bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №90105
 23.11.2013
A picture of a woman’s ass. Two tattoos, on the left ass an angel, on the right the devil.
One of the comments:
A philosophical picture. On the left is heaven, on the right is hell, and in the middle is human life.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №90104
 23.11.2013
Asked the administrators to give a new servacle and place it closer (it was not in Novosib, but in Nizhny Novgorod). Admin tried: My IP: 192.168.100.180
IP server: 192.168.100.179

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №90103
 23.11.2013
Do I really have the image of an alcoholic and a babble?
You have an image of an alcoholic and a fanatic.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №90102
 23.11.2013
He carried a friend, met at the airport, where he was flying and why - does not say.
I got a call from a girlfriend, there was everything.
A few days later, his wife asked to take her to the airport. On the way, she told how they watched a house in Spain, what they plan to demolish, set the example of their acquaintances who left, there live soul-in-soul, sadness do not know.
In general, in the course of the conversation, comparing the dates, names and appearances, I understood why and where the friend was flying, and that he was fucking the same friend of his wife.
Now I have a bunch of someone else’s personal information that nobody gave me directly, including about people I didn’t know.
I feel like Google.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №90101
 23.11.2013
here here :

“Dear friends, I understand, of course, that, in essence, I am trivializing, but, nevertheless, I am forced, unfortunately, to note that literacy, and, at least, punctuation, appear to be available, gently speaking, to few.

Before "and" there is no need for a pencil.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №90100
 23.11.2013
The client approached me and put a MacBook, iPod, and USB cable on the table.
I need your help, he said.
Of course, I said. What can I help you?
“I copied songs from the computer to the iPod, but it didn’t get there.
Do you want to try again?
I can’t, because the songs are no longer on the computer. It’s not in my iPod.
He stretches me a USB cable and says:
Maybe she’s stuck here. Can you get her from there?

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №90099
 23.11.2013
In general, the coldest night I spent was not even in winter, but in spring. In May, on the shore of the river. Then I decided that I was the smartest, and I would sleep in the bedroom and in a plastic body bag.

At first, it was all in a bag that fell on me from the walls of a bag. In the second, I woke up from the screams of the mentions. They were summoned by fishermen early in the morning, finding a body on the shore. And I heard the voices and carried in my foolish bag... Then that, they all walked around at once...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №90098
 23.11.2013
Your mistakes are your choices.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №90097
 23.11.2013
He was on a tour in Cyprus.
Transporting us to the airport, the receiving guide for goodbye walked around our small bus and literally looked everyone in the eyes.
Why is it so careful? 😉 The answer is a bitter experience.
And telling a story. They received a group of Finns, fifty people, who came to a wine festival. Every day, hot Finnish guys and their friends were brought to the local park, where a large-scale tasting took place. The system was like this, you buy an entrance ticket, and then unlimited. Wine by the river, even if you drink, that the Finns successfully and practiced. The question arose: and then how to look for bodies in the dark to load into the bus and send to the hotel? The way out was brilliant: they bought 50 pieces of head shells with two springs-strings, at the end of which flashed starlights. In the evening, they approached the park, flashing the stars under the bushes found the bodies of the Finns and loaded them into the bus. The day of departure. Alcohol tourists gathered in the bus, the guide counted the heads (stars) of all, everything came together and sent the bus to the airport.
Breathed.. crossed... A few hours later a call from the hotel: Are you going to pick up your Finn?
What kind of finna???! to
It turned out that they were somehow forgotten. I had to buy a ticket and take another flight. How this happened - could not understand, because the number of heads was counted.
As a result, it was discovered. One Finnish aunt bought as a gift to her grandson a soft toy - a bear the size of almost a human height and placed it on a neighboring seat, and on his head for a slide wrecked a ribbon, which in the bus forgot a compatriot, at this time quietly stumbling in the hotel.
This is such a story.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №90096
 23.11.2013
Long distance trains give people the opportunity to fully feel like a domestic cat. You are always lying down, sleeping, and not doing anything. Go to the toilet or eat. You look at the bird in the window.

[ + 23 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90095
 23.11.2013

Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones... When will Amber’s Chronicles be filmed?! to

– – – – –

I join! But only let them dare to shoot worse than 11 Oscars!!! to
And how many characters - all the Hollywood stars can be removed! 18 of the main heroes.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №90094
 23.11.2013
Responsibilities related to restructuring. The (N)master informs the (M)archetologist that he will now administer the corporate website.
M: But I’m not an admin, and I’m a humanitarian at all!
N: No problem, you will do it!
M (offended): It’s the same as sending an artist to collect a synchrophasotron...
N : Why?
M: It’s fine, but the fucking doesn’t work!
I have to say that the admin of the site from the marketer, in any case, removed=)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №90093
 23.11.2013
I will add my 5 kopecks on the manicure with gynecologists.

It is urgent to bring medical students into the statutory form. In the clinics, milled youths with piercings in the nose. Some straight up the cloth cap above the shirt like rappers.

White clothes are not special clothes, but forms that give rights and impose duties. She has to conform.

The doctor himself.


[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №90092
 23.11.2013
The news about the 101-year-old long-lived, who will take part in the Olympic squad and train - walking with frozen fish.
The comments:
Frozen fish burn better
Yyy: Frozen fish does not fade

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №90091
 23.11.2013
The cell phone.: +79*********, in emergency situations you can dedicate the spotlight to the sky.

If this easy joke is a reason not to work, then this world is dead for me.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Friend, if you were a great specialist, which is now urgently needed by the company to close a particular job, then you would be taken.
But from the usual noem from a bunch of scheduled interviews (which people have a few a week) no one wants stupid jokes.
You are only applying for a job in the company, and you are already carrying all the hernia in official documents. What to expect from you next?
Do you also write jokes in the documents on credit/deposit in the bank? Or in the passport table in the field of FIO wrote "Sebastian Pereira, a black tree trader"? Probably not.
Why did you do that in an interview?
I’t have taken such a fool to work either. :)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №90090
 23.11.2013
XXX: Fuck
These employers are such employers
YYYY :? )
xxx: they want a chocolate cake in a couple of hours to get, but we have not yet ripened wheat
XXX: and cocoa beans are not collected

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №90089
 23.11.2013
Calls a familiar, full zero in the compass, the following dialogue took place:

xxx: -Hello, tell me, I downloaded Metro2033, and it requires a program and it doesn't start. I downloaded this program, where to put it, on disk C or D?
YYY: What is this program?
I don’t know, it’s written in English. So where to copy, on C or on D?
YYY: Tell me what I jumped, name and I can tell you what to do.
xxx: -Yes, I don't know what the difference, the game asks for the program, I downloaded it, where to copy it, on C or on D?
Fuck, don’t get angry with me. Here I go to the store, and there on the window is the price of only 3000 rubles. I will call you and ask if I should buy it or not.
Of course, take it, it is cheap.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №90088
 23.11.2013
in the factory clinic - a guess, the urologist takes in the office of Laura, in the office of the urologist - an oculist.
In the end:
You go into the nose to cure - there someone member is looking at.
You enter the member to show - there is a woman with a lamp and a magnifying glass, or suddenly the member is small.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №90087
 23.11.2013
I have a brilliant business idea for Russia. Here are the rivers that begin to flow through the territory of our country, and then flow in other countries - Kazakhstan, Mongolia, China. If these rivers flow from our land, it is our water. We need to take from other states a fee for their use of our water in the rivers on a tariff!
If you don’t take the gas, turn off the gas. :)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №90086
 23.11.2013
Bananas can help people quit smoking. Vitamins B6 and B12, which are contained in bananas, however, like potassium and magnesium, help the body to cope with nicotine.

Bananas are bad for smoking.

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