Xxx: I once dreamed that I was Excel, and my cells were being killed by incorrect data and formulas, oh how I was rooted in a dream.

YYY: I have never seen such porn before!

When I finished high school, a girl and I were very much in love with each other. Well, at least for a year, they said this to each other a hundred times a day. We were kissing. There was even a light pitch. But she put the condition that we will have sex only after we finish school. Even a date was appointed. Conditionally on June 1. And here, school, exams, awards, graduation is over. Since we lived quite far from each other, she had no phone at home, and there was a whole generation of schoolchildren ahead, we agreed with her that I would come to her on THIS DAY at a certain time, her parents would already be in the country.

I barely got off the wheels in those few days of waiting. At the specified moment (with an accuracy of a second) I am clean and odorable, with flowers and champagne knocking at her door.

My mother, sleepy and in bigods, opens her to me: “And she’s cha, didn’t she tell you? She went to "Nsk" yesterday, get used to it, prepare for entering the university there. What’s your lips shaking? Don’t drift, it will wake up and call.”



It all went so. She called 18 years later, having two former husbands and one child behind her shoulders. And the love she has carried through all these years. In her words, she tested her feelings and indeed, the love of her whole life was me.

I met on the internet with a beautiful girl. Direct ears, not a combination. We decided to meet, went for a walk, drank coffee, ate something there. They had a great time. Somewhere at 22: 00 her phone rings, and Madame disappears in the arms of the device for 10 minutes, after which she immediately changes in mood. To the question “what happened?” I get the answer.

My ex-boyfriend calls, complains that it’s too late, and I’m not home.

Meaning of guy? ? to ? to

He and I separated two months ago, but we rented the apartment together.



Understanding that I was not prepared for such a life, I put my lady in a taxi and go digest a new life experience.



Two days later, a message came from her:

“We can’t see you again, I told the ex about you, and he didn’t like you. He is against me to see you.



When I realized that the breadmeter was scaling the situation, I agreed. If I'm against, then I'm against who I am to argue XD



The next day, this guy, with such a big longrid, writes that he appreciates her and that he wishes her a great new guy and happiness, but not with me.



Since then, I realized that people are sad at the head, they really exist.

Black spots on biographies are best covered with orders and medals.

Quarantine in Nigeria.

So far, 13 people have died from the coronavirus.
Police killed 18 violators of quarantine.

The attention!
The film contains scenes of handshaking, touching the face and staying outdoors without a valid reason.

15 years ago I had a girlfriend (we were 16-17) and one day she said she really liked one guy and she in case they had mutual sympathy - wants to be, so to say, "in all arms." She asked me to teach her to kiss. A very strange request, because then I was not interested in anything but football in the yard with the boys and I was obviously not a professional in kissing). But naturally I agreed, and after a number of “kissing sessions” she admitted that this guy was me.

Xxx: I know a guy, his 3 year old student girl dynamil. They had a relationship and then got married. Real after the wedding.

YYY: Is it for him?

I remembered his youth. I met a cute girl, hugs, kisses, but I didn’t go any further. She was a virgin.

There were talks, hints, and apparently she decided to take that step. At one of her visits to me, she gladly announced that we could finally do this, because she was no longer a virgin! She slept quickly with a guy in her village, trained, so to speak, before a significant event.

The perfect man and the perfect woman will never meet: she disagrees the first time, and he does not offer twice.

I sleep with my wife. Both doctors.

Suddenly he wakes me up and says:

- Write a translation for me (translation epicrisis), I do not have time!

I stand up. I go to comp.

His wife did not wake up, nor did she wake up.

I look stupidly at the monitor.

3 hours of night.

We are home.

The girl once told me, if the whole world is against you, I will stand behind and give ammunition.

She is behind the bullets.

One time I worked in a warehouse, and there was a girl at the dispatcher's office, let's say it was Julia. Beautiful, sociable and married. The warehouse was on the outskirts of the city, the bus route there was one, so they often went home together. We talked about Sam. And you know, with every trip Julia liked me more and more, and I really started to envy her husband when she offered to go to the store after work, to help choose a game on the X-BOX, so that both of us and my husband play.

I got the wedding photos that Julia brought to show her girlfriend at work. You rarely meet such a ugly and reckless guy, and this is her husband!!! A couple of days later I began to torture Yulia: how did they meet? She told:

My parents introduced me in school, in the 10th grade. I think it is a fool. They lived in a private house and this idiot came every morning to take me to school. This lasted more than a year.

And then he disappeared. Not coming for 2 weeks. At first I was happy, and then it became somewhat grim, and it got worse every day.

He appeared in the morning, weakened even more, said he was sick, apologized for not coming. Since then we have been together.”

The relatives, seeing how I get away from my single life, decided to reduce me with the same male girl. Showed a photo. Have any contacts – call! We showed her your photos and she liked you very much.



I called in a few days. There is no answer.

Written in Viber. and silence.

I called the next day. Also without answer. and abandoned.

Two weeks later, a relative asks how things are, the date of the wedding has already been set? He said that the subscriber is not a subscriber, full freeze. Yes is? He was surprised. And the lady told her mother that you are well, you communicate, walk together regularly.



The next day, she finally replied, “Weak.”

He worked in Great Novgorod on video surveillance. The general calls me and says:

Addressed here to me, Sever3000, an old friend of our family, you have a good guy, and you can communicate with the client, here is the customer's number, call and solve her problem.

I called, I came, I talked. It turns out, according to the woman in old age, her husband had a young mistress, and they both try to live her out of the light or, at least, to remove her into a psychic. The methods they choose, gently speaking, are extraordinary. Among them were: arsenic poured into a toothpaste, a cross pulled out of the grave, and pulled to the windows of the apartment where the grandmother and her husband lived to craze her, the walls cut with a knife to deprive her of comfort and peace. Traces on the walls were actually present, and fragments of the grave cross were rolled under the windows. The situation is non-standard, you can not refuse - the order from the general, and I took the business - hanged video surveillance in the apartment, near the apartment, under the windows. We watched the video for a week, but in the end nobody was visible on the video, except the old lady and the neighbors under the windows. Even my husband did not come in, and I decided that he changed his experience for youth and eventually went to a young mistress. I, since I did not catch anyone, was a grandmother recorded as the enemy of the people and the bad comrade, whom her husband subjugated. She called my gender and complained that I was doing my job badly.

On Monday, the general calls me to the office, I come in, I sit down.

- Why did you, Sever3000, not fulfill my hopes, deceive, customers complain, how do you?

“Yes, you know, General Director, there’s a silly story at all...

Tell me.

In general, the husband of your good acquaintance had a young mistress.

and stop. Did Takayotovich have a mistress?

and yes. the youth.

Yes, he died ten years ago...

I work as an expert. There was one very interesting case. One day I peacefully drank tea in a break in proud solitude. The door opened and a 55-year-old man entered. With a scream: "Save, help, we need to examine the lock and the door, and you can also fingerprints." Please tell me the subject matter. The man reports that people come home to him every day. They don’t steal anything, but they put the furniture in places, they wear clothes, they twist the bulbs.

The first thought was waiting, the first crazy in my career. The second thought – I have lived in the white light for a long time, I know about human greed. A man asks if he lives alone, if there are savings and real estate, if there are loved and adored relatives. Yes to all answers! Does the family have the keys to the apartment? No, there was a scandal with her daughter, she became a fierce follower of the pasta monster (or "daughter of Christ", which is the same for me), the keys were taken from her. The thought that the daughter decided to bring the father to a psychic and take possession of property, beats in the head more and more.

The man said he was a frequent visitor to the police and prosecutor's office. However, no traces of theft were found.

Idiots do not work there, if no traces of the breach were found, they are not there. I will not find either. A man is advised to buy a simple camera or video recorder. I say goodbye to him. Until last autumn. We came back with the October rains.

He said there was only one hope for me. He, on my advice, set up a registrator and filmed a stranger entering the apartment and eating his spice. Directly from the bank. I ate almost the whole bank. An unheard of boldness. He took the video to the police, and they gave it to a psychic for some reason. Showing the video on the phone, and there... as already guessed, he himself, personally. That is where I was scared. Without showing up, she said that I will not be able to help, because "we are forbidden from above to enter the police affairs." And advised to go to the experts of the Ministry of Internal Affairs, type their profile. I know that the CPC will not go further, there can work with such individuals.

He refused to go to the MVD, he does not want to go to the psychic again. He said that there was the last sting in the sleeve - he will go to Malakhov, there they will believe him.

It was in the winter of 1997, and he was still in school. We go with a friend past the house, from the window of the second floor a scream- "Hey fools go us" and disappears. A friend makes a big snow and in the fortress. We stood for a couple of minutes, I was waiting thinking the shots would go down and give, and under what pretext I dropped. Two years later, I went to Crimea in the summer. Drinks, walks and so on. One company, another, there talked, a guy from my city. Where from which area? I know this house, I was there a few years ago and I tell this story. He is in the cockpit! He tells his version. A couple of years ago in the winter, the parents are not at home, with friends eaten, I (He) smoke in the fortress go two-"Hey fools go on" and under the window. His friend just exploded to the window to add as he got a portion of snow in the fucking. They sit on the floor waiting when they get up and give them.

Not only are we held for fools, but also on a short thread.

We separated in autumn. Rita left me.
And I went. I wanted to swing. I was afraid to take revenge on her. And Diko wanted to drag her back into the night again. So much emotion in the head of a young fool.
30 years have passed. My God, thirty years. In front of me was Rita, the treasurer of Rita in the “Five”.
The fifth, the box. I put out my kefir with garlic and cigarettes.

The treasurer quickly greets, without looking at me, knocks, “That’s all?” He throws away the painted cloth. What a familiar gesture. But I would have gone if I hadn’t looked at the badge that everyone has a cashier on his chest. by Margarita Averina.

Rita is you?
She finally raises her eyes at me:
And what... God! by Loyola?
I didn’t expect to meet you like this.
Summer of 1988. My husband and I are going to Moscow on Sunday. She is in a black mini shirt, lean, with beaten and lacquered hair, in her ears huge plastic earrings, grimps. She talks about aerobics.

Rita has beautiful legs, a slightly loose walk and an eternal light smile. It’s like she’s running away from me, and I’m trying to catch her. Rita is wildly sexy, men turn around. And I am proud to have such a girl with me, and I am angry because she doesn’t even allow herself to embrace.

I tell her that I dream of becoming a journalist, Rita smiles:

I think it is boring. I will be a singer. It is certain.

We are 20 years old. Rita graduates from music school, piano. But now it is summer, there is no class, so she has long nails, with red lacquer. These hands and those nails also make me crazy.

Rita says strictly:

I want to eat! Out of coffee!

I only have a rubber in my pocket. I was going to live for him for a week, my mom left before leaving. And this cafe is worth the hell knows how much it seems to be cooperative, to collapse. But I make a careless face: of course, go! I think it would be enough for the red, but it would be enough.
In the cafe, Rita ordered pizza and champagne. We drank, and I didn’t care, just to take Rita home from here for the night. But there was the Mirage group.

Rita jumped up and started dancing under her alone, boldly and passionately. All the fat around stood up on Rita, forgetting about the vodka snack. And Rita still sang: “Music has bound, the mystery has become...” She felt like a star.
I almost had no money, but Rita carelessly threw the ruble on the table:
Okay we go for a walk! So what next?
And we went to me. It seemed to have been the longest and best night in my life. Excellent aerobics for two. “Music has connected us, the mystery has become ours” – it sounded in my happy chambered head.

Three months later, in the autumn, we split up. Rita left me:

“Listen, I met a guy, very nice, sorry. And he also said that he would introduce me to the right person at the recording studio. I want to record an album, I even came up with a title – “My Happiness.”

A silly name, I answered.

And went away. I wanted to swing. I was afraid to take revenge on her. And Diko wanted to drag her back into the night again. So much emotion in the head of a young fool.

Thirty years have passed. My God, thirty years. In front of me was Rita, the treasurer of Rita in the "Five".

Do you remember being a singer? I smiled.

Rita smiled nervously:

“We all wanted something... But I know you became a journalist. Sometimes I read you, you are good.

I left the store. I thought about Rick. Well, you can say, I’ve been revenged, let’s say thirty years later. I did not deliberately give up. As funny as it was, there were exactly ten rubles. The coin.

Only now they are not at all those ten rubles, not drinking in a cafe with Soviet champagne. Music stunned, Rita became fat, her life ends at the box office, accompanied by barcode. The grief.

A few days later, I went into the same “five”. I rarely go there, but I went there. With an unclear purpose.

She was there again. He saw me and was pleased:

You are smoking, right? Let us go! I’ll ask Nail to sit at the box.

Rita put on her jacket and we smoked. Rita said:

I was a fool then, sorry.

Rita, it doesn’t matter now. Thirty years passed. I have a third marriage and I have three children.

And Rita smiled – as then:

I suddenly understood. You are sorry for me, right? You think – here is an unfortunate aunt, dreamed of becoming a star, and now at the box, weighing potatoes.

Well, not that...

I see. You are regret. Remember, I wanted to name the album “My Happiness”? You know, it is not stupid. I would call it so now. Just our happiness is changing very much, our notions about it. For twenty-five years I have been married to a very good man, Dimka. Yes, he’s simple, he doesn’t have any music hearing at all, he snores at night. But he is a good car mechanic, he has put up the furnace in our country, he knows everything. We have an adult daughter, a beautiful woman. She is twenty-two, more than I was then. She is a lawyer, such a businessman, not like me at all. She is married, and we have a granddaughter, also Rita, she is one and a half years old. I am a very happy grandmother. I had a great life. The job of the cashier? I could not work, my husband has normal money. But why not work while your granddaughter is in the garden? I am sociable, you know. Okay, I have to run.

Rita, I finally said. You are right, fucking right. And I do not regret you at all. Run, I was glad to see you.

Already standing in the green door, she suddenly turned:

By the way, I became a singer. I sing to my granddaughter, she loves it. So I am a star. A real star for my granddaughter.

Once a long time ago, 30 years ago, my wife’s aunt brought her future husband to meet her mother. She prepared for the visit, cooked a whole mountain of blines, planted a potential snail, well, let him eat, let him ask. And that sluggish one, eats without a special appetite, but does not refuse the supplement.

Here the aunt decides to eat a blend, bites, chews a couple of times... Fu! and splashes out.

Have you tried your own blends?

Not yet, not yet...

And you try!

Mom bites...yo-yo, and the blines are nauseous some, bitter! They conducted a small investigation and realized that instead of sugar, she generously poured soda into the paste. My mother is surprised:

Oh, and I think, how wonderful, what gorgeous blades have been made! Honey, why did you keep silent?

I didn’t want to hurt...

I laughed, and at the end, my mother said:

“Well,” said the daughter, “at least he’t get angry with your scratch!

They have lived since then.