When we built communism, we did the same thing, but we it much more.

A friend told me.

He was looking for a secretary who knew German. This has nothing to do with pornography. He has business partners in Germany. The company sends him a resume of the candidate. seems to suit. English advanced, German advanced. Invite to interview. To clarify the level of knowledge of languages. The girl answered seriously that her first level of English meant that she could greet him, and her advanced knowledge of German meant that she could give commands to the German shepherds, whom she was engaged in as a housekeeper.

Now those who say that power works badly fall under an article about disrespect for power, and those who say that power works well – under the spread of fake news.

Xxx: It’s like porn with dwarfs. First, it pushes you away, then you get involved, then you’re crazy and watching porn with dwarfs for the sake of the dwarfs themselves, and then HUAJAX and dwarfs suddenly grow up! And like porn, the heroes are the same, but they are no longer dwarfs. ah

Yyy: The dwarfs do not grow. Children are growing up. What kind of porn have you watched?

Zzzz: This is it. have been. The dwarfs.

My aunt told me about her youth. She came somehow to work, and their young colleague is sitting in the office with tears, all the women's team has gathered around her, find out what she is crying about.

Oh Ol, what are you? What happened to you?

and A-A-A! Girls, you left me!

Oh, you are a fool! Should be glad! You told yourself that he is drinking with you, stealing you constantly, leading friends, and generally handless, doing nothing at home. You will find yourself normal!

D-D is not true. This I specifically invented and told him about it all, so that no one would try to get him away from me!

Something in this ideal plan went wrong.

Time treats for free, but without anesthesia.

How I caught cancers.
I didn’t know about cancer before, I didn’t know about it. Someone bought some cancer. He prepared and taught them to eat well. I very liked.
A friend of mine invited me to relax in nature. Cancer eating and fishing. The catching of cancers at the time I was confusingly imagined with some net with brick. Fig with him: took tents, loaded everything necessary in the cars and on the way. We arrived at a hot channel coming from the GRES. Slavka is our acquaintance, gets aqualange. “Well, Nihrenasse, cool!” I thought. he wears an aqualance, explains and shows everything in detail, wears the usual mattress household gloves, takes a net bag with a thin throat and, in a hurry, smoothly plunges into the canal. We didn’t catch the time, but it wasn’t his 10 minutes. Only small bubbles appeared in some places. Through them we tracked his movement and the place where he had to help him get to the shore. Here is the waterfall. We help him out, in his hands he has a grid with, almost, a cage of cancers. We remove all the ammunition from him, and Glory speaks to me:
Now you give it.
V is meaning. and I?
- Yes, not sinking, everything is regulated, the air is still full, which I will not understand.
I swim well. Lasta, the mask with the tube I have long known, I can hold underwater for a long time, but the aqualang, so close, saw for the first time. Here I note that my girls, and all the guests, look at me as a submarine hero, who is now planning a feat. It is impossible to turn around at this moment, so trying to look confident and courageous, I give the team:
Go to! Dress up!
There is a small retreat. I didn’t look like a pretty catch, but I was quite sporty. Slavka knew that I loved all kinds of experiments, adventures and welcomed something new and unusual. For the rest of the company, it was absolutely blatant: everyone was waiting for us to finally break up the camp and open a canister with alcohol. There were no particular candidates.
While I was hanging all this underwater equipment, in my head for some reason flashed children's verses and phrases: "I am not a coward, but I am afraid", "Why did I get up at the wall? My knees tremble, and so on. When it was done, I asked:
How do these, like these, cancers catch that there?
- It's simple: on the walls of the channel you look for a hole, hang your hand there. When you feel that your finger is stuck, you catch it and smoothly, or the leg will break off, you pull it out and into its bag. Looking for another Norman.
Is the hand far away?
Well, there is an elbow, even more.
The Nihyace! I thought they should go into the bag themselves. I’m not going to describe the process of diving, but when I got underwater, I was pleasantly surprised. Breathing was noticeably harder, but in a few breaths I got used to it. The heavy aqualong did not push me to the bottom, but balanced my position under the water. I felt like I was in space. So why am I here? Another bag in hand. Oh the cancer! I went to search for Nora. It turns out, you don’t have to look for them – they are there! I swim to the first, a few seconds of moral preparation. It’s still breathy, but, overcoming fear, I slowly start to squeeze my hand into the hole. Oh the fucking! It is scary, fuck it! Isn’t it a monster, but a monster? My hand is almost in the neck. Suddenly I feel something trying to get stuck in the gloves. It is all, shit. In my head, fragments from horror films, as I pull out of the cave a bitten, bloody, with broken edges hand, with spinning white bones. I try to remember the prayer. Suddenly, something specifically grabs my finger in the gloves. In front of your eyes, images of uselessly lived life begin to flow, and somewhere behind, bubbles begin to actively emerge, but there is no aqualange. Probably the brain turned off and handed all the powers to the ass. Pulled with bubbles, his ass quickly and clearly gave the order: "Now quickly catch him and carefully pull out." Immaculately I execute the order and in my hands, already before the mask, there is a very significant cancer. I put it in the bag and here the brain connects again. I almost stumbled into the aqualong: “Hurra! I did it! It was not scary at all!” The second cancer, though with tension, I pulled out more confidently. It went like seeds. Having caught approximately 30 pieces, I sailed, pulled out the wreck and, boasting, spoke:
Look how much I have caught! Are you weak?
Demonstratively pulling out a bag-net from the water. On the shore almost everyone starts to rust, and the Slavka asked:
Didn’t you hold your bag with your hand?
I look at the bag, and there is a lonely cock sitting! How is it??? There was even more laughter for my excuses. Someone, on the contrary, reassured and encouraged me. Through a general whisper, Glory explained to me that the crabs are only on land so slow and unshakable, and in the water they can give the fish forums, in any hole they crawl. They went through the bag and fucked up. I was slightly stunned, but the resentment and annoyance made me, wiping off the mask, sink again. The bag, or rather her throat, I squeezed under the water now with all the anger. Cancers were pulled out of the bunkers mercilessly, like fascists. But the forces give their way, and with the head I always friends (periodically watched the manometer). When I was helped to get out to the shore, there were 18 good crabs in the bag, and it was left in the air balloons for 5 minutes. To the question, type, how is it? He replied confidently:
A shit at all. I immediately caught a lot of them, just lounged with a small bag. It was very interesting, not even scary at all.
At a bit shaken by the adrenaline, no one paid attention to his hands.
Already elsewhere, on the lake, a camp was destroyed. I’ve never eaten so many cancers in my life. The shrimp taste rests. There were also crabs in the lake, but I did not catch them there, they caught them in other, simpler ways, but there was no shortage of crabs, even a lot was brought home, and the fish were caught well.
My wife and I went to that channel several times. Don't believe it, but I was only diving in masks and slugs, and I threw the caught crabs on the shore, where my wife picked them up. So they picked up a half-size. I still remember that fishing.
by PS. The story is true to the slightest, and now I know exactly where the cancers winter.

Russian logic - allowance for 1.5 year old child 50 rubles. It costs 140 rubles for the garbage.

Time does not cure. Time is disruptive!

At the beginning of the school year, all schoolchildren were driven to some extracurricular event. Four friends quietly dropped from him. A good leader, a woman of 30, decided to react harshly in order not to repeat this again.
She swallowed these guys herself, called the director and swallowed with him, and then everything repeated itself at the board. It was great for both the travellers and their parents. And as an apophysis, she promised them unsatisfactory estimates for the year on behavior, with a high probability that the children will be left for the second year because of this.
The eight-class friends rightly considered the punishment excessive and therefore unfair. For six months, the money spent on lunch and movies went to the treasury. And on March 8, they ordered their class leader the most elegant bouquet of roses that could be found in the city. And they put a postcard there with the text: “I will never forget those passionate and hot nights with you! I love you goddess!“I sent it with a courier.
Why Why? Then, while the teacher was surprised to look at the bouquet, the postcard, with furious eyes, was read by her husband standing next to her.

Rabinovich, you are the chosen people, and Israel is the promised land, but there are only 6 million of you.
We have an office there!

If everything is fine in our homeland, it is not patriotism, it is blindness.

The pistol
In 1949, for the first time after the end of the war, my uncle Peter Ilyich M., a fighter of the Second World War, came to Popovku with his family from Leningrad – for him the war began in 1939 in Finland and ended with the defeat of Japan in 1945. I don't remember anything about it myself - it was still too small, however, one episode has been preserved in the collective memory of the family.
One day, Peter Ilyich together with his wife Anna Borisovna went on business to Boguchar. We went on foot because there was no bus service. The road is not close, five kilometers on the highway, paved with a rock. In Boguchar, the couple was delayed, returning home was dark.
On the deserted section of the highway, almost in total darkness, two figures with clearly unfriendly intentions appeared to meet them. In short – ordinary robbers, who after the war could be met in any corner of the country.
Peter Ilyich was in officer uniform, next to his wife, the meeting with the bandits promised nothing good.
Seeing that the danger was not to pass by, Anna Borisovna asked Peter Ilyich loudly:
– Petya, do you have a gun with you?
– Of course – he answered.
Unknown people, hearing this short dialogue, walked away from the road without touching a couple. They knew that after the war, officers were allowed to carry personal weapons for some time, and the bandits did not want to check their presence on them.
Peter Ilyich, by the way, did not have a gun, but the ingenuity of Anna Borisovna worked.

“Shalom, brothers,” said the wolf, and three pigs wanted to open the door.
- Let the scroll in the gap show, suddenly the clever Naf-Naf guessed.

There are stories about stupid criminals, and I will tell you the story of a benevolent victim. A criminal case was considered in our district in court against several minors accused who stole cars. As they explained later, I wanted to drive, and there was no car, and the right, too. Among the victims was a 70-year-old pensioner. His car, Oku, an entrepreneurial little boy stole in the winter right from the garage, bending the roof sheet.

At the question of the judge, when the robbery was found, the victim told the following. In the evening, when it was already dark, he looked out the window, saw the guys stuck in the snow and pushing the car, well decided to hide. The fact that Oka was exactly the same as his own, he noted, but did not give it any importance. He dressed, took a scarf, went out, helped to push the car out. The guys thanked and left. And only in the morning when I approached the garage saw that the door was open, there was no car. Here he realized that he helped to push out his own car. Grandfather saw poorly, did not immediately realize in the dark.

As a result, the car was found abandoned and stuck on the road a few kilometers from the village. The thieves are sitting, the grandfather car returned in integrity and safety. He also asked them not to punish them severely, good soul.

The country of fools is leading in the implementation of artificial intelligence.

In the “lichies of the 90s” it was considered a special banditic chic to give money to monasteries and temples. And, here, "maline jackets" come to the Pskovo-Pechersky monastery, bring another briket of money and lead them to the steward to brush and sweat in the dining room. Since the steward is a non-drinker, he is helped by a fully drunken and all-choking father. After it was drunk for the well-being and health of the sacrificers, the happiness of their relatives and loved ones, the song "Many summer", the tired master says to the father: "Let's say a toast!" And the rebellious helper said to his brother, “No, good luck to you in the terrible judgment!“...

Those who invented separate garbage collection want us to throw out three different packages instead of one.
In fact, they want to devastate our main treasure – a package of bags.
Be careful.

Today, I and two of my colleagues were entrusted to pack gifts for women. There are 52 women in the group. I bought for each of the crystal figs something in a box (I don't know how to identify it), a small bottle of champagne and a linen towel / towel with all sorts of drawings that were placed inside this crystal fig. We also bought 52 sheets of wrapping paper for the holiday packaging.

Have you ever wrapped boxes in gift paper? This is not paper, but thin plastic.

We honestly watched on the internet how this is done. None of us have talent. In six hands, these 52 gifts were wrapped in gift paper for three or five hours simultaneously mocking the mat. Because there was a shit at all. But at least the last box got wrapped up at all.

Only we wanted to breathe out when we finished, as we notice that one linen towel / towel is superfluous. Didn’t someone put it? During the process of packing, we took the price cards off the towels and glued them to my table. They counted – they really didn’t put anyone.

But this same perversion now all the gifts to unpack and look for who has not. The gifts are given by chance.

I, forever lazy, pulled behind my towel to soak up to soak up (by the way, similar in color). Suddenly, I did not find him on the spot.

“No, guys,” I said, “I’ll have to unpack.

In short - another 3, 5 hours, until found and repackaged (experience, shit). You can pack your gifts professionally.

Theory without practice is a backpack with textbooks on swimming behind the back of the drowning.

YYY: Practice without theory is a gun directed at the shooter.