bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123854
 02.02.2016
I study environmental design. Prepod told us how he encountered a very ticking employer. He, by the way, designed the interior of the yacht for the customer. In this project, the customer did not arrange one thing, because of which it was necessary to change almost the entire interior of the cabin: they transferred the heating system, the plate - all this came out in a round amount. What was this thing? The refrigerator contained six bottles of beer.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123853
 02.02.2016
B: I consider my colleagues to be naturalizing pirates.
They suspect that I think so.
But they can’t take me out into clean water.
This secret fight of minds overshadowed HTML, CSS and PHP.
B: I feel like I’m not making websites every day, but I’m skillfully convincing people that I don’t think they’re pirates.
Websites are made by themselves.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123852
 02.02.2016
X: I am the most uncommunicable person of all I know.
y: well said)) and you will not argue)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123851
 02.02.2016
* answers, category "magic" *

What to do when the wood is running out?
They are heretics.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №123850
 02.02.2016
You have some erotic fantasies.
There is.
Tell me.
I’m doing love under palm trees on an exotic island in a tropical night. There is a noise of the sea, huge stars in the sky. It smells of unknown herbs. The wine turns the head.
Am I from above or from below?
You stayed at home.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123849
 02.02.2016
RoV finally got Dark Souls 2. I will start now. I feel like a virgin before my first wedding night.

I don’t think virgins get fucked in the ass right away.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №123848
 02.02.2016


And if you crush the cucumbers with a hammer before eating, will he lose consciousness? Which place to hit?
.............
and inhumane. I recommend electricity.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123847
 02.02.2016
Not long ago a daughter was born. Well, we gave us a bunch of diapers for this. And this is in addition to what the reserve wife purchased before giving birth. In the mountain!
The kids are growing! And also it turns out to be soft, not very soft, and quite "fige some kind, not worthy of a little girl!"
My wife is sitting on the forums. Type "baby... something there". She signed up with the girl and "pared" her remnants of unworthy absorbing cowboys with a discount. But since the house itself is not a walk yet, and the cute works in the center of the city, took the initiative into her own hands, saying, "Dear, a dear other girl will come to you in the office, exchange the shit for money."
And here I (hereinafter I), on the phone of a colleague fortunately (hereinafter CPC), go down to the reception office.
In the eyes of the CPC I read the condemnation. I decided to raise the mood.
I: (pressing a bag of diapers to the chest and squeezing the eye) Money brought?
CPC: (catching the wave) Money with me.
I : Show me.
CPC: Show the goods first.
I: (I got one package from the package and looked around and demonstrated the "product")
CPC: (Taking the package in my hands, I smelled it, deeply engulfed) Fresh!
I: Where is the money?
CPC: (theft extending the five hundredth) This is all. You can not check.
I: (Hidden money in your pocket) It’s nice to have a deal with you.
KFC is good luck.
When they turned, they went in different directions.
Interesting thoughts of the girl at the reception.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123846
 02.02.2016
Zadolбай 19471, another "child" with a difficult childhood in the first forty years? Usually people from an early age understand that the safety rules must be observed not so that the mother does not argue, not in favor of the police officer, but, first of all, in order to preserve their own life and health. But, of course, the old driver is above this, because the remarks cause irreparable trauma to his fragile childhood psyche. And when the punishment is the fault of the wife, of course, the haishnik - whoever, but not our haishnik.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123845
 02.02.2016
A friend in Samsung works, writes
He said: “Ollo. We found a bag in the Taizen player.
If you put “Vladimirsky Central”, then in twenty seconds the player
It segregates.
I can imagine the eyes of the Koreans when we’re going to smite them this.”

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123844
 02.02.2016
If you do not drink a pack of milk and put it in the refrigerator, it will stay there for a week and it will slip. If you drink it, then in 15 minutes you will hear the voice of your wife:



Did you drink all the milk? If only you left me a throat, egoist!”

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123843
 02.02.2016
Viewed: the upper floor of the residential house, just washed lift. Mother and little son come in. Mother :

Chlorine is washed. Do not breathe.

Understand that the journey is not too fast:

Breathe, but a little bit.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123842
 02.02.2016
I am constantly surprised at how quickly the brain in a dream reacts to external stimuli, rewriting the script in progress. Here is the last dream: I stand on the rocky shore of the sea, straight, as in the picture from the catalog of hotels, the blue sea, the sun and I am all so airy, light. A warm wind sweeps my hair... and suddenly a strong wind blow and I fall from a rock into the sea. I wake up in horror, and this husband is mastering a blanket, trying to kill him.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №123841
 02.02.2016
I had a cat and I loved it. But he became fat, he became healthy. I decided to drop his fat. Feeding little and dosed. He does not lose everything. I think he may be sick. In my absence, I released the cat in the entrance, so that the furniture at home did not strike, did not hurt... One day I return home, I climb up to the floor, and this hairy foolish grandmother from the apartment releases "Mole go barsic walk." I look at the cat, he looks at me. There was an uncomfortable silence. I think maybe not mine. And he was such a “Mau”...when I approached, he murmured, “Master, you misunderstood everything. She is nothing to me.” This is betrayal, this is betrayal.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №123840
 02.02.2016
Masha works as a courtier at JEC, but if any millionaire makes her an offer, then for the sake of the family she is ready to give up a successful career.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123839
 02.02.2016
A friend told me. They got married to their third wife and in 2008 they had a twin. Well, the crisis in the courtyard, the salary was cut, it was necessary to save, including on the elderly, to explain to them... The elderly 11-12 years, loving to read and spending pockets on books, and now heavily limited in her hobby (and not only in this) for the above reasons, pulled from the younger a bunch of books thrown out by someone. She sits on the floor, enthusiastically sorting by foot - what she has, what her parents have, what to throw out - bounces something under her nose. A friend quietly looks from his back - wondering what the small overwhelmed. And here among the books is a colorful brochure of some Family Planning Center with the image on the cover of happy parents surrounded by almost a dozen carapuses and the inscription "Give birth to health!" Thin dies for a second, and then gives out loud with unimaginable intonation "Yes! The Happiness!” He hides the booklet under the carpet.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123838
 02.02.2016
Do you have any erotic fantasies?
There is.
Tell me.
I’m doing love under palm trees on an exotic island in a tropical night. There is a noise of the sea, huge stars in the sky. It smells of unknown herbs. The wine turns the head.
Am I from above or from below?
You stayed at home.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123837
 02.02.2016
When I was a kid in the 90s, in the shops everything was on the balance, my mom sent to the store for a laurel sheet.When I came there, the seller asked how much to hang in grams? You just can’t imagine my mom’s face when I brought home 1 kg of lavish.

[ + 23 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123836
 02.02.2016
The local oceanarium decided in the framework of popularization of science to shoot the show "birth of the shark online". The webcam captures the shark’s egg, illuminated on the other side by a lamp, inside every couple of minutes the fish moves and tries to get out. For the rest of the time, he breathes with the frogs. I have been watching for the fourth day. What do you know about meditation?

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123835
 02.02.2016
Nicole White: Sometimes I couldn’t sleep. Two o’clock at night and even honeys! I write a bro on Skype, he sends me an article that Mozart helps from insomnia. OK to OK! Until 4 in the morning I listened to Mozart on YouTube, and in 4 villages watched "Amadeus" by Miloš Forman. The movie is divine! 2.5 fly as a moment, music, actors, the pace of storytelling, and there is everything perfect! Just that... I never slept that night. So, successful, Mozart does not work, and I recommend the movie ;D

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