Announced by:
"I will house in 2 square meters with furniture, phone and balcony. and cold k. C is separate. Without the owners. 8 the floor. It is not a repair, but not an old one. Carefully and clean. The metro min. 5 is It is delivered from 1.06 on a long-term basis (as long as everything is occupied and paid). I live in the 2nd. There is a girlfriend once a week, but she doesn’t live. I work in a software company. Who does not understand what the word '''soft'' means, please do not call. I am looking for a suitable person in the current place without a v\p. Boy or girl doesn’t matter. More important is solvency, independence, and responsibility. The stature of the room indicated approximately, taking into account the commonwealth, electricity, etc. Important point: advance payment for the quarter once every 2 months. (300 and 300) Pay in Ue, so don’t ask what course. We exchange money for money and pay. For those who want to trade cheaper and not sure about tomorrow: there is a convenient garbage pipeline at the entrance. For girls: No laundry, I sometimes use the laundry self-service. Apart from the towel in the bathroom, nothing hangs again. For everyone: I do not touch other people's things without knowing, and I do not go to the neighboring room without an invitation, in fact, I do not wait for invitations. In short, I try not to live as a community, which I expect from my neighbors. Numbers until May 15 simultaneously consider the option of joint removal of 2 squares near the work (Pl.Victory-I.Kolas). PS: SPB site for bug, allowing you to publish an ad for more than 400 characters :). Valery"
Sheldon Cooper, your mother

A girl from the accounting office called.

I accidentally deleted the file.
I: What did you do?
She: I accidentally pressed delete and then enter. I clicked on the basket with the right mouse button and instead of opening accidentally clicked on clean. I was frightened and mechanically tapped enter. What should I do? File is needed.
Give me a little...

The theme of women’s bags.
I bought myself a summer bag, not sticking.Papa stated without appeal that the phone from it will be stolen from me.
to steal?Let them try to find it first!

My mother comes from work and says:
The employee of a great mind hanged a portrait of Felix Dzerzhinsky on the wall with a mourning corner..the young colleague's fairy phrase goes on: "Why did you hang this man a mourning tape, maybe he is still alive?"

Someone's entry in the online diary:
T"ut I recently picked up a bag of raspberry tea from Ricky.
I don’t know who it is, but for me, summer is a honeymoon. It is a pity that it froze.

I swear. It becomes blue, gradually changing to purple and then red.
The chemist in me thought: "Joke"
The biologist in me thought: "Joke"
The doctor in me died of horror.
And I took a philosophical breath and decided: “Everything that doesn’t kill us, it’s in the bathroom.”

In our organization works a nice girl, engages in receipts, works with a large number of clients-banks, therefore you need to remember a lot of passwords/logins.
During the maintenance of the computer I find on the desktop a folder "Poroli".
It is exciting, you know...

Someone who works in support.
calls the customer (K) to those support (T)
Q: Hi I am your subscriber I have a problem with the internet, I don't work half the monitor
Q: You probably need to contact the computer/monitor service center.
Q: No, I’m your subscriber, I’m paying you money, and your internet is on the right side of the screen, and it doesn’t work with me and I can’t see what’s there like, fix me my monitor with your internet!
The company's policy does not allow you to send the subscriber out, the operator of those support tries to find out what is with the monitor, but the customer can not explain the fact.
I decided to send a specialist to help find out.
When the specialist arrived at the scene, he barely contained from laughing. It turned out that the shelf from the closet is ripped out on the table, and when the Client tries to lead the mouse to the right side of the monitor, the hand rests on the shelf and does not allow him to move his hand further and he can not get to the right side of the screen with the mouse cursor.

Status of the acquaintance: Chinese knives click on rice.

At 11:30 p.m., I teach my mom to work with Facebook, among my online friends - my uncle, her brother, the second year as a retired.
Look, you’re writing to him "Hello", now he’ll answer.
and AGA. So, how does he write here "how does it work?"
At this time, the voice is given by the grandmother, the mother of both, 84 years old.
Who is she with, Witch? Is he not sleeping yet?

We are always kids for them :)

I am in a terrible anal depression.
Why anal?
That kind of ass around.

I go with a friend in his car. Who misses us.
I - "Help, say thank you!"
he- "the car is new, I still don’t know where here thanks"

Our chiefs refuse to index our wages for 5 years, reasonably answering - " After all, the productivity of your work has not grown, why do you increase your salary?"
Following this logic, it is now absolutely obvious to me that during this time the nutrition of products in Russia has increased at least 2 times, and the capacity of a liter of gasoline - almost three times.

I met a guy here, so he has the most amazing imaginative profession: a manager of condoms and pads at the Red Cross.

and also those around them... how they are there... oh, people... walk fucks happy with life

From Twitter:

4-5 years ago, a woman often called us with the words: "Hello, this is the apartment of Alexeev? O_O

Someone else’s sorrow can still be endured, but here is someone else’s happiness.

A friend of mine, working in Finland. I was driving on my car on the track.
Limit of 70 km/h. Drive past the camera 72 km/h. The camera photographs him. He is in confusion. Photographs from +6 km / h. It turns out. It runs 68 km/h and is being photographed. Well the glue!! It turns out. He runs 40 km/h and is being photographed again. He thinks he has shut down the camera.
After a week came three fines for not attaching a belt)))

What is the difference between the Politburo of the CPC Central Committee and the current leadership of Russia?
The Politburo is dumb marasmatics, and the current leadership is young, energetic leaders.
Drunk marasmatics took the Victory Parade standing for several hours.
Young and energetic, watching the SIDA parade, only the pop-corn in their hands is lacking.

xxx: and I said to the employee that she was healed, although she really cried out simply, and she was offended)
Yyy: Girls are very upset about such comments.
Better to hear the fucking truth.
YYY: and think
YYY: and start doing something
XXX: I am talking about.
Well, the most important thing is that you say it gently and not at all.
But not for everyone...
YYY: Well then she’s bad, I’d definitely think about it.
yyy: although I always start to paranoid before I can say this.)))
YYY: Aaaah, I just started thinking about it myself.
YYY :D
Yyy: So if you can say something 😉
XXX is hz. I find it hard to judge
XX: I have never seen you fat.

DiWen: The news that the Lada Granta came from Putin’s hand 5 times is still half a trouble... In this same news on the ramp:

It was previously that the new “Lada Granta” will be equipped with a braking stabilization system, safety pillows, electric beet lifts.

Well, what else can be added to the Russian car... Only beet lifts.