bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №61013
 08.03.2012
“The architect covers his mistakes with a plush, the mistress with mayonnaise, and the doctor with a blade.”

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №61012
 08.03.2012
Photography
I recently met an interesting guy named Sasha. High, representative, secure – in general, a real gentleman. I was lucky to be at his home. A very polite and economical wife quickly arranged a table with all the accompanying elements. We sit, drink, eat and talk. And here I see a picture in the frame on the wall. In the picture – a slim dark girl, with a slightly sloppy look. I am polite about the owner, who is he? The husband does not look at all, for the daughter - the age is not suitable, so why does her photo occupy such an honorable place? The owner laughed and told me a very strange story.
Several years ago, when he was serving in the army for a period of time, six months before the dembel, a fellow servant showed him a letter from his sister, in which she wrote that one of her friends very much liked Sasha, whom she saw on the photo sent. And this friend just begged her to let her write Sasha a letter. Sasha had no girlfriend, so he gladly agreed to the correspondence. Soon there came a letter from Nasty (that was the name of this girlfriend), which was so complicated and beautifully written that it incredibly captivated our hero. Plus, in the envelope was a photo that Sasha could be said to have fallen in love with.
They started a novel in letters, which then smoothly grew into a phone novel. By the time of his demobilization, Sasha no longer imagined life without Nasty, and this despite the fact that except for the photos he had never seen her. And here, after the service, he goes not home, but to a distant unfamiliar town to his beloved. Just imagine what a shock he experienced when it was discovered that instead of a black beauty with dark eyes, Nastya turned out to be a red and simple girl who was absolutely not in his taste! Sasha, of course, scandalized quite a bit, but quickly calmed down, as the stunned Nastya immediately confessed to the deception, assuring, however, that all her letters were written from the heart. Having placed all the points over I, Sasha went to the station, to buy a return ticket, and the girl killed by sorrow, like a shadow, plunged after him - to carry. At the station, it was possible to get a ticket only the next day, and, seeing it, Nastya began to ask him to spend the night with her. The city was unfamiliar, there was nowhere to go - I had to agree.
Well, as the reader probably guessed, the next day Sasha did not go anywhere. Only two weeks later he appeared at home with the bride, from which his parents (very, by the way, solid people) had, as if gentler to say, a slight dizziness, from the "pleasure" for his own son. Despite all sorts of troubles that stood in the way of Sasha and Nasta, they married, and live, soul to soul, raising two red son. From a happy family life, Nastya flourished, turning into a real lady - with a proud attitude and aristocratic manners. And here in memory of their unusual acquaintance, Sasha and Nastya decided to hang on a prominent place the same photo, with which, in fact, began their happy life.
Well, and now, the most interesting: who is this stranger, whose photo was put into the envelope of Nastya? The porn star Sasha Grey.

[ + 44 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №61011
 08.03.2012
For the offended honor of Alla Borisovna, her husband, Maxim Galkin, called Zhirinovsky to a duel: he called on the phone and insulted Valuev with Zhirinovsky's voice.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №61010
 08.03.2012
Hear the wise man:

The term “deduction” is most likely taken from the “Sherlock Holmes notes”, because it is fundamentally untrue and this method should rather be called “reduction” – that is, the conclusion of the primary fact by the consequences.

The term deduction was invented in antiquity and means "deduction of the private from the general". The opposite of deduction is induction. Assumption of general by particular manifestations. Reduction is the reduction of the complex to the simple. Despite the dust in the eyes of the girl, fine.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №61009
 08.03.2012
The Law of Life:
If you are given a lot of attention, there are two development options: either they want to fuck you, or they want to fuck you.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №61008
 08.03.2012
History has retained data on the first illegal action against movable property in Minsk, namely - the first in the history of the capital car theft, which took place on March 6, 1912.

The victim of the robbers was a wealthy merchant Shenderovich, who lost his Mercedes. Without special hopes that the car will be found, he sent his commander to St. Petersburg to buy a similar model. When the purchased Mercedes arrived in Minsk, it turned out that it was the previously stolen car of Shenderovich.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №61007
 08.03.2012
We had 4 girls in the class, all gave 2 flowers.
Say hello to my grandmother.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №61006
 08.03.2012
From Habr:
Oh of course! In short, the plan to combat piracy in the Russian Federation is as follows:
1) Make a shit movie
2) No one gets rid of him
And so on??????? to
4) The Profit!

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №61005
 08.03.2012
review to video card Radeon 7970 on dns-shop.ru

Time of Use: Less than a month

Here is she, here is she, the spirit of my dreams!! to

Disadvantages: Healthy

[ + 37 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №61004
 08.03.2012
From the story of the girls who rested with M. Prochorov:

After dinner, Michael called me and another girl, Alain, to his room. I was stressed, I immediately thought — it seemed normal, but turned out to be a perverse. I packed my suitcases and searched for the nearest Russian embassy.

But events developed in a completely unpredictable way. We came into the room, he closed the door behind us and offered to lie down. He didn’t dress himself, and he didn’t tell us anything about it. Alena was not afraid, and I thought nothing terrible would happen to me. When we lay down on his huge bed, Mikhail took Turgenev’s “Groza” (two copies) from underneath the pillow and asked us to read it out loud in the roles.

We have read. Michael was listening. And I, watching the torments of Catherine, all thought what the oligarch had conceived, having so decided to distract our attention?

And what then?

It turned out nothing. Michael just fell asleep, and did not make any of us an inappropriate offer. During the day we were skiing, in the evening the situation repeated. Only five girls were invited to read.

So every night we read him something from Russian classics. There is no intima. At the same time, it is not worth thinking that Michael is homosexual or impotent. He loves women very much, but with some special love.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №61003
 08.03.2012
In America there is such a famous radio host: Roger Hedgecock.
Hedge is translated as a cloth, a fence.
Cock as X.

This is Roger Hueplet.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №61002
 08.03.2012
“On the night of January 1st,” says Lee Danwen, “there were a lot of people in our dormitory... in our room, and we had dinner together.
It was a new year, I said.
“Oh, yes, maybe,” said Danwen indifferently; it seems he hadn’t thought about it. There was a man named Grey. Everyone calls it grey. He asked us what his name would be in Chinese. Well, we said - 灰 huī. What else could we say? So, I thought he didn’t like it. This is a bad word in Russian, right?
Yes to Danone. But I agree with you: really, you could not say anything else in this situation.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №61001
 08.03.2012
Each zebra has different stripes, that is, each has its own pattern, as well as the spots of a leopard.
The zebra has a barcode and the leopard has a QR code.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №61000
 08.03.2012
I am, of course, not so lazy, and not so stupid, to transfer subjects twice, but being in the first class of Hym. College, I went to the store that is opposite the universe. A row of 5 people, and I have a break of 10 minutes, and here comes a woman of 50, right when my turn comes. Well, she, of course, asks to go outside the line, said in a hurry, to which I replied that I am also in a hurry and eventually a verbal mess began.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №60999
 08.03.2012
Russia, I adore you! Only in this country in the frosty March morning can sell from one pot of mimosis, fermented cabbage and perfumes!! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №60998
 08.03.2012
I feel like a veteran.
WOW: What is it?
xxx: today in a steam car from Odessa, I roll on the upper, bottom girl of 16 years on the phone with boyfriend Vasey:
I am going to Kotovsk.
No, not in honor of the cat, but in honor of Kotovsky.
It is you, Vasya, named in honor of the cat.
and KOTOVSKY? This is the type of Chapeau.
Was it a control in the head?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №60997
 08.03.2012
We go out with a girl from the metro "Petrogradskaya", which is in the city of St. Petersburg, and head to the Square of Leo Tolstoy. A woman comes in and talks with us.

Can you tell me where the river is?
My Girlfriend: Thoughtfully – The River... To the Left.
I: And right and straight and back, this is an island!

Peter is Peter.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №60996
 08.03.2012
XXX: This is the situation, I have known the girl for 3 years. There were attempts to seduce at the beginning of the dating... Nothing went out, I was made a spare airfield. I bite it and jumped. No contact for a year. Communication was resumed. (Correction in contact once a month) But the fact is that we study at 1 institute, at 1 course, at different faculties. Brush each other’s eyes regularly. Only greetings at the institute. And she doesn’t give me peace. I want her and that’s all.

In general, I decided to act. I wrote to her and asked her where to go. The girl agreed on time. On the day of the meeting. "I’m sorry I can’t" Repeated, then again and again ?
I decided to postpone a date...

What there is in the girl’s personal life I don’t know, but the match is not constant. I wanted to hit it, but I want it very much. Talking to her is interesting and just having a great time. I am in the cow with her.

Yes, I have a twin, we have been together for 2.5 years, but I get bored with her.))) I want to go to the left, and there may be something else. My student knows about my relationship.

Dear forum members, please tell me what to do?

YYY: Prepare for the session.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №60995
 08.03.2012
In a large family, children who like to sleep longer go to school without writing.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №60994
 08.03.2012
(Final accord in a stormy political dispute)
XXX: I read your blog, very reminiscent of the game "Diablo II" from the point of view of sitting behind the keyboard, namely - the unconditional emissary of good, the Hero-Lonely opposes countless regiments of terrible monsters, freeing them from the level of the underground log.

And now the same game from the point of view of the unbiased observer: the murderer and the robber for the purpose of profit destroys the multinational peaceful people of the underground kingdom, simultaneously appropriating their wealth.

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