bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124936
 29.02.2016
of 1901.
The inhabitants of the village of Allswiatsky raise a petition for the closure of the operation of the treacherous society transferred to this village from Kurkino, since it has turned the whole village into a cohesive cabbage.
Future sober men, before entering their membership, dwell in the village for a few days, doing all sorts of wickednesses.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №124935
 29.02.2016
Once a long-time acquaintance called and said - a year ago you collected me a computer, could you not replace the mess with a more convenient one?
Do you read SD?
He is reading.
Do you read DVD?
He is reading.
Does not write?
Everything is written.
Hm, what is wrong?
is uncomfortable.

He brought a computer, it turned out to be a mess up the legs installed. (A system block on the table)
I turned - and the person is happy again - now you don't have to hold the disk when you insert it. He does not fall when he leaves.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №124934
 29.02.2016
You know, today is a day that shouldn’t be.
YYY: On the Monday?
XXX: 29 February

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №124933
 29.02.2016
Software Center, Network and Sharing Management Center, Special Capabilities Center, Support Center, Synchronization Center, Windows Update Center... It looks like the names of occupation authorities. By the way, Wind each year builds up the official apparatus. A little more, and, entering the next Center of something about something, you will find an angry line to the window, from which you will be pushed away by a rough grandmother, outraged by saying, "Where are you going without a line?In your shameful "me only ask..." is distributed a variety of words: "All only ask! First, the priority of the request is to raise the branch, and then lie down without a line!"

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124932
 29.02.2016
List of actors without an Oscar that can be joked about now:
• Johnny Depp
Gary Oldman
• Tom Cruise
• Edward Norton
by Pavel Drevianko

The last can be a wooden Oscar

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №124931
 29.02.2016
Canakau: Dance as if no one sees, sing as if no one hears.
Work as if no one is paying.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124930
 29.02.2016
Salary in envelopes they don’t like, in bags, if you see, give them! Yes, do not give God such inflation that with a car of money to go for bread, as in Germany between the first and second world wars.
Be careful with your wishes. They have the property of being sold, so we smooth out the formulations so that there are no errors here. (And don’t confuse eikoko with evokes, pjsta :R).

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №124929
 29.02.2016
The young Count grew up as a simple child: shy, weak and one-headed

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №124928
 29.02.2016
Russian scientists have found out that Earthmen are descendants of aliens. Microorganisms from the meteorite indicate the extraterrestrial origin of life on the planet.

Logically, they flew with a meteorite, hit the ground heavily. So many bulldozers.

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124927
 29.02.2016
AAA: Today I’m waiting for a delicious breakfast of three letters.
BBB is juice? The Soup? The KFC?

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №124926
 29.02.2016
The Mad Max won six Oscars!
What milk is this? Remake of "White Sun of the Desert"

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №124925
 29.02.2016
The school has been hysterically pushing the theme of GTO since the beginning of the year. Forced to register, made lists, advocated that the points for this will be taken into account, etc.
Masha has never been athletic, she herself refused.
And Petka recorded, even penetrated, interesting type.
If anything - he was engaged in judo with us from the age of 6, this year became the champion of the school (and the school is huge, the Olympic reserve), handed over to the second youth, transferred to the senior group, here he goes to the area. The coach started chasing - every day of training for 3 hours, pulled 12 times, crosses running, skiing, 2 times a year camp military sports, well, not at all, gently speaking.
And here comes the boy and declares that he was not taken to the GTO. He has two health groups.
And determined this group some doctor from the pavilion, fig knows which. And nothing that they have medical examinations at SDJUSHOR twice a year, full? And no one would let him out of the second group before training! She says, “Mom, it’s because I’ve had injuries.
As a result, it turned out that it was not a gothic group of almost the whole class, especially athletes, but only 5 people went to take: a boy with a metabolic disorder and a lot of weight, he can not move completely, suffocates. A girl who was released from the phisras for a year. And three more, as the son expressed - well, like our Masha, lost such.
All athletes, including the Russian swimming prize winner, were bursting. Not a fool?

[ + 12 - ] [19 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124924
 29.02.2016
With Hicks:

So far it’s fashionable to say “lords” instead of “yo...” we’re going to be building churches and fighting the internet.

[ + 16 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124923
 29.02.2016
and Oga. And she grows the buttocks preparing for the role of Stalin.

Imagine that not all women are eager to use ALL the services of the beauty industry that are imposed on them.
Well, if she is not disturbed by her moustaches - how will you order from the inadequate with a valuable opinion to beat away? My aunt was so confused with the chicken.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124922
 29.02.2016
Richard Retty held a record session of simultaneous play in the blind (in which a person plays without looking at the board, while the moves of the opponent are announced to him orally). He had 30 rivals, but the maestro won almost all the parties. Going home after the session, Reti forgot his wallet. “Greatly thank you! “Rethi said when he got his wallet back. I have a bad memory, it just doesn’t work anywhere.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №124921
 29.02.2016
XXX is:
Did I not tell you that my relatives’ favourite “fungal” place is, by chance, the battle place of the Second World War? And the journey for mushrooms looks like this:
Look at it, Poseidon!
Look at the big barley bone!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №124920
 29.02.2016
He fed everything, fed me with promises... So unnoticed I gained 10 kilograms...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №124919
 29.02.2016
I was 21 and I decided I could do it all by myself. has studied. She moved to school, went to work and rented a house. I am a book "alcoholic", I don't like clubs, bars, so in principle there was enough money for food and some things (but this is if you live one). And here was a month that my employer paid me only half, I don’t remember how he explained it, it was a long time ago.

I have friends, like all normal people. There are not many of them, and mostly they are childhood friends who loved to go to me for tea, coffee and just talk. I remember it was February 13, all of my lonely friends and friends all day “nyly” that this is like a holiday, and the mood is not the same. Yes, I’m “Nila” on another topic. I complained to everyone about my boss (we all complain to bosses from time to time). Supporting me that my such and so-called- separated.

The next day. “Love Day” calls my friend and says he’s coming. I told him that either today or tonight, I would go to work. I didn’t have time to put the phone on, like a bell on the door.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” and put me a bag of potatoes in the hallway.

You know, in my position, it was the best Valentine in my whole life. Not what kind of flowers there, candy – and food fucking knows how much.

He is now my husband. We remember this story – we laugh. He is sure he fascinated me with the potatoes. He is right in something. He fascinated me with care.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №124918
 29.02.2016
Arrived from Tel Aviv. I remembered how a wonderful story happened on the way there: in the plane Motya that a "drunk woman" fell on him in the passage. It turned out that she was fainting. The stewardess ran for oxygen and, as usual, asked if there were doctors on the flight. And here, for the first time I see this, a man stands up immediately 20. There was even a small quarrel over who would bring the girl in. The patient was rejected by some proverbial grandfather, who that he was a resuscitator. I then asked the stewardess why so many doctors, maybe some Congress. And she replied that this is the usual thing - on Israeli flights, even if you want to die, it is impossible. Imagine what would happen if a violinist was urgently needed in the pilot’s cabin.

[ + 38 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №124917
 29.02.2016
One day, two American students came to Russia to exchange experiences and adventures. Several local students, including my friend, were challenged to accompany foreigners.



On the first evening, they all sat in someone’s apartment, drank a beer and discussed new technologies. And Americans are very surprised that we use exactly the same software as they do. Why has such a big Russia not yet developed its ecosystem, with its axes, programs, blackjack and others? What they answered:

This is for the sake of savings.

How can buying software save money? A stranger was surprised.

very simple. We don’t pay for it, my friend replied proudly.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna