Sometimes you sit in a hunting bush, in the taiga, to the nearest home 100 km. You decide on the satellite phone to check the mail, and there comes out the advertisement of the type “Real Dating. Larisa, 30 years old, is 400 meters from you.” And you scratch, for some reason you look out the window and check the doors on the door...

I go some warm evening by the Ryazansky Prospect. It is still light, and the headphones play an old good medium-heavy radio.

Meeting - two people, a little resembling the builders from "Our Rush", only without orange clothes.

I asked in a very bad Russian:

Where is the Skinhead Shop?

– to? ? to ? to

Strangely, strangers were not only not the target audience of the "skinhead-store", but also the active members of the opposing groups were not drawn by the composition and even the expression of the face.

Where is the skinhead store?

I shaken my head and said I don’t know. Where is the shirt? ! to The football club was, yes. To be straight? ! to

Only when I walked past that same store, I realized that they wanted just секонд хенд.

You have to be an idiot to give your country to a handful of oligarchs in the hope that they will all take care of it like their mother. They will care, of course, but only about their own ass. It is closer and closer.

From the bustling street to the right under the "brick" the jeep is well and confidently diving. In front of him, another owner of the 19th rubber flies out with the same bullshit. The street is narrow, but double. Therefore, they do not meet mouths, but die side by side. The “other owner” makes some gestures to the “confident jeep.” From the jeep, an angry clayton is distributed, the window is lowered, a cigarette is spilled out, and an angry lady appears with the face of Ranevskaya:
You are showing me here!!? to
The girl...
Outside, let me go by. He stood up here like a fucking buffer.
The girl there...
I told you... go out of here.
“Dumb,” the guy cried out, “there’s a brick.”
- Uherpich - already predictably in the rhythm respond to him - and now? Women generally give way everywhere, not taught in childhood? For the fool, I can hang you.
Go on, the guy is breaking up. The guy leaves.
- Yes, you have been there for a long time, and your legs have been hanging, the eagle of the room follows him.
The lady gases, exploding the wheels of the asphalt crumb, and crashes from the spot.

After fifty meters to meet her opened up, like an accordion in the hands of a professional, a white teeth smile, and waving with a stick-pick-up comes out the inspector.

I propose to amend the Bible and mention Putin in it.

Three hours ago. The youngest son is eight years old, and time to teach lessons. It is stupid:

I’m not going to teach these bad poems. And in English, and in Kazakh, and in Russian! “I hate school!”

An angry woman threatens him with a towel. The older brother comes in and says, “Wait, Mom. Let me talk to him.”

"Let's Senya do this: I learned the line - I give you 20 tenge (about 3 rubles). How many lines in a Kazakh poem?

The little boy’s tears immediately dried up. He thinks.

and eight!

“Look, you learned, you told me, and you have 160 tenge in your pocket.

Arsenie thought about it and added:

The Russian poem is bigger.

“That’s fine,” the older brother said, “do it!

The process went.

And I remember the first time I took my eldest son to dig potatoes. He was roughly the same age. Being on the field, he decided not to collect potatoes, arranging a small sabotage. I honestly do not remember how much I promised him, but the son began to collect so diligently that I barely had time to pour out the cage. He earned a decent amount.

The next day, speaking with a colleague, he talked about his method. The teacher of biology was terrified.

What are you doing! Which child do you want to be? The Targaryen? He will do everything for you only for money!

Nevertheless, the son grew up a decent man, knows the price of money and his labor.

My thoughts are interrupted by a small cry:

I have learned Kazakh!

The method still works.

has long been. 10 years ago. My wife went somehow for business, I sit at home, on the weekend, stick in the compass.

Half an hour later, the wife breaks into the apartment and suspiciously looks at me, runs around all the rooms, looks into the closets.

Sitting on the couch confused says:

I sit on the route. Nearby there is a girl, whispering on the phone:

Mmm, but where did you go? To the glory? Is his wife gone? — Oh, burn it up there.

When I got home I don’t remember.



He nodded his head: You run fast. has not arrived yet!



My wife did not go anywhere that day and watched my phone.

There is still Eva Green.

Who is Eva Green?

Have you seen the City of Sins? She is naked and smoking.

– No

And the dreamer? She is naked and smoking.

– No

And the cracks? She is naked and smoking.

– No

Home of strange children?

Is she still there too?? to

It’s a children’s movie, just smoking.

My mother had a picture of her granddaughter on her laptop as a wallpaper. I made a hundred copies of this photo and switched the wallpaper to the slide display mode to show the same photo, i.e. files change, but there is no image on the screen. Images change every 10 seconds. On one of the photos, I painted small twisted eyebrows and periodically for 10 seconds my niece appears. Her mom thought she was going crazy, or she had a virus on her computer, but every time she had a moustache and wanted to show it to someone, it disappeared.

Although our steam car is still flying forward, it seems that we have already arrived.

I have always had a girl’s memory. No, as long as you’re working on something – it’s all fine, but after the end of the project, in a couple of months, I almost forget everything. That is why this amazing story is possible.

Last week I got a call from a wealthy organization. We once supplied them and assembled equipment. And now they ask to solve the problem of illumination and illumination. They showed. Three dozen classrooms with computer management. Plus the outside. And strangely, automation seems to work, but by some idiotic logic. They say, so invented their chief manager, who was finally paid off for all the nonsense he did. But when he left, he captured all the drawings. In short, you need to change everything in mind.

By that time, I had already remembered that I was running a project here, but everything else, unfortunately, was erased. And with the manager they fought several times.

Work is decent. I pretend how many people and time it takes, add for pathosity, voice the price. Everyone agrees and signs.
I have time, and I, asking the electrician for a staircase, climb under the ceiling. Look at the transmission.
From the first box hangs a brittle and dusty sheet of paper, written in Russian. I am surprised to recognize my writing.

“It’s not you, but it’s me. I hope you are still working, and you have been called to fix what this fool has done. In the panel number Svetkin DR, behind a bunch of blue wires you hid the scheme. Connect to the label, and it will work. You will manage in an hour. 14 May 2012 »

Medvedev’s cabinet even Putinists considered ineffective.
And here he is not! How not.
Medvedev in the Council.
He led the state corporation.
Topilin is the Pension Fund.
Oreshkin, Medinsky and Kozak in the Kremlin.
Fifteen ministers remain in the government.
Now, of course, it will be effective.

and YUUU. I cooked such a selfie. You are hanging. No smell of silhouette can be heard. The head from the morning as after 1% kefir. All the smells added. Better than whiskey. Then suddenly it stopped working. The fortress is none. He poured out, insisted again - all the same... I tied up with the self-infestation, the machine was thrown out.

My daughter celebrated 39 years. I remembered my selfie. She admitted that at the age of 17 she went to the country with girls and boys - they drank my swallow and praised! Then, whatever I did not notice, the residues were diluted with water.

I study once, listen to me. If a girl meets you naked in a transparent coat, it means she has already decided that you will have sex. But you shouldn’t offer her sex, you should give her a lot of unobtrusive compliments, and if she suddenly calls you a perverse, you should still do a lot of compliments and don’t take a moment from her, but don’t touch. If she says - let's drink tea, you have to agree, but say at the same time that she is an incredible mistress, a poet's dream, etc., but you can't drink tea, because. You have grabbed your throat from her beauty, mind, business, and so on. While she’s going to pour tea, don’t stop complimenting and try to kiss her. If you start screaming that you are a perverse and resist, stand back and silently drink tea. As soon as she asks (and she asks) why you’re silent, start making nonsense, about the fact that you can’t hold yourself back anymore, but you understand that she’s a decent girl and doesn’t give everybody, so you’re ready to wait as long as she says. In 80% of cases, you will have sex at this stage. If she’s still breaking or saying something – and how long you can wait, say boldly – like her, you’re ready to wait for a lifetime. In 99% of cases, sex will happen on the threshold, it will hold you back. If after that she will stand in a position, then boldly leave and don’t call her anymore. In 99.5% of cases, she will call you back for any occasion and then sex will be 100%. And if not, then boldly walk her through the forest otherwise then all your life you will go to say compliments and she will need them more and more))))

Everybody then slept at lectures after a tumultuous night or out for preparation for the exam or for any other reason. I had my own.



I studied on a paid basis at the Film Faculty. In order to earn my education, I worked in the night shift, and by day I was driving in pairs. The specialized pairs that I was interested in were the last, and sometimes even after the big window, at a time when I especially wanted to sleep.



At first I struggled with these feelings, but sometimes the sleepiness got up and I slept down on a chair right at the lectures.



The teacher and my classmates never woke me up—learned to put light directly on me while I was sleeping—everything was more interesting than doing it on a plaster. So after the couple I always had a few beautiful art photos as I slept at the lecture.

From the day of moving to a new apartment, there was an autonomous fire alarm sensor.

He hung himself calmly for 10 years, not touching anyone.

But suddenly I became curious about what this thing is like, how it works and in general, whether it works.

He removed from the wall, opened the battery compartment, and there was a crown in the film.

That is, the sensor people hanged, and did not turn on.

Okay, I got the film, I turned it on, I forgot.

Five months have passed.

I decided to cook myself a couple of juicy chewbacks.

I have not done anything for a long time.

I cooked, put on, decided to pour another hot bowl and here...

A wild whisper at the ultrasound level, neighbors began to knock on the battery, some even fled apartments.

As you may have guessed, the sensor worked.

A long time later I justified myself before the neighbors that the alarm was not false, but educational.

But no one ever believed me.

Because normal people don’t bake chewbacks at 3 o’clock at night!

My mom and I lived in the same apartment with my grandmother. I don't know why, but my grandmother didn't love my mother, and therefore me. I was born in the 90s, the story happened when I was 8 years old. Mom then was very sick, did not work, and therefore there was almost no money, not to say about grandmother (she had a very good pension and work was then). She carried separate meals with us, wrapped the foods in a pack and watched that no one would touch (in the flesh before measuring the line of distance). And here, in one of the beautiful moments, when she once again praised my three-born brother, who was successful in everything, smart and generally "not a child, but gold", I replied: so he has grandmother Nastia, and I have you (the names changed). She did not talk to me after a year. I still remember the moment when we had no food for 2 days (we delayed the salary), ate bread and water, and she, seeing this, with me eating a sandwich with ivory.



And now she’s offended by me and asks: why don’t I call her, why don’t I always congratulate her on holidays?

A potential customer calls and asks to meet for lunch at one of the entertainment complexes on the foot court. Okay, I went, I think at the same time and I will eat afterwards.



We meet him:

Client: Oh Sirog, did I not know this, Victor, did you and I study in the same group in the universe?

I: Hi, but I don't remember you (we studied off-site and after the release of more than half of the group since then I have not seen, and honestly I don't remember them many years have passed).

Well, and they ran after the Marine.

I: Let’s go to work.

Customer: Well okay, I need to make electricity and sanitary in the cottage, just make a discount of 100,000, the contract will only be concluded for 120,000 along with materials and I need a year-on-year payment for installation and materials, there is no money now and the house is needed now.

I: I will not give a discount of 100,000, otherwise it will not be profitable to deal with, the contract will be for the full amount, the only thing I can offer is a 3 month deferral.

Customer: You're a fool, I said that for a year and a contract for 120,000 or you don't need the money?

I: I voiced my proposal and I am not going to change it, I do not want to work for myself and I do not want to be a bad guy.

Customer: So I will not cooperate with you, but I was so normal in the universe, for my own needs to be different.



After that I got up and left, and I calmly breathed and mentally thanked that I did not contact him or it is unknown how our cooperation would end.

He fell into the dungeon. GAZelka, who was driving in front of the left, suddenly remembered that she needed a duplicator and brake rebuilt into my row. I was driving for relaxation and missed this manoeuvre. The wet meat on the road supplemented the etud. In the end, I very colorfully scratched the entire left side of the fighter. The idiot himself.

He called the GIBDD, put on a vest, put out a sign and sat down to read Picaba. After a couple of hours of standing in front of me, the audio brakes, and a guy comes out to me. And then I remembered: a couple of months ago I was driving on the same road and in the same place saw a car standing with a broken left side. The sign was not yet displayed, the emergency signal was not turned on... I immediately decided to slow down, to find out if everything is okay. The driver and passenger were alive. From the driver's story, I learned that they were cut by another car and leaving the collision of the fireplace struck by the side in the detector. Just like I am now. I found out if they needed help and got a negative answer and went on.

And now there was also the most Audi in front of me. The driver is the same guy. Only he did not immediately realize that I was the same driver who stopped last time to help him.

I was even more surprised when the guy said he came specifically, brought coffee, gave me a cigarette. When he saw my car, he remembered how he was standing there and decided to support me.

If you are reading these lines, thank you again! I waited for the patrol for two hours. Your coffee was great!

I wish everyone to meet more and more responsive people on my way!

The easiest way to correct the brains of those who don’t have them.