bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126298
 02.04.2016
What Happens If Earth's Most Powerful Nuclear Rocket Strikes the Sun?

Absolutely nothing. The Sun is a giant thermonuclear explosion, lasting billions of years. In comparison to him, all the earth bombs together are a little bit, not worthy even of a glance.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №126297
 02.04.2016
Smashed his back with white paint, and came to the universe, everyone proved to me, "you have a white back," and I said, "Better joke could not have come up with?"

They directed out what they could not prove to me.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №126296
 02.04.2016
It was 8 years ago. There were such hentai toys from 1c, text quest with pictures. Usually about the waking of a student or student. Simple toys, where the maximum showed large drawn breasts and huge squares of genitals. Toys cost 130-150 rubles and weighed usually from 50 to 100 MB.

Often a guy, 16 years old, came in with a friend, and although the guy chose the game, a friend paid at the box by presenting a passport. After 3-5 purchases, the guy began to come alone and asked to sell the game, so that a friend would not drag again. I understand, I sold it.

I was not ready for the consequences.

Time under closure, a woman with a bunch of such disks flows and begins to present, but, frankly, without hysteria, just on elevated tones and it is visible that she is introduced (I wanted to write, excited, but here it would be ambiguous)

Why are you selling pornography to children?

0 to which children?

My son bought these discs from you, and he is only 16!

Here are the checks, you got them! I will write you to the prosecutor’s office and to the White House! Why are you corrupting the younger generation? You would offer him Bach, Mozart, Wagner! He would grow spiritually. I will not leave it so! I will close your store.

A woman, like a less adequate, and a complaint to the administration is a big bump and a push from the boss.

Girl, please be calm. These games are not your son bought, but his friend some, can play gave.

Oh, straight discs 10 at a time, but you have to solve the issue somehow.

What kind of friend?

I know how tall, with dark long hair, with eyebrows in my ear.

(Description of the name, so that neither a guy nor a friend to submit, himself then a little over 20 was)

I'll talk to him, I'll talk to his mother.

0 0 0

Are there any claims to us?

No is

Going to sunset...

Three days later, this guy arrives.

Why did you make such a lie? I bought the game...

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №126295
 02.04.2016
A friend in the house had a grandmother who was nicknamed Scooter by the local youth, in honor of the German music group Scooter. And she got her nickname because of the fact that she had a granddaughter of Faina, and the grandmother, going out on the balcony, spoke with a gentle mat: "Faa...".

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №126294
 02.04.2016
The 1st of April is not funny.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №126293
 02.04.2016
It was long ago. A boy aged 9-10 with his mother.

The Small:

Modern War Fire 3 without Internet.

I give it to him while I warn my mom about the age of "18", the guy berts and heracles a box with a disk around the knee - the box is torn, the front cover is broken.

I’m in Houston, my mom too. Everything happened in 10 seconds.

With a very quiet voice:

“Mom, you wanted to buy me a game – I chose...

Then they broke the disk.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №126292
 02.04.2016
Moscow region, engineering troops, 1978-80. The concept of the army is excellent. Cabbage was fermented in "mini pools" (called "board"). They were wrapped in rubber boots (specially dedicated). No one sucked and no bull threw - what kind of cattle should be to do such a western thing to the soldiers?! The SSB.
÷÷ and
And it was done by the grandfathers, who arranged such a Dembel accord - not to eat themselves. The most pudders - and young people were chmoril, the civic life offended just the most purulent grandparents were, and they themselves so live to this day pudders. By the way, and sinking in the elevators and bottles from the balcony and smoking in the fortress - they too. And the hump is also of that breed - breeds similar to humans. It is enough to look at the rod with the stamp of degeneration. They, indeed, are not to blame, their same half-men mummy with a folder did.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126291
 02.04.2016

Stepan Razin: A young man approached the subway and asked him in English how to get to the Leningrad station.
I told him, showing on the map that he must first get to the ring, and then to the ring 1 station.

He also joyfully left and laid out his palm with his folded fingers.
I supported his mood and stumbled on her.

And then I realized that the parallel pronunciation of the "fave" meant not "give five" or simply "excellent, bro!", but the number of the ring branch.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №126290
 02.04.2016
Why am I writing this? For I am married for the third time, and from every wife I have a son.

One farmer tried to give advice on how to use the land rationally. He replied that he should not be taught, and that he had already exhausted the land on three farms.

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126289
 02.04.2016
A mother-in-law takes a bottle of water from his little grandson. I ask why. "A, there’s not so much to drink!"
The child is small, hot on the street, small still in diapers. Why not? What universal argument is this "and there is nothing!"? I don’t understand if you kill.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126288
 02.04.2016
My mom didn’t share anything with a aunt at work. It came to a verbal interruption, word for word - passed on to individuals. Aunt in the dust burns out the worst insult she could only imagine:
You look like a 40 year old!
“Thank you, it’s so nice,” Mother responds sincerely, throwing her aunt into a stupor. A poor man doesn’t know that his mother is 45.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126287
 02.04.2016
I work as a teacher of English, the topic of the lesson: "Book worm". Out of 12 people it turns out that one girl is still reading something:
What books do you read?
Different...
And for example?
taken by the wind.
very well.
Have you read anything too?

...
What about English philology?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126286
 02.04.2016
Exaggerated
and ==
I have critical days, as under the law of wickedness aroused to the limit, and then my husband something knocked to sleep in some households, asked him to wear pyjamas, but he had a fist. I sleep and see in a dream, as I crawl into the mountain, relying on the ski stick, but with the feeling that it is pulled by someone invisible, then I cling to it with both hands and pull to myself and I hear already on the face of "your mother, Natasha, you are happy to get rid of it! That’s a revenge, haha. I open one eye and see my poor husband and his penis, which I clamp and hold.
and ==
Go to a neurologist. Violation of motor blockage in sleep - a sign of problems with the brain

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126285
 02.04.2016
All your teeth are white with the first of April!!! Don’t be upset, I was joking. They are yellow...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №126284
 02.04.2016
The neighbor every day from morning to 10 p.m. enables full power of strawberries. The vibration is such that the cat, waking up, jumps up and, without descending to the floor, flies to the kitchen, where it is not so heard. We have an addition in a few weeks. I tried to talk in a good way, the answer is one - according to the law, I say, I have a full right. Yesterday I saw him entering the apartment with someone special, obviously not his wife, hugging and kissing on the go. When the next session of the Titztyc-Bidoh began today, she called him and stated that if I hear music and bass from him again, his wife will learn about some guests appearing in her absence. The problem seems solved. How do you deal with such neighbors?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №126283
 02.04.2016
Bas Almighty - gathered the best nutritionists of the country, leading psychologists of the world.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №126282
 02.04.2016
In the morning I gave the subordinate (year-old twenty guys) a camera and said that on the order of the district administration our university holds a day of cleanliness, so the student professional committee (some women) goes to the sauna. He is also instructed to go with them and record this event for reporting on our website. The boy joyfully jumped with a photic to the side of the trade commission. I don't know how he explained to the bulls that they were going to the bath with him now and what they told him, but when he returned he was very hard. April 1 was successful.

The Strange Mechanic

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №126281
 02.04.2016
I work in a serious factory. While the next pallet is wrapped, there is time (exactly 83 seconds) to sit. And here’s eight hours with rare breaks to run to the smoking machine or to the cooling machine. I’m sitting, knocking on the phone, the wrapper turns... Behind the head of the manufacturing sector’s voice: “Do you know that it’s forbidden to use phones at work?” In response, I explain to him that I work even when I sit and turn on the phone. He is generally inadequate and asks: "You understand that using phones is prohibited? ". I show the phone with an open "security instructions", which I am reading - well, fuck, we will continue to curl and kick out or you are right now fucking from here naked until I fucked you a mountain of poddons, writing down everything on your violation of the rules of being in other people's working areas?
Moral: The manager remember! In modern Russia, any carrier can be an even cooler manager with an honest red diploma.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №126280
 02.04.2016
A friend told me. He has a secret nuclear physicist. He moves on symposiums about science thinking. From Sochi to Yalta, from Yalta to Tunisia. This is what happened in Tunisia.

On the way from Yalta, he picked up a couple of bottles of Masandrovsky’s brand wine and decided to celebrate the beginning of the crossing in the evening with foreign colleagues. I took a bottle, left the room, went to the restaurant.

All the questions, what is it? How to say a brand in English did not know (and maybe there is no such notion) and said collection vine and on the medals on the label showed.

Well, people are quiet, they don’t try this every day. The waiter with shaking hands took the bottle, all frozen in expectation. The tap was pulled out and the waitress began to hysterize and the people gathered too.

Well who of the present knew that our traffic jams indicate not the year of the wine, but the year of construction of the enterprise. of 1898. After this, the contents of the bottle and its quality did not matter, tried the throat and praised everyone)))



P. S. good derbent cognac there is no luck)))

© ECU

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №126279
 02.04.2016
My friend's mom bought my daughter chips, cakes and pizza for dinner against my cupcakes with strawberries from my parents, I was very jealous of her then. She grew up with gastritis - blames her mother >.< another familiar sweetheart - destroyed all the sweets she found. They were also forced to eat normal food by force and limited to sweets. Grown up and very grateful to parents for the saved teeth and digestion) so that parents sometimes know better than feeding a senseless child.
— — —
There seem to be a bunch of people here, and you among them do not understand what you are talking about. No one claims that you need to feed a child only what he likes, even if it is harmful to health. It’s about not feeding any shit, at least to try your own snack before injecting it into the child. There were so many stories about frankly nauseous foods that adults (parents, educators) were forced to eat without listening to any objections, not taking into account individual intolerances or just individual preferences (if a person does not like tomatoes, it does not mean that he would only eat sweet, it means that he does not like tomatoes). Many parents do not know how to cook. But they themselves do not eat what they have cooked (or maybe even know that it is unfavourable, and for no matter what carpets themselves would not eat it) - so why should a child be pressed? Taking care of the health of a child and bullying him for his own convenience are different things.

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