Do you know that...

The movie “Clue” (1985) had three different endings. The film with different finals was randomly distributed between the cinemas. And then the spectators chanted about him: I saw with my own eyes how it all ended! Have you all gone crazy?

The result? Many went to see it for the second time. The most important thing in life is to prove your right.

The Sberbank building is burning.
Call to Fire Guard:
Come here urgently!! Fire at the Sberbank building!! to
One minute, I’ll turn you to a specialist.
play good music, then hear joyful phrases
If you want to know about our new services, press “1”.
If you want to enter into a contract for the installation of fire equipment - press "2".
The attention! Firefighters present a completely new way to extinguish fires! Do you want to know more? Press the “3”.
Have you heard your option? Stay on the line. Prepare the cadastral number of your object, as well as the passport details of its owner.
Your call is very important to us – stay on the line.
Do you want to try to extinguish the fire yourself? Use the Advanced Fire Service! To find out how to connect, press "5"
............
Firefighter Sergey, how can I help you?
We have fire! Three houses are burning.
Tell me, how can I address you?
Are you an idiot? Our building is burning! Don’t talk to me, go out immediately!
Give the building’s cadastral number and the owner’s FIO.
I don’t know the number, I’ve given you the address. Is this not enough to go out to extinguish the fire?! to
Stay on the line, I will transfer you to a support specialist.
Playing good music
If you want to order the installation of the fire alarm - say: "Montage of the alarm"
............
If you want to connect to the 24-hour fire calculation service, say: "Connect"
............
You did not choose the right option.
Your call will be transferred to the operator.
My name is Alexander, how can I help?! to
Our building is burning! Do something!
Can you tell me how I can contact you?
and b...!! with...! ......! The fire!! to
Our experts will address your problem. What number can we contact you?

The world champion in flirting glues the wallpaper with a glance.

A real biker knows all the insects to taste.

Called some kind of insurance brokers, possibly scammers, to pair insurance on the car. He was called by his name, although he had never contacted them.



My friend, as an occupied and knowledgeable man, was angry and asked:

Where do you get my personal data?



I received an immediate response:

- You left them on a dating site, for gay.



A friend could not parry such a fall, and the insurers hanged the telephone.

The daughter asks:

Who are the technicians and technicians?

I explained.

I will be a technician!

But to do this, you have to count well, know mathematics and physics well.

I will be a humanitarian!

But to do this, you need to write well and beautifully and read a lot.

Then I will be a military.

xxx: I wrote the entire diploma myself (2008), the teacher asked to bring a digital copy on the disk before the defense. I defend my diploma and in a conversation with one of the students I learn that my diploma he bought from my teaching in advance (we had the same topics) and that he will now look at how to defend it. And just fossilized and instead of a normal disc with a diploma pushed a disk with porn. And we signed papers that our diplomas are the property of the university. Then I was summoned to the commission on the results of which the teaching was suspended from teaching activity for 3 years)))



YYY: It is interesting. Who initiated the commission? On the basis of what?



zzz: When the second student instead of defending the diploma began to slander the chairman of the commission, and just like in the video recorded on the disc, everyone immediately became clear that there was an element of corruption.

Be more flexible with other people and you will definitely get cancer.

Looking in the eyes.

My colleague Herman was the conqueror of the ladies. When personal computers were still new, we wrote a program for accounting and went to the site to install it and train users. So, I don’t remember the case that Geric stayed alone on these trips. If there was no candidacy in the accounting office, he immediately met in a hotel, restaurant or just on the street. They were not prostitutes, no. Lovely decent women who suddenly removed their roof from Gerich.

I was then free from family bonds and would not give up an easy adventure, but something adventure avoided me. Hermann replied that neither the appearance nor the words play a role, but it is only important to look a woman in the eyes. But apparently my eyes did not have the magical power needed.

The mission to Odessa did not take place. I came alone. The accountants rarely turned out to be dumb chickens and scratched from the computer. The rules of the Ukrainian bill did not coincide with our idea of them, we had to run the program all Saturday. But I was paid for that.

I went to sea on Sunday. I managed to forget the swimsuits in Moscow and thought about going to buy new ones when I saw a nudist beach. After bathing, he discovered that there were men of varying degrees of friction heating the pulse nearby, and few female bodies could hardly be seen behind five rows of pulses. True naturists will say that joy should be obtained from union with nature, not from looking at naked babies. I know, but I was upset anyway.

Suddenly my neighbors stood far away: She was on our side. The Queen of the Beach. Almost a model figure, wearing only a hat and sunglasses. Bronze marble without white spots, so it’s not the first time here. Directly I felt how the men came out with fluids, prompting her to choose a place closer.

The Queen stood next to me:
Is it free here?
I sneezed, trying not to burn, that is, not to watch.
“I am Xusha,” she said after an uncomfortable silence. Kesha is Kesha. I nodded again, taking my eyes away from the place where there was no plush shirt at all.
“I always go here with a friend,” the queen continued, “and today she couldn’t. One is so unpleasant, everyone clothes straight with their eyes. I’m not dressed, I’m dressed, but you know. They won’t be close to you.

The last sentence sounded ambiguous. Whether she saw in me a macho and a defender, or, on the contrary, a harmless cloud in my pants. Without the pants. I replied that I was very happy, and I can not be wiped out, but called by name, and I am a familiar person, was on a nudist beach at my home in Moscow (of how). There was a conversation about nudism, weather and Odessa sights.

The first rule of behavior on the naked beach coincides with German’s will: look in the eyes. I tried, but my eyes were constantly sliding down, and especially even lower. Khushcha freely changed poses, and only the previous experience of nudism prevented me from breaking the second rule: not showing interest in what you will not see on a regular beach.

Why did this bird of happiness choose me? I am not beautiful. Now I can be proud that for my age I was still old, and then I barely pulled on the road. There was a song in my head about the incident on the beach: “The beautiful 17-year-old, beautiful and white, suddenly began to dress up to the naked.” Further, it was told how the entire beach did not take her eyes off, "and afterwards it turned out that the girl was not at all for the sun in what her mother gave birth": while she distracted, her accomplices stole things. Per my queen is just breaking up a traveller?

Kesha got the cards. Clearly, now a boring citizen will come, will offer to play a preference or a small point and unnoticedly divide me into cowards. There were no cowards, but you understand. But no, no one approached, we both played as fools without any bets. In the footsteps of Khushina’s bag appeared a bottle of morsa and stinking homemade cakes. Of course, the cakes are not with a clowner. I courageously refused and pressed the Chebureques from the boulevard.

So I moved from contemplation to suspicion until the sun colored my unburned parts in a gentle pink color. A little more, and tomorrow we will have to portray Comrade Saakov in court: “Sit down” – “Thank you, I will stand.” I began to dress. The decisive moment has come: if she remains sunny alone, the adventure is over. If you go off the beach with me, everything is possible.

She went. At the exit I offered to dinner together, there is a good restaurant near my hotel.
“I have affairs,” the queen said in such a tone that it became obvious: affairs can wait. I am not dressed for a restaurant. Maybe tomorrow?
– No, you’ll all shut up, I honestly assured. And tomorrow I will have a much less pleasant conversation with the accountants. I thought that Odessa was an intelligent city, but I did not meet such impenetrable fools like here. Incredible, where did they get them from?

I hadn’t expected Xusha to be such a patriot of his hometown. I won't say that she changed her face because I still didn't look into her face: she was above me, plus my heels, my look was headed toward a cut of saraphan. But the intonation left no doubt that she was deadly offended. He said goodbye and jumped into the tram. Another adventure escaped me, I don’t know why.

The next morning I heard from the hallway one of the chickens fighting with the headbuckle.
He went to the fucking mother. She whispered. I will not teach this idiotic program, I will not understand anything anyway. Better be fired.

The whisper went into normal speech, and then I recognized the voice. Yes, it turned out that the Queen of the Beach Xusha and the chicken accountant Oksana are the same person. I don’t remember the faces, but you understand. “Hello, I’m Xusha” on the beach was not a performance, but a reminder of myself. And she did not divorce me, and was not afraid to continue the acquaintance with the dispatched moscovite. If only this mosquito did not prove to be a hopeless fool.

Gerry was right. The woman needs to look in the eyes.

Now, to persuade a girl to lose her virginity, just remind her that if she suddenly dies as a result of an accident, she will go to heaven as a reward for an Islamic terrorist.

I am studying at an Italian university and there are a lot of foreigners around me. About Russia they mostly know only the name, so sometimes they give elegant pearls behind the spit. I am I, and I am a foreigner.



I - Luckily we in Siberia in general a real winter, snow has fallen...

And in Siberia? Does anyone really live there? ? to

Yes, I am a lot of people.

Are there real cities? ? to

Yes, my grandmothers live there.

And – how many people are there?

I am about a million in my city.

The shock, the collapse, the unbelief of a man from a large Italian city in 270th. man *



Why do you have such a strange alphabet?

I am a 10-minute brief lecture on Cyrillica

In ordinary life, do you use Cyrillic or NORMAL ALFABET?

I am *Rukalitzo*



I'm lucky to call my mom late, they're there at midnight.

Is there such a big time difference with Moscow?

I - Moscow is not big, and further to the East the difference is already tangible.

Do you have two time zones in Russia? ? to

I’m afraid to get 11...



Do you still call the Red Square Red Square?

Yes, yes, but how do we call it?

There are no more Communists!

I – No, why, I am...

Yes, Putin is a Communist!

I am Eee...

No one speaks in Russia with such an accent as in American films.

How is your country spoken in Russian? by RRRR? The Slavic “R”

I – No, you say “Italy” in Italian, not “Italy”, and we are called “Russia” and not “Rasha”.

And – strange, it doesn’t sound as scary as Rasha.



Oh and Russia! Vodka, Putin and the Communists!

I am O, Italy! Pizza, pasta and mommy Mia!

Happiness was offensive.

There is an unknown body on the street.

Give me a little money, it’s not enough...

I will not give.

What a pity?

You didn’t call me yesterday, I don’t give you today. All honestly.

The body stood back and thought hard.

It was long ago. Only after graduating from school, he went somehow to work, which included the duties of the carrier.

I am standing in the outskirts, the inspector of the personnel department comes out - a matron of forty years under a meter ninety height with quite voluminous shapes. When he found out why I came, he looked at me and said:

Are you a carrier? You have to swallow the petals so that the wind does not take away.

I was a thin but very lively guy. At the same time, I was a bit fucking young.

And I, in an assault, picked her up on my arms and turned around holding her on my arms. Then put it in place.

Matrona Ophegevy looks at me and says

After that, I can’t get you to work. It was unexpected and pleasant.

A familiar doctor-therapist told the story a day ago, further from his face.

I have an elderly patient who almost every day comes to the reception at work. The old man is boring, inventing problems and attracting attention. And then once disappeared for two weeks, when I returned the curiosity took over and I asked the man, "Where have you been for two weeks?He got a brilliant answer: “Sorry, I was sick!“”

I remember I was 9 years old. A cousin came to visit me, he was about 15. In general, he came, sat down a little and said - and let's go to the movie? We often went to the cinema with him, but it was almost 6 o'clock in the evening, I doubted, "something late," I say, "the parents will soon come from work." And he told me, "Don't be afraid, they will come until they eat dinner, we will see a movie and we will come, they will not even notice, and in general, I will tell them if you were with me." In general I persuaded. We went to the cinema, bought tickets, some film is incomprehensible - "Intergirl" is called. I waited a long time until it started, I all rushed home, like my parents had to come from work, suddenly they would mourn, my brother-in-law all persuaded to stay - said, a super-class movie, I will like it. I don’t know how the cashier let us go, but we went in. I began to look at something heavy. I did not understand anything from my childhood. The only thing I liked was a cool truck there was one man and a cooler cabriolet car. Such cars could not be seen on the streets of the Soviet Union. And the movie is still a long pipet, either 2.5 hours, or 3. And the brother looked at everything without breaking and leaving the saliva, I think he found in it, a bit of something. Finally, the movie ended, we got out of the cinema - my mom is home, and the night on the street, the stars are burning. I think it gets into me! The clock was already around 11 o'clock in the evening, of course, I didn't warn anyone that I was leaving. My brother brought me home, did not come in for some reason, he says he needs to go home urgently and ran away. I think I’ll get a stitch from my parents, scratch quietly into the door, it opens, and there’s a full splash. Mom cries, grandmother cries, some mints walk, the smell of corvalol is strong. Everyone goes straight to me. Mother through crying asks, “Where were you?” I said, “I went to the cinema.” Mother in shock: “What movie?” I honestly answered, “Intergirl.” I remember my dad laughed hysterically and my mom was crying. My brother stopped coming in after that. And the "Intergirl" my parents still remembered me for many years, even when the adult began to crack.

It is better not to worship God. Your requests will be sent to the spam folder.

Honesty is the best policy, but it is business.

We have a TV show here in Israel, the meaning of which is that the apartment is covered with hidden cameras, after which they make some trouble, for example, in the refrigerator, dishwasher or water supply, well, something simple that is very easy and simple to repair and then call the right master and watch how he will work assessing his work by 3 parameters:
Professionalism – how accurately and quickly he understood what the problem was.
2) Honesty - how accurately and truthfully he explained to the client the essence of the problem.
3) Price - whether the fair price he demanded for the work done.
Once the work is done and the money is paid, the host, who watched the master, breaks into the apartment with cameras, operators, flashes, etc.
If the master swallowed or bended the price, then the host reports it and demands explanations, and the master realizes that he was held is put into the run and the treach and spectacle for the spectators begins.
Well, if the master has done everything clearly on all the 3 parameters, then he is praised, hugged, gifted with flowers and literacy, well, and the master lets a tear of happiness and tells us that it is his father who raised him so. Well, in general, the broadcast is quite popular and it has been broadcast at the most broadcast time of the day for many years.
A few years ago, at the very beginning of our family career, we rented an apartment with an old washing machine.
The owner of the apartment for some reason very much loved this family relic laundry machine and refused to throw it out well and we could therefore not buy a new one as this took place and had to use this antique. In this washing machine there was a whirlwind with which the washing program was displayed.
The peculiarity of this twist was that if you pressed it, heavily, it seemed to be pressed into the body of the washing machine, continued to rotate but did not include anything. I did not know about this function. Once I pulled somewhere and relying accidentally on this twist, pressed it a little, after which the washing machine did not start naturally.
Well, we conducted the standard first aid measures of the electrical device - pulled out and inserted back into the socket, checked the shields, tapped on it slightly, but naturally it did not help and the washing machine from the electrical coma we did not release.
I had to call the owner and say so and so, the washing time has come, it is time for her deserved rest, you can come and say goodbye if you want. The owner refused to surrender and decided to fight for the life of the unit until the last. He said to find the best master on the Internet, call urgently and fix it no matter how much it costs, he will pay for it all. He is the master, he decides.
I called the first master I found in Google. The master said it will be in 20 minutes. has arrived. Well, I say so and so, the infection died, let's see what, maybe there is a chance to save her. We went to the bathroom with the patient. I prepared to hear a disappointing diagnosis for our master by demonstrating how the torch rotates unsuccessfully and does not include anything, but the master, who was visible with experience and had seen such laundry at his age, mechanically pulled the pressed torch on himself. The old laundry jerk started to fill with water and rotate in the prescribed mode.
Well, I stand looking at the master and I understand that I look like a fool. He looks at me without understanding, I’m a fool, or I’m just kidding.
Suddenly he was apparently shaded by some thought and he immediately became smiling and kind.
-Look, he says, in the washing machines of this company, models that were produced from one year to another, like this one of yours, there is a protector in the form of this twist, and if you press it it will not work, but nothing terrible, you apparently did not know and now you know how you see everything very simply.
Yes, I didn’t know, thank you very much.
We get out of the bathroom and approach the door.
How much do I owe you?
Yes, that’s all nonsense, I didn’t do anything.
But you came from another city, you are relying on the challenge.
Yes not!(For some reason raising your voice and pronouncing every word as if he wanted it to be clearly heard by the neighbors behind the wall) you just made a mistake, well, with whom it is not and asking for this money is too much I think, here someone else in the fairy tale would tell you that the engine was dead or the electronics burned and would charge you for repair, and I will never do so, so I was raised...a glass of water is all I ask.
I poured him a glass of water. He stands drinking in small gloves, obviously not in a hurry and constantly looks at the door as if he is waiting for someone.
Half a glass knocked on the door. He immediately put the glass, straightened, invited his hair and began to look artificially indifferently at the ceiling of the apartment. I opened the door. There was an excited owner.
What is it?!?! Have you done it?!?! How is she?! to
While I was explaining to the owner what had happened, the master, who was not going to leave, was constantly trying to see someone on the staircase behind the semi-open door of the apartment.
How much does the challenge cost? This owner, reassuring that his cradle is still alive, turned to the master.
He said nothing, for what I was wrong he will not pay. I explained to the master the decision of a good master.
and oh! The owner looked at him gratefully and he was also apparently obscured by some thought, shut up, I live here nearby, I have a tube from the washing machine leaking a little, maybe you can see?
The master apparently already understood that this is not a television show, but I really stumbled with a twist and the famous Israeli host will not come with flowers and he will not be shown to the whole country...
The master, with a slightly upset sight, gathered his tools and followed the master.
The next day a call. The owner.
“Listen to Plotkin, remember yesterday’s master?
I remember
He didn’t take anything from you, right?
correctly
Have you refused to take the challenge?
-Aga
– Strange... and he just clamped a hole in the isolated... for 500 shekels...

The lack of tattoos is so sexy.

It was long. Good morning, I am at work, so get up early. As usual, I go to the bathroom in the morning. As always, I want to sleep terribly. I lazyly turn on the water and drove me to wipe my eyes, so thoroughly, and both at once. Their seconds are 3-4. I clean my hands, I open my eyes and... the darkness, absolute. The water rushes. To admit, there was some panic at that moment. I stand, I don’t know what to do. I try to feel something with my hands and panic thoughts in my head. On the edge of my eyes, I see some white strip in the floor area. I approach her carefully, laying my hand on the wall and realizing that it is a light from under the closed door to the bathroom. I push the door and see my apartment in the dim rays of the morning sun.

It turned out that at the moment I closed my eyes, the light in the house turned off. Such relief as when I came out of the darkness of the bathroom, I have never experienced.

If all Russian oligarchs share their wealth, the pension in Russia will double and the retirement age will fall to 60 years.