I found a wallet with a dog. It contains money, a school pass and a condom. A familiar daughter in that school to study, took the director (on the pass only name, surname and date of birth is written, it is not known which class). It turned out to be the wallet of the son of a known dog. She then told that her son was called to the council (he was 15 years old), she was called to the director and all this because of the presence of a prefix. A type of "ayayayay... what your boy thinks about instead of studying," and she told them, "I bought them for him, I don't want to become a grandmother at 37."

My colleague, his name is Oleg, baptized his son, and called his long-time friend. This friend was not from childhood, but who has gone through a lot with him, respect him as a brother.



And here, they all go to the appointed time of baptism to the church, and Oleg suddenly asks:



Renate, do you have a cross with you?

The Cross?? to

You are baptized, right?? to

What do you mean by “Baptist”? I am a Muslim.



Oleg is a very easy to communicate person, and is easy to relate to life. But dispersed or lighthearted I would never call him. At the time, he was the director of IT of a large Moscow company. In addition to life-loving and relaxedness, he always struck with a surprising speed of thinking and rare vision.



By the way, it was his fourth of the boys born with a one-and-a-half-two-year interval. The procedure was completed and there could be no mistake.



And she wasn’t.



Everything is understandable. The most important thing is that a man is good.



Nothing has changed.

I’m 32 years old and only now have I finally realized that I can’t distinguish between colors. There were no problems in school and universe, there were sometimes laughs when I spoke black instead of blue, and instead of yellow - green, but everything was perceived as a joke, as if I was confusing words or humorous. I served in the army, I have a driver's license, I have been driving for 12 years, I have been working for seven years in a company closely related to various groundings, enamels and lacks. Sometimes I called the color wrong, but I didn’t take it seriously.



Today I wanted to buy a box of candy in the store, and I had such a dialogue (I - I, Seller - P)



I - Please give that green box of candy (I point to the hand)

P is actually yellow.

I: Okay, let her go.

Q: Are you a weak-looking person?

I: No, you have never complained.

Q: You said the box is green, but it is yellow.

I: - I just talked, the head of others is stuck

You all have the heads of others, you can’t think about yourself.

(I rushed, and could only push out): - Payment by card

He gets another box from under the shelf and asks, what color?

I: The Black

P is blue. The operation is dangerous, but you can buy special glasses

I: Okay thank you

Q: I’ve been an oculist for 14 years, so don’t look at me that way.

I: thank you



When I got home, I thought and sat in the car for 15 minutes. The man worked as an ophthalmologist, and now he sells candy, it is quite possible that it is... While he was sitting in the car, watching videos on YouTube about how Daltonists first see the world in colours, it is impressive. I even found out where to order glasses, but the prices bite.



The fact is that I confuse only blue-blue-black and green-yellow-orange. At the same time, I have no difficulties in everyday life, I work mostly with documents, and in life it is very rare for me to be asked about flowers, except that my wife with curtains gets. I’m really upset that I don’t see something, but I’ve long been trapped in distinguishing colors by appearance, by how they shine in the sun or are in the shadow, I don’t know how to explain it, probably it’s intuition.



Maybe there are people with similar problems? Have you reconciled? Maybe I bought glasses? Did the operation help you? Please leave it in the comments.



All good vision, rest from the monitor for at least five minutes.

The cleaner in the gym, watching how we jump and kick our legs, said loudly - all your karate only to say one day to her son, "and I was able to do this."

I go for my daughter to kindergarten, in the closet she and three boys. My daughter pulls me three balls - jongle. I swallowed them, the daughter joyfully turns to the guys:

This is how my dad can do it!

The first guy:

And mys can do that!

The second guy:

My husband can do that too!!! to

The third shit:

My dad doesn’t know that because he’s not a clown.

96 years old, I am 5 years old, in kindergarten morning. Children with parents are joyful, happy, there are rabbits, and snowmen, and other dressed characters.

And of course Santa! Santa Claus, as usual, was a dressed teacher. Lovely children sat down on her knees, told a poem, or sang a song, received a gift for their efforts and ran away happy.

All this kindness lasted until one of the "snowmen" - the five-year-old I - sat on my knees to Santa Claus) I told the poem, received a gift, and hugged Santa Claus with joy. She hugged, froze, turned to her mom and asked, "Mom, why does Santa have breasts? “”



The mother is punctuated by shame, the rest of the parents from barely constricted laughter, the children are confused. The celebration was successful! :)

Only his mother is waiting for the prince on the white horse.

Benefits of Fundamental Science.

At the Bolsheokhtinsk Cemetery in St. Petersburg there is a tomb with a butterfly wing. When you look at it, you can see that it is actually a tank. And the story will be about how an ordinary entomologist, all his life forging with insects, saved Moscow and Leningrad. The name of the scientist was Boris Švanvič. He spent his entire life studying butterflies, an absolute stupidity, according to the current people. And even then, from the point of view of the dictatorship of the proletariat, this was a real harm, an inadvertent spending of state money. Thank you for not being shot. And when the war began, it suddenly turned out that our cities and the army were completely defenseless against German bombers. The question arose, and how to actually disguise, so that the Germans could not see the same Kremlin or Smolny with the Winter Palace. Titled academics like Fersman could not say anything specific. It was then from hopelessness and pulled out this murky intellectual, washed, fed and ordered to work for the good of the Motherland. He once wrote books about the mimicry and masking of butterflies, let him describe how the masking grid for the Kremlin, the Great Theatre, the Winter Palace, etc. should look. What a guiding thought!! But it worked and literally a week later Boris Nikolaevich had already to Stalin on the layouts how to use the peeling of butterfly wings and the laws of stereomorphism to mask Moscow and Leningrad. In fact, it really saved our cultural values. And then it protected our tanks, our airfields. This is why, literally immediately after the liberation of Leningrad from the blockade in 1944!!! In Leningrad University was organized the department of entomology. And the touching arrival suddenly for everyone turned out to be a knight of the Order of Lenin - the highest order of the USSR.

What am I? Just learned recently that as a result of the optimization of science and education of this department, and others too, there are no more, as are the faculties. Indeed, why do we have the scaly wings of worms, when we need to squeeze oil and gas bubble, to squeeze mani mani mani mani...

and lifhack. After putting sugar in the tea, don’t mix it until you get to your computer. The peel that you make along the way will be sleek and unsweetened, and you can quietly wipe it with your socks.

Xxx: I once returned to Gomel from Surgut, through Moscow, did not calculate the expenses and I did not have enough 5 Russian rubles to travel in the subway. I am still terribly ashamed to remember how I asked people who passed by for these pennies.

Yyy: Yes, in Moscow, when you ask for 5-10 rubles, you get a hundred. I gave myself

Zzz: I was given an apartment in Cheboksaars in Moscow, there was no less, they say.

My grandmother raised me and we lived in a single-room apartment. This is important because the bed was one for two.



And then one evening, in My Family, I heard the word “lesbian.”

Of course, I asked the older generation, “Who are these?” She replied, “These are the women who sleep together.” Naturally, I didn’t know anything about sex, so I didn’t even feel a double bottom in the word “sleep.”



Here is a family celebration. I am proud to stand on a chair to tell a poem and think it is necessary to share such an important event from my childhood life. I say, “I and my lesbian grandmother.”

Everyone is in shock. My aunt is falling out of her hand. My grandmother died in a pre-infarct state.

And I what? Sleeping in the same bed? Everything as said!

After that, we found the opportunity to place a second bed in our room.

My 3-year-old son, when he missed his grandmother, cried and shouted, “I want my grandmother!”  My husband always rejoiced and said, “Oh, the man is growing!”

Every summer I went to my grandmother. We lived in the city ourselves. And the next summer my grandmother came up with what to do with me while she was at work and sent me to the playground to school. The type of summer camp, but without residence - from 10 am to 5 pm. Once in the dining room, they gave apples for lunch, but not whole, but half. I was upset because there were always whole apples in the city. That was what I said to my aunt who gave them. She passed through her teeth something like, “Here and go to your city.”

This affected me. I was sure that my aunt was wrong. The best thing my child’s brain has invented then is to talk to the school director (or suddenly she doesn’t know about this mess). And most surprisingly, it worked! On the same day, we were given half an entire apple, and on the other days we were given only an entire apple. You would see my aunt looking at me.

This is how the 8-year-old won a small victory over injustice.



P.S I have never loved apples.

I was about 5-6 years old. And my dad and mom went from a small town in Bashkir to visit the neighboring city of Magnitogorsk, which is in the Chelyabinsk region. After leaving the electric car at the city station, they were waiting for their tram. At that time, a couple of African students came out of the building. When I saw them, I shouted with a loud voice:

Why did you say black people are black?

At this point, all sides of the process silenced and in silent silence waited for my mother’s answer to my question. But here I continued:

– and? They are blue!



Good guys who understood. They smiled and went on, and we went to visit.

I have long been reminded of it.)

My close friend inspires his 14-year-old son:

If you start smoking at the age of 16, you will never have children.

Dad, and why is that?

I will cut off your eggs!

The story of the infamous small letter in the contract. There was an interesting case in one of the countries of Western Europe. In general, a civil court deals with a claim between two companies. One company has claims and refers to this notorious small font in the contract. The second company, which has not disassembled this small font, does not consider itself a violator, and refuses to pay. The judge hears the parties, lawyers, etc. Then he makes a verdict:

The text of the agreement must be readable. Since the complainant company did not consider it necessary to include this information in the main text of the contract, this information is not important in the complainant company's opinion. Therefore, the contract between the parties recognizes only the main text of the contract. A small letter part of the contract is not recognized. All claims related to the interpretation of the written in small letters are removed.

xxx: Well, in general, she is right: a glass of salt at a time - and you crants...) Water to be poisoned a little harder - 7 liters per day (there will be no time, or not come in) In short, it is all about the dose)

Yyy: I think if you drink 7 liters of water for the whole day, nothing terrible will happen to a person. I drank 7 liters of beer a day.

Not beer destroys people, but water destroys people.

I remembered another case, I was about 22 years old at the time.  In the evening I just went out to change, filled up the car, took my coffee and the money ended (i.e., I gave nothing to give.) I take my first order. In the car sits a woman about 40 years of travel near the city, further by the text of the client I will call a girl (roughly it is a woman.) It was immediately apparent to the girl that she was not in the mood. I begin to go from a distance, so the amount for the trip will be approximately the same and you can pay me for the trip without a deposit. She begins to report to me that I have to carry the deposit from any note and she has no extra money to pay without the deposit. He gives me a thousand rubles at the sum of the trip 100 rubles.  and says go look for an exchange I wait, and I ran. I think many have tried to exchange money in a kiosk without buying anything, it’s not real.

I tried again but I failed. I went to the side of the car to give money and say that for you the trip is free. (According to the company's instructions, if the driver has a problem with the change, then the ride is at the driver's expense.)

I did not earn anything from this order but I did not want to leave her in plus I went to spend her money. There were two kiosks of cigarettes and flowers, I don’t smoke and I don’t need flowers. And suddenly I decided to buy one rose exactly for the amount of the trip and give it to a client (I didn't want to give the whole amount) I give her money and a rose with the words you are so evil and sad may so you will be more fun and kind it is a gift to you. She hanged for ten seconds and then returns me the money and says that it's your tea for the trip, begins to tell how she's upset and that the flowers she got fifteen years ago, but her husband can't take them home. The girl laid a flower on the seat, gently closed the door of the car and slowly went towards the house. I think I even saw tears in her eyes. 

If you are the girl and are reading this post, I would be happy to greet you.



The shift I worked less well, the rose lay all night on the shelf behind the back seat and in the morning I drowned it out.

There are people in the world who first do what they have done and then dismiss what they have done. One of them, Anatoly. He is not small and very emotional. Just then, Anatoly decided that his girlfriend was betraying him and this thought did not give him peace, he decided to check it out, took a holiday, and early in the morning left the house allegedly for work, and himself hid from a friend in the car, and began to wait. One hour later, a BMW came to the house, the driver of which entered the entrance, twenty minutes later, his girlfriend came out of this entrance and next to her was the driver. Anatoly, not thinking long, jumped out and with one blow sent the guy into the deepest knock, paralelly depriving him of a pair of teeth, and then with a powerful appercott placed his passion next to him. Deciding that justice was done, Tolik purchased a watermelon and went to pour the mountain. But our hero did not know that the guy on a BMW, just came to his mother and met the girl Anatolia when he came down the stairs. Now the driver is eating through a pipe, the girl is lying in the hospital with a severe shock, and Tolik is waiting for trial.

A woman 32 years old:

I cannot lie at all! It was very red, she said. I can, but not always...

What does it depend on?

Especially when I am very worried. You can ask anything and you will find out everything I have in mind.

How long has this been happening to you?

As a child, the client confessed. Can you imagine how hard I was at school?

Maybe yes, I smiled encouragingly. Have you tried any methods to increase self-control?

“More than a dozen,” she breathed hard. - It only helped anchoring from the NLP and not completely. There are situations where you cannot calm down.

For example?

Can you imagine a woman who in the midst of the process begins to think about who became the main bomber at the last English football championship or imagine herself relaxing on the shore? Unfortunately, such thoughts are not compatible with trying to get pleasure.

You speak with knowledge of the matter.

The woman smiled sadly. Do you know what men usually ask after they finish their business? They are interested in whether I have been well with them, and they are waiting for an affirmative answer, and in the case of me they are waiting for a bitter truth. I had to look for a couple for a long time.

But did you finally find her?

"He was the first person to deal with my problem with humor and didn't complex about his successes in bed. It was only when I confessed that he immediately began to use it. In the middle of the evening, he seemed to ask me questions of his interest, such as where I was on Wednesday afternoon or how much my new shirt really costs, and then laughed, calling his dignity “The Sword of Truth.” Actually, I am not offended by him, but I would still like to learn to keep my tongue behind my teeth.