bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123454
 23.01.2016
These words should be poured into the granite.
>>>>>>>>>>>>
Specialists-architects and other Michelangelo and boldly tell you that you can not cast granite, you can only cast granite.

[ + 30 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123453
 23.01.2016
[16:53:53] Taras said:
Earlier it was that the government intends to forgive Uzbekistan $865 million in debt.
Earlier, it was that Russia will forgive Madagascar $89 million in debt.
Earlier, it was that Russia will forgive Sudan $17 million in debt.
[16:53:53] lexicon: Better would I forgive the fines
[16:54:05] lexicon: there is clearly less

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №123452
 23.01.2016
Len, turn on logic or what you imitate there.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123451
 23.01.2016
All the time when someone starts reasoning on the topic of “we, men,” I want to say to the affair that he is slightly wrong. In this case it is right to say "we, fools".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123450
 23.01.2016
X: Did you think there were girls?
yyy: guessed, but how weak it is)
yyy: the best guess was a few years ago) still in the old office, I walk the corridor past the "serpentaria" (design department, five stent from 22 out of 30), the door is open, and here I am in my forehead with my heels flies SAPOG(!!!) I was confused.
X: Do you know that you have been avenged?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYY: In fact, my main revenge will be four years old in the summer.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №123449
 23.01.2016
The harmful speaker:

I'm sorry to you! Can you help me?
(Sorry, can you help me?

- It's a pity and I'm terribly sorry but unfortunately I can not provide any significant help for you... because I don't speak English.
(I’m sorry and I’m terribly sorry, but unfortunately I can’t give you any serious help because... I don’t speak English.)

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123448
 23.01.2016
A girl, a guy

D - I'll go after you anyway in the car, you can't even write anything, you're hated where to go in the bus at -30.
P – I read now on your post – you called me funny – "you’re crazy hat". A quote from the film about Aladdin - "I am a slave of the Lamp!". "I am a crazy hat" ))))
Now you need to work on yourself and become simple "many in the hat"))

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №123447
 23.01.2016
murdalak: I begin to suspect that in half the people who consider themselves informal, informality is that my mother in childhood told me please and thank you to speak, and now they are above that))

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №123446
 23.01.2016
Well, girls, have you already found a cute Aitishnik who gets a salary in dollars? Have you seen the course? Why are they cute...

[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123445
 23.01.2016
My father worked in the distant 70s at the airport as a technician for aircraft maintenance (such as AN-2). Each season they were sent to different areas of our not small area to process the fields with chemicals. In one of these journeys, the case described below occurred. On a warm summer evening before the evening flights, my father in a car, allocated to the crew, was heading to the aircraft for the TO. On the road of the villages walked goats (more than 100). Leaving the turn, the driver did not have time to slow and struck one. As usual, from nowhere to come, the grandmothers came and began to slander and sweep the curse of the demons who left almost half the village without food.



The father had already prepared for the selection of "flights" and wanted to offer a material compensation, but then the driver flew out of the car and rushed under the wheels. After pulling out the body of the fat goose behind her neck with a loud voice, he asked, "Who's the goose broke my resor?" the grandmothers quieted, but the roaring did not stop, then she drove again and even louder asked, "I am asking for the last time! Whose goose broke my resor!They were all silent until one. Making his face even more serious, he said, “OK! The examination will show!" and, throwing the goose into the body, went on, and in the evening there was a "experiment" with watermelon and fried goose.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №123444
 23.01.2016
Our family has a familiar married couple, Uncle Cole and Aunt Gal. One day we all had to go to the guests together, catering there with salad. Everyone started to eat except Uncle Cole, which naturally did not go unnoticed. As it turned out, the main obstacle was the absence of a piece of lemon in the plate. The hospitable hostess immediately jumped, quickly arranged a carefully cut lemon, a piece of which was beautifully laid in the plate. Uncle Cole said the following: "The first thing I do when I eat a salad, I pull out a lemon," - pulled out a lemon, and with an unwavering look began to eat. Judging by the expression of the face of aunt Galli, at home they were expected if not a scandal, then the bullying is certain.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №123443
 23.01.2016
The guy came with a knife in the back, straight with a huge knife in the back. The lungs were cut, the blood poured into the pleural cavity, and there the air pressed the lungs and the heart. The pressure was zero. The brigade worked clearly, immediately into the operational, light ears. Replaced blood loss, pressure stabilized.



I disconnected the patient from IVLA, woke up, removed the tube from the trachea. At midnight, I forced him to breathe in a bowl through a pipe, so we sprinkled the lungs.



The funny incident happened on the first night, when the patient was still spending the first hours after the operation and the question of life was still acute. The reanimator only to two nights managed to sink, the doctor immediately failed to fall into a deep sleep.



Fifteen minutes later, the phone called:

Hello to the police, Sergeant Popkin.

Yes to resuscitation.

– I want to know about the condition of Vasekkin (pl...t, at three o’clock at night the police officer fell asleep...).

“Before, in a medication dream,” the doctor replied irritated and laid a telephone.



All in all, there is no sleep. Suffered, suffered, walked through the department, lay down, no sleep, all stable. The evil began at five o’clock in the morning. The doctor took a cell phone and called the police:



Allo the police?

The officer replied.

- This is from the resuscitation, you can let me sergeant Pupkin, I want to report on the patient.



Gave a puppet.

- Allo, - replied Popkin sleepily, apparently running out of the couch.

Sir Sergeant Popkin?

Yes...

- I report on the condition of Vaschkin, he has everything unchanged, stable on the IFL.



“One, one,” laughed the sergeant, realizing the doctor’s spell. The doctor fell asleep and finally fell asleep.



(c) http://doktorbel.livejournal.com/617744.html

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №123442
 23.01.2016
I worked in a hypermarket and there was a clothing department with a room for changing clothes. One man went first to the alcoholic drinking department, then to the sausage department and then to the cheese department. He got up and went to the clothing department. I went into the room for a sample and forgot. Then I went to the drinking room again and again. He would go again, but he burned it by the smell. He was so relaxed that he smoked in the sample.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №123441
 23.01.2016
xxx: Since I’m traveling across Europe today, I’m hardly able to participate fully in the sprint.
YYY: Joined the ranks of Syrian refugees? and :)
XXX: On the other side of food :) On the opposite side
Yyy: clearly, a new kangaroo on the car testing :)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №123440
 23.01.2016
In China, an 85-year-old man named Chen cut 140,000 yuan ($21,000) into small pieces in a paranoid attack, which caused his son and snake to spend three months cutting banknotes, CCTV News reports. Last year, Chen received 200,000 yuan in cash from the sale of a home in the Liaoning province and kept the money with him. In October, he told his son that he had cut 140 out of 200,000 yuan so “they and his wife would not think about them anymore.” This is called the right puzzle.

[ + 20 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123439
 23.01.2016

slugge
When Lada started trading in Finland, sales did not go. Lada in Finnish

by Konstantin Shishkin
Did you not go then? Normal name for Lada

[ + 39 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123438
 22.01.2016
A naked artist is sitting on the toilet in a gallery for two days. Thus, the woman wants to express a protest against modern performance.

> 0_o
> For me, it sounds like the "Petrov slicer went into drunkenness, protesting against alcoholism".

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №123437
 22.01.2016
by Toaster
Question: What does my provider know about me?
X: The provider is a mess. Google probably knows everything about you, even when you are sleeping, cuddling, and cuddling your wife.
Y: How does Google know about choking?
X: So Kakanye doesn’t bother you?

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №123436
 22.01.2016
Tobacco and alcohol taxes are aimed at the development of culture. Nikitushka beats in ecstasy counting days and turns in the head the script of a film that will promote alcoholism and smoking as spirituality.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №123435
 22.01.2016
How strange is childhood logic.
I remember when I was a child, my parents said, "Don't sit in the cold, the kidneys will get cold." And I thought the kidneys were directly in the pope. Plus, somewhere at the same time, I heard the phrase “reject the kidneys,” which once imposed a terrible child’s punishment with a belt on the ass, and thus confirmed the veracity of the assumption.
There were a few years before the anatomy lessons.

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