Once in my youth, a friend came to visit me on Christmas with a nightclub. I brought a bottle of cohora (Christmas too), which was very pleasant!

After drinking, smoking and talking, we sat down and watched a movie, and a friend asked me to wrap her haircuts for the night, so that my hair would be wavey in the morning. I say, sit on the floor, it’s all right now.

Spotting her hair, which apparently makes her start to relax even more on the backdrop of drunkenness, a friend says she is already cuddling her nose and falling asleep sitting.

I: What, the blame was taken away?

You will be forever, you will not be able to live without your subjects. I came to you for a celebration, and you are insulting me today!

I (in shock): How am I offending you?

Q: You’re going to cuddle now that you haven’t called me right now!

I: How did I call you? ? to ? to ? to

The pigs!

I don’t know why a couple of spouses are so forced, because the battles between a couple of spouses are much more epic.

Yyy: Because the daughter-in-law is funny, and the daughter-in-law is scary

This movie is relatively fresh.

YYY: YYYY is 2008

XXX: Relatively

YYY: About what?

XXX: About us

I live in Germany. I speak German a little better than my wife, so I often solve questions by phone, but some services are fixed on my wife, because it is easier (she has an unlimited visa, and I have a renewable).

Usually there is no problem, my name is Ivanova Oksana Igorovna - and it's okay.

I call the next office, there they answer "Contact IDLOG, operator Miller! "

I begin to explain the problem, to register the application need to pass an identification. The operator several times asks me if I am really Ivanova Oksana Igorovna (usually everything rolls perfectly, ask the date of birth, a secret word and everything is okay). Finally, when I realized what it was about, I said in Russian, "I already understood that you are the same Mrs. Miller as I am Oksana, a contract for a wife, but she speaks poorly in German."

Mrs. Miller, whispering, confirmed the application and everything went well.

That is how we live!

I had a stomach pain yesterday. I am sitting in the home pharmacy box, looking for a nose. I burst under my nose that I can't find a fig because of a cloud of unnecessary and already outdated medications, which my wife buys for the chance, and they never fit.



The wife replied, "Yes, I had a pharmacy before - a dose of courage: a patch and aspirin."



My inner philologist wondered what a beautiful and tangible expression. A dose of courage I have never heard of. The fact is that I am from the north of Russia and my wife from the south, and even now, after 8 years of marriage, we often discuss the lexical differences in our speech.



What a cool expression, did you invent it yourself or do you say it?

What expression?

Are you courageous about medicines?

The woman is silent for a long time, then begins to roast wildly.

“Dear,” I said, “before marriage,” you are my linguist.

During the practice in the universe, arranged to the factory, everyone called, and need to come.

I came, to the staff department, the aunt calls the boss and says, "We have an intern here, do you? “” I hear in the phone, “Let him go!”

The aunt slowly puts on the phone and says, “Sorry, we don’t need interns yet...” This was my first experience of communicating with the bosses.

Drew Barrymore began using banned substances at the age of 12.

I am 12 years old and I eat sand.



Yyy: Well, parents seem to prohibit children from eating sand, so technically you also used prohibited substances at the age of 12.

I went fishing with my 5-year-old daughter. It revolves around a bench with worms, gets one to "play". Taken and gone. It didn’t take five minutes, and I looked at the bank again. Why do you have a worm? The first where?

I broke up.

Seven years ago taxied, 12 nights, a call, a local cabbage. I came, three strawberries, I carried them around the houses. 4 in the morning, the challenge in the same cocktail. I’m coming, the same three.)

Wonderful world of electricity and human, I don’t even know how to say it without insults, carelessness.

The essence of the story: my, then a girl, while she was studying, lived in communion.

Someday I go for her after work, and she has a clear smell of fire in the room.

I began to watch: the rocket from the load floated and burned a little.

Well, I think it’s not a problem: I went and bought a socket, took tools at work (good worked next door).

He made a sign from his hand: “Don’t include. The repair is going.” He hanged on a rubber in a shield.

He cleaned the room and with a calm soul went to change the rosette.

I immediately say: I have a habit, because I am not an electrician by vocation, and sometimes because of circumstances, even on wire wire I try not to touch naked parts.

I changed the socket, I went out to the venue, and there are girls from the neighboring room and smoking.

I look at the shield, and my sign is removed and the rubber is turned on.

I ask the girl: did not see, by chance, who turned on?

I get a good answer that they included it.

I came home and there was no light. Go and turn on.

They saw the table, but they needed electricity.

So the table is not a panacea.

We have problems with people’s brains.

Here are some facts:

1st Most people are more normal than they think.

2nd If you want a good partner, be a good partner.

Three There is not only one “right” person that is right for you. The options are always more.

4 is Love is not only the heart, but also the brain. At the right moment, you need to make a decision to stop looking for the best options.

The most valuable Russian paper is the OMS policy. It is a pity that in six months I depreciated almost to one therapist.

Shortly after his arrival in Berlin, the famous creator of the quantum hypothesis, Planck, forgot in which audience he should be reading a lecture, and went to the office to find out about it.
“Tell me, please,” he asked an elderly man who was in the office, “which classroom is Professor Planck lecturing today?”
The old man kicked him on his shoulder. “Don’t go there, young man,” he said. “You’re still too young to understand the lectures of our wise Professor Planck.”

The shooting of the unarmed Ashley Babbit in the Capitol did not cause any protests. It is clear that he is not a black criminal recidivist.

The man broke the water pipeline. There came to him a water trunk - a young boy, only after the PTU... And the owner's daughter was - a beautiful woman.

She whispered to the plumber:

- Will the father of wine pour overseas - do not drink. Money will promise – don’t take it. And ask him for a rugged nail... Wear it with you and you will be happy! ...

He stumbled on the guy, but he did so: he repaired the water pipeline, refused the bottle and the money, took the nail and left. The father hugged his daughter and said:

You are young, Annie! We fucking fuck him!

A week later, a report from the military came to him. But at the medical commission he told this story, showed a nail, the doctors quietly looked around...

He had happiness!

It was in 1998, I was in second grade.

In those pre-smartphone times, I made candy by drawing cartoon and video game heroes.

For a candy, my clients received a painting with a pen with the image of Sabiro or Mikimaus, for a chocolate candy, the client received a colored painting of a favorite video game or cartoon character.

One day my classmate Dima approached me with an unusual request to draw naked women, and not a single drawing, but a whole notebook.

I was confused, my knowledge of human anatomy was scarce, but after Dima offered me Snickers for a job, I immediately agreed.

The next day my employer brought my school notebook and I went to work.

After every page of the notebook in the cage was filled with images of naked women, I got the well-deserved Snickers, which I was incredibly pleased with.

On Monday, to my surprise, Dima's parents came to school and brought me the same notebook, asking, "And you are not ashamed?!!?“?”

“Don’t be ashamed!” I answered proudly, “This is art!”! to

The teacher gently asked me not to perform such orders.

So ended my career as an erotic artist.

During my studies at the institute, I attended the military department. Then the reserve officers were virtually not called and it was a good chance not to go to serve after graduation.

I don't know why, but there were two girls in the military department.

And here somewhere at the very beginning of the training we were brought PM to teach him to disassemble / collect. It was a life-sighted cooled gun that has not seen any lubrication since it ceased to be combat.

First the teacher himself quickly showed us how to dismantle the gun, then thoughtfully how to collect. Then he called out from the first batch of our eternal distinguished Zobrilo, who at the same time was unusually thirsty.

Now you try.

The guy went out, pulled out the store, and then tried to turn the prison. But, as I said, the gun has not seen lubrication for years. In addition, the distinguished smoothly pulled the lock, which added difficulties.

Your gun is broken. The prison does not move.

I just picked it up and gathered it. The teacher parked. Breaking the PM is a very difficult task.

Probably it broke this time.

Hm, let’s get a dispute. I'll call one of the girls now and if she can turn the lock of that gun, I'll bet you 2 and she 5?

The gun is broken, I agree.

The teacher called one of the girls who was direct blood with milk. Not thick, but large enough with thick crust and red cheeks. She was called Marina.

Marina went out, took the gun, twisted it in her hands and with a powerful rush turned over the curtain.

They crushed everything, even the prey.

Then he explained to us that the prison should not be pulled, but rather pulled. That the sprint is strong enough, and the gun is not dirty.

As he promised, he put the girl 5 and the guy 2 want the one very upset.

Then we stunned him that he could not even normally move the prison.

Once in my early childhood, I was eager to battle the neighboring forests. Well mushrooms there, moss, berries, fun.

And somehow broke up. I went there only with a bag in my pocket. I found a bush of strawberries. And I, by the way, broke out the babulin reference of medicinal herbs. I knew how to distinguish potatoes. And a lot of it went out.

The bush of berries was clearly appetizing and unfavourable. It was broken into a package.

I brought it and threw it into the kitchen.

There are fucking many guests. of important.

All the shit, all the shit.

And my mom, what about the berries? Heracles put them in compot.

They bombarded the guests for a long time. Because the berries are more than laxative. Fortunately, there were two types in the house.

They all survived. But the berries were lacking.

Today in the gym met her friend and a neighbor, whom she had not seen since "last year", asked him how to mark the holiday... ! to

I will try to reproduce our dialogue:

Something didn’t want to be alone, so I bought a bottle of champagne, an olive with mandarins, four bottles of tequila and seven steaks.

and iiiii? What does it have to do with “not wanting to meet one”?

I ordered a girl for the whole night.

by Piz@#c...

“We drank tequila and ate meat all night, watched True Love, then Payment, Bodyguard and Bodyguard for My Daughter. I read the poems of Mayakovsky, and she proved to know Yaroslav Smelyakov and Rubtsov.

In fact, it is...

- So well sat, mentally, it was somehow not before sex. You know, I haven’t had such a wonderful time for a long time.

A modern "expert" is a person who knows how to make nonsense more convincing than others.