Andrei: The cat invented a car feed.
There is a bowl with meat and potatoes, the cloth lies on it, the cat has drowned the cloth in oil and lacks the oil that has leaked through the cloth.
Denis: You did not understand.
Your cat’s car feeder is named Andrew.

The father called from the village, where he took the brigade to build the house:
- Let the children put my boots in the bag, a man from the brigade will come and take.
Did Vanessa pick up your boots?
How uncomfortable it is to walk on two right. Let the left go. At least one.

I work at home. All the postal service providers took the mode of calling me to the home phone to open the door to the entrance. When the cleaner called to pick up water in my apartment, my patience ended. Called the repairman from the home phone service, he resettled my apartment number (a dozen more, there are no such rooms in the entrance).
And the Alleluia! Long awaited silence. Thank you, dear man, you didn’t even take money from me!

Track news - Accident in Kiev: in Kreshtatiki, Azerbaijanis on a VAZ crashed into a Toyota, melted gasoline and left.

The dining room. Two friends read the menu.
D1: Look at what is written! "Fruit nectar (fasting)"
D2: So now all the posty dishes are marked.
Q1: What is fruit nectar not dirty?
D2: Of course, then the worms are not removed from the fruits before cooking.

Mikhalkov demands from the state a billion for the pilot project of the fast food network. Chancellor in part.
Dynasty of rats.

here here :

My cat from the Maine Coon or something larger, because my cat standing on my back legs will hardly reach my ass, well maybe a little higher, but not to my shoulders. Well, or as an option you confuse the concepts of floor and chair.
-
Boy, I have bad news for you. I have an average height, an old Soviet taburetka, and a small cat of medium sizes, he calmly reaches the shoulder when stretched out.
Decide what’s wrong with you or your cat.

= = = is = is = is = is = is = is = is = is

Carefully measured with the roulette:

- a person (height 164 cm), sitting on a table at the table in a poster posture of an exemplary student, - shoulder at a height of 97 cm;
- a person (height of 164 cm), floating on the table at the table in a stitched posture, - the shoulder supporting the cheek of the hand at a height of 87 cm;
- our small cat (weight 3.4kg), in the posture of a fitness worker, standing on the back legs with the uplifted front leg - length 78cm.

A little below the taburet, even more free posture, a little larger than the cat - and voila.
We confirm.

>>> And here the French woman in the purest Russian declares: "Young people, I’m old, of course, but I’m not bl##y".

If a lady, knowing two languages and seeing that a man is narrowly explained in the proposed language of communication, persistently does not want to switch to a language in which it is easier to talk to both, then she is just bl##.

Case of refuelling:
- Sixth column, diesel, two hundred
Two hundred rubles?
Two hundred liters.

I talk to my wife via Skype. She complains that it’s a tough day at work and that she’s cracking candy all day. I make a note to her in the spirit of "Someone said in the weekend that he was fat".
Do not touch me, I am sick.
I: What are you saying that? How do you talk to your husband?
I am sorry! Touch me, I am well.

Why do Japanese restaurants order for so long? As long as the Kalmyk explains to the Uzbek what the Korean wants from him, the Turkmen must go home, and there is still an order!

As part of the fight against terrorism and laundering - any operations of the amount of 15,000 and above strictly with a passport.
__________

The fight against terrorism.
I had to buy some money. More than 15,000 rubles. The amount. I asked for a passport, but I forgot it.
I ask :
- Can you do several operations so that each is less than 15,000?
Yes without problem.
In general, I am not tired of being surprised by the debility of our legislators.

There is a nuance:

Well, they gave you millions of money and told you to build roads on them. You can build these roads and continue to live in poverty, and you can unswervingly spend that money and live peacefully all your life as a human being and your children and relatives will be provided! Question: Which normal, sensible, reasonable, adequate person will choose the first option? If there is such a man, will you not consider him a fucker?

The key phrase in this tirade is "as a man". In the West, such people are treated with contempt, because such people, even after moving to another country and getting rich, do not become people, but only imitate normal human life.

and here:

here here :

My cat from the Maine Coon or something larger, because my cat standing on my back legs will hardly reach my ass, well maybe a little higher, but not to my shoulders. Well, or as an option you confuse the concepts of floor and chair.
-
Boy, I have bad news for you. I have an average height, an old Soviet taburetka, and a small cat of medium sizes, he calmly reaches the shoulder when stretched out.
Decide what’s wrong with you or your cat.

= = = is = is = is = is = is = is = is = is

Carefully measured with the roulette:

- a person (height 164 cm), sitting on a table at the table in a poster posture of an exemplary student, - shoulder at a height of 97 cm;
- a person (height of 164 cm), floating on the table at the table in a stitched posture, - the shoulder supporting the cheek of the hand at a height of 87 cm;
- our small cat (weight 3.4kg), in the posture of a fitness worker, standing on the back legs with the uplifted front leg - length 78cm.

A little below the taburet, even more free posture, a little larger than the cat - and voila.
We confirm.
==== is
Boys, I’m fucking with you.

I am cool. I learned in the embryo to interrupt the fascinating stories of a neighbor about her baby’s bite. I just started telling where, how and how my cat broke yesterday, and then apologized for the slander. From eye to eye. The cat, of course.

I approach the entrance, I look for the keys from the apartment, while I look, I think: let me call the home phone, while they open, I will find the keys. I call, the husband takes the phone, then the dialogue:
Who is there?
The potatoes! (I decided to stick)
Do not have!
He hanged the phone.

Anaconda: and also encountered two friends-babnicks, who met the virgins for sex, asked their weight and recorded, and at the end of the month competed for who who fucked what mass in total.

Scammers, like frogs, always look brilliant.

Oleg Butaev

In the good old days, I studied at MIFI and lived in the same room with a rather strange man, who for some reason was called Michelle. Among other weirdnesses, Michelle had a craving for electronics, and based not on specific knowledge, but on some internal sensations. Sometimes, he finds an old transformator on the washing machine, pulls it into the compartment and begins to forge with it. He did not have any measuring instruments. He connected the transformator directly to the socket and then took his fingers for the wires of the secondary coils and by the power of the electric shock quite accurately determined the tensions on them. If the hands did not feel the tension, he closed the contacts and determined the tension by the brightness of the spark. Once he got a decent stroke of electricity, and he respectfully said, “No, it’s not 220, it’s 380.” I don’t know how he wasn’t killed. It was his enthusiasm and real benefit. In that fun disco time, we regularly burned weak Soviet amplifiers, trying to push out more sound power from them. So, Michel repairs them to us by kindness. I once asked him to teach me that.

It’s simple, says Michelle, to change output transistors, which are the biggest. If it still does not work - you change the previous ones, they are a little smaller. If so, repeat the procedure for the previous ones. What if it still doesn’t work? Then, says Michelle, it is more difficult, you put all the transistors in place and watch the inside of the amplifier for half an hour. Then disconnect the random wire and turn on the amplifier. If it still does not work - then you paste it in place, watch it for fifteen minutes and tick off another random wire. After that, the amplifier usually works. I didn’t believe him at the time, but I remembered that story.

A few years later I married and we had two little children. The money was not catastrophic, but I translated some huge article from English, and I was paid a premium for that – just enough to buy a washing machine. Very decent at that time. GDRovskaya, semi-atomic, with a press. The only thing I had to do was pour the water myself. There were problems with this regularly. We lived on the fifth floor, the water pressure was often poor. The wife will make the water pour out, will be distracted on the children - and here is you, the whole bathroom is poured with water. I quarreled with the neighbors below. One day she poured water into the car so that it broke. Apparently, the water went into the electronic regulator. The master came, said, all, guys, we have no spare parts for a year. The times were Gorbachevic, Germany was united. by Hana!

What to do? No money, a washing machine is needed. Do not lay hands on children. From hopelessness, I disassembled the car and began to watch this electronic regulator. I don't know how much time has passed, but I took the solder and pulled off one wire from this regulator. It will not be worse. Turn on the car. She strangled strangely. I turned off and put the wire in place. I sat in front of her again. I looked, looked, took and pulled another wire. Turn on the car – it earned! Fantastically! Only the wheel that switches modes has shifted by a quarter of the turn. Nothing, you can get used to it. Congratulations to Michelle!

So our car worked without interruption for two years. Until it broke again. This time without water flow, yes, by itself. I do not believe in magic at all. Therefore, I disassemble the car and... no, I do not fold another wire, I just fold the old wire back. The car worked again, and the control wheel returned to its original position. Apparently, the water caused the switching in the regulator, which I removed in such a left way. Well, then, when the regulator completely dried and the switching self-eliminated, the machine of the already worn wire no longer wanted to work. I plugged the wire back – and the car still worked fine for several years.

If all Russian governors are searched at once, we will get out of the crisis in one day and not get there for another two hundred years.