I am :
“Sorry, I’m so tired today (I tell you what mountains I turned for today), but the money is going very well... There’s no power at all, you’ll have to endure a little bit: there’s either money or sex. I have money today.
I have sex! The husband cheers joyfully.

In the State Control hangs the photo of the best seller of the month.

The seller now comes to us in the development department, reflectively looks into the monitor of the chief of the department (the chief at this time writes some proga) and asks with unfailing surprise:
Do you really program here?
All of the department :)

Unforgiven48: A familiar told- Worked in the north, guarded a multi-storey. After work in the evening gathered in the apartment on the first floor to drink, after a few bottles everyone came out of the balcony and went home. This lasted about a week. One evening, everything was gathered again only on the 3rd floor. They drank, one man gathered home, said goodbye, and left. A few minutes later another man asks, and which way did he go? Everyone pointed to the side of the balcony, so we say on the 3rd floor then, ran to the balcony, look down, see the picture - sparkly snow and traces, In the morning this man comes alive and unharmed, he is asked you how normal? He says it’s okay, but what is that? Yesterday you fell from the 3rd floor when you were leaving home, you guys - it's okay to carry you, there was no such thing.
Gktuning: There was a similar variant in the army. In the spring, when trying to open one of the deadly painted windows, the glass collapsed and did not insert it. The same window at night most used as a door in order to shorten the way to the needle. As the autumn approached, the senior inserted the glass, only at night someone came out through it. The senior inserted the glass twice again with the same result, until the morning construction announced the installation of the glass and did not glue a cross on the cross of the insulator for reminder.
And what is interesting - all without injuries, the senior in this regard did the entire investigation - even scratches did not find.

The smell of sweat:

I was sitting in a taxi somehow, and there was such a fireplace - even holy carvings. He opened his window so as not to sink to the destination. The driver insulted so, with a ride: "I can't open the windows a month at a time! " I put him on a blue eye, thickened by lack of oxygen: "Here it smells. " So he put me in matts, turned to the side and landed. I don't quite understand - when your income directly depends on the comfort of your passengers, is it so difficult to wash and use a deodorant in the morning? And you talk about some men in buses and metro. At least a bubble.

The phrase about coming to work at the given time is alarming. Untold directors who do not know why they pay employees salary when things go badly and need to show activity are usually strangled on formal occasions such as this - how many minutes late
– – – –
Well, for a few minutes late seller, hairdresser, receptionist in a repair shop, in general any employee directly working with customers - such a little thing, right? You’re above this formalism, quietly climb for 10 minutes in front of the locked door and don’t curse “this scratch,” right?

The British criminal Judah Medkafu managed to avoid the seat because of the enormous height - 2 meters 13 centimeters. The boy turned out to be small and clothes, and the prison chamber itself!
With these circumstances in mind, 23-year-old Medkaf was sentenced to a year of public work and six months of house arrest.
A child stole Christmas gifts and money from a hospital in southwestern England.
By the way, the nickname of the evildoer is "Krocha". A wonderful example of British humour.

Gideon:...I remembered the client who was handed over to the dentists. A 15 year old man argued with a friend that he would put an electric light bulb in his mouth. He could pull it, but not pull it out. Called for help by a comrade - obaltus a couple years older. He, with knowledge of the case, after examining the victim, stated that the head would help. The aid was a lightning blow to the jaw from the bottom up. The light bulb immediately exploded and painted the whole tongue and sky in fragments, the spectacle was terrifying in the amount of blood and so on.

Mmm... Napoleon! This is what we will do.
To cook cake or to capture the world?

The first day of autumn. The Monday. 8 in the morning.
I go to the metro. I see a woman with a bouquet of flowers. Then the other.
Hm, I wonder what are these with flowers? Is it a celebration?"
I go further. I see a woman with flowers. In vain I try to remember what a celebration is today, and if I did not need to bring flowers somewhere.
I leave the metro. I see two teenagers with flowers:
"So what do you all...." And then it came to me)))

News from Yandex:
The first paid parking in the center of St. Petersburg will be free
by Facepalm

What are you guys? King is still alive and still writing.

They confuse him with Hitchcock.

In the suburbs of Moscow, an unknown killer maniac shoots accidental drivers who are caught on the roadside spikes. There are 14 bodies.
But no one is going to catch him. After all, he did not draw the flag of Ukraine and did not write in the ZH about scammers and thieves.

Cyx: Let me uncover a little mystery of the Big Bang Theory in my family...
Five years ago, my father stumbled with a gas machine... or rather with its valve... As a result, the gas plate became twice lower, the oven just disappeared as an option.
The cold man, along with the hood, flew through the apartment through two twists of ninety degrees. I never thought it would be possible at all!
By chance, I might even say a miracle!It went without serious injuries. A slight injury in the mother, standing a meter from the epicenter.
Oh yeah yes! The victim that day was a cat, who after half an hour of wandering around the apartment from eating simply could not get up.
Unfortunately I did not take a photo, but it wasn’t before.

I worked for a long time in a telecommunications company, almost all the time on the phone. At the same time, he gave to the rights and honestly passed honey. The Commission. I still have the final certificate that I am healthy and normal. I knock at W. Poliklinics, I open the door and on the machine: Hello, VolgaTelecom, hello! The print was eventually placed.

Interview with the specialist of gasprom automation B*na Natalia:

Calls in horror: you sent me a PDF file, it is different in color from the rest!!!! to
I: I've sent it and Wardowski, you can print the third page and replace it.
B: I can’t print it!! There are such corrections - well, as lawyers always draw when something rules - this file cannot be printed.
It is not printed!!! to
Send me another file.! to
I : which one? Will Tiffany work?
B: What is it? What type of typhus? I need a file.
Q: What file format do you need?
B: in the word
But it can be printed!!!!! to
I: in the word there is such a button "accept corrections", if you press it - all these terrible bugs will disappear))))))
B: Well if you can, send me the pages three and four!!!!!!! In the word!!! to
I: on the fourth page signature and stamp - you are going to re-sign it? How do we put our painting?
B: No, I need pages three, four... three, four...
Send them to me.
here before me begins to come..... in the lower column title killed 3/4 - the third of the four..................
sent to
B is silent.
I think she is happy ?
I want to go to Gazprom :'(

Do you see the bag?
WOW: No
HH: And he is there!

This is:

I had a bunch of books in the elevator today! From about ten, among them considered "Command" with Schwartz on the cover, "Old Testament" and "Psalm".
Where does the world go?

You just didn’t read the Old Testament. It differs from Commando only by the presence in the plot of some commandments of a certain God. In other words, it’s almost the same crazy fighter.

gktuning: On one of the races (I don't remember, in Chernivtsi seems) overstated slightly - twisted twists, so, 5 through the roof. In the process I hear in the negotiation I hear the question of the stormman -"The stenogram is still needed or have you already arrived?"
In the finish, they got on the wheels, walked, went on the track, the assailant reads on - this infection didn't even fall off the line!

A little more:
We look at the training of trucks, at the time they were actively involved in the rally.
ZIL-130, in turn "catches the roof". Running, is it too little? We can see the picture: two jets hang on the belts down with the head, the assailant says to the driver: "Serega, in the race too, only slightly brake before entering this turn - I noticed in the stenogram."