bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 19 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134041
 26.09.2016
"two more"
We only have an electronic journal at school. With my daughter in the class is a girl with almost the same name, they start the same way. I have a couple in my diary. The teacher was wrong. Electronic estimates cannot be corrected. All my questions are only handed out, well you understand...
And since my daughter in the list is ahead of the other, and the other is not learning very much, I understand that we will be delighted with such assessments many times. It remains to be guessed how a quarter of the estimates will be drawn.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134040
 26.09.2016
I went to the store with soap and soap, and there are good discounts, including on toilet paper.Three-layer discount is more expensive than two-layer literally 6 rubles. By habit I take a double layer. The cashier quietly breaks through the shopping, and here the consultant, actually picking out the packaging from the basket (and the store, by the way, small, but the people ran enough) loudly and with the intonation as follows:
(K)- Girl, here you took a two-layer paper, and look, we have a three-layer with a discount of only 6 rubles more expensive.So it is softer, and wrapped look like a tight! Maybe still her?
(I)- (a little rushed, because I didn't expect, and the people all turned to watch the dialogue) as loud and fun: you know, I noticed that the difference in the price is minimal, but I didn't take.
Girl, you are so! Sometimes you have to bite yourself!
And indeed! Give a triple. I walk, I walk, I walk

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134039
 26.09.2016
One day a baby was born on the moon and fell to the ground. His name is Luntik..."
“How did this puffy bag of shit pass through the dense layers of the atmosphere and not cremate?”? to
- How did he not crash into the bloody thistle, falling from a height of 15 km?
What did he breathe on the moon? How did he fall with her?
Our children are zombie.

[ + 27 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134038
 26.09.2016
In the film "Game of Thrones" two things were constantly fun:
1st The night guard carries service on the icy wall, among the snow and frost, the winter is near, all that. They constantly wander without hats, 90% heat loss through the head and the threat of meningitis do not disturb neither the brothers of the night watch nor the suckers.
2nd If any army goes on a march, it does not take any wreaths with it. Neither soldiers nor horses need to eat for a few days and sleep somewhere. On the other hand, there are magic boilers with food and tents.
An unrealistic movie. A story in one word.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134037
 26.09.2016
Asthma from asthma:

I am asthmatic, after contact with dust (cleaning / walking on the street) or pollen (yes, I am also allergic) I often catch-stop hard to breathe. Since inhalers cost more than my sp, most often I just wait to let go, well, or I drink acz. So every time I let go on the 7th sky, I would have your problems with names, shaky eyes, naked knees.

Asthmatic inhalers are issued free of charge through the clinic under the OMS policy, and so simply or from the ACC they are not allowed from the attack.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134036
 26.09.2016
I am a "happy" owner of the Vasovskaya nine for 97 years. I recently talked to a friend on the phone about selling a car.
I need to get rid of that old lady.
Grandma sitting next to me.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №134035
 26.09.2016
He said, “Today I saw the dawn. You say I’m not romantic.
She: Again all night at the computer?
He said yes :(

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №134034
 26.09.2016
But how strongly people have childhood habits!
You just look at these boys and girls putting selfies from the toilets in the net! They are shouting to us "I wrote!" or "I was shouting")
And the wider the smile - the better, apparently, everything has passed! This should be shared with friends.)

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №134033
 26.09.2016
There is a legend that if you ask a designer for a phone number, he will give you three variants of his business card.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №134032
 26.09.2016
I came out of the operating room, I sit, I write the operations in the journal.In the door here-here.Without breaking away from the writing-enter.I take a small look at the young man of 30 years who entered.I stand, I am.You are on what question?I ask.He replies-hello,I am PAPA PAVLIKA MOROSOV
I need to call my son so, I barely answered.

by BES

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №134031
 26.09.2016
I recently realized how much GTA is a life game.
You live in a huge hostile city, you can't go anywhere and make a living with anything but crime.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №134030
 26.09.2016
It is important to note that 70% of all PlayStation 4 Pro will be produced by Pegatron.
I read the Pentagon.
Tagged: Megatron
Tagged with: Megafon

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №134029
 26.09.2016

"Do not confuse simplicity of manners and rude. Simplicity is lovely to me, and rudeness should not be tolerated by any man.

Charlotte Brontë

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №134028
 26.09.2016
I bought Iris Kissis. For 10 years, I haven’t tried any of these sweets. During the tasting of the first iris, he said goodbye to the seal. It is nice to know that in so many years the producers have not changed traditions))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №134027
 26.09.2016
>> Night Watch carries service on the icy wall, amid snow and frost, "winter is near", all that. They are constantly walking without hats.

Such a legendary spy, Kuoren Polarucky, wore a hat, probably that's why he was the only one who survived the winter behind the wall.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №134026
 26.09.2016
The Saturday. On this day, I am always overwhelmed with foods, commercial goods and even alcohol. Well, I don’t have time to run on weekdays for another shampoo or a piece of meat. I take a lot and run. And when everything is taken, I smoothly swim with the cart to the box. Well, there’s a clear line, people understand, well fuck it.

And here comes the grandmother, the sweetest creature with a basket in her hand (even angels would envy her appearance), and asks to miss her, said she has milk and bread here, I can be in front of you, because you have so much of everything.

Well, I don’t throw it, I’m a normal person, so I calmly miss it ahead of me.

Oh, what a good man I am, though not, HUMANITY!

As we stood in the line, I learned what: a cowboy, raised, I appreciate old age, war, Stalin and the good man!

And all this to me!

I was swimming.

And here the cashier spends the grandmother's foods (bread and milk and what else there is), takes the money, gives the delivery and proceeds to me.

You all know, when the cashier throws the goods on the tape, he goes as if in the pit (I hope to explain clearly) well, the cashier throws my products into this pit, throws, throws.

Here you have to make a retreat, I was reading the list of cigarettes at this time, i.e. the head up was shaken.

The girl! The girl!

– and? What?

And the cashier points to me with his eyes on that “hole.”

Fucks of Fucks! My grandmother brought my foods to her in herachic packages!

My eyes turned back and increased! What a fucking! ? to ! to

Grandma, what are you doing? ! to ? to Why are you touching me?

and silence. Grandma is old, Grandma is deaf.

I start taking my goods out of the package, and she still resists! My cry, I bought it!

The treasurer tells her that you had your bread and milk, and this was not yours.

The old cargo poured a bottle of wine into me, spit on the girl of the cashier, and said:

Fuck, the eyes are dumb!

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №134025
 26.09.2016
My grandfather told me this. He went to work at the beginning. Safety in a large energy company. Someone whispered to him that his aunt from the frame department loved jokes, and this is what he told her:

Scientists have discovered a new terrible disease that is spreading rapidly. Studies have shown that a medicine made from monkey eggs is necessary to prevent the epidemic. Called Vasily Ivanovich, explain the task:

Do you need to prepare monkey eggs, tell me what you need for this?

More alcohol, a pet and a dog.

They drove them all out and drove them to Africa. Half of the order comes in a week. Everyone was surprised by this speed and decided to send the commission to see. They came, they watched: Vasily Ivanovich - sleeps, Petka - sleeps, Жучка - snores, half of the alcohol - as never before. They woke up and asked everyone to show their work. and chapeau:

Five pictures of you!

He drove Petka into a cup of alcohol from a tank, lubricated it, and used it on a tree. He approached the monkey and breathed at her. The monkey could not stand and flew down. She ran to her, grabbed the eggs and put them in a box. Someone from the commission says:

- Petka - works, Жучка - works, alcohol - is spent, and Vasily Ivanovich sits, does nothing, not order!

by Vasily Ivanovich:

I am for security. Five of pictures!

Petka whispered another alcohol, crashed to the gorilla, breathed on her with a sting. She snatched a gorilla, hanged on a tree, but held up, and like a petch in between her eyes. The fifth is down and cries:

“Vasily Ivanovich, hold the knot!”



He said, laughed a lot and took him to work :)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №134024
 26.09.2016
A horse in a coat without a coat is like a horse in a coat without a coat. (The Japanese proverb
yyy: A pure arithmetically horse in two poles without a coat is identical to just a horse in a coat. But the Japanese might be different.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134023
 26.09.2016
by Geektimes
After going out on land, it would be more rational to throw out the existing and develop the organ of vision from scratch, than to soak the eyes with the secretions of the tear glands.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №134022
 26.09.2016
From the list of phrases that should not be said to children:

No to Rev. You are a boy/girl/daughter of Genghis Khan!

I am in your years! He won a competition in crawling. The whole school was afraid of me.

We will go on vacation in the tundra. I don’t care what you want there.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna