Allo is?
(with a loud voice) Hello!
The vetal? Is it you, or is it not you, but a zombie?
- Until you asked, I was sure it was me, but at the moment I thought...
Could you tell me, Arnold?
Why Why?
Let’s call it an experiment.
and ARRRRRRRR!
It is yours, man! You are a zombie!! to
Fuck, I knew it.

A man meets a girl. Together they buy a cake, and then she with the cake goes to himself, and he to himself. Such warm, sincere, human relationships.

I have instructed many of my male colleagues to give me a hand to greet me with the simple phrase: “Are you just pleased to touch men?”

We do not respect those who write programs, but those who break them.

I will add you to the chosen ones! You are a genius! Cheesecake and good luck! Definitely 10/10 for a story!

I will be excited, I will buy a house in Cuba, and I will welcome the morning with a great cigar and another portion of whisky. I will completely abandon the Scripture, and the outlines of the morning clouds, with a light golden dawn, will remind me only of the buttocks of my adorers. No of romance.
Not to be praised (

Fuck, today I dreamed of a fucking nightmare... as if my current and former live together at home, but in different rooms and about the existence of each other do not know and I try to trick them, do not cross between them. Sometimes I run from one room to another!!! to

I don’t seem happy here...
What are you! Let me show you the way out?

Dialogue with my girlfriend (D)
Q: What are my favorite flowers?
You do not like flowers.
D: Well a "if it"?

LGeo
Do you think an insect sucked into the lungs is considered eaten?
DIZZ
Insects sucked into the lungs are considered to be skinny.
LGeo
accounting

Bar-Ash: Do you know the joke about academic Solomon Josefovich Livenstein and the anti-universe?
Hm: Tell the Barracks
Bar-Ash: I will tell you
Bar-Ash: In short, academic Solomon Yosifich Livenstein invented such an apparatus that opened him the passage to the anti-universe. He entered the anti-universe and found himself at the anti-forest. I went on an antitropin and saw an antitropin on the anti-tumor.
Bar-Ash: He opens the anti-explosion door, and there is an anti-Semite sitting behind the anti-table
by Bar-Ash
Bar-Ash: The End
_d4vid: lol
hm : )
by Bar-Ash ))
Q: And then it was.

Communication with the head of the office:
N: What do you have on the server "4dolboyob" scheme?
I: And this is a sandbox for developers. For you, by the way, there is also an account.

XXX is
My users have now invented a new protocol.
XXX is
It is called TCP/USB.
XXX is
Only they invented the hardware part, but they did not think of any wood.
YYYY
Am... I haven’t even heard of that.
XXX is
Here I am, and they are clever, fools.
XXX is
USB printer cable in the network port.
XXX is
Are you surprised that it doesn’t work?
XXX is
I would be surprised if he made it.
XXX is
What if I was in Aachen.

I started somehow playing the multiplayer starcraft, and then on몸의 기적 변򅺄 달려, 눈이 범위를 좁힐 시황, 10 배 빠른 실행하기 씹해 키Ǣዥ300에서 손. 그러결 그건 사실이 아니&##50556;, &##50500;무것도 변경 없다 단지점점 밥을 먹고 애니메션을 감상했다!!! to
(ღ˘⌣˘ღ) (￣ー￣) (☆▽☆)

이 모든 잘못 >:

A guy with a girl:
I am from Belarus.
P is cool. I know a Belarusian.
D: I am a lot...

Announcement of work in a newspaper of a city level of the district center.

The "Italian restaurant" requires a chef of Japanese cuisine.

From Habr.

According to officials, some Gmail users are dissatisfied with the fact of analyzing their emails.

And the officials have no information about the fact that some users are dissatisfied with the officials? and :)

The election of a new Pope.

Artem: Who do you think will be the dad?
Vasily: Don’t be afraid of me.

Sometimes we meet such people.
For example, there are people who are so busy with life or work that they have no free time. And only in the weekend can be 10 minutes, just 10 minutes. It is 9-10 in the morning.

Communication (m)alchika (7 years), (d)yavochka (6 years) and (z)nakoma who told it.

Have you watched My Little Pony?
M: No, I’ll search on the internet.

After a while:

M: Yandex and Google can’t find this cartoon.
G: Let us show you how you are looking.

A friend approached the computer and saw the query in the search engine "Prayer Pony".

Listen to me, Benderlooke!
XXX: What do you think if I am so on the planner on Monday, my speech will start normally?