bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123594
 27.01.2016
Life goes to earn it.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123593
 27.01.2016
The question is, are people idiots because they are created by God, or because of evolution?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123592
 27.01.2016
The husband enters the kitchen and hears the end of the grandmother’s monologue: and he’s crying. He cries... he cries. But he does it only when he is hungry!"
The husband, on whom lies the sacred duty to feed dogs, cats, chinchilla and fish and sometimes children in the morning, cautiously asks: "Eye, who is crying of hunger?and "
Grandmother: "Who is who? This is a smart phone!"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123591
 27.01.2016
In the Great Choral Synagogue of St. Petersburg appeared an automaton giving blessings and receiving donations. This is on Tuesday, January 26, the edition "Fontanka.ru".

[ + 30 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123590
 27.01.2016
Here are strange people. When they talk about mat, they always remember women and children who are unpleasant to listen to. As if men just love to listen to their mother’s speech.
Yes, and in general: one thing is when you argue with a mate, and quite another is to talk to him.
Conversation of the kind: "A we here b.. this h.. on that e.. nae..." - human speech is little like. But by conversation it is easy to distinguish a person from a makaki.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123589
 27.01.2016
A friend does not exist because a girl is a bitch, but because a girl really wants to be friends, and you lie everywhere with her member.


[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123588
 26.01.2016
My grandfather burned up in the office today.
“I,” he said, “why did I not come to the meeting today? I had a great event - a soldier was handed over. Two months could not issue, decided what to give me a military accounting specialty. For the first (tracker) I have not worked for a thousand years, and the second, which is now a laboratory in the agricultural institute. They say "Can you train dogs? Per in the cinologues we will write?" - "I doubt, I say. - I am a candidate for flies, and I am engaged in the gynecology of cows. Thank you for not writing anything in the military obstetricians... :-)

[ + 25 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123587
 26.01.2016
xxx: I have recently written here "Defamation". I wrote in response that Zhi through and is written.
XXX: And then it came to me that I smoked the frog.
yyy: the master fucking)))

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №123586
 26.01.2016
In fact, the ruble falls from the fact that a penny was taken out of circulation, and she kept it.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №123585
 26.01.2016
Mothers in the presence of children

My uncle drinks can use a strong word.
One day his six-and-a-half-year-old daughter (who began to speak) sent a message to the

He did not like it.

[ + 14 - ] Comment quote №123584
 26.01.2016
Matto I also don't like, but the claims of violins to strangers in the spirit of "they don't see what prUncessa here" resembles the claims of phytonaches, who "contrarily look at" the fat passers or the "police of fashion" that through Zadolbali dictates the whole world how to wear barefoot and shorts correctly.

[ + 53 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123583
 26.01.2016
The Seventh Class. Teaching Russian language. The subject is a soft sign before the voiced after the agreed. Several words are given: “piedestal”, “penyuar”, lotion, “diakon”, “protodiakon”, “family”, “nuances”. You have to make an offer with them. One boy managed to insert all the words in his proposal: "The deacon, speaking from the church pedestal, behaved so familiarily that the deacon said: 'Better would you go out in the penyuara, spraying your hair with lotion than discussing the nuances of parishioners' life.'

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123582
 26.01.2016
There was a fire in the hallway and the alarm was working. Everyone ran, almost a panic began)) and I was scared, I didn't even get out of the corridor.
- right, why stress, to run into a burning cell when you can just not get out of it. The harsh Siberian women.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №123581
 26.01.2016
From the discussions "What programming language is better":

xxx: Nails are better hit with a hammer, not, for example, passages.

A microscope of pleasure.

But then it cannot be used as a microscope.

What if you have a hundred microscopes and no hammer?

Xxx:...

xxx: Welcome to the world of web programming!)))

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №123580
 26.01.2016
People often try to transfer to an infectious hospital the “home” food that a hospitalized person ate before entering the intestinal infections department, why do they do it? Interestingly simple.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123579
 26.01.2016
An amazing story about a penis tattoo and a Mini cooper: 39-year-old German resident Andreas Muller became a participant in the action from the company "Mini Cooper". This campaign said that if you want to get a car - you just need to put the company logo on your body in a very unusual place. There were about 2,500 participants. Tattoos were everywhere - from the fifth to the ears. Our hero went further - on his unit he put the company logo. As it became known later - he won the car he had long dreamed of!



“I think there is nothing shameful here. Girls smile when I tell them about it, and about 50% want to see it. But you understand – how this “look” ends – Andreas commented in his interview.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123578
 26.01.2016
A friend told me a story from school:



The question is, "How much will it be if you add 8 tablespoons to 7 forks?" The child replied, “7 forks and 8 tablespoons.” The teacher, clear matter, noted the answer as wrong. In his narrow world, the answer should have been “15”.



This story arose as a result of the discussion of a single formula invented by bureaucrats to assess the efficiency in which the values of different dimensions were combined. He gave an example to show that even a child understands that this cannot be done.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123577
 26.01.2016
Officer: You will have to get up at five o’clock.
I usually wake up by noon, but I make myself sleep before five.
––––
How do you spend P?
40% for food, 30% for housing, 30% for clothing, 20% for entertainment and unforeseen expenses
It is 120%
That is the problem :(

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123576
 26.01.2016
A little sick, I measure the temperature with the usual mercury thermometer. My husband told me one story:



When I was a kid, my grandfather sold “liquid robots” in light bulbs. All the boys after watching Terminator wanted to get such a robot. One of my friends bought a box, everyone was jealous of him. I asked him to play with the robot, brought it home and proudly showed it to his parents. Such lullos as then, for the "liquid robot", I have not yet caught up...

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №123575
 26.01.2016
A great idea for a tattoo. I’d rather like something functional, like RFID (seems to be) from a subway travel card to touch the turniket to open)
dead.pihto: And once a month a new fill.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna