My childhood was spent in the 90s in a small village in the middle of the taiji. Then much less cared about all age ratings and other heresy. I then watched all kinds of movies with my parents, including Secret Materials, Predator, Alien, Shakma and so on, and of course I was afraid of all the wildness that was shown there. And every time I was afraid, my dad said about the following: "We have 40 weeks of winter standing, no chupacabra will survive in our forest in the winter" and that reassured me.

And then I, for some reason alone, watched John Carpenter’s 1982 film Something.

Parking of one shopping center, a peak hour. The cars are very tight.

I go back and touch a little behind the car.

I go out and see what’s there: and there my room frame is broken and the frame of that car’s number is broken and the dirt on both bumpers “harmed.”

There are no cracks and the paint is not damaged.

The only thing, my machine is dark, the victim is white and there are a couple of strips left on his bumper where dirt slipped.

From the second machine comes first the uncle. Everyone looks at that too.

I apologize and offer immediately on the spot to give money to paint a bumper + a little above. The price was known because after the purchase of the car, the bumper painted. Although, objectively, there would have all solved polishing, but it has collapsed - so you need to correct it.

My uncle looked at it too and agreed.

But here it came out, more precisely she.

The lady came out of the car, the whole police officer (it was before the circus with the horses) and began to whisper (right, guys, really whisper in hysteria), that I broke her car, that she will now call and everyone will sit, that I am 3, 14 full.

Uncle also turned on the rear: no one in place, only we call the mints.

Hour of Peak at TC. People walk by. Idiot, of course, everyone considers me and everyone approaches me with the words: "Well, you give money to a man and go, what are you standing? “”

Everyone had to explain that the police officer promised to arrest me and, in general, against the decision on the spot, insisted on calling for reinforcement.

The support came to us for a long time.

Around even gathered suffering to spectacles citizens, who, having learned all the history and my willingness to give a bag of gold, went to that car, but, having met the lady of the police, went away and twisted their fingers at the chest.

Luckily, after two hours, approximately, goats passed by and, noticing an unhealthy crowd of people, came to help: photographed, gathered data and invited from the morning to a group of adventure analysis.

They departed.

Little spoiler: There was rain at night, heavy rain.

In the morning I came to the group first, while drawing up the documents once again told me why I "pulled" money to settle on the spot. The police officer also stumbled.

Then came the victim (one, without a police lady) and we went to photograph the injury.

Approach, a police officer looks at the bumper: and there is not even a strip of dirt. A crack on the frame.

Police officer to uncle: "You have no injuries, there will be no affairs" (the phrase was more protocol, but the general sense was such).

I said, “You can be free.”

“If you want, go to court.”

and all. I was not even excited.

My uncle said to me, “You offered a bag of money yesterday, can you pay it? “”

Porzal, explained that the way to the tablespoon for lunch and left.

No one filed a case against me, but I suspect that I ruined the man’s life and Madame didn’t forgive him.

My husband and I decided to jump with a parachute. Said is done. We took the course of youth jumping in Dosaaf. There were a lot of young people there. Have fun time. Before jumping, those who do not have a driver's license had to bring a certificate from a narcologist and a psychiatrist. I was unrighteous then. With the narcologist, everything went smoothly, but here is the psychiatrist... I go into the office, there is a young doctor. I didn't even have time to say for anything - where I need a certificate, the "attack" began. I am a doctor, I am a doctor.

B is Hi! How does he jump?

I am a good day! E... what?

How does he jump?

I am who?

W is he!

The fucking! What is it? Check of what? Who is? What to do? Am I crazy?

I am who he is?

I looked around. There is no one in the office except us.

A young man who was with you.

I am where?

It turned out that the doctor was with us on the courses of a young jump, and I, in love and absorbed by the parachute landing, did not remember her.

This is not the case with unhappy patients. You can really go crazy.

Every time you take all of your salary from your bank card, somewhere in the world there is a sad one, Herman Graff.

Parental Chat

When my friend Leisha, a father of three children, gave his daughter to first class for the first time, he was immediately pushed into a newly created parental chat.
Losha cooked a tea, armed himself with a cake with cabbage, put on glasses and went deeper into reading. In the chat ran some active mommies, of those who always know everything, even knowing what will be the number of the bus, on which the guys will go to meet the dawn in eleven years.
...Dear friends, there are three topics on the agenda:
We have to give 800 rubles to the school.
Next week, on the 15th of Tamara Mikhailovna's birthday. I offer a gift of 1000 rubles. Until the mind adds what to give her, what she loves. have to think.
We need to elect the chairman of the parent committee of the class.
Who has any thoughts and ideas about this? Please speak out.
Lozha wiped off the teak, wiped out his hands from the fat cake, pushed the keyboard to himself and began to speak, as they asked:
Dear friends, in my modest opinion, it is too early to give 800 rubles to the guard. If you allow me to contact the Department of Education myself, I will find out in detail and report to you: how, how much money is allocated for the protection of schools, who is personally responsible for the allocated funds and how they are spent?
I think that 1000 rubles for a birthday is quite possible. What Tamara Mikhailovna loves, I don't even imagine, but nothing terrible, until the 15th, there is still a lot of time, we will have time to figure out. The most important thing now is not this, but what I love, and I love inflatable fishing boats with all my heart. First, because Tamara Mikhailovna's birthday is 15th, and I'm already after tomorrow 11th. And yet, somehow it’s not good that we forgot to include Tamara Mikhailovna in our chat, she’s still a great leader. And then, how will she be able to drop down on gifts for our birthday? There is disregard and discrimination against the teacher.
It is necessary to say that one half of the parents immediately put Loshina candidate for the post of chairman of the parental committee, and the other, friendlyly voted for him.
In the past eight years, we can count on the fingers of one hand the cases when the parents of this class collected money for something at least, while they had everything; and excursions and guard and linoleum and everything-everything, even curtains.
However, no one has ever learned what the classy director, the soundtrack and the director of the school likes. True, and Lecha remained without an inflatable boat.

Discrimination on Growth also exists. If someone low asks the high to give him the goods from the top shelf in the supermarket, because he can not reach, he will give with a smile. But try asking someone low to give you the goods from the bottom shelf, as he doesn’t need to bend so much.

Xxx: I remember working with a friend in a good company. But at some point, problems with paying wages began. The circumstances forced me to go to another company, and my friend was persuaded to stay, raising his salary one and a half times. After that, he was paid half a time.

Fifteen years ago, in my past beautiful life, full of terrariums, a young man and I agreed to become bird-eating spiders. Lasiodora parahybana, if anyone is interested. I have a commodity - a boring lush lady with a height of legs of 22 cm, his merchant - a petty virgin, consisting of one leg and swollen from desire pedipalps.

I lived on the last floor of the 5th floor. To me, only on foot. As I remember, it was Saturday. The neighbor’s daughter was getting married. Clearly, all the stairs, starting from the first floor, are decorated with balls, pink ribbons, flowers and empty bottles of champagne. And before entering our floor there is a huge stretch "Happiness to you, young people!"

And here’s how much water has leaked, and still the picture in front of my eyes: I open the door – there’s a completely stunned boy, a garden with a bird-eater in his hands. And almost with tears in the voice: "Sorry for God's sake, you're out as prepared, and I didn't even bring the cake! We just have it for the first time.”

c) Svetlana Kotelkova

In the struggle between good and evil, hard-earned good rarely triumphs.

Dima, our old friend, who got married late enough, desperate Childfrey... It’s late enough – it’s after forty.
Married two years ago, and a year ago decided to move (according to our example) from the city to the country.
And in the neighbors, a two-year-old boy, Eliseo, - who melted Dima's heart to such an extent that Dima put a boy in his car, allowed any buttons.
He himself went out.
Eliseo pushed until he locked himself in the car (the key was left inside the car)

Duma our ran around the car, tried to break the lock, became nervous, and even called the service to open the locks.
Then came another neighbor, a former military officer.
Quickly getting into the situation, he asked for a lamp, and simply devoted to the locking button.
Two-year-old Eliseo as a command pressed this button, and unlocked the car, thus saving himself)))
The neighbor explained that he previously worked with service dogs, and children and dogs have the same thinking.

A brilliant neighbor in my opinion.

I received a letter from the FNS. I don’t know who they are, but they are demanding to pay them 13% of last year’s income. They promise free education, security and quality medicine.
I think divorce is something.

xxx: The fellow group's father went out to take the garbage in his tapes in November, returned for the next new year.



Yyy: Now you will find an empty urn

Dmitry Peskov has denied rumors about another increase in the retirement age in Russia.
And he thought of himself: "We are not idiots - we must first win the elections in the Duma."

Financing of terrorism

The headbuster, who flew into the chief executive’s office, clearly fled with bad news.
Finmonitoring has blocked our bank accounts! After rest, she told me.
Why is? The director surprised.
They say we are financing terrorism.
What kind of terrorism? International or local? The director clarified.
“I don’t know,” replied the chief, “you better know! Can you talk to the bank?! to

The financial institution told the CEO that the banking transactions of the firm are very suspicious: the company receives funds from many companies and sends all the money to only one legal entity. And so for several days in a row.
What kind of company do we pay for and in whose person we finance terrorism, have you looked at? I asked the director.
- No, the recipient's account is in another bank, - not quite sure answered the monitoring employee.
"This is the Baltic Customs," explained the director, "our firm is collecting money from customers for customs payments for a new batch of goods arriving in the port. And about the customs we ourselves suspected something like this about terrorism, but thank you for your vigilance. You finally clarified the situation.

Never tell a woman that no one will ever love her with children.
There are men who love them even with their husband!

xxx: On the street, of course, the schedule is offgenic, but this is the story - so for yourself. In the computer, sooner or later you pump, change the inventory, weapons and transportation to the top, change several locations, and on the street you will remain a sludge Seroga with alcoholism, low salary and rust, forever broken by the Volga fifth, with permission to say, the automobile factory.

The old woman put before the young man an empty bowl:

The bank is empty, right?

and yes.

And now? Using large stones, she asked.

“Now the bank is full,” the young man replied.

Smiling, the old lady poured sand into her and questioningly looked at the guy. He reluctantly sneered, agreeing to some errors in his previous words.

Smiling even wider, the old lady took a glass of water and began to pour it into the already seemingly filled bowl. The boy could not withstand:

“Yes, grandmother, you are right: the bank was never full. But stop telling me, moving the half empty plate away from me, I am really already full.

This story was told to me by a guy with whom we were lying in the hospital. The boy was from the village. We were 16-17 years old.

Last year, he says, we were resting with his brother at his friend’s house. There were no parents, all the Spanish people gathered from neighboring villages. I was quickly taken away from a pair of glasses of samsung and I did not notice myself asleep where I was sitting. I woke up at night and my whole body was drained. In the darkness, I saw the silhouettes of the bodies with which the floor and all the available furniture were filled. There was nowhere to go, I decided to go home. He touched the body of his brother, threw it on his back and carried it two kilometers to the house. He threw his brother on the bed on the veranda, went into the house himself. At lunch, he says, I get up, I go out of the house to the veranda, I look at my brother. This is not a brother.

In general, it turned out that he was hooked home by some left-handed boy, whom he didn’t even know.

Why not...?



And did you know that now the football judges in the championship of Russia began to check on the polygraph, even to the "non-football" judges the hands reached!



© Dmitry Sviridov

Once a long time ago, a drunken husband stumbled on me, as it is, and turned to my mother. He did not find his favorite shirt (they are all his favourites, but most of all those he can’t find) thrown into the laundry.
He came and sadly asked:
Did you give my favorite shirt to my lover?
Then he was completely upset and fell to sleep.
In the morning I washed, the shirt hangs, dried up. Take, I say, I’ll smooth out and boil to my mom.
He started looking for the washed socks.
As always, a couple is missing.
Where is my favorite socks?! to
I gave her lover.
and pause.
Do you have a single leg?