bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №93232
 30.01.2014
You need to lie on the bed, but put one leg on the floor. The helicopters are stopped! Learned by a well-known biologist, it works impeccably.

This is a well-known student wisdom called the "grounding".

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №93231
 30.01.2014
Fools are the best testers of any reliability system.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №93230
 30.01.2014
Take his son from school with a friend. Waiting in the vestibule for the end of the lessons, they became involuntary witnesses to the scene, as the director of the school to the guard:
You act like the last idiot. Why did you let this man in? He is drunk in the stall! From him the wrath of the wrath!
The guardian is justified:
- First, he presented a passport, confidently signed up in the journal of visits. He said he was going to the director, clearly naming your native name. Second, I told you a long time ago that the doorway is blowing in my back. So I could not smell the smell. And third, is it suddenly your old companion? Am I going to be extreme?!...

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №93229
 30.01.2014
Sex on the phone:
I’m now taking off one socks... now the second... now the third...
Are you from Chernobyl?
I am from Verkhovna. We are very cold!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №93228
 30.01.2014
If I ever trade forests, I will name the company "Forest Trade"!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №93227
 30.01.2014
I am lucky. For example, I just splashed a cup of boiling water into my foot, but... I splashed. It’s a rare case when I’m glad that I’ve gotten a teaspoon.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №93226
 30.01.2014
Protocols of the Wisdom of Zion.

Similar books are:
The TCP/IP protocol
Protocols and methods of implementation of VPN networks

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №93225
 30.01.2014
From the Fire:
Spirituality is detective! Our ones did not float anyway. I quote below because it’s great.

According to the investigation, on the night of December 10 in one of the houses of the village of Teguldet gathered a 64-year-old hostess, her son, as well as the cohabitant of the hostess and his relative. Four of them drank a liter of unleavened alcohol, snacking it with snow.
Then there arose a dispute among the assembled on the subject, “Is there a God?” The discussion turned into a fight.
The son of the hostess of the house inflicted his opponents knife wounds, from which they died on the spot.

Zzzz: Breakfast is not enough

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №93224
 30.01.2014
"yyy: walk through the raw land-mother, water and water with a cold well, embrace the twisted barrel. Write it up and write it down."

- You are turning, you are a basurman, you are a stonerose, you are a shameful darkness!

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №93223
 30.01.2014
When we arrived at the station on Monday, we had this conversation with the cashier:
- We have three tickets to Alexander and one for the dog.
The dog to Alexander?
Well yes.
Yes, I think, of course, we’ll go to Alexander and throw the dog in the laundry.
The dog does not go to Alexander.
We have already fallen into a stupor.
How does he not go?
It just doesn’t go and that’s all.
We have already driven!
Here the saleswoman looks out the window and sees Rick sitting next to us.
- Oh, so I thought you were about the high-speed train "Rex"!)))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №93222
 30.01.2014
Well, screenshots in word can be easily explained in principle...

here sits a aunt-bush and does not know that there is a painting and scissors, photoshop or other serious graphic editor she has by definition on the comp is not.
And here’s her task – to send something somewhere straight "as on the screen"...
She calls the local iTishnik and asks how to take a picture of the screen, and just to get rid of it, he tells her - press the screen and put it somewhere...
Where to put? Aunt begins to pick up the tracks she is familiar with... well, of course not in 1C... but where? Maybe in Ward? and bingo!! to

[ + 20 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №93221
 30.01.2014
girl from задолбали, specifically for you a lesson of literacy: virgin plow. There is no R after B. and pleura is the serous membrane of the lungs, and has nothing to do with the joys of sex.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №93220
 30.01.2014
Here is this:
_______
7 years of marriage today.
I lie with my wife in bed. We have Google translator on our smartphones. I had a translation from English to Russian. From Ukrainian to German. Orem a full beliberda, and then see how they translate there and here. and rjem. Neighbors probably think we have a car of grass here.
______
I fear that there will inevitably come a day when technology will outperform simple human communication. And then the world will have a generation of idiots.
by Albert Einstein

[ + 41 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №93219
 30.01.2014
I helped my neighbor drive the car this morning. On the wire he was catching for 10 minutes until this dolbo #b remembered that he had the battery at home.
fq2k

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №93218
 30.01.2014
These two telescopes:

HH: How is it? I have not seen you for a hundred years.
Do you remember my girlfriend from school?
The Woman?
WOW : Well. At school, we didn’t have any small desires just to sleep. We understood each other halfway and really loved each other.
XHH: Well what?
I am divorced. in the knowledge?
XHH: I have heard it.
WOW: And she got married.
HH: She is not wise. Such a girl!
WOW: Last week she sent me a text message: "Come to me. I have no husband" I thought she was wrong with the number, and just puts horns on her husband, and a male solidarity sparked in me. In general, I replied, “You behave like a dirty prostitute.”
XHH: It is right.
WOW: It is not right! SMS from her stopped, and then from acquaintances I learned that she has been in divorce for a month. The cable does not...
xxx: Our dialogue is called "How did you fuck a second chance", I guess?
I mean yes ((

I find it hard to say who of you is the bigger idiot - a girl who from place to place invites a SMS to himself, without speaking a word before, not being informed at all, not communicating, etc., or a guy who is able to joke this way on the basis of "I thought...", but I know exactly one thing: YOU ARE Created for each other! "Woman", if you read this, call him again. You will find more such fairy tales in a couple nowhere.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №93217
 30.01.2014
Parents of Wunderkind:

My youngest son is an alien. For the second time in a row, Kin-Zha-Zha is watching. In the process of viewing, he turns around and tells me my favorite phrase about the color differentiation of pants.
I wonder what’s so interesting about this movie?
Mom, it’s about all of us.

I am afraid to ask further...

— — —
Or maybe not an alien, but in the birthplace confused?

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №93216
 30.01.2014
Fruit variety "Hopelessness" or "In all heavy":
Conserved ananas, harem, bananas.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №93215
 30.01.2014
It’s hard to really worry about the life of the protagonist when you know there are nine more seasons ahead.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №93214
 30.01.2014
The customer has gone.
The previous client could not communicate on Skype-he pulled out the energy from her
xxx: the present removed all the photos from the place of dtp-they have damaged her karma
Q: How do you order to work in this nonsense?

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №93213
 29.01.2014
═════════════════════════════════════════════════&#
║...But when the contractor sent me a table in word║
║ drawn by lines... ║
╟────────────────────────────────────────────────&#
║ Well, here’s the generation growing up, bla bla bla. And then║
║ I was really stunned by the principle scheme,║
║ drawn in Excel by lines of boundaries of cells. and #953;
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The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna