It happened today :)

I wake up at night from a phone call. Time is 04:50 The voice of the chief (N) in the telephone:

N: OBYDLEVSHIY, are you going to work today or what?

I: Yeah, yes, the boss of course.

Q: At what time will you appear?

I: Well if there is no big traffic, then somewhere at 8:30 am I will be.

H (stolenly) is praaaawda How long is it now, dear friend?

I: Eeee... So without ten or five in the morning...

N: That is exactly!

He puts the phone.

Now he no longer remembers our conversation and is very surprised by a minute-long outgoing call on his phone.

earned in short)

Every man has a cemetery in his soul where his disappointed people rest.

Thanks to people!
There was in Soviet times such an Armenian film, with Armenia Borisovich Jigarhanyan in the main role, Zimbaliuk to help him or vice versa, it doesn’t matter, but the actor is brilliant!
I don’t remember the whole story, but there was an episode that hit the memory... An elderly Armenian came to the city with his daughter and grandson. The daughter told him that she invited her boss to visit at the table to discuss her promotion! This Armenian grandfather, by his rural simplicity, began to roast a strawberries right on the balcony!
The firefighters came to the smoke and one of them walked onto the balcony, and this grandfather, performed by Borisovich, invited him to this evening feast! In the evening before the event, he told his daughter about the firefighter’s invitation and the daughter whirkled like you were invited! The grandfather came out! How can someone be considered worse or better? We are all people! When I was on the front, who helped you and your mother? People helped you.
Here is this phrase from the mouth of Jigarhanyan, it sounds in my head for almost a day!
I work as a captain of a small boat in Lazarevsk. There was a small local storm yesterday. There is no work in the storm and I am on the anchor.
On this occasion, the shipowner and my friend Sasha arrived on board! Sasha is an experienced sailor. He was once a sports coach. But there is an old woman too! Sasha decided to take his friend off the shore.
We approach the shore with our nose. That is, the boat goes out to the beach by the nose and then backwards departs! At all my warnings that in a storm it is not safe to approach the shore, Sasha pared that skill is not to drink! In short, one good blow of wind and we with the boat sunrise on the shore! As the storm lay, a rescue operation began.
We picked up a vessel weighing twenty tons, we ourselves eleven... The boat didn’t shell!
They picked up a seventy-tonne "driving" - the boat didn't shell! We go along the beach with Sasha, thinking about our unenvious fate, and here a man approaches me.
Let’s go hand in hand?! to
My answer is meaningless! 11 tons of it! He says it is shit! Let us try! Take the microphone from the beach calls and ask the men to gather!
I did not believe in the success of this company. Forty men gathered together and pulled out eleven tons of stones from the beach, so I barely managed to jump onto the boat!
Two vessels could not even move the boat, and a man of forty Russian men were pushed out, and even with the displacement in the sea my boat! Their girls, their wives, their daughters, their friends, stood by and encouraged them! I'm sure that if we didn't get the first push, these girls would be pushing too! This is the ordinary people!
Cheated and robbed by the state but not lost a human face!
After pushing out the boat, they all shouted loudly that we were all Russians and not Pandos and went on to drink a beer and sunbath! And I stayed on my boat with the full confidence that we were invincible! Together we will survive any government.
I love you my Russian people!
by Dmitry Zhdanov

Russia is facing a demographic crisis. The number of those who steal continues to grow, and the number of those from whom you can steal is decreasing catastrophically.

This story I heard while on a business trip, it happened in the late 1980s and may be a battle, but I still decided to write it.

At the end of the 80s, a minor accident occurred at one of the nuclear power plants, it was urgently necessary to eliminate it and it was decided to call a slug who knew the features of the work of the failed equipment best in the shop. tk. The case occurred in the evening and the hero of this story was at home (there was no home phone in the apartment) a car of the type "Buhanka" was urgently sent to the city, the task of which was to find and bring this employee immediately. At the moment when UAZIK entered the yard, the slugman was found going to the bakery store with an avocado in his hands. After a short conversation, the slug got out, jumped into the car and walked to meet the adventure. There were about 18 at that time. Then began the titanic work to save mankind and it continued almost until 3 o’clock at night. At the end of the work, leaving the zone of controlled access when passing the dosimetric control, it turned out that the special clothing of our hero is a bit phonized. After he removed his special clothes, it turned out that his cowards also emitted ionizing radiation, after which all the clothes from the slickers were taken away, and his own laundry was deactivated and sent naked to the dressing room. It was almost five o'clock and our hero returned home, his wife naturally was not pleased that he came without bread, but even more annoyed by the fact that there were no cowards on her husband. After a short verbal interruption, the husband was expelled from the house where he left his cowards. Sitting on the first morning bus he went to work, and there asked the head of the shift for written evidence of the reasons for the disappearance of the cowards and "not buying" bread. The paper was handed over and the comrades went with her to the house. But the wife naturally did not believe any papers and expelled her husband from the house for the second time. After this, the hero of this story came to cry to the chief of the shop, and the chief, entering the situation, said that he would save the family happiness of the hero of the atomizer and went to his home with him. After two hours of negotiations, the wife agreed to let her husband go into the house who is losing his cowards, but she said to the boss: "I know you men, but I don't know where.

You are going to blame each other!!

I got an unknown number today:

- Good morning, you are concerned with the "Bla bla clinic", we offer a free body examination service, - the young man broadcasts cheerfully, - can I find out your age?

I was intrigued, so I answer:

Good morning, 25 years old.

“We provide this service from 40 to 75 years old, I’ll call back when you’re 40!

Well, I will wait.

The Paradox! Money cannot make a person happy, but its lack can make him unhappy.

In Samara, the directorate of one of the city’s schools made a plea to a history teacher after it turned out that he had forced six-grade students to teach biographies of criminal authorities in the city and the region.

The situation became known by chance. The parents of one of the students saw that he was writing a report by September 1 about the “Sanju Muha.” As it turned out, we are talking about the criminal authority Alexander Mukhine, who was killed in the explosion of his Mercedes-Benz in August 1998. After questioning the son, they found out that from March to May, the new history teacher taught them not a school program, but biographies of criminals.

“The son told us that the fly was rolled by rats from the automotive factories, afraid that his six would give the legs all the schedule. We, frankly, were in shock,” shared local resident Svetlana.

As it turned out, the story of schoolchildren was led by the 47-year-old former teacher of physical education Valery Kamnev, who appeared in some compilations of the 1990s as "Valera Stone". According to the representatives of the school administration, he had to teach history because there were no other free teachers in the school, able to give the desired number of hours. The director of the institution promised that if the study of the criminal world continues at history lessons, the next pretext will be made already with the entry into the work book.

Kamnev himself declined to comment on the situation in detail. He told the local TV channel that "the boy turned out to be a waltz, of course," but stressed that he did not intend to "pull the void" on this topic.

Seite is reasonable, good, eternal.

Nuances of Russian language.
“Don’t persuade me” means “No.”
“I don’t have to persuade you” – “Both hands for!”

XX: I invented this scheme in school. I didn’t lie that I agreed. A pure superstition. This is called “double insurance.” Before the check, you pay me 10 copies. If you get a pair, I pay a ruble. Not a couple, nothing. There is rarely a couple in the class. But everyone was afraid. Model school, sunset of the USSR.

This is how insurance works.

Zzz: And all the time you go, you say that 10 kopecks is not enough, you have to insure 20 for a long time, and you also offer to insure health from the puzzles of your parents.

I graduated from school and at this time began to introduce form. I came in a bright orange shirt. Zavoch sat on the guard and did not let the uncomfortable. I became a real catalyst for her inner bursts. She told me to go where I wanted. I told her that today I wanted to walk along the paths at the sorting station. Until the “instant!” And went to the exit. He stopped and said he was fucking with me. She has never met such a rare kind of fool, and in general, our whole class is finite sociopaths.

R and AskReddit:

Who has strange neighbors, tell what your neighbors did strange or evil?

Mewnir :

I had a widow neighbor of eighty years or older.

Every time I picked up a newspaper from the mailbox I received, I found a crossword in it that I had already figured out (I don’t tell them and I’m indifferent to them).

One day, I decided to catch someone who is guessing my crosswords. Day one: 8 in the morning, the crossword has already been solved. Day two: 7:30 in the morning, the crossword has already been solved. Day three: 7 in the morning, the crossword has already been solved. I decided to surrender.

Once I came home from a party at 4 a.m. and, passing past the mailbox before the mail was delivered, put my GoPro in it and went to sleep. The next day, I finally got him! It was my neighbor, he guessed the crossword right on the mailbox in about 10 minutes (I’ll try to find the video, but he was funny on it – periodically looking at my door, scratching my head).

The next day I bought a collection of a thousand crosswords, put it at his door, called the phone and hid in my car. After a while, he opened the door and saw the collection. I swear, he was absolutely happy, like a child who was given a puppy. He spent two hours on his doorstep, guessing crosswords, and then fell asleep.

The next day, when I was coming back from work, he approached me to apologize (like a guilty child who needed to confess something) and brought some cookie. We talked about how he served during World War II, about how the world changed.

I often bought him crossword collections until he died a year ago.

Let him rest in peace.

The paper is a clean sheet – Malevich in negative.

The guardian of sorrows or what to do to parents if the child considers himself a creature from another world

We very much ask you to help us! Do something at least! We all thought it was somehow, the psychologist once told us, and it was not. We are already told in the high school: pay attention and do something, it is strange, it interferes, we cannot tolerate it and not notice it, but we do not know how to respond correctly, and we need to consult with someone and take some measures. And we ourselves are in trouble: is it normal at all or how? I want to know and do something, but what? Here we came to you...

Mom, Grandma and Grandpa. Everyone talks loudly, long, interrupting each other. And most surprisingly, there is no gram of information in their triple monologue. I listen polently and attentively to the three adults for a few minutes, and as a result, I know nothing more about what is happening in their family than when they just entered my office.

The girl Milosevic - daughter and granddaughter - with them. Sad, narrow-armed, big-eyed - sitting on a chair, pushing palms under lean hips, and silent. What is it against them! For Milosevic 10–11 years.

She will soon be 12 years old! I accidentally catch the first concrete information from the flow of parental pronouncement.

I wonder what should I do now? Say to them: and now let’s do it again, first and specifically? Or ask them to silence and speak to the girl herself?

Now you ask her: Who is she? Grandpa cries out loudly.

Well, the proposal is not worse than anything else, I think and obediently ask:

Milosevic, who are you? Waiting to hear something like “cat”, “white”, “Winx fairy” and so on.

A girl’s escape into fantastic or literary images from such active relatives seems quite natural to me. True, it is somewhat confusing to mention the high school and school teachers. She is, and in school appears to be a white cat, cuddling or nuts bites?

“I am the keeper of sorrow,” the girl responds quietly and calmly.


Here is! The grandfather accusedly pulls the nodular finger toward the granddaughter. Do you see?! to

Mother and grandmother roll their heads like Chinese bulls.

“Please go out, everyone except Milosevic,” I said. When necessary, I will call you.

* * * *

Specific information had to be extracted from the girl. The extended is quite surprising, but it seems perfectly consistent with her inner reality.

Milosevic believes himself to be a guardian.

Everyone has something they’re here for, right? I have this. Do I like it? I do not know. Probably it is neither good nor bad, just yes. It is bad when a man does something that is not his.

All human sorrows, according to the ideas of Miloslava, live in a separate country. This country is pretty beautiful, but of course melancholic. In the middle - a large beautiful lake with islands, around - a colorful autumn forest. Over the forest sky. Sometimes the land of sorrow is clear and sunny, and then the trees are reflected in the water like in a mirror. Sometimes it rains and the wind blows, then the water runs and even wraps with waves, and the forest is terribly noisy. These are the birds that live in the forest. They are different. Through the lake swim huge and graceful sorrow labyrinths. There are sorrowful catches in the camels. There are crushed and crushed crows. There are small singing birds, each of which sings its own song at dawn and at sunset. There are quite fantastic, not found in our world of sorrow birds. All the inhabitants of the forest in their own way are charming, compassionate and not very smart.

Milosevic is the guardian of the forest.

What is the guardian’s job? To provide the sorrow birds with a pleasant and varied life in their native forest, to talk, play, admonish, persuade, not to let them into our world, and those who have yet to break, to return to their native penates. There is also a separate problem: having long entered our world, sorrow birds tend to form pairs in it and get nested. This cannot be allowed under any circumstances. Otherwise right here, in our world, sorrow can multiply uglyly: our world is not at all suitable for their puppies, and they grow up just terrible and can no longer return to the homeland of their ancestors.

After listening carefully and discussing in detail all this lyric and (cannot be denied!) As a talented psychedelic, I sent Miloslava to the corridor and called the bored parents, immediately warning them that they would speak in turn and only on my team.

When asking questions, I received the following information:

My mom and dad have been divorced for a long time. No bad habits, alcohol, drugs, psychiatry and so on. They separated because he was “blessed”, he didn’t earn money, he wasn’t interested in the family, he now lives with his mother and a speaking poppy, he communicates once a week with his daughter, he teaches somewhere, he studies the parliamentary arrangements of the 17th century. Miloslava's relationship with his dad is good, but talking to him about the fact that the girl has a problem is useless: he does not see any problems.

The idea of the "guard of sorrows" appeared long ago, now it seems to them that it was before school. Exactly remember that in the first class they went to a psychologist, who said: do not touch her, all children fantasize, there will be new school impressions, everything will pass. has not passed. Now they regret that they listened to that psychologist and "did not stifle all this ugliness in the embryo."

The fantasies of Miloslava are not good in themselves: what are these “tristes” of her? Why should she be sad if she has everything: parents, all the goods, school is good? Parents worry: if it is now, what will happen next? Will the veins start to cut off or jump out of the window? You know what they are now. Do you read the internet?

But this is half trouble. Stupid fantasies, yeah well. But she probably didn’t tell you what was being done in school.

What is done there? I ask you.

She gathers sadness.

What does it mean to collect?

In fact, there is no direct. She is the “guard.” And long ago I explained to several classmates how it was all arranged. They told others. And here – I don’t know who thought it before – they write their sorrows on leaflets and give it, repeating some special formula: save my sorrow, let it live as a bird in the magical forest, and something like that, almost in rhythm. She takes those papers, she reads...

What is in them? Do you know?

For example, “It’s a sadness about my dead dog. Her name was Zucca. She was such and such. She was already there when I was born. She’s gone and I miss her very much.”

And then then?

Then she takes a paper, imagines a bird corresponding to that grief, describes it to the person who gave the paper, and says, I will keep your grief in my forest. Go, she’s gone, everything will be fine with her. He almost put his hand on his head. They all say they are getting easier. Sadness is gone – how! And she told me that recently one of their young teachers, who was pregnant and lost the child, brought Miloslaw such a paper about the child, and she made, of course, that sorrow a bird and let go, and one girl heard it all and then overwhelmed. And parents in school are already worried: what is your sect? Do you understand? She will be expelled from high school. By the way, I understand! Who needs that?

Milosevic’s mother cried.

“We went to a psychiatrist, he said it was probably schizophrenia, and suggested hospitalization and examination. And still went to a psychologist in the district center, she spoke with Glory for a long time, and then told me that she has almost no feminists in her self-esteem (she calls herself not a "guard", but a "guard") and that such children often then change gender, and then put out a box, got some boxes and offered to buy a soothing tea from her.

Could hypnosis help? My grandfather asked hopefully.

Or even the pills? Grandma looked me in the eyes.

It was funny and scary at the same time.

What are you all doing? I asked.

“We have two shops,” said Grandma and Grandpa. Her daughter has a very responsible job, she is the head of the sales sector in a large company.

“Your girl is incredibly talented,” I said. It combines the father’s theoretical and dreamy intelligence and your ground-based and practical organizational grip. This is good news. The bad thing is that with talent nothing can be done. He can be killed, he can be helped, but there is no leader for him—you understand me?

“That means you’re not going to help us either,” said the grandfather.

Do you even offer a calming tea? Grandma struck bitterly.

I was already ready to shake my head negatively, but suddenly I remembered.

I will try to introduce her to someone. I’ll call you, then you’ll bring Milosevic here again.

They left with disappointed faces. I understood them.

After the reception, I got my magazines. I have been working for 25 years and I am very poorly documenting, but I still write the start dates of each magazine and always write the contact phone of the visitor. I almost remember the years. And the name is Zhenya or Sasha. Age - 12 to 13 years. Within a few hours I had a list of ten phones. That evening in seven families probably decided that the psychologist from the clinic, obviously, shrunk from the hard work.

I called the number: “Is this the Ivanov family? This is Ekaterina Vadimovna Murashova, a psychologist from a children's clinic. You visited me nine years ago. Can I call Eugene? I need her help. Living separately? Could her phone? and Eugenia? A psychiatrist from a child clinic. Tell me, Eugenia, have you ever been Princess Sumerec? No is? thank you. All the good. Sorry for the worry.”

I was lucky the eighth time.

“Yes, it’s me,” they answered at the end of the phone. and Sasha. Princess Summers.

Sasha, how old are you now? I asked.

and 23. What should I do?

* * * *

Milosevic and Alexander appeared to be somewhat similar.

Over the past few days, I clearly remembered a teenage girl who was all day sluggish, dull and slow, but revived in the darkness, dressed and painted like a princess, could no longer shave, sing, dance, be smart and charming. Parents didn’t know what to do because school was in the afternoon. I managed to defend her then - from pills and all that, I plotted my parents some nonsense about biorhythms and metabolism, and explained to her that we are all in some sense in exile in this profane world, but we need to learn to live in it and at the same time to find our place.

“I am still Princess Sumerek, but nobody, except my relatives, knows about it,” she told Miloslava Alexandra.

“Now you are probably the queen,” she said, looking at the girl with admiration.

“No, let me be a princess for a while, a charming smile, a flash of thick and long eyelids.

Who are you, Sasha? Apart from being a princess.

I am an actress. I graduated from the school and play in the theatre.

Can I go out now? For some reason I did not want to get into this interaction of birds, dusk, princesses, theatre, sadness and autumn forest. I felt too much in it.

— Yes, of course, — Alexandra completely aristocratically swung up with a thin brush, letting me go.

* * * *

I do not know what they were talking about.

Alexander said to me:

She is magical and very strong. Stronger than me then. thank you. It is a memory and inspiration for me.

And Milosevic said:

I understood: it is not necessary to arrange ballagans. If you see a man and see his sorrow, and you are a guardian, you can just imagine him and let him go into the woods.

It was true, I breathed with relief.

I wonder what she will be when she grows up?

I’t be surprised if I was a psychotherapist.

New article of the Criminal Code: "For attitude to pension reform without understanding"

My grandmother is 91 years old. Once she was out of the house. I was a little girl and she was walking with me. When she was put on a home phone, she taught me how to use the key to the entrance:

When it opens, it says an eagle.

It is said that the incident occurred in one Tomsk company. The company recruited employees and received large amounts of resumes.

One resume made the whole office think. First, it was completely written by hand with a very insignificant handwriting, and secondly, it was written in the column "About yourself" (the whole office was confused with this):

“I goat my elephant.”

Everybody read this phrase in one way or another. All in confusion. What kind of elephant in Siberia? “How does he catch him? “”

Eventually, they decided to call this man for an interview. There was a similar dialogue:

We read your resume, it interested us!

Very pleased!

Tell me what you have written in the "About yourself" section.

How what? I am the master of my word.

My acquaintance Pasha from childhood was characterized by an increased appetite. In school, he was often irritated because of this, and when he grew up, sometimes offended.

But then, at some point, Pasha disappeared from the field of sight for more than a year, and declared himself to be heavily weakened in the spleen and noticeably expanded in his shoulders. Furor, ovations and congratulations! All the acquaintances were impressed and began to fall asleep with questions:

Pash, well she’s beautiful! How could I?

(P) - Engaged in strength training, abandoned all harmful, fatty, sweet.

A – How? Just completely? You are Kremlin! What prompted you to do so?

(P) Yes, I, like Archimedes, got the insight in the bathroom.

(Z) - Ha, did you sit in it and push out all the water, flooding the neighbors?

(P) – I am... no. I just realized that I became really fat when one day I pulled the trunk out of the bathroom.

A – How is it?

P – So is it. I pulled it out, and I see that the water is melting in the front, but behind me it is holding at the same level...

If it were necessary to transfer at least 10% of the personal wealth to the Fund of the Motherland to save Russia, we would see a huge gap in the lean ranks of modern patriots.

The story of yesterday.“Everything genius is simple.”
After finishing ninth grade, like many of my classmates, I went to work in the collegiate farm, because only there took minors for summer holidays. There was still a canned factory, but it was more for girls. He is not a helper, but a helper. And it happened that the combine's left half-axis was covered (due to a bad battery, it was necessary to start this machine every morning from the trailer).By the evening, the spare parts were delivered and the combinees began to discuss among themselves how they would strike the installation of this half-axis tomorrow. With the words "morning evening wiser" spread across the houses. At night, I turned a little, contemplating the details of the upcoming operation, and no light had rushed to the combine, pressing in my hand a wooden blade with a blade attached to it. There was no one there and I went to work. He pushed the blade inside the body, placed a half-axis on it, and, arming it, like a lever, began to fall into the slices. From the second time everything worked out, and after pulling out the rope, I began to wait for the mechanics. It must be said that their amazement and admiration for my wisdom had no limits, and my authority in their eyes grew noticeably.